


Falling Slowly

by Bondopoulos



Category: Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: Alive Lilly, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Lilly Kane Lives, Not Fluff, there is angst...you've been warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-05-17 21:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 105,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5885200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bondopoulos/pseuds/Bondopoulos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe some things, for better or worse, are just meant to be.  A take on Veronica's transition into an action figure even if Lilly hadn’t died.  AU takes place during Veronica’s Freshman year at Hearst. Mostly LoVe, and some MaDi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Want You All The More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title and chapter names are from the fabulous song Falling Slowly from the Academy Award winning movie and Tony Award winning musical, Once. It is a song about hope.
> 
> This AU fic is rated T for now, but that could change. I can indicate which chapters are more 'Mature'—I'll see based on the feedback I get. While I don't believe that this story is any darker than the show was, it is not pure fluff. All themes and story lines touched upon in the show are fair game, including direct references to: child abuse, underage drinking, bad language, rape, illegal drug use, sex and violence.
> 
> I began this story over a year ago. It's my first attempt at writing. I was toying with the idea of a fluffy piece when this took hold and wouldn't let go! I think, by the end, I found my writing voice, so hang in there with the first few chapters!
> 
> *** A few notes about this world…We are in an AU that begins in October of Veronica's Freshman year at Hearst. Most everything will be explained. Lilly didn't find Aaron's sex tapes (and therefore wasn't killed), but she had a short affair with him…and everyone else (including Weevil) most of which she managed to keep a secret from her best friends. Veronica's mom still left sophomore year of high school about the same time that the Fab Four decided that they were all better off as friends rather than dating one another (before the question of Veronica's paternity ever even came up). ***

 

* * *

**Falling Slowly**

I don't know you  
But I want you  
All the more for that  
Words fall through me  
And always fool me  
And I can't react  
And games that never amount  
To more than they're meant  
Will play themselves out

[Chorus]  
Take this sinking boat and point it home  
We've still got time  
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice  
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me  
And I can't go back  
Moods that take me and erase me  
And I'm painted black  
You have suffered enough  
And warred with yourself  
It's time that you won

[Chorus]

Falling slowly sing your melody  
I'll sing along

* * *

**Chapter 1 –** **I Want You All the More**

Veronica arrived on campus early as usual. She didn't like to be rushed, and spending a little extra time with Logan before class didn't hurt either. She parked her car in a far lot and grabbed her bag from the backseat of her Saturn SUV. She paused for a moment at the edge of the parking lot to adjust her pink cardigan and clipped back her hair. Her long, blonde hair always seemed to get stuck under her bag's strap, so she'd recently begun pulling it up with a clip Lilly had given her.

She found herself smiling at the prospect of seeing a familiar face as she entered the quad. She was happy at Hearst. She'd always been so determined to go to Stanford, but after her mother had left them, staying close to her father had become more appealing. And Logan deciding to got to Hearst as well just made it all that much better.

Even though Veronica and Logan were on very different tracks academically, they both needed to take the same general education classes. Back in the summer when planning their schedules they had signed up for the classes together so they would know at least one person in the big lecture halls. This semester it was Psych and Freshman Seminar, both of which were on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Veronica would never admit it to him, but those classes were the highlight of her week because Logan was there.

Barely paying any attention to where she was going, she unexpectedly ran into Dick, who was standing in the quad with frat letters written on his bare chest. She glanced up in annoyance, rolling her eyes at Logan's friend.

"Dick," she acknowledged with a sigh, turning away from him.

"Ronnie, dude, glad I ran into you. Logan wants you to take notes for him," Dick said, jogging backwards away from her toward Fraternity Row.

"What?" Veronica yelled after him, confused.

Already halfway across the quad, Dick turned away from her as he called over his shoulder, "Logan's got a girl over still. Super hot. Redhead. Big tits. Wants you to take notes!"

Frowning, Veronica hollered, "What am I, his messenger?"

"No, dude! _I'm_ his messenger! _You're_ his note-taker!" Dick said. With a wink and a wave goodbye, he disappeared behind a group of girls who were holding a huge banner that read 'Take Back the Night'.

Veronica stood there blinking after him. Sighing, she frowned and took out her phone. Her finger hovering over 'Logan', Veronica scowled. She sorely wanted to call Logan and give him a piece of her mind, but the longer she stared at the screen, the more she realized she had no business calling him about ditching class. They weren't dating; they were only friends. She couldn't rag on him for not going to class or being with someone...even if she really wanted to.

So Veronica decided on the next best thing. She called Lilly. With a three-hour time difference between them, Lilly and Veronica had to work at finding a minute to talk to each other. But Veronica thought it might be a good time to catch her friend, and getting to class early didn't matter if Logan wasn't there. Thankfully, Lilly picked up on the second ring.

"I knew you missed me," Lilly purred into the phone.

"I just ran into Dick—"

"Poor you."

"He told me Logan wasn't coming to class because he's with a girl!" Veronica did her best to sound annoyed rather than jealous, but she knew Lilly would probably see right through her.

"But it's like eleven in the morning there! Is she still there from last night?" Lilly asked, sounding impressed.

Veronica scowled. "I'm calling to complain to you! Don't be amazed at how long his sex marathons last."

"They always did have lasting power," Lilly said dreamily.

"You're not helping."

"Sorry. Well, I have news that will distract you—"

Veronica sighed heavily and chuckled softly as Lilly began rambling on and on about her newest boy toy. Veronica knew that this kind of conversation could easily go on for over an hour. She loved her friend, but Lilly wasn't always the most perceptive person in the world. It didn't bother Veronica usually; Lilly meant well. But today, after ten minutes of Lilly's constant wordstream, Veronica was weary of listening to Lilly talk about all the boys she'd slept with, left, fooled around with, led on and then left in the dust. It often amazed Veronica how, despite their differences, the two of them had stayed friends for so long. Even after Lilly graduated from high school and moved across the country to Vassar, the two had remained the best of friends. Veronica had always told Lilly almost everything and vice versa, making the relationship seem more sisterly to Veronica than anything else.

Veronica waited for Lilly to take a rare breath, ready to interject.

"Lilly…" she managed to quickly sneak in.

"Ver-On-I-Ca," Lilly sang in answer, giggling as she always did when she said Veronica's name that way.

Veronica didn't know what to say now that she had her friend's attention. She always tried to keep the topic of Logan to a minimum. Lilly was about as subtle as she was shy. And while Veronica knew that Lilly was aware of her crush on Logan, Veronica tried not to make it too obvious. With Lilly as a best friend, it was sometimes best to keep some things—the most special things—to oneself.

Veronica heard shuffling on the other end of the line. "I need your advice," Veronica began tentatively, taking advantage of Lilly's distraction.

"About what? If it's anything school-related, talk to Duncan; I'm sure he'd be a bigger help than I would be—"

"Should I call him?" Veronica interrupted.

"Who? Duncan?" Veronica frowned at Lilly's response. "Oh my God, Veronica! Did you finally meet a boy?" Lilly squealed in excitement.

"What? No! What do you mean 'who'? Logan, of course. I'm happy to take notes when he is sick, but he can't seriously think that I'm going to be his personal note-taker while he's in bed with some big-titted bimbo."

"So, tell me, Veronica Mars, what is bothering you more: the fact that he's getting some and you're not, or that he's getting some with someone other than you?" Lilly asked.

_Leave it to Lilly to break everything down to its lowest common denominator._ Veronica realized she'd paused too long.

"That's what I thought!" Lilly declared, obviously proud of herself.

"Well—"

"Well _nothing,_ Ronica. Can we finally admit that we've been dancing around the topic of you and Logan for far too long?"

Veronica arched her back and threw her eyes heavenward. "Fine, Lilly, fine. I'm jealous of Logan Echolls in bed with another girl." Veronica dropped her bag onto a bench and flopped down next to it, feeling defeated.

"Well, kudos to you for finally admitting it out loud. It's only taken _years!_ "

Veronica could hear Lilly clapping mockingly through the phone.

"It could be both, you know. I could be jealous of him getting some too. I feel like everyone is but me. Not that I want to sleep around; it's not my thing. But it would be nice to…I dunno, date?"

"No, Veronica, we've finally reached honestly, let's not water it down. It's Logan."

"Fine, it's Logan!" Veronica admitted a little more harshly than she'd intended. Lilly started to giggling and Veronica was annoyed for a moment and then found herself laughing too. "There! I said it!" she said loudly, happy to finally be able to blatantly state it.

"Thank God! Now we can stop pretending," Lilly said. "What a relief! Okay, so since this revelation took you over two years to admit to your _best friend_ , can I assume you'll be ready to tell him when you're around….thirty?" Lilly snarked.

"You've known all along?" Veronica asked, only mildly surprised.

"Honey, everyone's known all along. I'd be willing to bet that Backup has figured it out."

Veronica momentarily panicked. "So then Logan knows?"

"Jury's out there. I've never asked him about it on purpose. I only hinted, but the way he looks at you—"

"You mean like a pesky little sister?" Veronica surmised.

"No. Not that…that would be how Duncan looks at you." Lilly snickered.

"That's disturbing since we dated for over a year." Veronica grimaced.

"You're telling me! I had to watch it!"

They both laughed at that.

"Just tell him how you feel and then you can be the center of his world—oh, wait! You already are!" Lilly exclaimed.

"As a friend, maybe. No, I don't think I'm ready to tell Logan yet," Veronica said.

"Then don't tell him and find a new guy. What about that cute guy in your Criminology class?"

"He's not that cute," Veronica muttered before adding, "So what do you think I should do?"

"What do I think? I think you're always too serious, Veronica! You always think too much. All thought and no impulse is making Veronica a dull girl. You have been at college for almost two months! You need to have some fun. Even Duncan and Meg, the virgin, are having more fun than you are. Logan is a boy. He's a simple creature. He might never get it without you showing some interest. _And,_ I think that if Logan is too much of an idiot and missing what's in front of him, then it's time to up the volume a bit. Don't give him a chance to notice anyone else."

"Logically, I know that you're right, but it's hard for me," Veronica complained quietly.

"I know it is. But eventually you need to take control of your own life."

"I know, I know…we've been through this. And I've tried, but, Lilly, maybe you're wrong. Maybe I'm not 'red satin' after all. Maybe I really am just...mauve," Veronica insisted.

"Well, it's a step up from pink, at least. Prog-ress!" Lilly sing-songed.

"Very funny. I'll think about it, okay? Think about telling him. But I wish there was an easier way. A way for him to notice me without me having to come out and just say it," Veronica admitted.

After a short pause, Lilly spoke up again. "Maybe there is. Maybe there's something that will make him take notice, but it's going to require you to let go a little and step out of your comfort zone."

Veronica sat up on the bench, intrigued. "I'm listening."

"Halloween is coming up. Remember that box of mine that we hid from Celeste in your closet when I left for Vassar? Did you ever look in it?" Lilly asked, sounding sly as a fox.

Veronica laughed. "No. To be honest, I'd actually forgotten it was even there."

"Here's what you need to do. Halloween is coming up. I'm sure that you'll find something in that box to have fun with—"

"Oh, Lilly, I'm not going through a box of your sex toys. I'm still scarred from the last time I found them," Veronica said dryly.

"No, silly. I wouldn't leave _those_ behind. Blasphemy. No, those are in my bedside table. The box is full of _clothes_ , Ronica. Pull it out and find something that makes you feel sexy. Something that will make you stand out. Halloween is a free pass to be a little daring. Wear something irresistible and see where your newfound courage takes you."

Veronica began to speak, but Lilly shushed her. "If Logan doesn't show some kind of reaction, you can consider him a lost cause and start looking for someone who is more worthy of your time."

Veronica was surprised to find herself actually contemplating Lilly's words.

"Just consider it," Lilly pressed.

Veronica nodded. "I will. Thanks, Lil."

"Great!" Lilly squealed and clapped for real this time. "Start with the box and see if there's anything…. _inspirational_ in there." There was a pause, and after some muffled words, Lilly suddenly groaned, "I have to go. My roommate just saw the holes I put in one of her shirts. I'll talk to you later." And then the call disconnected.

Lilly's timing had been perfect. Veronica only had a few minutes to get to the lecture hall before class started. She quickly gathered her bag and began walking the rest of the way across the quad. Lilly's words had piqued Veronica's curiosity. A lot of what Lilly had said made sense. She did think too much. Veronica didn't know if she could pull off sexy Halloween wear, but something had to change. At least she had a few weeks to consider it.

* * *

Logan sat in his apartment playing Halo; he knew he should have gone to class after he'd kicked out whats-her-name, but Halo was way more fun than his boring professor. And besides, ditching meant he'd get to spend more time with Veronica outside of class. He was imagining her scolding him when he heard the front door open. He was just about to call out to whomever it was when he heard Dick's distinct belch.

"Well make yourself at home, Dick!" he shouted over his shoulder, not looking away from his game.

"Where's the redhead?" Dick asked as he sprawled on the couch next to Logan.

"Gone," Logan said, glancing over at Dick who offered him a beer. Logan shook his head. "Nah, man, I'm going to go over to Veronica's later."

"Dude, you're so whipped. Just have one beer. She won't notice."

Logan glared at him and then turned back to his game.

Changing the subject, Dick eagerly asked, "So...how was she?"

"The redhead? Like everyone else," Logan said with a shrug, still not bothering to look up from his game.

"So she was good?" Dick tilted back his beer.

"No."

"Was she bad?"

"She was just like everyone else," Logan said, beyond tired with the conversation.

"Dude! Tell me what other girls are like. I need to live my single life through you. Now that I am off the market I gotta get all my action vicariously."

"I feel like Mac would have something to say about that," Logan said, smirking.

Dick smiled. "Hey, at least I can man up and tell a girl when I like her."

Logan threw Dick a warning look.

Dick's grin widened. "You should've seen Ronnie's face when I told her you were with a girl. Dude, she likes you. Just go balls deep in her. Stop pining and just fuck her. Get it out of your system so you can continue living the single life."

Logan stopped the game and glared at Dick. "I am not pining for Veronica Mars."

"Hell yeah you are, dude! Everyone within a fifty-foot radius can see it! I don't see why you have to be such a pussy about it. When I was wooing Mac I told her how I felt and she loved that crap. Girls like talking about feelings and shit. Just do what I did with Mac; ask her out," Dick said, downing his beer and letting out a loud belch.

"Wooing? What, did you offer her a handkerchief as a token of your affection, too?" Logan quipped, hoping for a distraction. When Dick only smiled, Logan stared at him for a minute before getting off the couch and going to the wet bar. "It's different with me and Veronica."

"How? You like Veronica. Veronica likes you. What's so different about that?" Dick asked.

Eager to put some space between himself and his friend, Logan got himself a water and Dick another beer.

"Veronica's…different. She's not like other girls. She's…just Veronica," Logan said, keeping his back to his friend. He didn't know how to convey how he felt about her to Dick, a guy who had about the emotional depth of a doorstop, _or a teaspoon...thanks JK_.

"Man, what does that even mean?"

"She's just good, okay? She isn't ready and she's not like me. She's not…not fucked up. She's out of my league," Logan exclaimed, throwing the beer at Dick.

"Dude…whatever," he said, catching the beer. "You're insane. It's not like she's pure or anything. She dated Duncan for a while in high school. Then Casey and Troy," Dick said, laughing at Logan.

Logan scowled. "Don't remind me."

"I bet she's not even a virgin," Dick said, smirking at the angry look on Logan's face. "Dude, you're totally loaded and the son of two movie stars. Every girl on this campus wants a piece of you. No one is out of your league." Dick opened his beer and took a long swig.

Logan shook his head, his thoughts on Veronica…her big blue eyes trained on him, her soft blonde hair blowing in the wind, and the look of utter trust she gave him every time she met his eyes. She was too good for the likes of him. Maybe that was why he screwed every girl he could just to get her out of his head. He would never admit that every time he was with someone new he envisioned Veronica. Once he had even called out her name while having sex. To Logan, it was easier to sleep with other girls; at least then he couldn't fuck her up. His life was a mess, but if he brought Veronica down with him, he couldn't live with himself. She deserved so much more than him.

Unaware of his friend's musings, Dick changed the subject once again. "There's a huge Halloween bash, by the way. The Lamdba Kappa Pi guys are throwing it. We should go." Dick quirked his eyebrows. "Bring Veronica. Maybe you'll stop acting like a pussy."

Logan shrugged and glanced down at his phone. His background picture was of him and Veronica from graduation day. Her blue eyes stared up at him.

"A Kappa party? Yeah, maybe I will," he muttered, stuffing the phone back into his pocket. He strode over to the fridge to grab a beer of his own. After a conversation like the one they'd just had, he needed something stronger than water to take the edge off.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks and shout outs to my cheerleaders:
> 
> LVFangirl: beta extraordinaire! You always seem to know what I'm trying to say even when I don't. Thanks for all the hand holding, gentle nudges and, most of all, for your friendship - which now goes well beyond the bounds of the Veronica Mars universe.
> 
> kmd0107: my partner in crime who can finish my thoughts for me, and who is always ready with questions…questions that make me dig deeper, think harder and write better. Our late-late night conversations keep me going when sometimes I'm running on fumes. Thank you, thank you!
> 
> ProstheticLoVe: who got me started writing this story in the first place!


	2. We've Still Got Time

**Chapter 2 – We've Still Got Time**

A week and a half later

Logan was fifteen minutes early to Veronica's house. They were going out for ice cream. He'd made an excuse about it being an exchange for Psych notes, but truthfully it was to spend time with her. He would never admit out loud how eager he was to see her. Earlier, to calm his nerves, Logan had downed a beer, careful to keep it to one because he'd be seeing her. Because of his restraint, unfortunately, the buzz had worn off before he'd even gotten into his car to leave.

Now devoid of alcohol, Logan's stomach was instead full of butterflies. _Fucking butterflies of all the things_ , Logan thought sardonically. He was not generally a nervous person. Veronica made him that way, a fact that continued to throw him off-guard.

Sitting in his car a few houses down from hers, Logan thought back to when exactly he had started getting so nervous to hang out with her. Though his feelings for Veronica had come on gradually, he vividly remembered the buildup to the moment he'd realized that he actually liked her. During their freshman year of high school when Logan was dating Lilly, it had hit him that his feelings for Veronica were more complicated than ever before. Because Lilly had been busy entertaining her masses and Duncan was dating Meg, the two of them had started hanging out together by default. It was Veronica who had told him that Lilly had started seeing the leader of the PCHers their sophomore year, and Logan hadn't even cared. From of his lack of emotion, Logan had figured that he'd grown past the whole jealous, high school dating scene, but then Veronica had started dating Troy at the start of their junior year. He had hated every minute of the tiny blonde's relationship with the no-good spawn of Satan. He'd tried to pass it off as his protective nature for his friends, but it had soon dawned on him that it was because he was interested in Veronica himself. Logan realized that while he didn't care whom Lilly dated, he very much cared whom Veronica dated. The unexpected, strange realization had hit him like a ton of bricks: he wanted to be the one Veronica adored.

He'd never told her his feelings. Initially, it was just because he was too nervous to approach her about it. Later, he'd reasoned that he needed to keep quiet for the sake of their friendship. He didn't want to ruin what they already had. But eventually, Logan was able to admit that it was because he felt he wasn't good enough for her.

Logan shook himself from his thoughts. He started the car and approached Veronica's house, pretending that he hadn't been parked on her street for the past fifteen minutes. He pulled the car in the driveway, got out, and headed to the front door. He let himself in without knocking, and Veronica's dog, Backup, jumped up on him and began licking Logan's face, eager to be loved.

"Backup, get down!" Veronica cried, grabbing at the dog's collar, trying to yank him off Logan. Logan stifled a chuckle at how Veronica's effort did little to deter Backup. Veronica shot Logan a glare. He put his hands up in surrender before pushing the dog off of him.

"Where's your dad?" Logan asked, noting that Sheriff Mars, usually home and in front of the TV watching a game by this hour, was notably absent.

"Work," she answered vaguely, heading back to her room. She still needed to grab her things. Logan followed her without any thought but stopped at the doorway of her room, noticing how pink and girly it still was. Besides how the top of her dresser was now filled with jewelry and makeup, little else had changed since middle school. There was still a pile of stuffed animals in the corner. The open door to her closet revealed pink, red, and white clothes with the occasional black article sprinkled throughout. Her bookshelves were piled high with books and her pristine desk had only her laptop upon it.

Logan moved into the room and sat on her bed while he waited.

"What'd I miss in class last week?" he asked as he relaxed back on her bed, subtly breathing the scent of her that lingered on the pillows.

"Lecture," she replied shortly while she brushed her long hair and began to braid it into two separate braids.

"About what?" he pried.

She shot him a look and rolled her eyes. "Why didn't you just come listen to it yourself? I'm sure your bimbo-of-the-moment could've done with a lecture in Psych. She should've come with you. Maybe it would've raised her self-esteem," she muttered snidely.

Logan frowned, trying to catch her eye in the mirror. "So he talked about self-esteem?" he prompted, watching her work on her second braid.

"No. Just borrow my notes," she said, gesturing loosely toward her bag as she crossed her room to the bathroom where she rifled through her drawers.

He reached for her bag and shuffled through it until he found the green notebook she used for Psych.

"How was Crim?" he asked before pulling out the notebook.

"Good. Great actually. Professor Landry mentioned an FBI internship this summer and I think I am going to try for it. He knows I'm interested in law and law enforcement, plus he likes the work I have shown him so far. He told me that he thinks I have a real shot at getting the internship," she added, turning toward him and smiling proudly.

Of course you have a shot. You practically grew up in the sheriff's office. I'm sure you knew the felonies before you knew the state capitals," he quipped, trying to hide the pang of sadness at the possibility of her leaving him all summer. "I still see you as more of a photographer than in law enforcement," he told her honestly.

"Well, I haven't decided yet, but it's nice to have choices," she called from the other room.

He started to skim through her notes to keep himself busy. After a few minutes, Veronica touched his shoulder gently and smiled down at him. When he looked up at her he quickly got lost in her eyes. He completely forgot what he'd been reading.

Veronica tapped Logan's nose with her fingertip and moved to the doorway, turning off the light as she went. "You can get the notes later. I think you promised me ice cream as an exchange if you'll remember. I, on the other hand, never forget a bribe of ice cream. Let's go,"

He followed after her, his eyes fixed on her swaying hips in her tight jeans. He shook his head, hoping to clear himself of dirty thoughts, but the image of her slim hips and tight ass wouldn't leave him. _This is Veronica, your friend! One of your best friends! Don't mess this up,_ he reminded himself anxiously.

"We're going to Amy's, right?" Logan asked in a vain attempt to focus on anything other than her ass, which seemed to be begging for him to reach out and squeeze it. He couldn't help thinking about how easy it would be to pull her flush against him and press her into the wall. He'd devour her lips and carry her back into her bedroom, her legs wrapped tightly around him. He burned to know how she tasted. He stifled a groan and tried to concentrate on what she was saying…something about ice cream…about wanting either cookie dough or mint chocolate chip.

"You can always get both you know. I won't tell," he teased, opening the passenger door for her.

She frowned and gave him a reproving look before sliding past him. "But I want to get a sundae. You don't want to overwhelm the chocolate or the marshmallow sauce by pairing it with too rich a flavor. It's a very precise science. My God, Logan have I taught you nothing?"

Logan chuckled and closed the door before going around to the other side.

"What are you going to get?" she asked curiously as he reached for his seatbelt.

"Strawberry."

"Just strawberry? That's what you always get! Where's your sense of adventure?" she grumbled, settling back into her seat.

"I get vanilla sometimes."

"There are all kinds of other flavors that I bet you've never even tried. There's pumpkin, apple, chocolate! Come on, Logan, why don't you go with something different?" Veronica leaned her head on the headrest and regarded him through narrowed eyes.

He glanced at her and smirked for a beat too long. When he turned his attention back to the road, Logan had to slam on the brakes to avoid crashing into the car in front of them.

"I know what I like," he murmured, trying to act nonchalant, as if he hadn't almost gotten them into a car accident.

She huffed and mumbled something under her breath that sounded like 'dork' . He cringed when she began to fiddle with the radio dial, knowing he'd have to change the stations when she was done as usual. It'd gotten to the point where he kept her preferred station on his favorites to avoid this from happening. But tonight Veronica seemed much more fidgety than normal.

She stopped suddenly on a fast-beat song that he unhappily recognized as Sexyback by the ex-boy-bander:

_Dirty babe/You see these shackles/Baby I'm your slave/I'll let you whip me if I misbehave/It's just that no one makes me feel this way_

"Really, Veronica?" he objected, making a face at her choice in music.

"This is going to be a classic, Logan. Come on! It's catchy and just think…it's about you," she smirked at him.

Logan grinned. "Hmm…how could I resist cold, hard narcissism?"

Veronica began to sing along with Justin Timberlake. She was completely irresistible because by the end of the song, Logan found himself shamelessly singing along with Veronica and JT too. Once it ended they broke out into laughter and pulled into Amy's Ice Cream Parlor.

* * *

"You know, I kinda hate that song." Veronica admitted later, standing in line. She wondered briefly if anyone looking at them might think they were a couple and her stomach did a little flip-flop.

"And you made me listen to it? God, Mars, you really are evil," he remarked, looking down at her.

She shrugged. "I can't help singing along. It's contagious. Besides, it just…it reminds me of singing badly-written songs with Lilly in her car."

Logan nodded.

"It's times like these that I miss her the most. I have no one I can really do that with now," she confessed, fixing her eyes on the menu instead of on Logan.

"Well you'll always have me, Ronnie," he said, wrapping a comforting arm around her and pulling her into him. "We can even call Lilly and put her on speaker phone. Have a little conference call sing-along."

She tried to ignore the swarm of Monarch butterflies wreaking havoc in her stomach when his arm stayed around her shoulders. He kept it around her until they reached the front of the line and placed their order. They then took their ice cream outside to sit in the warm California sun.

Veronica had been thinking about what Lilly had said on the phone about sparking Logan's interest. She'd determined that she didn't want to resort to cheap tricks to try and get his attention. At least not yet. She'd decided to start with a bit more subtle of an approach: talking about having a crush on him without telling him that he was the object of her affection. In other words, she was taking the coward's way out and beating around the bush.

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Veronica took a break from savoring her ice cream to quietly say, "You know, I talked to Lilly last week."

Logan was frowning when he looked up from his cone. "Was she okay?"

"Yeah, fine," she answered absently, trying to work out what to say next. "She's kinda driving me crazy," she admitted, glancing at him then quickly away.

"What happened?" he asked curiously.

"She keeps bugging me to go to more parties. She thinks I need to put myself out there." Veronica paused and gnawed on her lip, wondering if she should say the next part. "I'm just…I'm tired of feeling unattractive. I thought with me starting college and Lilly far away someone might finally take an interest in me, but clearly that isn't the case. I—" she broke off and willed herself to look at him. "I like this guy and he doesn't seem to notice." Veronica forced her gaze on his, even though she knew her cheeks were growing red in embarrassment. Feeling like a complete idiot, Veronica waited patiently for Logan's reply. She'd taken a leap even if it was in a roundabout way. She eyed him dubiously.

His expression was completely unreadable. He opened his mouth to begin talking more than once, but nothing came out. The awkward silence between them was deafening. She busily turned her attention to her ice cream and began blabbering to fill the void.

"I don't think he likes me though, or that he thinks I'm attractive, or—hell, that he will ever even like me back. It's one of those stupid never-going-to-happen crushes, and I know I should get over it but I…can't," she finished lamely. When Veronica finally dared to look back up at Logan, she noticed that same odd look on his face. He seemed to be struggling for something to say. She sighed heavily, knowing she had said something that triggered his overprotective nature. She half-expected him to demand to know whom she liked or if she wanted him to beat someone up for her. Both had happened in the past; Troy was a prime example.

Back in high school, Logan had found out that Troy was cheating on Veronica. He'd gone completely berserk and kicked the shit out of the poor guy with no explanation to Veronica until after the fact. She'd refused to speak to him for a week, but in the end she'd been grateful.

"You know, Veronica I – I mean you're beaut – don't let Lilly get you down, Veronica," he stuttered. He awkwardly punched her lightly in the shoulder and gave her a tight smile.

She blinked and nodded dumbly. Right. Of course he would give her some 'Leave it to Beaver' advice, she thought bitterly, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from saying something she'd regret.

"You're – I mean, you're awesome the way you are. Guys must be crazy not to go out with you. You know I – just you're a great girl and I – there's just so much I'd – you know you mean a lot to me. You could go out with anyone, I bet the guy likes you," he stammered, obviously trying to find the right words. "He'd…the guy's an idiot if he doesn't."

She tried to gauge what he was saying. If she hadn't been so heartbroken by his response, Veronica would have found his lack of articulation amusing. It was so unlike Logan to be so tongue-tied; he was usually quite epigrammatic.

_Clearly the pussyfoot way of approaching this situation was lost on Logan. I'll try not to be insecure and worry that he knows I'm talking about him and is embarrassed. Lilly's literal box of tricks is looking pretty good about now now._ She looked down at her now melted ice cream. "Yeah, I don't think so. But maybe Lilly's right. Maybe it's time I got out more and had some fun."

* * *

Logan was glad that Veronica looked away at that moment and didn't see his reaction. It took him a moment to get his expression in check. Outwardly, Logan was making every effort to appear fine, but internally he was a raging, jealous mess. _Who does she like? And how could the guy not like her?_ She was amazing, incredible, beautiful, and smart; she was everything he wanted but could never have. The fact that she liked someone was just another nail in the coffin. Hearing her go on about someone else just proved that she would never want him.

"You know, you are really pretty. I mean I've…you're just very…desirable," he stuttered, wanting to slap himself on the forehead.

She blushed and looked away. "You're just saying that."

He laughed and leaned back. "No really, you are. You're very—" he cut himself off and gulped. "You're gorgeous," he whispered, looking away from her.

She smiled and kicked him gently under the table. "Thanks for being nice, Logan," she said before leaning over to give him a quick hug. She pulled back quicker than he wanted her to.

"All right, well now that I've laid out all my dirty insecurities, I think it's time to have some fun. So tell me, Mr. Animal House, what is going on this weekend?" she asked, grinning at him.

Logan was surprised at the change of topic. "Uh… well, there's a party this weekend. A Halloween one at the Kappa house. Dick's planning on going to it. I assume with Mac," he said, grabbing her empty ice cream container to throw it away.

"Cool," Veronica said. She sounded annoyed. Logan had no idea why she would be. Was she disappointed that he hadn't asked her to the party? He usually tried to steer clear of her at parties and hook up with other girls to forget her. But if Veronica was going to take Lilly's advice and party then he'd better be there to keep an eye on her. And maybe he could figure out which guy she was interested in so he'd know whom to pummel later.

"Do you wanna go?" he asked reluctantly, half-hoping she'd refuse.

"Sure," she said. She seemed excited by the prospect, if a little bit leery.

"Great. I'll pick you up and we'll go together," he said, leading her back to the car.

"Sounds good."

* * *

In her room later that night, Veronica sat on her bed, regretting her conversation with Logan. Her frustration was growing because Logan hadn't picked up on her earlier hints about her crush. The way he had fumbled around trying to pretend that she was attractive had been enough for her to know that he'd never think of her romantically. She was even more convinced that he only saw her as a sister.

She had agreed to go to the party against her better judgment. There was a good chance that even if she did go to the Halloween party dressed to kill, that she would still just end up spending the evening annoyed while Logan flirted with yet another girl. She was sure that she was doomed to always sit on the sidelines, watching him go after other women.

Veronica grabbed her phone to call Lilly and share with her the latest lack-of-development in the ongoing saga that was Logan and Veronica's non existent love life, but before she got a chance to dial, she thought the better of it. Lilly had made her opinion clear. Veronica wasn't going to be the friend that whined about something and yet refused to do anything about it. She either had to take her friend's advice or stop complaining.

With a sigh, she flopped back onto her bed and mentally began to make a pros and cons list of her options. Logic would see her through this problem. Obviously the less-direct approach had been a complete and utter failure. Though Logan wasn't like any other guy she knew, he was still a guy. He was still, to some extent, clueless. Or maybe just...uninterested. Veronica rolled her eyes, knowing she could use circular reasoning all day and night and still not have any answers to that question.

Suddenly, Lilly's voice popped into her head: _"You always think too much. All thought and no impulse is making Veronica a dull girl."_

It wouldn't hurt to just look in Lilly's box of sex. And if inspiration just _happened_ to come to her when she was perusing...well, that could only be a good thing, right?

Smiling, Veronica began pulling things out of her closet to make room to slide out Lilly's box that had been hidden for over a year. By the time she spotted the box in a far, dark corner, she was resolute; she could be both logical and spontaneous. She would dress up and gauge Logan's reaction and go from there. If he wasn't interested, she felt sure she would know immediately.

_And really, at this point what do you have to lose, Veronica?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out things get a lot less fluffy, but I promise we will get our happily ever after!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has commented, followed and read. I appreciate it more than I can say. 
> 
> The story is complete and I will be posting regularly. 
> 
> A special thanks to kmd0107 for putting up with all my last minute changes to this chapter and Veronica's motivations and for LVFangirl for her hard work and encouragement!


	3. I Can't React

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to remind everyone that this story isn't fluff...please check the tags. This chapter takes the story in a different (non-fluffy) direction. Trigger warnings for rape/non-con. I will asterisk that part if you want to skip it. It's just a few paragraphs, and it's not overly graphic, but it's emotional.

**Chapter 3 – I Can't React**

"Aren't you heading out, Dad?" she asked for what felt like the hundredth time. "You really should leave now if you want to have time to pick up candy to pass out at the station."

Veronica had wasted the past half hour attempting to get her dad out of the house. She was nowhere close to being ready, and Logan would be there to pick her up any minute. She was near desperation; it was as if her father knew what she up to.

And up to something she was. Her rummage through Lilly's box had proven very inspirational indeed. Veronica had managed to find something that made her feel sexy and yet wasn't too revealing. It was perfect. Tonight she would dress the part of a sexy vixen in lieu of her usual fun /silly Halloween self. For years, she'd chosen safe costumes, but tonight was going to be different. And she couldn't wait to see the look on Logan's face when she revealed herself to him that way.

But if her clueless father didn't get out of the house soon, that opportunity would be missed. As resolved as she felt, something about having her dad's meddling presence stalled her determination. He needed to leave. Now.

Her dad gave her a patient smile. "Sacks picked up some glow necklaces to hand out. We figure the more lit up the kids are, the safer they'll be running around in the dark."

"Good call. So I'll see you later?"

"Yes, Daughter. I'm going already. Listen, I'll be home _well after_ you get home tonight. There was another victim a few weeks ago and we're still putting all the clues together," Keith said, referring to his current case. "You guys stay safe tonight, okay?"

"Yes, Dad," Veronica responded with a crooked smile. "I bet no one else going to this party tonight got this lecture from their parents."

"Well, then, their parents must not love them as much as I love you," Keith joked. "Besides—"

His comment was interrupted by a knock at the front door. Veronica gave him an exasperated look before she stalked past him to answer it, hoping that it was only trick-or-treaters and not Logan.

* * *

Logan patiently waited for someone to answer his knock. After a few minutes, the door swung open to reveal Veronica wearing nothing but a robe with a towel wrapped around her hair.

"You aren't dressed," he commented inanely, mouth unexpectedly dry.

"Spot on detective skills, Echolls," she commented, opening the door wider to let him in.

As she shut the door, Backup bounded up to Logan, immediately sniffing. Leaving Backup to his ministrations with Logan's pants, Veronica gathered the things she'd need in her purse for the evening. Feebly attempting to ward off the dog, Logan attention was only on Veronica's movements. He was powerless to tear his gaze from her.

"Logan, good to see you, Son," Keith greeted, appearing from out of nowhere. Dressed in his sheriff's uniform and carrying a water bottle, it seemed that the older man was headed to work.

Keith's warm reception startled Logan. Logan prayed Sheriff Mars hadn't noticed his blatant ogling of Veronica. If the sheriff had, he, thankfully, wasn't letting on.

"You two are meeting up with Mac and Dick later I take it?" Keith asked, looking back and forth between them, seeking reassurance.

"Yes, Dad. For the millionth time, they are meeting us at the frat party," Veronica answered slowly, as if to a child.

Keith smiled at her obvious impatience. "And there will be drinking, I take it?"

"No, sir," Logan said in unison with Veronica's reply of 'of course'. Logan shot her a dirty look. Keith chuckled.

"I figured as much," Keith said, hugging Veronica goodbye. "Have fun you two! But not too much; I don't wanna have to bust you," he added with a wink.

Veronica rolled her eyes a last time before she hurried off to her room to finish getting ready.

With a last grin at Logan, Keith left for the station.

Logan sat down on the couch while he waited for Veronica. He turned on the TV and flipped through the channels, settling on Real World to pass the time. Midway through the episode, he heard a delicate cough behind him. He turned, expecting her to be in last year's zombie bride costume. But when his eyes connected with her his jaw dropped.

Instead of the costume he'd anticipated, Veronica was dressed as Catwoman—an incredibly sexy Catwoman. Her legs were encased in tight black leather pants and above that she wore a matching leather corset that pushed her breasts up to almost bursting from the top. Atop her head were little black cat ears and her long hair cascaded loosely down her back. The only bit of jewelry she wore was the necklace Lilly had given her for her sixteenth birthday. Her make-up was flawless. She looked like herself, but just…more so. Logan jealously wondered how much she really liked the guy she was trying to snag. If the asshole was at the party, he'd be sure to notice her. Logan firmly pushed that thought out of his head.

"Wow," Logan finally stammered, unable to take his eyes off of her. A little bit of drool escaped the corner of his mouth and he quickly wiped it away before she noticed. He closed his mouth and tried to act as if she dressed like that all the time, but in reality his heart was hammering a mile a minute. He had to clench his fists to keep from grabbing her and pulling her into him. She looked hot, hotter than hot. She was like Hell-on-fire hot.

"Is it okay?" she asked, fidgeting with her hair.

"Y-yeah. I mean, I thought you were going as the zombie bride again, but, yeah, this is nice too," he stuttered.

"That was the original plan…but I was going through the box of things that Lilly keeps here so Celeste won't discover it, and I found this. I figured, 'why not?'. If I'm going to put myself out there I might as well go all the way, right?" she explained with a shrug. "Lilly would approve."

Logan nodded absentmindedly; his eyes focused on the cleavage that her corset emphasized.

"So, are you ready?" she asked, taking a step toward him.

Logan forced his attention back to her face and nodded as he got off the couch. He had to remind himself how to walk since a fair amount of blood had unexpectedly rushed to his groin. He willed himself to think of something gross to get rid of the semi-erection. He finally found relief by picturing the original Mrs. Casablancas. He cringed remembering the crone that was Dick's mother.

This was going to be a long night. He wasn't sure how he would be able to keep his hands off of her. He also wasn't sure that he wanted to.

* * *

Veronica grabbed her bag before following Logan out the door. She pulled out her key to lock up the house so they could be on their way. There were already little kids dressed up and trick-or-treating. She grinned at them, nudging Logan's arm to see if he noticed them, but when she looked at him, she was surprised to see that he was lost in thought.

"Do you remember being that young? You know, before binge drinking and video games?" she asked as they approached his car.

He scoffed, "Barely. We didn't all have cutesy childhoods like yours. Some of us didn't have parents who wanted to take us out to trick-or-treat."

She scoffed and hoisted herself into the SUV. "Don't act like you didn't go. I know you're too cool for school, but our nights of trick-or-treating with Lilly and Duncan are some of my best memories. Except the year Lilly got sick," she said, wincing from the recollection.

Logan grinned and started the car. "Those memories may be favorites of mine too, but I'll never admit it," he said, winking as he pulled onto the street headed toward Fraternity Row.

Veronica reached to flip on the radio. When she found no music worth listening to, she huffed in displeasure.

"Hey, remember that guy Mercer Hayes that I went to Mexico with over the summer?" Logan asked, reaching to switch the station.

"I remember you saying that Mercer didn't even really surf and that you spent every moment that you weren't on the water in your hotel room making flaming DPs with girls. You mean that Mercer Hayes?" Veronica's tone was playful, but she knew he would hear the edge in her voice.

"Okay, so you _do_ remember him. Wow, I totally regret telling you about all that now." Logan shook his head. "Well my point was that if I can just find KRFF, I think his call-in show is on right now."

"Call-in, Logan? College radio? That doesn't sound like you." Veronica scoffed.

"Yeah, it's called 'Club Flush'— ah, here it is." Logan adjusted the volume. "It beats listening to stupid ads on the other stations. Anyway, he's got this set up in his dorm room that I've heard is amazing..." Logan hesitated. "Actually, ya know what? I'm not going to tell you about it. I'll just take you there some night soon. You and I are going to have fun!" Logan smiled at her conspiratorially.

Usually secrets drove Veronica crazy, but she was fairly certain that she wasn't interested in anything that involved Mercer Hayes, his radio show, or his dorm room. They listened to the call-in show for a few minutes as Logan drove through campus on his way to the frat house.

* * *

The party was packed with tons of people in costume. The two of them shoved their way through the door and headed to the bar. There were trays upon trays of cups filled with tequila waiting to be consumed. They each grabbed one and quickly downed the shot before grinning at one another when the burn trickled down their throats.

Veronica felt confident dressed in Lilly's clothes; the costume had seemed to transform her whole persona. It was as if she really was Catwoman tonight. Everything about herself felt different. On her feet, she'd donned a pair of black leather heeled boots that made her four inches taller. The leather pants and corset made her feel empowered, yet the essentials were still covered. Her eyes were lined in black and her lips were a deep shade of red that Veronica had never worn before.

She'd bought the lipstick at Sephora the last time Lilly had been in town, but had never had the nerve to wear it. For months, the tube had sat jumbled along with all of her other makeup, but tonight when Veronica had reached for her usual pink lip-gloss, her fingers had automatically grabbed that little red tube. She'd given it a long look before deciding to be bold and carefully applying it to her lips. Veronica was taking Lilly's advice to heart tonight. She was going to let go of herself this evening and finally do what she should've done a long time ago. It was time to finally tell Logan how she felt and damn everything else to hell. She was ready, willing, and, with the help of a little liquid courage, she was finally able to let spill her feelings.

Veronica took a moment to gaze at Logan in the suit he wore: black with a red tie. It accented his already broad shoulders and brought out the warmth of his brown eyes. She had seen him in suits often enough before but always forgot how well he cleaned up. _Logan is the picture of the ideal male specimen and every girl here tonight will be all over him_ , Veronica thought with scorn.

"I forgot, what are you supposed to be?" Veronica asked, leaning closer into him to talk. She had to yell over the music and she mused that by the end of the night she'd probably be deaf.

"Not 'what', who. The Devil. Duh," he replied, grinning at her sinfully.

Her pulse quickened, and she looked away. "As if I would expect anything else," she murmured before taking two more shots off of the tray. When she turned back around to hand him one she found that Logan was suddenly surrounded by a handful of flirty girls. Veronica watched as he took turns speaking to each one, each one swooning from his attention.

Veronica clenched her jaw in frustration. She downed her shot, reminding herself what this night was about. It was about moving forward. She was going to tell him her feelings and it would either destroy or transform their relationship.

* * *

Logan was struggling desperately to get rid of the group of girls so he could continue to flirt with Veronica. He was practically insulting them outright but still the girls laughed as if they were in on the joke. None of them could even hold a candle to what Veronica had in looks and personality. He had been enjoying his time with her before the typical star-struck gold-diggers had come over to try to talk to him. The topics of choice were either his father or his money, and neither of those were matters Logan ever chose to talk about, let alone tonight. He watched Veronica down a shot and he followed it with two for himself.

Ten minutes later, he saw Dick and Mac parting the crowd coming toward them. Logan watched Veronica light up considerably when she noticed Mac. She seemed very excited to see her friend and Logan was glad that they had made arrangements to meet up.

* * *

"What are you dressed as?" Veronica exclaimed, looking over both Mac and Dick's costumes. Mac wore a red hat, a red dress and black pumps. A mustache was penciled in on her upper lip. Dick, on the other hand, wore a pink shirt, a pink pair of trousers and a crown on his head. She laughed at the sparkly pink Converse on his feet.

"I'm Mario," Mac said with a grin.

"And I'm her Princess Peach. I've been getting compliments all night. We might have to do this coordinating costume thing again," Dick said, winking at her.

The group laughed at the ridiculousness of their costumes.

"How did you get him to dress up like that?" Veronica pulled Mac to the side while Logan's admirers continued to try to talk to him and now Dick.

"I told him I'd have a special surprise for him tonight," Mac said with a laugh.

Veronica giggled. She looked over at Logan and Dick, who had somehow managed to separate themselves from the herd. She was hopeful for a moment but then her stomach dropped at the sight of Parker Lee, who was parading her way through the crowd, dressed as an angel. She looked amazing.

"Your roommate's here," Veronica said, unable to disguise the distaste in her voice. Her aversion to Parker had begun the minute Parker started flirting with Logan their first week at Hearst. First she'd gone after Dick, but he'd been too smitten with Mac to notice. Then Parker had turned her attention to Logan. Veronica had loathed watching as Logan had, in typical fashion, encouraged the flirtation at first. Veronica had teased Logan on more than one occasion that he was leading Parker on. After the first dorm party Benes Hall had thrown, Parker had gotten wasted and practically had thrown herself at Logan. She'd been so persistent that Logan had left the party early to avoid her. After that, it seemed like Logan just put up with her. His indifference never stopped Parker from trying to hook up with him, however. It seemed that tonight would be no exception. Veronica watched with narrowed eyes as Parker waltzed up and threw herself against Logan, giggling at something he'd said. Parker then grabbed a cup from the tray of shots to hand to him.

"You're Catwoman right?" Mac asked, bringing Veronica back to the present.

"Yeah," she answered, only just now noticing that everyone around her had coordinating costumes except her. And it seemed Parker had just noticed it as well.

"Oh my God, Logan," Parker simpered. "Are you, like, supposed to be the devil?" She gestured down the length of her body and waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Veronica watched Logan rub at his chin as if it were a goatee before giving Parker a sly look. "Perhaps, but I'd say you're an angel, and that means we can't associate."

Veronica was so fed up with the situation. She saw Logan look over at her and frown at her obvious annoyance, but she was too focused on Parker's blatant flirtation to care.

"Ooh, you know I'd be willing to make an exception," Parker said as she put a hand on the arm of his suit.

"That girl is a one woman red light district," Mac said to Veronica. When Veronica didn't respond, Mac changed the subject, asking, "So how're your classes going?"

Veronica looked at Mac and sighed. Just as she opened her mouth to answer, Dick grabbed Mac's arm.

"Look, babe! They have a beer bong! Let's go try it! Please! I dressed in pink for you!" Dick begged. Mac nodded, relenting.

"I'll find you later," Mac called out, giving Veronica a sympathetic look as she let Dick pull her away.

Veronica watched the two of them disappear into the crowd and reluctantly turned back to Logan and Parker. She gagged at their continued flirting and turned quickly away, pissed off that nothing was going according to her plan. Not only was Logan flirting with someone else, but she had been left alone to helplessly watch him in action.

She moved away from their spot at the wall and headed to where the shots were laid out. Seeing that the trays were now empty, she turned back to where she'd left Logan and Parker. Yet another girl had joined them. When Logan looked up and caught sight of Veronica watching them, he gestured to her to come over. She took a few steps toward him and saw Parker and the other girl close in on him, clearly not welcoming more competition.

Annoyed, that she'd just been effectively clam jammed, Veronica turned her back on them to walk away.

"Veronica!" she heard him shout over the din.

Veronica turned only slightly and caught his eye. He was closer to her now, but she didn't want to deal with him. "Go back to the bimbos, Logan. I'll be fine without you," she yelled back before she took off into the crowd. She needed more alcohol, and the sooner, the better.

She headed toward the kitchen, hoping to find more shots. When she walked in she laughed to herself at the irony. Batman was leaning casually against the counter, a bottle of Jack Daniels behind him.

"Hi," she said, mustering up her courage to talk to The Caped Crusader.

He nodded down at her.

"I was wondering if I could grab that," she said, looking at the bottle behind him.

"We match, you know," he told her, eyeing her costume.

"Everyone seems to be all about the matching costumes tonight," Veronica murmured, blushing at the way his eyes bore into her. She wasn't great around guys; shy and often stuttering. No one ever seemed to notice her when she had a friend like Lilly around and therefore she had limited practice at the art of flirting.

"Yeah, I've seen a few couples that match," Batman agreed as he sipped his beer.

"So…can I grab that?" she asked for a second time, pointing again at the bottle.

Batman handed it to her and she looked for a clean glass, but there were none. She cocked an eyebrow and shrugged her shoulders before mock-toasting him with the bottle. He watched in obvious amusement when she sipped from the Jack Daniels bottle and nearly spat it out. He laughed as she tried to brush off her embarrassment.

"Do you maybe want to get out of the kitchen? It's getting kinda crowded in here," he said, nodding to the living room.

She concurred, and they moved out of the kitchen to the living room, which didn't seem to be as crowded. It was louder, if that were possible, since the DJ had set up shop. Multiple people had begun grinding on one another.

Batman and Catwoman sat there and talked for a while until Veronica realized she had left the bottle of whiskey in the kitchen.

"Would you like another drink?" Batman offered when Veronica looked longingly at his beer.

"If it's not too much trouble. You can just bring me whatever you find," she told him. Feeling only slightly tipsy from her earlier drinks, she figured she could stand a few more.

Batman disappeared. While she waited, Veronica scanned the room to see if she could find Logan. She found him standing in a corner talking to two new girls. Quickly she looked away, hoping he hadn't seen the longing expression that was no doubt on her face. Batman reappeared shortly after with two red cups. He handed her one before lifting his own up in a cheers salute.

"What should we toast to?" Veronica asked.

"College," he said, smiling from beneath his mask.

She grinned before taking a sip from the red cup, tasting the familiar mixture of rum and Coke. The two of them continued their conversation about classes and she took another large sip. Batman delved into Statistics while Veronica's took yet another drink. _He's kinda boring_ , she thought, her mind beginning to wander. She looked around the room, taking in all the scantily clad girls. _It would be really easy for someone shady to take advantage of this situation. Don't they know what's happening to girls like them? Have they even read the campus newspaper?_

Veronica looked down at the red cup in her hand, realizing how much of an idiot she was for taking a drink from a stranger. She was buzzed, not stupid. She immediately put the cup down and continued to listen to Batman drone on.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but as she sat there half listening to Batman, she began to feel light-headed and a little dizzy. She was familiar with the woozy and sleepy feeling that happened sometimes when she drank, but right now her body felt detached somehow, and she knew she'd never felt like this before. She smiled unsteadily at him.

"I think I'm drunk," Veronica ruminated, not meaning to say it out loud.

Batman laughed. "How much have you have?"

"Like…a few shots and this drink," she said, pointing at the nearly-full cup.

Batman grinned, "How are you feeling?"

"Good, great. I mean, I'm just surprised it took so long for it to hit me. I wasn't feeling like this a few minutes ago," Veronica said, reaching out to try to steady herself. She was aiming for the back of the couch, but her hand came in contact with Batman instead.

He leaned in. "Sometimes it takes longer to hit you, especially if you've eaten a lot that day. Did you eat before coming?"

Veronica nodded. "I love food. I really do. Do you like food? I mean, ice cream is my favorite and Logan tells me it's not really a food group, it's a dessert, but really…it's awesome. What's your favorite ice cream?" she asked, leaning in closer.

Batman chuckled and closed the distance. Unexpectedly, he pressed his lips to hers. For a minute, Veronica wasn't sure what to do. Her brain was taking a while to catch up with what was happening. She pulled away and smiled at him for a moment. All inhibitions gone, she leaned back in and continued to kiss him.

After making out for a while, Veronica began feeling sick. She pulled away from Batman and looked to where Logan had been standing what seemed to be just a few minutes earlier. She squinted through the crowd, trying to find him, but he was nowhere in sight.

"What's wrong? Don't tell me that you're looking for your boyfriend," Batman said, pulling away from her.

Veronica shook her head, feeling frustrated at not being able to find Logan. "Just looking for a friend. I have to go to the bathroom." She stood up on wobbly legs and left Batman sitting on the couch while she made her way to the restroom. When she got there, she was surprised at the long line of clashing costumes waiting with irked looks on their face.

"Is this the bathroom line?" Veronica slurred to a girl at the end of the line.

The girl rolled her eyes and nodded. "Yeah. Totally sucks."

Veronica leaned against the wall, trying to focus on something that wasn't spinning. Music pounded in her ears and her stomach was turning violently. Everything seemed brighter and yet fuzzier at the same time. She just wanted to find Logan and go home.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Veronica looked up, hoping for Logan, but found Batman.

"I just have to go to the bathroom," she said, trying to hide how sick she felt.

"There's one upstairs. I'll sneak you up there," Batman told her, taking her arm and leading her up the staircase. She followed without argument, not giving it much thought when he brought her into a bedroom with a bathroom attached. He left her at the door of the bathroom where she closed and then locked the door. She stood there for a minute, taking deep breaths, attempting to calm her racing heart. She closed the toilet lid and sat on the seat for a moment to focus her mind, but everything kept spinning around her. She put her head in her hands and breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth.

"Calm down, Veronica, you're just drunk," she whispered to herself, repeatedly closing and opening her eyes. Feeling slightly calmer, she moved to the sink and splashed cold water on her face, hoping to jolt herself back to reality. It didn't work as well as she hoped it would because when she finally left the bathroom she still felt both dizzy and sick. Lying down on the bed, Veronica reasoned that perhaps with a little rest, she'd sober up enough to find one of her friends and head home. If she just took a second to lie down, she could find her phone and call Logan.

******** 

It was much later when the bedroom door opened. For reasons she couldn't explain, Veronica had no energy to see who was there. She lay facing the wall opposite the door and though she wanted to roll over, her body wouldn't respond. It felt as if her limbs were weighed down and she was in a grey fog. Her stomach was still rolling and everything was still hazy as she gazed around the room. Even the posters on the wall blurred together. Suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of dread, Veronica tried to call out to ask if the person could go find Logan, but her tongue felt heavy in her mouth and she couldn't form words. She wasn't sure what was wrong with her, but she knew she shouldn't be feeling this drunk. _What's happening?_

Footsteps approached the bed and she desperately wished for Logan. She closed her eyes, the image of him in his costume just hours before appearing in her mind.

"Lo-gan," she managed. Her eyelids felt heavy; she closed them again, feeling groggy. She tried to ask for Logan once more, but it came out in even more of a slur. The footsteps were louder now. Suddenly the mattress sunk down and Veronica instinctively knew that someone was there, next to her. Music was pumping through the walls and the overwhelming stench of cologne wafted up into her nostrils, making her want to retch. A hand grabbed her shoulder and forced her to her back. She gazed up into the masked face of Batman. She breathed a sigh of relief; he had to come back to check on her and would help her find Logan.

"Where…" she trailed off, unable to form the question that she so desperately needed to ask. She tried to sit up, but that proved to be too great a feat so she lay there, motionless, on the bed.

The song changed, and she wanted to smile when the familiar lyrics of Sexyback seeped through the walls. Her mind automatically flashed to Logan in the car on their way for ice cream. She very much wanted to see him.

"Lo...Need. Lo-gan," she mumbled, trying to enunciate every word so Batman would understand and go get him. She stared up at the figure above her, willing him to move to the door.

Instead of leaving, Batman glowered down at her. She felt his hand begin to trail down her body. Hazily she felt the stirrings of panic, but the exhaustion was overpowering. Nothing was making sense. She shut her eyes tightly, trying to focus on something else other than what was happening. Her clothes were being tugged off and her body repositioned. She kept her eyes cinched closed, but her other senses were heightened. She felt a sharp pain that she'd never experienced before and let out a sharp gasp. She tried to pull away from the pain, but her body would not cooperate. The pain was intensifying as he continued to move above her. She squeezed her eyes tighter to block out reality.

In an instant it was as if she were watching the scene from above. She was floating, suspended in air above the bed. There was a man in costume trapping a blonde girl beneath him. _That poor girl_ , Veronica thought, moving in to get a closer look. The blonde's eyes were shut, but, as Veronica approached the bed, the girl's eyes suddenly opened and locked on hers. Veronica let out a gasp as she realized that she was looking into her own face, her own eyes. The shock of it all mixed with her drug-induced state was too much for her and she slipped back into the sweet oblivion of nothingness. 

********

* * *

" _Dirty babe/You see these shackles/Baby I'm your slave/I'll let you whip me if I misbehave/It's just that no one makes me feel this way."_

Veronica was nowhere to be found. Their song was playing and Logan wanted to dance with her but he couldn't find her. He was recalling their silly episode in the car earlier in the week and wanted to prove to her that she could have just as much fun with him as with Lilly. Granted, his feelings for Veronica were different than Lilly's, but he still figured that while Lilly was away he could at least make sure Veronica had fun. He wanted to maintain their strong friendship. Nothing was more important than that.

Logan began to worry when he couldn't find her in any of the rooms downstairs. The last time he'd had sight of her, she'd been talking to some guy dressed as Batman. Although he'd wanted to tell the guy to fuck off, Logan had assumed that he was the crush Veronica had told him about. He'd observed her laughing at something the guy had said and had gone back to talking to Jessica or Jayla or whomever he'd been standing with at the time. Now, several minutes and several shots later, he wished that he'd paid closer attention to Veronica's whereabouts.

He sent her a quick text asking where she was and kept his eyes peeled for her as he made his way through the crowd. Even though he wanted to continue searching for Veronica, the shots were quickly catching up with him, and suddenly he was so drunk that he was to the point of stumbling around. He flopped down on a nearby lawn chair to rest and to figure out his next move. He pulled out his phone and texted her again. The alcohol made him unable to focus, and before he knew it, he had fallen asleep without coming up with a plan.

* * *

Veronica was roused into semi-consciousness when she was rolled over to her stomach. Something undefinable was buzzing near her ear and she felt vibration against her head. Suddenly, she heard a loud hammering at the door, and with a click, the sound and vibration stopped.

"Anyone in there? We need a bedroom to get busy in!" Someone yelled through the door. The pounding became louder and the room seemed less fuzzy than earlier. All at once, the door opened and Veronica could make out the silhouette of two figures standing in the doorway. For the first time, she was able to move her head and looked around, and she tried to figure out where she was.

From above her, Batman loudly growled, "Occupied! Fuck somewhere else!" The couple retreated, leaving her alone with Batman again. He seemed angry and frazzled though, muttering to himself quietly and making quick movements. The weight of him shifted off her and then off the bed. She watched him shove something into his pocket before unexpectedly fleeing the room. The relief she experienced at his departure was short lived. Once again, the fog clouded her mind. Veronica, too tired to move, let her head fall back to the bed as she succumbed to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was probably almost as hard to read as it was to write. I'm posting the next chapter with it so you're not left hanging there!
> 
> Thanks (as always) to kmd0107 and LVFangirl for their betaing skills and support!


	4. I Can't Go Back

**Chapter 4 – I Can't Go Back**

All of a sudden, Veronica regained consciousness. Through the walls around her, Veronica could hear 'My Humps' playing so loudly that the windowpanes shook with each blast of bass. Her eyes popped open as if a bucket of ice water had been poured over her head and frantically looked around the darkened room.

She'd never drunk to the point of passing out before—she had never even come close. Her mind was fuzzy and she felt sick to her stomach. It took a minute for her to get her bearings enough to try to sit up. When she shifted, there was a sharp pain between her legs and she flopped back onto the sheets, frozen. _What is going on?_ Forcing herself to take a breath, Veronica willed her frazzled mind to put together the pieces of the night. The more she concentrated on one thought, however, the more it seemed to slip away from her memory. Slowly, some of the events earlier in the evening came back to her. She remembered arriving at the party with Logan – _Logan! How far did you take the whole 'spilling of feelings' things, Veronica?_ She blew out a breath in relieved excitement. _Of course! I was with Logan! You have impeccable timing, Mars. You finally spill your heart to the love of your life, spend the night with him and you can't even remember it? But where is he?_

Thinking she'd find him, Veronica reached blindly over to the opposite side of the bed. Instead of the warmth of Logan's body, though, she found a cold sheet. A chill ran down her spine. Abruptly, Veronica recalled how Logan was surrounded by a flock of girls. How she had wandered off...and then talking with Batman and the weird feeling that had come over her after drinking. She remembered waiting for the bathroom… but then everything went fuzzy.

Veronica turned on the lamp next to the bed, still hoping that she'd find Logan somewhere in the room. The light illuminated the bedroom in a hazy glow, and as she let her eyes adjust, she realized he wasn't there. She let out a broken whimper when her gaze fell upon her pants and torn underwear on the floor below her. Panicked, she saw that the sheets she lay on were stained with blood. Her blood. _Oh God!_

All at once, the nausea overtook her and sent her running into the bathroom. After emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet, Veronica sat back on the dirty tile floor. _What had happened_? Groggy memories, combined with what she'd just seen, were pointing to a rather bad conclusion. They were telling her that she'd been taken advantage of last night. She had a sudden urge to laugh at the absurdness of the idea of it since it seemed so surreal, but a sob fell from her lips instead.

 _Is this what being raped felt like?_ How could she possibly have been raped? She was the daughter of the sheriff. Things like this didn't happen to daughters of sheriffs. Veronica was smarter and better informed than the average girl. She'd always thought she could spot a predator from a mile away. Keith Mars' daughter would never let something like this happen to her. This wasn't supposed to happen. She knew better than to get herself into situations where she could be taken advantage of. Didn't she? _Apparently not._

Veronica squeezed her eyes shut, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. She needed to ground herself. From the noise, it was evident that the party was still in full swing. _How long have I been in here?_

Sitting on the bathroom floor, she looked longingly up at the shower next to her. She felt disgusting and was sorely tempted to turn on the water and scrub her skin raw. The sudden awareness that she was possibly still in danger washed over her and she jumped to her feet in terror. Whoever hurt her could come back at any whimper escaped her, this time of fear, and she anxiously searched for anything that could be used as a weapon against her assailant. _Pull yourself together, Veronica. It's time to get out of this place._

Veronica's thoughts flew back to Logan. She had come here with Logan; she needed to find him. _Logan._ An icy-cold chill slithered down her body. She stiffened at the realization that Logan was probably still in the house somewhere. He knew her too well. He would take one look at her and know something had happened. She imagined the look of pity in his eyes, the sympathy. She shuddered at the thought. She couldn't let him find out what happened. No one could know. She wasn't going to be labeled a victim. _I am not that girl!_

Fighting tears, Veronica stumbled back into the bedroom and found her phone beneath her pants. Veronica looked down at the black leather in disgust, the bile rising in her throat again. _I can't put them back on._ Peeking out from beneath the waistband of the pants was her underwear, ripped and useless. She couldn't have put those back on if she'd wanted to. There was no help for it; she'd have to put the pants on or leave here clad in only the corset. Veronica shut her eyes tightly; she pulled the vile leather pants up and onto her legs, the mortifying thought of leaving in only her corset giving her courage. Only a few hours before she'd felt so desirable, and now all she felt was dirty. Veronica shoved the torn underwear into the waistband of the pants. _Keep your hands free in case he comes back._

Her phone read 2:12 a.m. _2:12 a.m._? _You lost three hours?_ Veronica ran a hand through her hair, suddenly overwhelmed again. She skipped past her incoming messages to text Logan, but stopped when she realized that she had no clue as to what to say to him. Deciding to keep it general and short, she wrote:

 **To Logan, 2:13 a.m.:** where r u?

As she made her way to the door Veronica felt increasingly exposed in the Catwoman costume. Veronica searched the room until her eyes stopped on a large Hearst Rugby sweatshirt near the desk. Gratefully, she pulled it on over the fitted corset top she wore. Pausing at the doorway with her hand on the knob, Veronica silently cursed herself for leaving her purse with her pepper spray in the car. Luckily, she'd had the forethought to put her key in her pants with her phone. She was reassured to feel the key's sharp edges pressing against her thigh; it meant she could go home.

The hallway was deserted except for a lone couple making out in one dark corner. A momentary pang of jealousy shot through her but she shoved it aside as she darted down the stairs and into party central.

There was no sign of Logan, Mac or Dick in the throng of people. She felt so vulnerable. No one seemed to be paying much attention to her, but she couldn't help but wonder if the person who hurt her was watching her make her way through the house. It felt as if she was broadcasting the 'victim' vibe to the whole room. _Can people tell? Do they know what happened?_

The walls were starting to close in on her. Anyone in the room could have been the one who violated her. The sudden inability to breathe made her stumble backward until she was pressed up against a wall. _Air! Must have air!_ She took one last panicked look around before realizing that she stood next to the backdoor. She threw the door open and ran out into the night, taking deep breaths in an attempt at calming herself. Despite being outside the confines of the frat house, she didn't find the relief she was seeking. She did, however, find Logan. He lay passed out in a lounge chair, drooling on his suit.

The panic attack had left Veronica desolate and desperate. Not caring how she looked to Logan any longer, she dropped down beside the chaise and desperately tried to rouse him. She poked him, shook him and tried to roll him over, but he was completely unresponsive. Holding back tears and out of strength, Veronica took a minute to stare down at him, willing him to wake. _Logan, please!_ _I need you!_ He continued to sleep.

On an ordinary night, Veronica would have just curled up next to Logan on the chair to wait for him to wake up and drive her home. This was not a normal night. _Buck up, you're on your own, Veronica! Now figure out a way to get home._ With one last look at his sleeping form, Veronica gave up on Logan. She made her way around the side of the house toward the front yard, trying to avoid encountering anyone.

Veronica kept to the shadows on the edge of the yard before taking off toward the street. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of a Hearst sober car waiting at the curb. _Stealing a ride from a drunken student seems like the ultimate in bad karma, but I think the universe owes you a little something tonight_ , Veronica rationalized, deciding to take advantage of the opportunity that presented itself. She badly needed to get away from Fraternity Row and all of the events of the evening. Still shaking, Veronica climbed into the backseat of the car before opening her mouth to give her address to the student driver. She was in too great of shock to find her own voice. Desperate for the car to just leave, Veronica managed to clumsily type her address into her phone and handed it up to the driver. He nodded in response before pulling away from the curb. She willed herself to breathe again once the car was in motion. Veronica watched through the rear window of the sedan as the frat house shrunk into the distance. She couldn't help but feel like she was leaving a part of her behind.

By the time the driver dropped her off at her house, she gathered enough wherewithal to run inside to get money to pay for her fare. Once inside the house, she loathed the thought of leaving its sanctity to return to the sober car. _Go on, Veronica. The kid deserves his couple of bucks for getting you out of that place._ Rallying her courage, she ran back out to the curb and hastily paid the driver. Feeling defenseless, Veronica sprinted back to the house and into her room, locking both doors behind her.

 _Now what?_ She found herself of her focus had been on getting home. Now that she had arrived, she was at a loss as to what to do next. Her thoughts flew back to Logan. She flopped onto her bed and opened her phone to check her messages. She had four text messages, each from him, presumably sent while she had been passed out.

 **From Logan 11:37 p.m.:** they're playing our song. need my duet partner

 **From Logan 12:16 a.m.:** where are you?! r u really that pissed?

 **From Logan 12:39 a.m.:** they lied on the hair dye bottle. blondes aren't always more fun. im ditching this chick. im by the dj.

 **From Logan 1:02 a.m.:** should i be worried? y aren't you texting me back? plz don't b mad. i told you i ditched the skank. am sitting by the pool. call me when you get this.

She stoically texted him back.

 **To Logan 2:50 a.m.:** u passed out. couldn't get u up. left with sober car.

_That won't convince him._

**To Logan 2:51 a.m.:** home now safe. c u in class.

She felt guilty for lying to him, but it was better this way. She couldn't process the situation herself, let alone explain it to someone else. Veronica didn't want him to know what had really happened or to deal with his reaction.

After fifteen minutes of blankly staring at her clock, Veronica headed to the bathroom to wash the whole night off of her. Thankful that the water was hot for a change, she put her face into the stream and cried. Her tears fueled her feeling of contamination and she began to scrub fiercely at her scalp, oblivious to how she scratched her skin in the process. Her fingers froze suddenly as they grazed over a spot on the back of her head that felt different than normal. She hadn't noticed it earlier, but she recognized the short stubble of it. Her head seemed to have been partially shaved.

 _What happened tonight?_ She felt a fresh layer of violation revealing itself within her. _Why would someone do this unless…oh no! No no no!_ She sank down in the tub at the realization that her evening wasn't the result of a randy frat boy taking advantage of a drunk girl at a party; this wasn't an isolated incident. This was the M.O. of Hearst rapist.

Still covered in the shampoo and soap, Veronica curled into a corner of the tub, shaking and sobbing. She barely even noticed when the water turned cold. She stopped crying abruptly as yet another recognition hit her. _You just washed away the evidence._ She immediately stood up and shut the water off, but she knew that the damage was already done.

Veronica returned to her room, pulled on some comfy sweats and sank down onto her bed. She knew she should report the crime. But her dad or one of his deputies would be the one to take the report, and the thought of telling them what happened, especially after her dad's earlier warning, sent her back to the bathroom to dry heave. Besides leaving her friends and drinking from a stranger's cup, she'd just washed away any chance she had of a case against her assailant. _No, Dad can never know about this. Nothing good would come of it._

Hopelessness washed over Veronica as she sat on the floor of the bathroom. _Clothes! You still have Lilly's clothes. But…if he used a condom, they are probably useless as evidence._ Her heart sank at the thought of a condom. This guy was a serial rapist. She had no idea if he'd used protection at all. She needed to get checked out and get the morning-after pill. A county hospital wasn't an option. The information could easily get back to her father. Veronica didn't think she could handle a rape kit right now, but she needed to protect herself now as best she could. _The Neptune Woman's Clinic._ They could check her for STDs too. A quick look at her phone told Veronica that it was nearly 5:00 a.m. _No hope of sleeping._ She had a long morning ahead of her.

* * *

Logan awoke on the lounge chair by the pool a little before five in the morning. It felt as if a truck had hit him. His first coherent thought was of Veronica. The last thing he remembered was lying down by the pool to wait for her. She would've woken him up if she wanted to go, right? He could feel his heart pounding and a sick feeling growing in his stomach. When he reached in his pocket for his phone to call her, her text messages flashed on his screen.

Some of the anxiety he'd been feeling left his body as he read her messages. He heaved a sigh of relief that she was home safe and sound. Hopefully, Sheriff Mars wouldn't want to kill him. If the sheriff found out that Logan had passed out at the party when Logan was Veronica's ride, it was certain that Mr. Mars would never allow her out with Logan again. He was furious at himself; he'd rarely gotten so drunk that he couldn't be woken up. Her having to find a ride home from the sober campus driver was distressing. _God, you're a shitty friend._ He'd blown it with her, and he knew it. The tone of her message made it clear that she didn't want to see him. Despite her reassuring text, Logan couldn't shake his feeling of unease. When he made his way through the frat house and climbed into his SUV, he had the sudden urge to go find Veronica and make sure she was okay.

As he shut the SUV's door, he remembered that she had left her purse in his center console. There was no way she could make it through the weekend without it, he justified, glad for a reason to call her. He pulled out his phone and dialed. When there was no answer, Logan rationalized that she was most likely asleep. Rather than leave her a voicemail, he sent a text.

 **To Veronica 5:09 a.m.:** so sorry v. just woke up. r u really ok?

His earlier phone call must have woken her, because she replied almost immediately.

 **From Veronica 5:10 a.m.:** am fine Lo. just need sleep.

Finally convinced that he didn't need to worry, he texted her once more before pulling away from Fraternity Row.

 **To Veronica 5:10 a.m.:** gonna drop ur purse in ur mailbox on my way home. sweet dreams.

If Veronica was really mad at him and did manage to avoid him all weekend, Logan would just have to resort to desperate measures when he picked her up for class on Tuesday. He would make this up to her; he wasn't sure how exactly he would do it, but he was sure that a little groveling was in order.

* * *

Veronica was still sitting on the floor of the bathroom when her phone started ringing in her bedroom. At 5:00 a.m. it could only be one of two people: Logan, calling to apologize, or Lilly, on her way home from god-knows-where at 8:00 a.m. her time, wanting to wake up her BFF to brag about her latest sexcapade. Veronica meandered her way back to her bedroom and checked the caller ID. Her breath caught seeing Logan's name flash across the screen. She thought she had cried out everything she'd had in her, but a call from Logan Echolls at that moment somehow tapped into her reserve supply of tears. She hit ignore. Immediately, he sent a text, and so she responded, hoping he'd give up and leave her alone. _Well, that wasn't so much with the warm and fuzzy, but he can't expect much after ditching me_. His final response of 'sweet dreams', however, was almost enough to do her in.

A quick internet search told Veronica that the Neptune Woman's Clinic would open at 10:00 a.m. _Less than five hours to go!_ _Let's think of something to keep you occupied, as sleeping clearly isn't an option._ She made her way back to the bathroom and saw Lilly's leather pants and corset strewn across the floor next to the oversized Hearst Rugby sweatshirt she had stolen from the frat house. _Well, even if you aren't going to report this, you should at least bag those up, just in case. It's really all you have at this point_. She reached out with trembling hands and shoved the costume into an empty shopping bag. She was unsure about what to do with the sweatshirt. Touching it as little as possible, Veronica opened the neck of the sweatshirt and inspected the tag. Its owner's name, 'ANDERSON', was printed in large black letters across it. It probably had no use as evidence, but Veronica couldn't think of anything better to do with it so she stuffed it in the bag with the other clothing before she rolled the top of the bag down. Sealing it with tape, she tucked the bag into a back corner of her closet next to Lilly's infamous box. She then began the menial task of cleaning up the bathroom, in an attempt to scrub away any connection of the past few hours to the horrors of the night before.

While scouring the toilet, Veronica heard the distinctive sound of her mailbox creaking open and shut. Once she was sure that Logan had left, she stepped out onto the porch to retrieve her purse. She placed it, along with her keys, on top of the entryway table, with the hope that it would convince her father she was in bed when he returned from work. She didn't want him to check on her. After that she really had nothing else to do. Feeling lost and broken, she sat on her bed and stared at the clock, watching the minutes tick away while she waited for the clinic to open.

Around 6:30 a.m., Veronica heard her father come home and retreat into his room without checking on her. He must have been exhausted because normally he peeked in on her, but she was more than grateful when he didn't this morning.

When 9:45 a.m. finally rolled around, Veronica grabbed her ID and keys and made her way out to her car. It was as if she was moving on autopilot. The drive to the clinic wasn't far. Early, she sat in the parking lot the last five minutes, waiting for someone to come unlock the sliding-glass front doors. At promptly 10:00 a.m., she made her way into the building and to the counter. _You're going to have to talk now, Veronica. It's time._ She hadn't spoken out loud since she'd woken up, and the thought of doing so left her feeling vulnerable again.

The receptionist, whose nametag read "Sheila", looked up and smiled at Veronica before asking if she had an appointment. _You can do it. Baby steps. You can manage a simple 'no'._ Veronica opened her mouth to answer, but gave up, shaking her head.

Sheila must have realized that the young woman in front of her was troubled. Instead of pressing her, the woman handed Veronica a clipboard of paperwork and ushered her into an exam room where she told her to sit and fill out the paperwork privately. All Veronica could muster was a weak smile of gratitude as she collapsed into the chair and began scratching down her information. Sheila popped her head back into the exam room and asked for Veronica's name to begin a file. Again, she opened her mouth but couldn't seem to force out even a syllable. She closed her mouth and turned her gaze away. After at least half a minute of looking at her shoes, at the clipboard and the ceiling, Veronica finally looked up and met Sheila's compassionate stare, forcing herself to speak.

"Mars," she said. "My name is Veronica Mars."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first attempt at a chapter completely without dialogue. No speaking at all until the end. I hope it worked. It seemed...fitting.
> 
> Thanks again to my wonderful betas kmd0107 and LVFangirl. This topic is never easy to write or write about. Their support was invaluable. 


	5. I'm Painted Black

**Chapter 5 – I'm Painted Black**

Logan popped out of bed the next Thursday morning to the sound of his alarm. He quickly began his morning routine, ensuring enough time to pick up coffee before heading to Veronica's. On Tuesday, she had skipped class and because of that he hadn't seen her since the night of the Halloween party. It killed him that he still hadn't been able to apologize to her in person, but it wasn't as if he hadn't tried. Every time he called Veronica seemed to ignore it, choosing instead to text immediately after each of his attempts, saying that it wasn't a good time to talk.

_You managed to royally piss her off this time, Echolls._

When Lilly had called him on Monday, Logan hadn't mentioned his worry about Veronica at all. He'd kept his story to the basics about the party and mentioned how he'd bailed on her. He really didn't want to involve Lilly in his current relationship with Veronica. Lilly tended to take over things. But without Lilly's insight, he could only speculate as to how mad Veronica actually was.

Feeling desperate, Logan decided to just make it up to her as best he could. On Tuesday, he took meticulous notes in class and had made a copy of them for her. That was the beginning of his grand gesture. The next step would be to bring her a latte and a muffin from Java the Hut. Although Logan didn't know exactly what he could do to get back into her good graces, he was sure feeding her would be a good place to start.

Logan sighed and took one last look at himself in the bathroom mirror before he returned to his bedroom to grab his books, keys and phone. When he picked up his phone, he noticed a missed text from Veronica.

**From Veronica 7:40 a.m.:** Don't need a ride to class today. Will c u later _._

Today, there was no way Logan would let her get off the hook as easily as he had on Tuesday, and he immediately called her. It went straight to voicemail. More worried than before, he left her a message.

"Veronica, it's me. Hey, listen…I get that you don't need a ride today, but I was hoping that we could maybe grab a bite between classes. I want to talk. You can't avoid me forever. I'll see you in Psych and you can yell at me all you want between that and Seminar, okay? I promise I won't try to defend myself even once. I miss you, V. See you in a bit."

_If she's still avoiding me, she must be madder than I thought._ Veronica was one of the few people in Logan's life that always called him on his bullshit. While she'd never been confrontational, she didn't usually run away from a fight, either. After years of having Veronica as one of his best friends, Logan was no stranger to having her be mad at him. But it felt different this time. He had even considered calling Keith about her, but had ultimately decided against it. If Keith knew that Veronica had resorted to coming home in a sober car on Halloween, Logan would be the last person Keith would want to talk to.

Upon arriving at the lecture hall, Logan took his regular seat on the side about halfway back. He slung his bag into the seat next to him to save it for her. If Veronica was running late in an attempt to avoid talking to him, he wasn't going to give her any excuse to not sit next to him. After the entire class went by with him checking the door every five minutes, he scanned to lecture hall and didn't see her. He couldn't believe she'd skipped out again. _Missing an entire week of classes is unheard of for V._ Logan tried not to let his concern over Veronica's absence distract him and instead concentrated on taking excellent notes for her.

After class, Logan went to the Hearst cafeteria in search of any of her friends that he might be able to pump for information. Luck, it seemed, was finally on his side. Just as the barista handed him his latte, he caught sight of Mac and Dick cuddled together at a table in a back corner.

"Logan!" Dick exclaimed when Logan approached. "What's the haps, dude? Where's Ronnie?"

"I was hoping maybe one of you could tell me. I think she's avoiding me, and I'm getting a little worried," Logan replied, rubbing the back of his neck. He sighed and flopped down in a seat across from the couple. "She hasn't shown up to any of our classes this week. It's just not like her."

"She didn't go to our class on Monday or Wednesday either, Logan. Maybe she's avoiding all of us?" Mac sounded concerned.

"Well, I'm sure she's pissed that I passed out at the party on Halloween, and I'm guessing that neither of you were anywhere to be found either." Logan watched a guilty look pass between the two of them. "But it isn't like her to not just lay into me and get over it. I'm planning to head over to her place after Seminar and let her get it all out. Then maybe we can all get together this weekend for a movie or something so we can kiss her ass a little bit."

"You want us all to kiss her ass?" Dick asked with a teasing grin. "You might want to save that for a later time, like when you two are alone."

"Dick!" Mac poked her boyfriend in the ribs. "Logan's really worried. And I am, too." She glanced at Logan. "I think that sounds great. We'll plan on it."

Logan stood up. "I'll let you two lovebirds get back to it. Try to keep your hands waist up. You're in public, remember."

 

* * *

 

Later that afternoon, Logan made his way to Veronica's house with two days worth of copied notes in hand. He was only a few blocks away when he heard the Sexyback ringtone he'd assigned to Veronica; her name flashed on the screen. His whole body hummed with relief as he hit 'answer'.

"Veronica! I'm so glad you called."

His relief was short-lived once he heard her voice through the line.

"Hey, Logan. Sorry I haven't been up to talking. "

She sounded terrible.

"Veronica, what's going on? I know you're mad at me. I'm almost to your place. Can I just come in for a minute so that I can apologize or explain?"

"No, Logan! Don't come here. Mac called me and told me you're worried. I'm not mad at you anymore; I'm just sick. I have that flu that is going around. It's a doozy. I haven't been out of the house in days. I've officially placed myself under quarantine."

_Is there a flu going around?_ Logan didn't know anyone with the flu. But they had been around a lot of people at the party and it would explain why she sounded so off.

"Well, I'm sorry you're sick. I'll keep the CDC on speed dial," he snarked, hoping to elicit at least a courtesy laugh. At her silence, he continued, "Veronica, you can tell me. I know you have to be pissed about Halloween. I was a shitty friend that night. I totally bailed on you; I just passed out. I'm sorry."

"Logan—" she began before he cut her off.

"Can I at least swing by with my class notes? I made you a copy and everything. I'm happy to deliver. Want me to run out and get you some chicken soup?"

"Thanks, Lo, but I don't need any notes today. I won't be studying anytime soon. You can give them to me when you see me next week in class, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. If you're sure?"

"I'm totally sure. Thanks for taking notes. If I had known getting sick was all that was needed to make sure you attended class, I'd have played hooky years ago," she said in an obvious attempt at lightening the mood.

"Oh please, Mars, that would totally backfire on you. You know I only go to see you," Logan resorted to flirting as a surefire way to gauge her anger.

"Yeah right, Echolls. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one, I'd be an 09er too," she deadpanned.

Logan chuckled lightly at her quip. It was good to hear her voice. Veronica didn't sound quite her usual, snarky self, but Logan was at least satisfied that she wasn't sitting at home plotting his untimely demise.

"Okay then. But you should see a doctor if you don't feel better by the weekend. My top-notch notes and I look forward to seeing you on Tuesday. Maybe even before then if you feel better."

"I wouldn't hold my breath, my friend. But if I feel well enough to leave my room this weekend, you'll be the first one I call," Veronica assured him. "And thanks for the notes."

Logan hung up, somewhat relieved. Though he knew there would be more kowtowing when he saw her next week, Logan felt certain that she'd come around. She always did.

 

* * *

 

Veronica hung up with Logan and tossed the phone onto her bed. Despite the show she had put on for him, she was a mess. She forced herself into the bathroom to wash her face, but found herself staring in the mirror, lost in her own reflection. She hardly recognized herself anymore. The girl in the mirror had a sallow complexion and dark circles under her eyes. Sleep had become elusive ever since the party six days earlier. She'd been lucky to sleep more than an hour or two at a time. Every waking hour was spent piecing together what little she remembered of that night, literally willing herself to fill in the gaps in time. It wasn't working.

The stress of remembering so little and the bits she did recall being just a confusing blur of images only led to more self-loathing. Veronica could not stop berating herself and her own naiveté. The whole situation was her fault, all of it. Even if Batman wasn't responsible for her rape, not only had she approached him herself, but she'd kissed him. She accepted the drink from him. _Stupid!_ Veronica desperately wished she could remember how she'd gotten upstairs. She couldn't imagine herself willingly going into a bedroom to lie down rather than do the smart thing and find help, but at this point, anything was possible. If she did wander upstairs on her own, anyone could have found her and taken advantage of the situation.

Veronica felt so ashamed. Her only shred of dignity left was the fact that no one else knew of her shame.

_But now you're one of_ those _girls. Haven't you always hated those girls, Veronica? Those girls who make themselves vulnerable. The ones who don't report their rape. How did this happen? Who are you?_

Veronica supposed that she wasn't being a complete hypocrite since she did, indeed, blame herself. There was no one else to blame. Officially, she was now part of the statistic. She was the one woman out of every four who has been sexually assaulted.

_Out of all the clubs on campus, this is the one you joined? Suddenly the sorority girls in matching dresses aren't looking so bad._

Veronica forced her gaze from the mirror long enough to splash water on her face. The women's clinic would have her test results in the next few days; she had an appointment to go back in the following week. Thank goodness she'd taken the morning-after pill. Not once in the past five days had she regretted that decision, unlike with the choice of foregoing the rape kit. The waiting for her period to start would have been horrendous. The aftermath had been horrible enough without the worry of a pregnancy.

Toweling off her face, Veronica found her gaze traveling back to the mirror once again. Backup was scratching at her bedroom door, obviously wanting to be close to her, but she only vaguely heard it as she was so lost in her own head.

_Dad didn't seem to notice anything strange. I did put on a pretty brave face. Guess I can always count on a career on the stage as a fallback if my other options fail. Still, I feel so…different. How can he not see that?_

How different she felt was part of the reason Veronica didn't want to see Logan or any of her other friends. She wasn't ready to face them.

The unexpected trill of her phone made Veronica jump. She chose to ignore whoever was calling without even a glance at the caller ID. Talking to both Mac and Logan had taken its toll and she just didn't have the mental stamina to keep up appearances any longer. It would take time to recoup the energy she'd need for when her father came home from work. Mercifully, the phone stopped its incessant ringing but not two seconds passed before it screeched at her again. Veronica's curiosity got the better of her. Pulling herself from the mirror, she crossed the room to her bed and picked up her phone.

At the sight of Lilly's name on the screen, Veronica experienced a momentary pang of hope. _You can tell Lilly!_ Lilly was far away and practically her sister. And Lilly slept with everyone; if anyone could give her advice on how to move past a bad experience, it would be Lilly. Mind made up, Veronica pressed 'answer' and placed the phone to her ear.

"Hey, Lil. How's things?" Veronica asked, trying to sound like her old self. With the phone propped on her shoulder, Veronica pulled her door open to let the dog into her room and then flopped down onto her bed. Backup jumped up to sit next to Veronica. She was happy for the companionship. Part of her didn't know if she really wanted to hear what Lilly had heard about Halloween from Logan. She had no doubt that Lilly had spoken to Logan since then.

"Oh my God, Veronica Mars. I wish you had picked up Tuesday when I called. You will not believe the week I have had. So you remember that guy from my Lit class? Ben, the Andover hottie with the gorgeously tight ass who can do amazing things with his tongue? Well, I snuck into…" Lilly continued, but Veronica had already mentally tuned her friend out. Every now and then Veronica caught a word Lilly said, but mostly the conversation just frustrated her.

_It's not Lilly's fault; she isn't used to you having anything important to say,_ Veronica chided herself. _You always let Lilly drone on and on, so why would she think this time would be any different?_

"…and I can tell you now, BFF, with absolute certainty, that he and his brother really are identical absolutely _everywhere_ …."

_How does one broach the subject of drunken encounters at frat parties and subsequent memory loss? Obviously Lilly has no trouble discussing everything that pops into her head, but I don't know where or how to begin._

"…are you even listening to me, V?" Silence. "Ver-On-Ica? Earth to Mars!"

It took a second for Veronica's mind to catch up to her ears. "What?! Oh yeah, very funny, Lilly. So original."

"Hey, that saying will never get old, Veronica Mars. So what has you so preoccupied that you don't have time for 'The Tale of Insatiable Lilly and the Hamilton Twins'?"

"I've just had a long week myself, Lil—"

"Oh, yes," Lilly interrupted, "I heard all about the frat party from Logan. I got the impression he was a little out of it. Are you pissed at him?"

"No. Well, yes. I'm trying to…What I mean is…Lilly, I really don't want to talk about Logan right now. I need to ask you something."

" _You_ don't want to talk about Logan Echolls? You must be really pissed or it was one hell of a good party," Lilly tittered. After a brief pause, she sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd forgotten that you're all with the serious today. Ask away."

Veronica swallowed. "Lilly, has a guy ever taken advantage of you?"

"Oh, Veronica, you should know better by now. It's more a case of me taking advantage of them! Like for example this guy Mark from my Psych class makes simply _the_  best study guides—"

Veronica interrupted her. "Lilly, no. Not like that….never mind." Veronica tried another tack. "How often do you not know what happened the night before? Like, say you go to a party and just pass out?"

"Ugh, V. Are we back to Logan again? It was one party. He hasn't gotten that drunk in like ages, so you need to go easy on him. Don't worry. Passing out is just what happens when you drink too much! Besides, he told me he didn't hook up with anyone that night. When he and I dated back in the day…" Lilly began her rambling and Veronica rolled her eyes, not listening.

_Seriously?! Can't anything ever be about me? Has our friendship always been this way? How have I not noticed this before?_

"You know what, Lilly?" Veronica interrupted, "I gotta go. There's a flu going around and I've been fighting it off for days. I'm going to hydrate and take a nap." Veronica didn't even wait for a reply before she hung up.

She sat idly on her bed for a moment before anxiety got the better of her. She returned to stare at herself in the bathroom mirror, convinced it would really be someone else looking back this time. Leaning over the counter, Veronica inspected her features more closely.

_Same old you on the outside! I can't believe you got jealous and threw yourself at Batman when Logan didn't even hook up with anyone; had he really only been flirting? You are so stupid, Veronica. How will you ever face him again? How will you ever face anyone? And you just snapped at Lilly for being Lilly! Who are you?_

She studied her long hair. The look of innocence that she no longer identified with.

_Maybe it's time to find out who I really am!_

She blinked, and looked hard into her own eyes staring out at her in the mirror.

Her mind made up, Veronica backed out of the bathroom and determinedly stalked to the desk in her father's study. Opening the top drawer, she proceeded to shove aside miscellaneous papers and office supplies in search of the pair of scissors she knew were there. Once found, she retreated back to her bathroom, scissors clasped tightly in hand. Backup, obviously excited by her change in energy trotted along after her happily.

"Perhaps it's time for a change," Veronica spoke to the pooch as she brought the scissors to her long, blonde locks and haphazardly began hacking. "Maybe it's time that the outside matched the inside."

Veronica chopped away for nearly thirty minutes before she stepped back to assess her handiwork. The once long locks were now shorn; the uneven cut reflecting the unevenness of how she felt. But it fit her now, she decided. It was exactly who she was. And, she realized, she hadn't thought once about what the transformation might appear to everyone else. She wasn't even surprised that for once, she didn't care what anyone thought. People would have to learn to adapt or leave her the hell alone. She touched the newly cut ends, thinking about what else in her life needed cut out. Like all of the princessy pink crap strewn around her room. That would all have to go, too. It wasn't her anymore.

_Rapunzel leapt to her death, Cinderella was still sweeping ashes and a stranger at a frat party raped Sleepy Beauty. The fairy tale is over, Veronica._

 

* * *

  

Veronica had continued her radio silence through the weekend and wasn't in class again on Tuesday. It had now been a week since Logan had spoken to Veronica last, despite several calls and even more texts. Logan woke up early as he had the week before, ready to get a head start. Just as he was stepping into the shower, he heard the ping of an incoming text.

**From Veronica 7:05 a.m.:** don't need a ride today. c u in class. i promise.

It had been nearly two weeks since Logan had actually seen Veronica. He missed his best friend. Anxious to finally see her, Logan opted for a record-breakingly short shower so he could arrive on campus early to reserve their usual seats.

Logan arrived at the hall fifteen minutes before lecture was to begin. It was completely empty of students. Grateful for a minute to himself, Logan plopped down and neatly arranged the notes he'd copied for her. He silently chastised himself for skipping a coffee run in order to get to campus early while he waited, keenly turning around every time he heard a classmate arrive. As time passed, the seats filled up around him. Veronica still hadn't arrived. He contemplated what he would do if she didn't come. He wasn't sure the best course of action to take, but it would definitely start with him driving to her house and forcing her to spill whatever was going on.

With less than a minute to go, a flash of black and gray brushed past him and settled into the seat beside him. He turned his head, fully intending to banish the person from the seat, but stopped midsentence. _Holy…_ His mouth hung open in stunned disbelief for a split-second before he found voice.

"Veronica? What…Wow, your hair! It's…different!" he managed to spit out. It took another three full seconds to recover. "But I gotta tell you, the American Medical Association stopped recommending the cutting of hair to treat fever, oh…maybe a hundred years ago," he teased, attempting to cover his momentary shock as he looked her over.

The haircut was just the beginning of her transformation. She wore loose black pants with a baggy Hearst sweatshirt and, despite the heavy-handed makeup she'd applied, there were dark circles under her eyes. She might have almost looked edgy if she didn't look so pale. And thin. _Has she lost weight? What the hell is going on? Can the flu make you that sick?_

"Very funny, Lo," Veronica replied, bending over to pull her notebook out of her bag.

"No, I'm serious, V," Logan insisted, "Who are you and what did you do with my best friend?"

Instead of replying, Veronica merely shrugged and motioned to the front of the auditorium. He followed her gaze to where their professor stood at the podium, ready to begin his lecture.

It took all of his willpower to keep his eyes off of Veronica the entire class. He took no notes and didn't hear a single word the professor said. Throughout the entire lecture, Logan toyed with what he could say to the stranger sitting next to him. Completely lost in thought, he jumped when Veronica made a sudden move to pack up her bag. Class was over and he'd missed the whole thing.

He cleared his throat, watching her carefully zip up her bag.

"Hey, stranger. I'm glad we finally have some time to talk. What would you say to some Italian in the quad? It's not too cold out and the lasagna I ordered to be delivered should be arriving any minute." He rubbed his hands together in anticipation of her typical reaction to an offer of Italian food.

Veronica shook her head and said quickly, "Oh…no thanks. I'm not hungry."

"Okay. Coffee then?" Logan countered, not wanting to miss the chance to talk to Veronica. Especially now that she seemed so...different.

"Rain check? I have to meet Mac at her dorm in a few minutes to discuss some surprise she's planning for Dick. I may not even make it to Seminar. You can take notes, right." It was a statement rather than a question. He noted how Veronica's smile didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Okay. Yeah sure, no problem. Maybe we can hang out this weekend?" Logan knew he was grasping at straws and tried hard to keep the desperation out of his voice.

Instinctively, he reached out to brush some hair from off of her forehead but, with a sudden intake of breath, Veronica backed away from him. Confused, Logan dropped his hand, shocked at her reaction.

"Oh sorry, Logan," she stammered, obviously embarrassed. "I really gotta run though; Mac's waiting for me. See you later?" Veronica said as she backed out the rear door of the auditorium and disappeared before he could say another word.

Veronica Mars had always been someone he could count on. She was his rock, totally unwavering and unflappable. And now Logan found himself completely at a loss as to how to approach her. _Did I imagine it, or did she just shy away from me?_ The thought unfroze him and he made his way out of the lecture hall.

Logan walked on autopilot to the quad and collected the lunch despite having no appetite anymore. He walked to the Hearst cafeteria in search of Dick. The large room was packed, but he heard his friend almost immediately. It was hard to miss Dick's booming voice even in a large crowd. Logan followed the sound to where Dick sat amongst a group of girls. His audience was raptly listening to him and laughing at what was surely a tale of some drunken Tijuana escapade. Logan approached the group, surprised when Mac turned to greet him. She slid over to make space for him at the table. He placed the food containers on the table and vaguely motioned for everyone to dig in.

_She lied!_ The full magnitude of Veronica's dishonesty hit him like a ton of bricks. _If she wasn't meeting Mac, what had made her run away in such a hurry?_ The intensity of his worry and confusion increased twofold.

_It's time to pull out the big guns, Echolls,_ he thought to himself. _It's time to call Lilly._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everyone who stuck with this story after Halloween. It took me a year to make peace with it, so thank you for the encouragement after sharing it. We aren't going to get back to fluff, and there is some intensity left, but nothing will be as difficult as chapters three and four. I will probably stick to this Wednesday and Saturday posting schedule.
> 
> XOXO to my fabulous betas kmd0107 and LVFangirl. Not only for being terrific betas, but for just being wonderful friends. You ladies keep me sane!


	6. Eyes That Know Me

**Chapter 6 –** **Eyes That Know Me**

_Only one more week_ , Veronica sighed. Reluctantly, she climbed out of her car and trudged toward campus. There was only one more week before she could hole up over Thanksgiving break. _Of course you won't be completely free, now will you? There's still the small matter of the Fab Four reunion._ Veronica knew she'd better think of a good excuse to tell her friends as to why she couldn't be with them the entire time. The only thing she'd come up with so far was that her dad needed help at the station. Pretty lame, but it could buy her a little time. She was worried because she, along with Duncan and Logan, had made a pact on graduation day that every minute of their first Thanksgiving break home from college would be spent together. While Veronica knew she wouldn't be able to avoid spending time with them entirely, she could make sure that their time spent together was kept to a minimum and on her terms.

She couldn't avoid them forever, though. Eventually, she would have to see them. She'd gone through a mental list of the activities that they normally did together, and had decided that movies were safe, and maybe a game or two of bowling. It needed to be some kind of activity that would keep the group too busy to get too personal. Veronica just needed a little more time to process what had happened before she spent time with people who knew her so well. _The last thing you need is to be stuck at the beach with them, drinking and playing Never Have I Ever._ She shuddered at the thought.

It wasn't that Veronica wanted to hide the changes within herself. She just wasn't ready to explain them; not yet. Eventually, there would be some version of what happened that would come out. Avoidant coping was a short term solution, but she was already taking things day by day as it was. Shielding herself over Thanksgiving break would help her prepare and be better company over the Christmas break. That was the best she could offer.

Using skills she had read about online about rationalizing fear, Veronica hurried across campus to Psych. But all the rationalizing in the world couldn't change the fact thatshe no longer liked being in crowds. Hoping that the fear would diminish with practice, Veronica had been taking more walks than usual with Backup on the beach. Walking did help clear her head, but it did nothing to change how being on campus made her feel. On campus, she was jumpy and suspicious of everything around her. It felt as if everyone was watching her; she was constantly worrying about whether her attacker was watching her.

Arriving a few minutes early, Veronica ducked into the ladies bathroom. She was glad for the solitude she found there. Last week, when she'd been early to class, she'd chosen to wait outside of the lecture hall in an attempt at avoiding talking to Logan, only to run into a chatty classmate. The bathroom was a much safer hiding place.

With a quick peek at her watch and a deep breath, Veronica hurried into the lecture hall and sunk down into the seat next to Logan with exactly one minute to spare. She managed to smile at him as she busied herself with pulling out her notebook and rummaging through her bag for a pen.

Logan leaned close to her and mock whispered, "Hey, Veronica," when she looked at him, he handed her a Skist soda and in a sing-song voice added, "I have a surprise for you."

She took the soda and smiled wider. "Aw, thanks, pal! I guess the writing on the bathroom wall was right. You really do know how to please a gal."

"Haha, very funny, Mars. That wasn't the surprise. I'm just trying to butter you up with sugar before the big reveal."

Veronica stiffened uncomfortably. Even before Halloween, she had never been a big fan of surprises.

"Oh yeah?" She said cautiously, "Well, I'm not really up for any surprises today. Why don't you save yourself the agony of being on the receiving end of the pepper spray in my bag and spill right now?"

"Oh no!" Logan refused, a gleam of mischief in his eye, "You aren't going to intimidate me this time. I came mentally prepared; I'm not gonna crack. But I will tell you that you are going to _love_ it and that there's food involved. I'll pick you up tonight at six-thirty."

Veronica was already shaking her head. "Not tonight, Logan. I've got a ton of schoolwork to do. I missed so much when I was sick, and my dad's working long hours at the station so I need to take him dinner. Maybe next week, okay?"

"Nuh-uh." Logan's look told her not to argue. "You're not getting out of this. I will have dinner delivered to the sheriff's station if I have to. I haven't seen you outside of the classroom in almost a month! I miss you. Next week Hurri-Kane will hit and we will be under the dictatorship of the mighty Lilly. After she leaves, I already know you're going to be busy studying for finals. It's tonight, Mars. I'll pick you up at six-thirty."

Veronica opened her mouth to protest, desperate to think of some way to get out of this that he couldn't dispute. Logan interrupted her before she came up with anything, pointing to the front of the class with a look of mock chagrin.

"Oh, shucks…lecture's starting. We wouldn't want to miss this riveting lesson on the human eye would we?" he snarked. With that, Logan turned and gave the professor his undivided attention as if it was the most interesting thing he'd ever heard.

Veronica rolled her eyes but remained silent. When Logan got like this there was no arguing. Veronica resigned herself to her fate.

_Just chill, Veronica. You know how Logan gets. Just throw him a bone and let him buy you dinner. If you do, then surely you should be able to hold him off for the rest of the week until Lilly and Duncan get to town. Once they get here, maybe he'll lay off._

"Okay, Lo. See you tonight," Veronica finally relented, anxiety filling her at the thought.

_Rational, Veronica. Be rational. This isn't a crisis situation; it's Logan. You know you can trust him. He wouldn't ever hurt you or let anyone else hurt you,_ she assured herself. But, if Veronica were being honest with herself, it wasn't fear of what Logan could do that was holding her back. It was Logan himself. She wasn't sure how to behave around him. She couldn't just follow him around and hang on his every word, hoping that he would finally notice her. She wasn't that person anymore. _What if Logan isn't ready for the new me?_

 

* * *

 

Logan arrived at her house at six-thirty on the dot with a smile so familiar and genuine that her insides ached at the sight of him. Veronica was waiting on the porch for him. She planned it that way so that there would be no need for an awkward hug at the door. There was no way she was ready to touch him yet; there was every possibility she would either shy away from him or breakdown in his arms. That couldn't happen.

Veronica climbed into his SUV before he made it around to open the door for her. She was immediately hit with the heavenly, familiar scent of lasagna. She couldn't help her grin at how thoughtful Logan was to get take-out from her favorite Italian restaurant.

Logan climbed into the driver's seat. "I hope you're hungry, my dear. You look like you lost weight when you were sick and you didn't have any extra weight to begin with. You're too skinny. I got all your favorites. Even dessert."

From the looks of it, Logan had bought enough food to feed a small army. Aluminum-wrapped containers covered the entire backseat. He was right though; she had lost weight. Sleepless nights and shame weren't exactly a recipe for hunger. She let out a small cynical laugh. How ironic that just a month before, the idea of spending an evening alone with Logan and Italian food would have given her butterflies. Back then, her life had made sense. The only things she'd worried about were what major to choose and how to get the boy sitting next to her to notice her. Those two things were the least of her worries now. Now, focusing on anything was nearly impossible and she felt nauseated most of the time.

She turned to Logan, who was looking at her expectantly. "Thanks for this, Logan. All of it. I've missed you, too," Veronica said and realized that she meant it. She would give anything to go back to the way things used to be, and she wanted things to be better than what they were right now. Doing something normal with Logan had her feeling better than she had since it had happened. Maybe there was light at the end of this tunnel. Maybe being with her oldest friends wouldn't be so terrible next week. _That's a pretty big maybe._ _Oh God, it's only one week away!_

Anxious to drown out her own thoughts, Veronica reached out and turned up the radio's volume. _Do NOT lose it in front of him, Veronica._ _Hold it together until you are out of the car._ The Universe, it seemed, was unwilling to help her. Just as Logan pulled the car into his neighborhood, 'Sexyback' began pumping through the speakers of the Range Rover. He immediately cranked the volume up all the way and grabbed an invisible microphone and held it out to her expectantly.

"Take it away, Mars," he shouted encouragingly over the blaring music.

A surge of unexpected dizziness passed through her. Instinctively, Veronica shot forward and slapped the power button to turn the music off. There was no reason she could give, but suddenly she felt as if she were in a vacuum. The calm she'd been striving for was gone, and she was now fighting back tears.

_What the hell was that about, Veronica? Keep your shit together._ _Don't let him see you cry. You won't be able to sleep tonight anyways, so you will have plenty of time to dissect this newly acquired aversion to music. Try not to focus on it now!_

Clearly oblivious to Veronica's internal turmoil, Logan protested, "What are you doing? That's our jam!" and leaned forward to turn the radio back on.

She couldn't tell him why she was panicking or why she suddenly, absolutely couldn't stand that song. All day, she'd been fighting to maintain her cool in front of everyone. But now at this moment, it all was just too much for her. _Oh God, not here. Not now._

Unable to control herself, she snapped at him, "Logan don't you fucking turn that back on!"

Logan's arm froze partway to the radio controls. He turned toward her, a look of complete and utter shock on his face. Veronica understood his reaction. She rarely yelled and never swore. _I must sound like a_ _crazy person. Maybe that's it. Maybe I actually am going crazy._ Before Veronica had a chance to think of what to do next, Logan was pulling into his reserved parking space at his apartment. Breathing hard, Veronica jumped out of the car, not waiting for Logan to even shift the SUV into park. She stood next to the still-open door and struggled to gulp in a deep breath. _You can do this, Veronica. Breathe. Take a second to pull yourself together._ Just as she finished the thought, Logan appeared in front of her. When he took a step toward her, it made her flinch.

"Look, I'm sorry, Logan. I know I'm wound up super tight. Can I just have a minute? I'll lock the car and come inside in a second," she pleaded, looking at him hopefully.

He looked as lost as she felt when he said, "Yeah, sure. Of course. I'll just take the food up and get everything ready for dinner. Come on in whenever you're ready." He stepped around her and opened the back door of the Range Rover. He reached into the backseat to pull out the food and then retreated to the apartment with a stack of containers in his arms. Veronica turned away when she saw the worried expression he gave her before going up the stairs to his apartment.

 

* * *

 

Veronica took a few cleansing breaths and paced around the parking lot until her heart rate returned to normal. It took a few more moments to gather up enough courage to set off for Logan's place. Desperately, she tried to think of any excuse she could give him; some explanation for her negative reaction to the song that she used to love. Unfortunately, Veronica couldn't come up with anything because she didn't understand it herself. She would just have to hope that when she went upstairs and acted like her old self, he would drop it.

When Veronica pushed open Logan's door, she heard two voices whispering loudly in the kitchen. At first, she thought that perhaps Dick had come over, but realized almost immediately that the second voice was actually female; one she couldn't quite identify.

All at once, a familiar figure stepped through the doorway and Veronica was shocked to see Lilly running across the room toward her. When her best friend threw her arms around her, Veronica emphatically returned the hug, clinging to friend as if for dear life, willing herself to not cry.

Finding her voice, Veronica exclaimed, "Lilly! You're home early. How did this happen?" As happy as she was to see Lilly, Veronica wished she'd had some warning. She'd been counting on a few more days to strengthen her façade before having to face Lilly. She looked over her friend's shoulder and spied Logan watching them from the kitchen. He had an almost sheepish smile on his face.

"Surprise!?" he said, half-heartedly.

Veronica felt like the world's biggest witch. He had no idea what was going on with her but had gone to all this trouble because he knew Lilly was who she needed. She mouthed 'thank you' to him and then turned her attention back to Lilly.

Lilly gave Veronica a long look before shaking her head slightly and smiling widely. "Logan here called me and said you needed some time with your bestest friends. It's too bad Duncan couldn't come yet; he has a big test tomorrow. He'll be home next Wednesday as planned, but I'm here! And none too early from what I hear. I have so much to tell you, Veronica Mars! Logan asked if I could home a little early and I was only too happy to get away from the Vassar crowd. So much has happened these past few weeks, you know. Now I can tell you over dinner and we can get everything out before Duncan comes home. Then we can spend all next week by the pool and beach like we planned last spring. It's so warm here; I don't know why I ever left," Lilly said, droning on. Veronica smiled and nodded, trying her best to put on her most Veronica-like face.

_This is going to be harder than you thought, Veronica. Just play along until you can convince them that you need to study and force Logan to take you home._

 

* * *

 

Dinner was an exercise in patience for Veronica. Her appetite for the food in front of her was forced, and she didn't think it went unnoticed. When Logan asked her why she didn't want seconds, Veronica smiled and tried to think of an explanation for it, but Lilly interrupted with a play-by-play account of the men of Vassar. While she loved Lilly dearly, her friend had never been all that good at reading other people, and it wasn't until that very moment Veronica fully appreciated the advantage of Lilly's cluelessness.

As soon as they had cleared the table, Logan rubbed his hands together. He looked as if he were concocting a maniacal plot. "Well, if we're all done here, I say we make our way over to the couch." He waggled his brows. "The night is young." Veronica opened her mouth to object, but he continued on obliviously, "Any requests for our first official movie night together of the week?"

"Something funny. I think Veronica needs a good laugh," Lilly spoke up quickly. "Grab 'Drop Dead Gorgeous', Lo. Nothing beats Kirsten Dunst as a tap dancing, mortician beauty queen."

By the time Logan started the DVD, the popcorn was ready and the girls were on the couch waiting for him. Lilly laughed when he put the popcorn bowl on the coffee table in front of them and then made a big show of sandwiching himself between the two of them on the couch.

Veronica, uncomfortable with Logan's proximity, inched herself as far as possible to her side of the sofa. If Logan noticed her movement, he didn't let on, but after a few minutes, he stretched an arm around each of the blondes and pulled them into him, sighing contentedly as if he were in heaven.

Panic rose from the pit of Veronica's stomach and into her throat. The walls began closing in on her and she felt sweat breaking out along her hairline. She needed space; she couldn't breathe. She had to….move…somewhere, anywhere. Anywhere that was as far away as possible from the stifling situation on the couch. All at once, she jumped to her feet. Tears filled her eyes and Veronica willed them not to fall.

She looked down at her friends on the couch, sitting there, staring up at her dumbfounded. Logan popped off of the seat and rounded to face her, angry.

"Seriously, Veronica, what the hell is going on with you?" He looked her up and down. "New look…skipping school? No sing-alongs?"

"I – I'm sorry, Logan. It's nothing," she stammered, wishing she had more control over her emotions.

"It's not 'nothing', Veronica!" Logan air-quoted angrily. "You pushed your food around on your plate at dinner and I can't even touch you? What did I do? Are you still mad about the Kappa party? I told you I was sorry. How long are you going to be mad at me? What can I say or do to make things better?"

His anger was too much. Holding back tears, Veronica took off out the front door, leaving her two friends gaping after her. It wasn't until she reached the far end of the parking lot that it dawned on her that she'd come here with Logan; she had no way of getting home.

 

* * *

 

"What the hell just happened, Logan?" Lilly shouted, turning to glare at him. "What the hell did you do to her?"

Lilly looked at Logan and actually studied him for the first time since she'd arrived home. He looked desolate. She saw a look of utter bewilderment cross his features when he replied, "Nothing, honestly, Lil. I have no idea. This is why I called you. She has completely lost it or gone off the deep end or something. Look at her!"

Over the course of the evening, Lilly had watched Veronica with growing alarm. Her best friend was nothing like the girl she'd left in August. Veronica seemed more like a wounded animal. There could only be one reason for it that Lilly could think of, and that reason was Logan.

"Well, you must have done something to piss her off. She hacked her hair and won't even look at you," Lilly said accusingly. She took a breath and forced herself to calm down. "Look, I'm sorry. It can't be all you. Something's wrong, I agree. I was just trying to talk my way through tonight so that I could talk to her about it when she and I were alone. All of these changes are freaking me out, too. I don't know what to do, either. I think you should just stay here while I go catch up with her. You just need to give her some space, Logan. You know, she's been in love with you forever," Lilly said offhandedly, more trying to justify what they'd just witnessed than divulge Veronica's secret. "Maybe watching you hook up all night with skanks at Halloween was finally just too much for her."

"In love with me?" Logan echoed, looking shocked. "What the hell are you talking about? And I've already told you I didn't hook up with anyone on Halloween! I barely even flirted with those girls! You know that the only one I've wanted for years is Veronica."

Lilly headed to the door. "Well, I guess I do now. Just gimme a minute. I'll go talk to her. Stay here!" She ordered when she saw him make a move to follow.

She took off, pausing only to throw on a pair of Logan's flip-flops that were at the door.

 

* * *

 

Logan watched Lilly disappear into the night. His adrenaline was pumping. Everything in him was screaming for him to follow her and chase after them both. His mind was spinning with worry and shock. He couldn't get what Lilly had just told him out of his head. _She loves me?_

Unsure of what to do while he waited, Logan spun around slowly in a circle, watching the room turn into a blur around him from his haze. His eyes zeroed in on the TV and he walked over and flipped it off before flopping down on the couch. _She loves me!_

He was only seated for a second when he heard Lilly call out to Veronica from outside. Worried, Logan popped up and crossed the distance to the door in three long strides, just in time to see Lilly pattering across the parking lot in search of their friend. Her words echoed in his head: 'Stay here!'

He shook his head, exorcising any thoughts of going against Lilly's directive. He had called her here to help him, Logan reminded himself, and he had to trust that Lilly knew what she was doing. He needed to listen to her, at least for now. Once Lilly got to the bottom of things he would have some answers and then he could talk to Veronica.

Veronica. Oh, Veronica. His mind just couldn't get off of her. Veronica loving him wasn't a concept that he'd ever even let himself contemplate. Sure, they were close. He flirted. They cuddled, they always had, but in a very platonic way. He'd always been so careful to not reveal what he'd been feeling when he'd held her. _Did all that mean as much to her as it did to me?_ Veronica had never been overly flirtatious with him. Logan rubbed the back of his neck as his mind flashed through memories trying to pinpoint anything distinct that should have clued him in to her feelings.

Logan walked aimlessly through his apartment, unable to keep still. _Forever? She's loved me forever? As in maybe even years?_

A collage of pictures of himself with Lilly, Veronica and Duncan caught his eye from its place on the shelf. He strode over to it, scanning the photos for any clue at all of Veronica's feelings. The collage consisted of three pictures that had been taken on the same day at the beach during his Junior year. Lilly and Veronica had presented him with the framed pictures when Lilly had left for Vassar at the end of that year. The sight of the Fab Four looking so happy and carefree made him smile. The first showed Duncan, laughing at Logan, who was smirking into the camera as Lilly and Veronica each kissed a cheek. The center picture was of the boys and Veronica holding Lilly up on a surfboard. He remembered Lilly trying to look sensual, but had ended up laughing hysterically when they had threatened to dump her off into the sand. The final picture had been taken during the bonfire they'd had later that night and was of the four of them sitting together on a log. Lilly was sandwiched between both Duncan and Logan, and had an arm thrown around each of them. Next to Logan sat Veronica, who was smiling adoringly at him. He examined the picture more closely. _Did she love me then?_ From what Lilly had just said and what this picture showed, he thought it certainly looked probable. Realizing Veronica probably had loved him since high school hit Logan like an anvil and he sunk into a nearby chair with the knowledge. _How did I never catch on to this before?_

His skin was crawling again and he had to move. Logan hopped up from the chair and circled back into the main room before he crossed to the kitchen. He busied himself with pouring a glass of water and drinking it down.

He couldn't believe that he had missed something as colossal as Veronica wanting him. The truth was, she'd never dated anyone seriously. Logan had always assumed that she was waiting for the right guy and hadn't wanted to admit that he'd wanted to be that guy so many times. _All those stories of your conquests. I was always going on and on about girls and sex and she always sat there and listened,_ he chided himself, tossing the glass into the sink and barely noticing when it shattered. _Oh God! You are a monumental fuck up, Echolls._ Logan leaned over and put his elbows on the counter, burying his head in his hands.

 

* * *

 

Logan's floppy shoes were way too big on her feet and they slowed Lilly down significantly, but there was no way she would be deterred. After what felt like forever, she spotted Veronica across the parking lot, wandering aimlessly and looking lost.

"Veronica!" Carefully, Lilly moved as quickly as she dared. "Veronica Mars, come back here!" Though Veronica was only a few yards away, Lilly continued to call out to her friend. Lilly grew frustrated when her friend ignored her, and so she purposefully crossed the distance between them to stand directly behind her.

"Hey, now you're not talking to me either?" Lilly demanded as she placed a hand on her friend's shoulder. The touch startled Veronica, who jumped at the contact and whirled around. It seemed that she hadn't heard Lilly after all.

"Easy, easy. Are you okay?" Lilly asked worriedly, immediately raising her hands as non threateningly as possible.

Veronica's vacant stare made Lilly internally groan. _Here we go again._ _Of course this is about Logan; what else could it be?_ Lilly stared back and waited for Veronica to begin the familiar argument as to why she kept fighting her feelings for Logan. It was to Lilly's supreme frustration that they had been over this so many times, and, while she had been prepared for Veronica to be upset about Logan's typical asinine behavior, this went well beyond what Lilly had expected.

During Lilly's senior year of high school, she'd noticed that Veronica seemed to have developed a crush on Logan. For the rest of that year, Lilly had tried to subtly get the two of them together. It had been infuriating, because Lilly had never met two people who were so right for each other, but were each too stubborn to see it.

Firmly, Lilly said, "Look, I don't know what happened back there, but it's time you spilled, Veronica Mars. What's up with the transformation?" When Veronica looked blankly at her, Lilly prompted, "The hair? The clothes? This can't all be about some random Halloween flirtation Logan had. I know you found him passed out, but he'd been waiting for you."

"Lilly, could you just shut up for once?" Veronica suddenly shot out, looking irate. "Did it ever occur to you that there might be things going on that you know nothing about? Did it ever cross your mind that I might be going through something for once?"

Lilly, taken aback, stared at her friend for a second. Cautiously, she said, "I'm sorry. When Logan called and said that he was worried about you, I thought he was just being his usual dramatic self. I kind of blew him off a little, but when I first saw you tonight, I didn't know what to say. He was right, something's wrong. I was just blabbering on about stupid stuff to try to get through the evening with Logan so that you and I could talk alone later. What's going on? You can tell me. You're my sister."

"Sister from another mister?" Veronica asked with a smile that looked forced.

"Something like that, yeah." Lilly tried to think of a way to press ahead without scaring her friend off, because it looked like Veronica was close to spilling. Lilly was well aware that subtlety and compassion had never been her strong suit. Veronica had never made her work this hard to tell her anything before, and Lilly felt like she was walking a very fine line. "But you've never kept secrets from me before. Logan dragged me home a week early because he's worried about you. Please tell me, V. You can tell me anything. I swear."

Unexpectedly, Veronica crumpled down onto the curb and folded herself into a ball. She whispered something indiscernible.

"What's that? I couldn't hear you," Lilly said, crouching next to her friend and putting her arm around her.

"I said, I can't remember Halloween," Veronica repeated, her words barely more than a whisper.

"Can't remember what about Halloween? What do you mean?"

"I mean, I remember Logan picking me up and me wearing your leather outfit and going to the party. And I remember seeing a guy across the room dressed like Batman and talking and drinking with him. But then, I felt sick and someone...well, somehow I ended up upstairs. I guess I laid down on a bed for a while. But that's it; that's all I remember."

Lilly laughed with relief. She nudged her friend lightly to reassure her, "Oh V, we all have had too much to drink at parties. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"There's more," Veronica whispered, burrowing into Lilly's side.

"Veronica. It's okay. You can tell me anything, remember?"

Veronica took a deep breath and in a rush said, "I was raped."

Lilly stilled. Blood started rushing to head and she swallowed hard. "Wait, what did you just say? You were what?" When she pulled back to look at Veronica's face, she saw that it was patchy from crying.

Lilly started at Veronica in shock as she continued, her voice coming in bursts. "I woke up around two in the morning and my pants were next to me and there was blood on the sheets and my underwear was torn. I was so scared, Lil."

"Oh my God." A drop of liquid fell onto Lilly's hand and she instinctively looked up to check for rain before realizing that she was crying too.

"I was so scared when I couldn't find Logan or Mac or Dick. When I did finally find Logan, I couldn't wake him up but I knew I had to get out of there, so I just ran. I ran," she sobbed.

Lilly's heart constricted. She emphatically replied, "You did the right thing. Running was the right thing."

"I didn't do the right thing!" Veronica argued vehemently. "I went home and took a shower. I was pitiful. I washed all the evidence away before I even thought about the consequences. I just wanted to feel clean. I'm so stupid. My dad would be ashamed of me. And Logan…I can't face him. How can I face anyone knowing how stupid I was to put myself into that situation? _I_ let it happen."

Lilly suddenly realized the torture her friend must have had been going through. She tried to find the words to reassure her. "What? No. You didn't _let_ anything happen. We need to tell your dad. He'll know what to do. _You_ are the victim. Your dad and Logan would never blame you; they love you. We need to report this. Do you know who did it?"

Veronica pulled away from Lilly, a look for sheer panic on her face.

"No! I don't remember anything. That's what makes it worse. He shaved part of my hair off in the back and I can't remember any of it! Please, don't tell anyone. I couldn't bear how they'll look at me. I know Logan has never seen me as sexy, but I can't stand him thinking of me as disgusting. He can't ever know. Please. Not my dad, not Logan and not even Duncan. No one. Promise me, Lilly," she sobbed, frantically.

Lilly drew her friend back into a hug and held her close, silently berating herself for the way the evening had unfolded. This wasn't a discussion for a parking lot. She felt like a terrible friend; she should have caught the hints earlier. The least Lilly could do was to respect Veronica's wishes and be the friend Veronica needed even if it broke her heart.

"I promise," Lilly vowed. "I don't know if I agree with your decision, but it _is_ your decision, and I respect that. I love you and I will help you through this. We can get through it together." She pulled back from Veronica. "Now, I'm gonna take you home. But first, I need to run back to Logan's place and get my stuff."

Veronica looked panicked. "Don't tell him, Lilly!"

"I won't, I promised. I'll be right back. Will you be okay here for a minute alone?"

"Hmph. Lilly, I've been alone for weeks. I think I can handle you being gone for a minute or two." Lilly watched Veronica as she slumped against the nearest car.

"Well, you aren't alone anymore, Veronica Mars. I'll be right back."

 

* * *

 

Lilly curbed her tears as she made her way back to Logan's apartment. As she let herself in, Lilly saw Logan bent over the kitchen counter, obviously still upset. As she neared him, Logan stood straight and turned toward her. When he opened his mouth to say something, Lilly cut him off by sliding into his arms and holding him tightly, letting her tears fall.

Logan stiffened slightly, but returned her hug. "Oh. God, Lilly, now _you're_ scaring me, too. Are you okay? What's going on? Can I see her? Why won't she talk to me?"

"Logan," Lilly said, wiping her eyes in a vain attempt at control, "I'm taking Veronica home. She's got a lot on her mind. That's all I can tell you right now. I promised her I would keep my mouth shut for now. I'm sorry that I can't say any more than that."

"Lilly, she's my friend, too." Logan's voice was pleading, "I asked you to come home to help me find answers, not to help her keep secrets from me."

"You're just going to have to trust me for now on this one. I'm going to take her home so we can talk some more. I'm gonna try to convince her to talk to you, but honestly, Logan, you need to stop worrying about what she's doing to you and just give her some space. That's the best thing you can do right now. I'll call you tomorrow. I promise."

Lilly saw the hurt in his eyes, but was relieved when he finally conceded. With a reluctant nod, Logan handed Lilly her purse and keys before retrieving Veronica's from the bar.

Logan met Lilly's eyes as he passed over the items. "Lilly, what you said earlier about her loving me…"

She shook her head. She had no time for this. "Not now, Logan. I shouldn't have told you that."

"But—" he began.

Lilly held up her hand. "I'll call you tomorrow."

He nodded. She felt his confused gaze follow her as she changed into her own shoes at the front door. With a last look at a forlorn Logan, Lilly let herself out of the apartment to attend to their best friend. Before she reached Veronica, Lilly took a second to wipe her eyes on her sleeve and regain some semblance of composure.

"Come on, Veronica," she said with false bravado. "You're coming home with me. I don't want you to be alone tonight. We're going to have an old-school sleepover."

To Lilly's surprise, Veronica took her hand and they walked arm-in-arm to the car.

 

* * *

 

From his apartment's threshold, Logan watched them head to Lilly's car. The adrenaline rush had worn off and now Logan felt lethargic as the night's events hit him. He watched the two girls climb into Lilly's car and take off. After the years of loneliness, he couldn't believe that this moment was the most alone he'd ever felt.

Feeling left out and in need of companionship, Logan turned toward the kitchen and pulled a large bottle of whiskey from a cupboard.

Veronica and Lilly's evasiveness made Logan feel untrusted. For so many years, the Fab Four had been his salvation; the one place where he could be himself and every secret could be told. But now…he felt unsure. Something had changed and he had no idea what it was, except the reason why must be about him. That's all it could be.

Logan's parents had always had different priorities than other parents. Charm and charisma were on top of the lesson plan and considered to be much more important than math, science or basic life skills. Logan Echolls had never changed a tire; he had never paid a bill. So, despite being intelligent, he'd found himself entering adolescence with nothing but snark and magnetism to recommend him. Nannies and housekeepers kept him company when he wasn't being paraded around his parent's movie sets. But the help came and went. No one was ever around for long. He had gotten used to being alone.

All that had changed, however, when they moved to Neptune. His family had been acquainted with the Kanes for years, so naturally Logan gravitated to the kids he already knew at his new school. He hadn't expected to love his new friends or his new life; in fact, he had expected to merely tolerate what he must suffer through. His expectations were so far from the reality he found himself in. He'd discovered care and love for the first time in his life. It wasn't long after arriving that he'd been introduced to Lilly and Duncan Kane's best friend, Veronica. Shortly after that, the four of them had become inseparable. Though they'd coupled off during early high school and the puppy love had quickly faded, their friendships had strengthened. Because of that, the feeling of being alone and fending for himself was now a distant memory. He had made a family of friends.

Logan really hadn't given much thought to his future until those around him started making decisions to take the next step in life. He'd earned good grades and could have gone to college anywhere, but he hadn't wanted to follow Lilly to Vassar, and had no interest in the Ivy League aspirations that Duncan was focused on. In the end, the choice he'd made had been a simple one. Veronica was staying close to home and he wanted to hold on to his connection with her and stay in the town where they'd been the happiest. He decided that while he could live without Lilly and Duncan, he wasn't willing to live without Veronica. She was his rock. So, he'd applied and been accepted at Hearst College. And he'd enrolled…with his best friend and some other 09ers who wanted to stay close to home for one reason or another. He was happy here. His life made sense here. Or at least it used to.

After speaking to Lilly, he felt dismissed and rejected. He'd never expected her to join Veronica in shutting him out. It didn't make any sense. Lilly knew how much he cared for Veronica. Surely, Lilly could see how different Veronica was now and Veronica had opened up to Lilly. _If Veronica loves me, why won't she open up to me?_

Logan's thoughts went back to Halloween and how mad Veronica had been at him before leaving him with those other girls. His heart constricted. ' _Go back to the bimbos, Logan. I'll be fine without you,_ ' she'd snarled over her shoulder as she'd walked out of the room. She'd started talking to the Batman guy, and, at the time, he'd thought she'd just been in a mood about Parker and needed to blow off some steam, but now…

Now, it was clear to him that if Veronica had loved him before, she didn't love him anymore.

 

* * *

 

Lilly called Keith on the way home and told him that she was in town. She then described to the sheriff in detail the night of nostalgia that she had planned for herself and Veronica. When she ended the call, Lilly told Veronica that Keith had sounded relieved. No doubt, Keith had also seen the changes she'd been working to hard to hide, but his job had been keeping him too busy for him to worry about it too much.

Neither of them said much else during the drive. Once at the Kane estate, they'd made their way to Lilly's room where Lilly had silently found Veronica some pajamas before going into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

As Veronica crawled into Lilly's big bed, she could barely keep her eyes open. Her confession to Lilly had both drained and soothed her. A small part of her felt violated all over again after having to relate the tale to Lilly. But another part of her felt relief at finally sharing the heavy burden. Finally someone else knew.

When Lilly had emerged from the bathroom, her expression had been serious and she said, "I don't know what to say or do, V. But I'm here for you when and however you need me. Now, scoot closer so you're next to me." Veronica did and once they were snuggled up together in the bed it was almost like old times. Almost.

Right as sleep was about to overtake her, Veronica heard the buzz of her phone receiving a text.

**From Logan 10:31 p.m.:** I'm sorry for yelling at you and for pushing you…for lots of things. You're my best friend. I'll be here when you're ready to talk. I love you.

Heartbroken and spent, Veronica hastily typed a response.

**To Logan 10:31 p.m.:** I'm sorry too

She read the message three times before hitting 'send' and rolling over and falling asleep.

 

* * *

 

Veronica woke several times in the night. Although Lilly's room was familiar, she'd wake up in a panic and it would take a moment for her to remember where she was and who was lying next to her. Having Lilly close helped Veronica fall back asleep the first few times. But by the third time she woke, it was at 4:00 a.m. and she decided that she couldn't lay trapped in a bed any longer. Not wanting to disturb Lilly, Veronica got up and made her way quietly to Duncan's room and switched on the light. She took in the familiar surroundings with mixed emotion. There were traces of her throughout the room. There were smatterings of the four of them together. She smiled at the pictures of them at Homecoming and Junior Prom. Things were so different then and so simple. Someday, Veronica hoped, it would be simple again. But not today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, so Lilly knows now - I'm so happy to post this chapter to give poor Veronica some support. Finally she shared her secret! We've still got a long way to go.
> 
> Everyone has been so kind since I began posting and I'm so grateful! Thanks for sharing with me your thoughts and feelings about this story. I love reading them!
> 
> I have the best betas in the business, and I am happy to thank kmd0107 and LVFangirl for all of their hard work, and (of course) for putting up with my reluctance to post. It was my goal for 2015 to finish a story...sharing it was another ballgame, but here we are! Thank you!


	7. Moods That Take Me

**Chapter 7 – Moods That Take Me**

Even though she spent most of her time at the Kane estate during the days before Duncan came home, Veronica did manage to sneak away from Lilly's overprotectiveness a few times. In the past, Lilly was always the reckless one, the one pushing for Veronica to let loose. Now the tide had turned. Veronica found that Lilly was as overbearing a protector as she had been a pushy instigator. The new role was one that would take each of them time to get used to.

Just like Veronica, Logan became a near constant presence at the Kane household. Most afternoons he'd appear unannounced. Together, the three of them would either watch movies or swim. Though she missed her previous closeness with Logan, Veronica appreciated his efforts to making her feel at ease. He kept his distance and was overly polite, overly cautious; he never made a move to touch her.

All day on Tuesday, Veronica was nervous in anticipation of Duncan's eminent arrival. Though his flight wasn't due to arrive until the following evening, Veronica couldn't stop the bubbling anxiety. She wasn't ready to go through the emotional wringer again and she definitely wasn't ready for the questions that Duncan would inevitably have for her.

Glad for the distraction of class, Veronica put her best effort into focusing on her lectures. When slid slid into her usual seat next to Logan, right on time for Psych, she gave him a tentative smile. He'd slipped a snickerdoodle onto her desk. She murmured her thanks and they'd shared a few words. Between classes, he bought her a coffee and then they filled the silence with intermittent comments about the upcoming weekend. It was all very polite, and not like them at all.

The following evening when Duncan arrived, Lilly, Logan and Veronica were waiting on the Kane's patio for him. Lilly or Logan must have read Duncan the riot act, because he made no comments about Veronica's change in appearance and attitude. Duncan actually approached her cautiously before carefully enveloping her in a big hug and pulling quickly back to say that Meg had said to tell everyone 'hello'.

Before anyone could say any more, Lilly broke in with, "I know it's super late and Donut just flew across the country, but we simply _must_ go out tonight." She gave them all a pleading look. "Even just for an hour. C'mon! Let's start this weekend out with some fun."

Knowing that no one would ever stand up to Lilly, and eager to avoid any possible argument over where they should go, Veronica immediately smiled and offered her pre-planned, acceptable activities. "How about a movie? Or bowling?"

She worked to hold the small, optimistic smile when Logan and Lilly exchanged an astonished glance. Undoubtedly, they were unsure of this change from Veronica's now normal taciturn and morose mood.

"I've been on a plane all day, so a movie's out, but I could bowl," Duncan agreed, seemingly oblivious to the unspoken conversation around him.

With the decision made, they piled into Logan's Range Rover and headed to Planet Bowl. Veronica crawled into the backseat and silently stared out the window, withdrawing from her friends.

As soon as they started driving, Logan turned off the radio. Lilly filled the silence, working hard at keeping the conversation going, asking questions and telling jokes. To Veronica, it felt as if the more she tried to shrink into the background, the more her friends would direct questions her way. The enormity of bowling was hitting her. She'd picked it because it would allow her to keep moving and had an obvious end time, but she hadn't taken into account that it was in public. She tried to act as if she was listening to her friends, but the truth was she couldn't care less about what they were saying. It was a long ride.

Finally they parked and, together, entered the bowling alley. Veronica gave the place a quick once over, trying her best to keep calm. Even though there weren't very many bowlers, she felt exposed. Thankfully, they were assigned a corner lane. Veronica was more than a little grateful as her anxiety decreased. Being against the wall would allow her to keep an eye on her surroundings, plus it eliminated the possibility that a stranger could approach her unexpectedly from behind.

 _If only you knew who or what you were looking for, Veronica, s_ he thought bitterly, keeping constant watch.

Veronica straggled behind, taking her time while getting her shoes from the counter. By the time she got to the lane, her friends were already laughing hysterically. She saw that Lilly was typing their names into the scoreboard's keyboard and Logan was flirting with her shamelessly as he struggled to pull her out of the scorekeeper's chair.

"Don't you _dare_ write that, Lilly Kane!" Logan shouted over Lilly's giggles, laughter in his voice. "That happened exactly _once_ and I was totally wasted!" He managed finally to pull a cackling Lilly away from the keyboard and handed her over to Duncan. Logan quickly deleted whatever she had typed before Veronica had a chance to see what it said. Duncan, being the good friend that he was, distracted Lilly by tickling her mercilessly until Logan finished typing in the rest of their bowling names. Logan then joined Duncan with tickling Lilly.

Watching them, Veronica thought regretfully, _I guess some things never change. It's like junior high all over again._ She was frustrated with her inability to bask in the normalcy of being with them. She just didn't belong anymore.

"Come on, Mars," Duncan called out, still struggling and doubled-over. It was obviously taking all his strength to keep a squirming Lilly against him. "We've got her pinned; now's your chance."

Veronica smiled and shook her head in answer. Although part of her was tempted, she held back. She turned her attention back to the screen to read the pseudonyms Logan had entered for the game. Lilly must be 'Ball Handler' and Duncan clearly was 'Pinhead'. Whatever Lilly had entered for Logan was now gone, replaced with 'Big LeBowlerski'. Her smile died when her eyes caught on her own bowling name: Melanie Wilkes.

A wave of shame washed over her, and she fixed her gaze back on the toe of her shoes, quickly bending to retie them. _Nice, Veronica. Real subtle. I'm pretty sure that they're aware you've been tying your shoes since you were two years old. Congress doesn't take this long._ Veronica's rational mind knew that being called Melanie Wilkes shouldn't make her this upset. She and Lilly had watched Gone With the Wind more than a dozen times during one summer in junior high, holding the boys hostage with it, too. Lilly had proclaimed herself a sassy Scarlett O'Hara and Veronica as perfectly good as Melanie Wilkes. The name had stuck for quite some time and still made appearances on birthday cards and at bowling alleys. But seeing it on the scoreboard tonight made her feel squeamish.

Veronica knew that she was just avoiding participating with the group, but she didn't care. She couldn't even muster up the strength to pretend to want to join in. After a few minutes, she became aware of the silence, and, when she looked up, her friends were watching her solemnly. They all looked unsure of what to do. _Oh good, now you've managed to ruin their fun, too._ She quickly stood up from her seat and moved over to the computer and changed her name from the old standby to 'Gutterball McGee'. Her heart twisted a little when she heard Logan's hushed mumble. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking…she was always Melanie Wilkes."

Logan cleared his throat and mentioned something about getting some drinks for them all. Veronica felt the tension leave her body at the sound of them walking away. Relieved to be alone, she straightened but jumped a foot when she spotted Duncan studying her. Apparently he hadn't gone to the bar to order drinks with the others like she'd thought.

Duncan took the seat next to her, carefully keeping more than a foot between them.

"Look," Veronica began, not giving him time to start in on her, "I'm sorry about all that just now. I've been getting over being sick, and now…" she trailed off, not wanting to lie, but not quite ready to tell the truth either.

"Veronica, don't worry." Duncan gave a little shrug, but didn't take his eyes off of her.

"No, I'm ruining everyone's fun weekend. I should just go…"

"You aren't!" Duncan's voice was a little too emphatic. Veronica looked at him doubtfully. "You have to know that it's not you that's ruining our evening. It's that you're hurting and we can see that." He reached out to put a hand on her shoulder but she shrunk away from him, bolting out of her seat and settling on a nearby bench.

Humiliated by her ridiculous reaction, Veronica gulped past the lump in her throat and said, "God, Duncan, I'm sorry. I don't know what they told you, but I'm not going to fall apart or anything…I'm not going to lose it."

He smiled patiently. "I never thought you were…I just…look, we're all worried."

"Well don't be. I've been doing just fine on my own." She almost choked on her lie. "Just because you're suddenly in town doesn't mean there should be some kind of intervention or something."

"What, like you wouldn't have an intervention for one us if you thought we were hurting?"

 _Crap, he has a point._ Veronica changed the subject.

"How is Meg?"

Duncan gave her a look that let her know he knew exactly what she was doing. He indulged her though, saying, "She's great. Well not great, precisely, but better. She's spending Thanksgiving with her aunt and sisters."

Veronica recalled Duncan mentioning that the Manning kids were not spending the holidays with their zealot parents. They'd been separated from them for several months now. She nodded. "How are Lizzie and Grace?"

"Lizzie is Lizzie. Meg is always worried about her. Grace is having a hard time making friends. Their aunt is working really hard though, and Grace seems to be improving. That's how it works, Veronica. You just keep going, keep moving forward, and things get better."

"Do you really think so?" Veronica prayed that he didn't know the whole story of what had happened to her and that Lilly had kept her promise. She was surprised, though, at how much this little talk with Duncan was actually helping her. It was keeping her problems in perspective.

"I know so. Once Grace finally started talking about everything that happened when her parents joined the church, every day she's a little better. She won't forget it, but she'll be okay."

Veronica's throat tightened. "I really hope you're right." _It's now or never, Veronica. Take a chance on Duncan._ _Be normal!_ She moved back to the seat next to him and smiled, gesturing up to the scoreboard. "So 'Pinhead', huh? Not 'Roy Munson' or 'Balls of Steel'?"

Duncan laughed. "You can change it to whatever you'd like, 'Gutterball McGee'."

"I've missed you, Duncan Kane." Veronica forced herself to relax and leaned into him a little bit.

"Likewise. It's nice to be home." Duncan said as he laid his arm lightly over her shoulders and gave her a little squeeze. He leaned in closer, raised one eyebrow and said, "Now, go pick out a ball and let's kick some ass."

 

* * *

 

Logan trudged toward the bar in a daze, already pulling out his fake ID to buy a real drink to take the edge off this night. Watching Veronica and wondering what was going on with her was killing him. He'd been patient for what felt like an eternity, and it hadn't gotten him anywhere.

Lilly tugged on his sleeve to slow down his power walk. "Logan, she's not mad at you. She's sad. Will you just wait up?"

"Why? So we can talk? Why don't we? Can we please have another discussion where you tell me next to nothing and then don't let me ask any questions?" Logan growled. "Or maybe I can comfort you some more during _your_ time of need while I'm left hanging in the dark." Logan punctuated his words by ripping his arm out of her grip. "No thank you." With that, he turned and left Lilly gaping in his wake.

Ever since Lilly had told him that Veronica loved him, it had been eating him alive. While he knew that Lilly had been avoiding this conversation for days, he also knew that it wasn't entirely her fault. Every time he had been with Lilly the past week, he'd also been with Veronica. There had been no chance to talk to Lilly alone since the bombshell she had dropped at his apartment the week before. Lilly and Veronica had always been attached at the hip, and the past few days had been no exception. He knew that part of him was being spiteful out of jealousy but, honestly, he didn't know how much more he could take.

"Look, Logan—" Lilly began.

"No, you look, Lilly," he interrupted impatiently, "I drove us all here and I'm not leaving you guys, but I _am_ gonna sit at the bar for a while. You go back and bowl. Send Duncan back if he'd like to join me, but I can't pretend that I'm fine with all of this anymore." Logan handed his fake ID to the bartender and sat down on a stool.

Lilly swiveled his stool toward her and looked into his eyes. With a sigh, she confessed, "Okay, I admit it. I've been avoiding you."

"Yeah, I gathered that. So…are we going to talk about it?"

"I'm afraid there isn't much to talk about," Lilly said, before she turned to the bartender and ordered four sodas.

"Well, I'd have to disagree with you there. There's so much to talk about that I don't even know where to start." He turned his attention to the bartender. "And Jack and Coke for me, thanks."

Lilly scowled. "Don't get wasted. I shouldn't have agreed to keep her secret. I knew I shouldn't have at the time, but she was so desperate and I was reeling, and—"

He cut her off. "Yeah, I understand this has been a trying time for you, Lilly." Logan's words were laced with sarcasm.

"This isn't about me or you, Logan. It's about Veronica!" Lilly waved her arms wildly in exasperation.

"You think I don't know that? I have been dealing with this for weeks, Lilly. Weeks! I called you here for you to help me get through to her. And then you say…" He choked on his own words and took a deep, steadying breath. "What did you mean when you said that she loved me?"

"Oh, Logan. I shouldn't have told you that way. I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Okay, so I should check back in with you when? Never?" Logan knew he was being an ass, but he didn't care.

"I don't need to deal with your attitude either, Logan Echolls. I've had to sit here in the middle while you two pine after each other for over a year now. I tried to get you to talk to her but you always blew me off. I tried to get her to make a move and she just claimed that you two were like siblings. It's exhausting. I thought that with Donut and me away that maybe the two of you would figure things out, but apparently I was wrong. And now…" she broke off to wipe away two tears that had fallen.

"And now what, Lilly?" Logan shook her shoulders a little bit; his voice was raw with emotion. He felt his heart breaking. Part of him couldn't believe what Lilly was saying, but deep down he knew that Lilly wouldn't ever make something like this up. He forced himself to calm down and get back in control. "Lilly. And now, what?"

Lilly at last met his gaze. "And now things are more complicated." Lilly sniffled and looked away from him as she, once again, swiped at the tears in her eyes. "Please listen to me. I have to go back to school in a few days and I can't leave her like this. I am going to need you to do whatever Veronica needs until I can get home again for winter break. Maybe I can take a semester off or—"

"A semester off?" Logan leaned forward and buried his head into his hands. "What is going on? Lilly, I _love_ her."

"I know you do." Logan heard the break in her voice. Still slumped, Logan felt her arms wrap about his head tightly in a hug, and felt her running her fingers through his hair. "I know you love her. And I promise you that I will get her to come around. She needs you; I think she needs you more than anyone else. That's why she isn't ready to tell you."

Logan finally sat up and met her gaze. "Really? You think so?"

"Oh, Lo, I know so. Please give her some time. She will reach out to you. I know she will."

"How? How do you know that?" He wanted so much to believe her.

"Because as much of a best friend as I am, you're the most important to her. You and her dad." He could see the truth in Lilly's eyes. He didn't know if Lilly was right or not, but he could see that she believed what she said.

"Thanks, Lilly," Logan said, pulling her into a tight hug. Both of them barely noticed when the bartender delivered their order.

"You think we can go back now?" Lilly asked, gesturing at the four Styrofoam cups. "I'm gonna need your help carrying all this soda."

"Yeah, let's go back." Logan kissed Lilly on the head before tossing a twenty-dollar bill onto the bar and handing her two sodas. They were halfway back to their lane before Logan realized he had left his liquor on the bar, untouched.

Lilly gave him an affectionate elbow to the side before they reached the lane and their friends. "Thanks for letting me talk, Logan. We'll figure this out. I promise." She shined one of her million dollar smiles at him. He couldn't help but believe her and found himself grinning back.

Stepping down the few steps to the lane level, Logan threaded his way around a few chairs before arriving back at their lane. The sight he saw when he got there made him skid to a halt, causing Lilly to have to jump to the side to avoid crashing into him. In front of him, Veronica and Duncan were sitting on a bench next to one another. Veronica was leaning against Duncan and Duncan's arm was stretched around her shoulders in a half-hug. Logan wasn't sure exactly what he was witnessing, but it immediately filled him with a jealous fury, especially when Duncan leaned in to whisper something to Veronica and she smiled at him.

Logan had to make a conscious effort not to let his jaw drop at the sight of them. In that moment, he wanted to rip Duncan's arm off. Veronica stood up and glanced at Logan, a look of pure anguish consumed her features as she passed by both Logan and Lilly. Logan shifted his attention to Duncan, who didn't look bothered in the least at being found cuddling with Veronica.

At last, Logan turned to Lilly and said irately, "So she can talk to _Duncan_? That's who she confides in? Is it just anyone but me now?"

She gave him a small shrug and shook her head as Veronica stalked off.

"Logan, I don't think—"

"Oh, what excuse do you have now? For this? I'd like to hear what excuse your brother has, too."

Logan took a step to follow Veronica, but Lilly pulled him back. She put the drinks down and rounded on Logan. He ignored her and kept his eyes trained on Veronica, who was busily looking through rows of bowling balls.

"I'm sure it's easier for her to reach out to someone who hasn't been pressuring her," Lilly said, but Logan had stopped listening. He let her voice fade into the background. He watched Duncan go after Veronica, which was a good thing, because if Duncan had been within an arm's length, Logan might have punched him.

He kept his eyes locked on Veronica as Duncan approached her and started up another conversation.

Frustrated, Logan bit out, "Ya know what, Lilly? Save it! Nothing you say will help at this point. I'm letting you win this time. I'll be patient. I'm going to let it go and play by your rules. But things had better change. You had better be right about this."

Logan didn't know how much longer he could remain on the outside looking in and stay sane.

 

* * *

 

Veronica turned around to see Logan and Lilly, hands filled with soda, staring at them, and she was filled with a mixture of both guilt and anger. Logan's hurt expression destroyed her; she never wanted to hurt him. But for Logan to be offended that she was talking to Duncan meant that he was taking one of the few connections Veronica had made in weeks and turning it into being something about himself. All at once, anger overtook her guilt. Feeling determined, Veronica set her jaw and stalked past him with her head held high.

As she had brushed past, Veronica heard Logan hiss to Lilly, "So she can talk to _Duncan_? That's who she confides in? Is it just anyone but me now?"

Beyond caring, Veronica missed Lilly's reply, but if her quick glance at Logan's body language was any indication, he hadn't liked it. Steam was practically emanating from the top of Logan's head. Veronica turned her attention to finding the perfect ball. It took her a moment. _There you are! The only ball in the whole place that I can manage that isn't a garish nine-year-old-girl pink,_ Veronica thought, pleased. A sudden movement in the corner of her eye startled her and Veronica, thinking it was Logan, steeled herself for another confrontation. She didn't have much fight left in her. She mentally began cycling through her other friends, wondering who might be available to come pick her up.

"Wow, we managed to piss _him_ off I guess." Duncan's amused voice came from above her.

Relieved that it was only Duncan, she quipped, "Logan? That doesn't take much lately. One might even call it my forte." Veronica was going for snark, but she knew it came out as dejected.

"You know he's just—"

"Worried about me? Yeah, I get it. I've heard this before."

"Well, he has a point. You do seem to be shutting him out more than the rest of us. And for him, it's personal. He's got a lot to lose." At Duncan's words, Veronica turned around to inspect Logan. He was watching the two of them just as intently while Lilly continued her lecture.

"Some of us have lost quite a bit already, Duncan." Veronica gave him a weak smile.

"Yeah…but Logan's fiercely protective of what he considers to be his, Veronica. He always has been. Cut him some slack, okay? He doesn't always handle things the right way, but he's trying; he's hurting too, and he's confused. You know he's the best friend you'll ever have. Present company excluded, of course!" Duncan gave her a wide grin and a quick body-bump from the side.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Donut. I'll play nice." Veronica conceded, leaning up to give him a quick peck on the cheek.

 _Here goes nothing._ Veronica thought and they made their way back to their friends.

 

* * *

 

Eventually, Veronica was able to loosen up and enjoy bowling with her friends. She never was able to quite shake the constant feeling of anxiety, and kept scanning the lanes for anyone paying attention her, but it helped to be around those who cared about her. She could tell that Logan was up to something when he made a point of dropping Lilly and Duncan before her on the way home. It meant that he had to double back to get to her house, which was completely out of the way, but she didn't object.

When he pulled up to her house, Logan wordlessly hopped out of the SUV and jogged quickly around the front of his car. When he opened the passenger side door he gave her a smile and a flourished bow.

Veronica couldn't contain her smile. "Thanks, Logan. More chivalry, I see."

"Yeah. Well, anything to make you smile." The intensity of the look in his eyes gave Veronica a sudden chill. Once she was out of the car, he took her hand to walk her to the door.

"Veronica, I've said this before, but I'm going to say it again. I know you don't want to talk about what is going on. I know we like to give each other a hard time, but you can always tell me anything. I'll be here when you're ready."

"Thank you."

"So, I know you'll be busy tomorrow. Thanksgiving with your dad and all; I'm headed up to LA for yet another dysfunctional Echolls holiday." He grinned down at her.

"Logan, I'm sorry –" she began. Veronica hadn't even given a thought to his Thanksgiving plans; she'd been too worried about making up excuses to keep herself isolated.

"I didn't mean to make you sorry. It won't be that bad; I'm sure it will all be very civilized. Trina's dating some new loser. I'll get to watch Aaron schmooze some up-and-coming director. Mom will get wasted and flirt with said director. Mom and Dad will fight about it until the wee hours of the morning. Ya know, normal family-fun time!" He let out a little laugh and reached out to touch her. Changing his mind at the last second, Logan dropped his hand and cleared his throat. "Anyways, my point is that I'll be back Friday morning. How about we get together early in the day and go over the new winter course schedule? Maybe we can coordinate again to make sure we have some classes together? You know, before Lilly begins the next part of our jam-packed weekend of togetherness."

"That sounds perfect. I'll text you. See you Friday, Lo." Veronica said, giving him a brief pat-hug before letting herself into the house.

 

* * *

 

Thanksgiving was a quiet affair that Veronica shared with her father. Bolstered from the previous evening out bowling, she managed to smile her way through dinner and into the afternoon. It was with relief that she encouraged Keith to head to the sheriff's department after more than one urgent phone call. The false bravado she'd worn all day was wearing thin, and she was grateful when she closed the door after him.

Happy for some solitude, Veronica spent the remainder of the evening curled up on the couch with Backup. She dug out the old copy of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and watched it with all the lights on. It felt good to be doing something normal and she didn't let herself feel guilty over how happy she was to be alone.

Over the course of the break, Veronica got used to being around people for longer periods of time. She and Logan met and went over their schedule for the next semester as planned. The Fabulous Four spent the bulk of the weekend either in the Kane's pool or watching movies. In the midst of her friends, Veronica was able to go out to the beach and out to dinner. Gradually, she found herself able to have fun again. She even really laughed a few times. By the time Lilly and Duncan left for the airport on Sunday, Veronica realized that she'd slept more than four hours at a time the previous night, and much to her delight, she didn't startle as easily. She felt ready to tackle class and not hide from Logan. And, as much as she hated to admit it, Veronica found herself actually looking forward to the Christmas break and hanging out more with her friends when they returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I am so not a Duncan fan, but he was exactly what I needed here. I was trying to get Veronica to open up a little bit...trying to give her perspective...To be honest, I was at a loss as to what to do at the time. But then Duncan came to mind and saved my proverbial bacon; he got the ball rolling, and for that, I will be eternally grateful. Don't worry Duncan-haters...he doesn't play a large role.
> 
> This chapter needed a little hand holding, so thank you thank you to my hand-holders, kmd0107 and LVFangirl, for hanging in there through all my insecurities! And thank you again to all you readers! You make all the hard work worth it!


	8. Warring With Yourself

**Chapter 8 – Warring With Yourself**

The end of the semester was finally approaching. Veronica was amazed that she'd been able to get through her classes the entire week after Thanksgiving without a serious meltdown. She'd somehow even allowed herself to be roped into attending a party tonight with Logan. It was a few weeks before finals and he was pushing for her to have some fun before she buckled down and started to study. It was a harmless party, she kept reminding herself. According to Logan, it was basically a jazzed up poker night in a dorm room. So that night she and Mac found themselves entering a dorm room decorated wall-to-wall as a casino, complete with a pseudo-bouncer at the door.

When she entered the dorm room, Veronica saw a well-dressed, dark-haired guy walking purposefully toward them. The uneasiness she felt lessened when Logan slipped his hand into hers and dragged her forward.

"Mercer!" He greeted with a wide grin, "Thanks for letting us in on the fun, man." Logan gestured to his friends one by one, "You know Dick, and this is his girlfriend, Mac." Logan squeezed Veronica's hand. "And this is my good friend, Veronica. We all went to high school together." He then reached out to clasp Mercer's hand.

Dick gave the room an awed once-over. "Yeah, dude, I have no idea how you can pull this shit off in your dorm room, but I'm totally stoked to be here. I wish I'd brought the party pig."

"This is amazing," Mac agreed, her smile wide. "I had no idea this was going on just down the hall from me all semester."

"I can't believe I talked Mackie here into this. She likes rules and order," Dick said, as he pulled Mac into him affectionately.

Mac shook her head and laughed, telling Mercer, "No, I wholeheartedly approve of taking from the rich to give to the poor. These two here unknowingly helped pay for my car junior year." She pointed at Dick and Logan.

"Well, I'm glad you're here. Welcome to the Benetian." Mercer nodded at the two ladies before reaching around Logan's back to give him a fraternal half-hug/half-pat. "Enjoy yourselves, but remember not to spread the word too much. This place is invitation only."

Logan and Dick turned to inspect the room and the various game tables while Mercer moved to stand next to the girls.

Veronica instinctively moved closer toward Logan again, and she saw the delight in Logan's eyes when she put her hand back into his and laced their fingers together. She just wished that he felt the same spark that she did. She knew that she had been difficult for weeks now, but she'd missed him. She loved that this past week she'd gotten comfortable enough to reach out to him again, if only just a little.

"You okay?" he asked, sounding a bit concerned. "Do you want to go?"

"No, I'm okay. I'm just sticking close to you for a while. Ya know, to keep the bimbos at bay and all that," she joked, trying to sound calm.

"You won't hear me complain," he said flirtatiously, and then pushed a stray strand of her hair behind her ear with his free hand.

Veronica thought that Mercer looked like he was going to speak to her, but something must have caught his eye, because his attention suddenly diverted. "I've got to take care of some business. Have a good time, you guys," Mercer nodded to them all distractedly as he stalked off toward the door.

"Wow, look at that," Mac said, indicating where Mercer had gone. "That's our Resident Advisor, Moe. I can't believe he knows about this little operation of Mercer's and doesn't care. You should have heard the lecture Moe gave us about contraband alcohol in the dorms. How is he okay with gambling and a full bar across the hall from him?"

"Well, he appears to be well aware of the 'Benetian' here's existence." Veronica agreed following Mac's gaze. "Curiouser and curiouser!"

"Wanna start with craps or roulette?" Logan pulled Veronica's attention back to him.

"I'm more of a blackjack girl myself. Care to join me?" Veronica smiled and squeezed his hand, lightly flirting back. This felt good. Normal even. She even managed to stifle the urge to jump when Logan placed his hand at the small of her back to steer her over to the blackjack table.

 _Progress, Veronica. This is good!_ She praised herself. _Now just don't have another breakdown in front of him and you won't scare him into calling Lilly again._

The foursome took over a card table and Veronica was happy to have something to do that occupied both her hands and her mind.

 _See? Look at you all out in public. This isn't so bad_.

They started to play and Veronica began to relax enough to win a hand or two. But then, somewhere around their third time through the deck, she felt an unexpected chill run through her.

_That was strange._

She realized at once that it was because someone had brushed into her from behind while making his way through the tables. That, combined with a unique scent of cologne, brought a flood of emotions and a flash of _that_ night. She tried to turn to see who had brushed by, but fear forced her to look straight ahead.

_You're being ridiculous! Turn around, Veronica!_

Gathering her courage, Veronica slowly shifted her body partway toward the crowd, hoping that with her peripheral vision she could spot the person. She tried, but as she did, the hair rose on the back of her neck and she stopped herself.

_Oh crap! What if you turn around and he's there? What if he's right there? Would you even recognize him?_

Attempting once again, Veronica forced herself to turn around and survey the room. Luckily, the crowd closest to Veronica had their back to her. Relieved, she quickly brought her attention back to the blackjack table, all the while mulling over what was causing her anxiety. It frustrated her that something she couldn't define could make her so anxious. Something just wasn't right, but self-doubt was rising up within her, making her question her sanity. _Maybe you're just not ready to be out in public yet, Veronica! Maybe you should just quit trying._

_But you felt something, didn't you? Can you even trust your own judgment? This is ridiculous!_

She forced herself to relax despite her misgivings. But when she looked down to concentrate on her cards, her hands were shaking from nerves. Logan must have sensed it also, because he turned his attention away from his cards and onto her.

"Hey, are you cold or something?" He asked with concern. "I have a jacket in the car that I can go get. Or I am sure Dick would give you his hoodie."

Veronica tried to remain rational. She still didn't quite have a grasp on what the problem actually was, but the feeling of nausea was overwhelming. Nearly gasping for air by now, Veronica shook her head silently at Logan, hoping that if she just kept herself focused on the game she could move past the feeling of intense fight-or-flight.

"Hey," Dick spoke up, oblivious to her inner-turmoil. "So I was talking to my mom's husband-du-jour and did you hear that that Brokeback guy…what's his name…Ledger? He's totally going to play The Joker next to that pretty boy in the next Batman movie."

All hope of maintaining her cool was obliterated all at once. It was too much for her, and Veronica hopped up from the table in the middle of her turn, laying down her cards as she bolted.

Just as she'd taken a step away, warning bells started sounding in Veronica's head telling her not to go anywhere alone. When she turned back to the table, she found her friends studying her cautiously. Veronica felt guilty. The conflicting emotions that she saw flash across Logan's face had become all too familiar. She couldn't blame him for being cautious where she was concerned after the way she had been acting lately. She decided to take a chance and reach out to him.

"Can you come with me to the bathroom?"

"Sure," Logan quipped. "But I should tell you that I left my eyeshadow and lip gloss at home. If it's boy talk you're after, you might wanna take Mac instead."

Veronica was in no mood for banter. "I meant walk me there and wait outside!" Her voice grew as her frustration level did. She saw his eyes soften the second that it dawned on him that she was scared.

"Of course. Of course, I will," Logan told her with a light, comforting smile. He threw down his cards and pushed his and Veronica's chips over to Dick for safekeeping. Mac gave them both a curious look, but Logan smiled at her reassuringly and told her: "We'll be right back," before taking Veronica's hand.

Once out of the room, Veronica headed straight for the bathroom. She needed some time alone.

"Okay, I'll be right out here," Logan assured her and she nodded. "I'll be just outside. But if you aren't out in ten minutes, I'm coming in there after you."

In a hurry to be alone, Veronica managed another nod and disappeared through the door.

She made her way over to the sink and splashed cold water on her neck in an effort to cool herself down without ruining her makeup. _Wouldn't want to lose the mask now, would we?_ _What would be left to hide behind?_ Veronica thought, watching her face in the mirror. She hated the meekness she saw there, the old Veronica fighting to keep up appearances. She'd cut her hair not caring what anyone thought and it was time to embrace that feeling again. She bent over and washed her face of all makeup before checking herself out in the mirror again.

She was no shrinking violet. She couldn't survive as a scared victim forever. She refused to give in to the last stage of the victim cliché.

_This is it, Veronica Mars! No falling apart in public. No more victim! You sure as hell aren't going to be the girl who can't walk around campus anymore because she's looking over her shoulder or freaking out and getting shaky every time someone brushes against her. Enough is enough. There is no Old Veronica versus New Veronica; you're the same person, just changed. It's time to take back control of your life._

Veronica had watched her dad and his deputies investigate crime for over a decade. It was time to do a little of her own investigating. Armed with a purpose, she left the bathroom with determination, feeling oddly confident despite how badly the evening had gone so far.

"How you holding up?" Logan asked when she emerged from the bathroom.

"You know, I think I'm okay. I'm better anyway," she replied, surprised to realize that what she said was the truth.

"Hey, you wanna skedaddle?" he asked, nodding his direction of the dorm elevator.

"You wouldn't mind?"

"Not at all. I'll text Dick to cash in our chips. What would you say to a movie back at my place?"

"I'd say it sounds like heaven. Let's go."

 

* * *

 

By the time they arrived at his apartment, Logan was back to being at a complete loss as to how to behave around Veronica. He'd thought things had been better lately, but being alone with her tonight was different. Normally, whenever they had problems he would tease her or listen to her vent and then they would cuddle up together on the couch. By the next day, everything would be back to normal. But there wasn't such a thing as normal for them anymore. Everything was altered; his feelings for her and her transformation had changed everything. Lilly had warned him not to push and so, for now, he was trying not to.

While Veronica went into the kitchen to pop some popcorn, Logan changed into some sweats. When he stretched out on the couch with his feet on the coffee table, Logan was grateful that she would have to decide where she sat when she joined him. Although he wanted to touch her more than anything, he knew that he couldn't, not yet anyway. He wasn't going to chance a repeat of the last time they were together in his apartment before Thanksgiving. It was true that she had been warmer toward him lately, and not so jittery, but the incident tonight at the casino told Logan that Veronica still was leery and that he needed to tread lightly.

Veronica stepped in to the room, smiled tentatively and, to his relief, set the bowl of popcorn on his lap and plopped down next to him. She tucked her feet up under her and leaned across him to grab some popcorn from the bowl. As her body pressed against his, Logan felt as if fireworks were exploding within him. He did his best to appear unaffected, in the interest of keeping things light. This last thing he wanted to do was scare her off now that they were making progress.

"You up for 'The Big Lebowski' tonight, Mars?"

"'You mean His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing?' Anytime, Echolls. Anytime."

By the time the Dude and Walter were confronting Larry Sellers about his homework, the popcorn bowl sat empty on the coffee table and Veronica was lying across the couch with her head on Logan's lap.

He laughed at the movie while gently stroking her hair. It was a habit and not even something he'd realized he was doing. He felt so content; he was happier than he had been in so long. If only he could tell her how happy she made him just by being nearby.

Everything was fine until Logan's fingers absently brushed against the back of her head. There, he felt a blunt patch of hair. It was much shorter than the rest of her hair and felt off to him. His fingers traced over the spot and he felt Veronica immediately tense up. Logan withdrew his hand as if burned and Veronica popped up on the couch, looking everywhere but at him.

Logan's heart beat rapidly inside his chest; he could feel all the frustration of the past weeks rushing back to the surface. All the promises not to push and the space and time he'd vowed to give her felt insignificant in the face of whatever this was. He couldn't take not knowing any more.

"What the hell is going on with your hair, Veronica?" His voice was deadly calm despite the rage brewing inside of him. Veronica still didn't meet his eyes. It was very clear to him that she had no intention of answering the question. "I've tried to be patient, but fuck that. I want to know what's going on with you."

Veronica remained silent, but Logan could see that she was shaking and fidgeting with nerves. She opened her mouth a few times to talk but closed it again, saying nothing. Needing a drink to calm his nerves, Logan got up and made his way into the kitchen but stopped himself at the last minute. _This isn't about me,_ he reminded himself. Slowly, he returned to the main room, but being too antsy to sit down, paced around the room, unsure of what to say or do.

He eyed her warily. _This is your best friend, Logan. Think! There has to be a better way to approach her than to force her to tell you like you normally would do._ The past few weeks' experience was telling him that yelling at her would only close her off to him more. And there was no way he could let things continue this way. It felt as if there were an ocean between them, and if he didn't figure out how to approach her, the vastness would only keep growing.

Logan returned to the couch. She was still sitting in the same place, staring absently at the TV, but he knew that she wasn't watching the movie. Slowly he pulled her closer to him and then eased her back so he could look her in the face, but Veronica kept her eyes on the TV. He placed a kiss on her forehead and took a few steadying breaths.

"What's wrong, Veronica? Are you sick? Is that what's going on? It seems like it's more than the flu. No appetite, weight loss, patchy hair. I knew I shouldn't have let it go this long." He paused a moment before carefully saying, "Look, I can tell you're scared, but I'm scared too. I don't want to lose you, and I can feel you slipping away from me. Are you sick? Are you hurting? Please look at me; please tell me."

"I don't want you to hate me," she said in a quiet, almost childlike voice. Her eyes were still on the TV.

"What?" Logan turned Veronica's head to face him and she tentatively met his eyes. "Veronica, I could never hate you. Why would you even say that? How could you even think that?"

"Because if I tell you what's going on with me it will change everything." Veronica dropped her eyes to her lap and then closed them tightly.

"Then _let it_." Logan pulled back and gently lifted her chin. "I need you to look at me so you know I mean this." He waited for her to open her eyes and meet his. "Telling me has to be better than me walking around on eggshells not knowing what's upsetting you, not knowing what is causing you to hurt like this."

Veronica took a deep, shuddering breath and looked back down at her hands. "I'm pretty sure that the rapist my dad has been investigating was at the Kappa Halloween party."

Logan felt his pulse increase, a surge of nervous energy caused his muscles to tense. He wasn't sure where she was going with that information but he knew it wasn't going to be good. He reached for her hand and asked, "What? You know who he is? Did you tell your dad?"

"No. I don't know who he is. And I haven't told anyone," she lifted her eyes and gave him a pointed look, "except Lilly."

"Lilly? Why would you tell her? What does she have to do with…" _Oh God. No._ Logan felt his blood turn to ice and his chest suddenly tighten up. When he spoke he sounded almost robotic. "What happened at the party, Veronica?"

Veronica pulled her hand out of his and backed to the other end of the couch and started slowly unfolding the events of that night. She was shockingly composed. To Logan it seemed like she was telling a story that had happened to someone else or something that she'd read about on a blog. He couldn't believe how calm she was, how detached. If he hadn't seen the tears streaming down her face he wouldn't have thought she was even involved in the story.

He audibly choked when she got to the part about trying to find him and about trying to wake him. He felt like he was going to throw up. _You should have protected her, and instead you were downstairs flirting and drinking while the love of your life was being raped right upstairs and you didn't know._ He couldn't catch his breath as Veronica finished telling how she had desperately stumbled out of the room and into the sober car waiting outside while he was passed out by a swimming pool. Logan knew that he was going to lose his mind, but he would have to wait until he was alone.

All he ever wanted to do was protect her, take care of her. He loved her and didn't want to ruin her, and by fucking around, she'd gotten hurt worse than he ever could have imagined.

Logan shot off the couch and began pacing around the room again, sickened and angry.

He pulled out his cell phone. "We have to go to the police. We have to go to your dad. I'm calling him right now."

"No, Logan! I already told you; there isn't any evidence left. I washed it all away. I went to the Neptune Woman's Clinic and got checked out. I'm clean, but I washed everything away. I can't tell my dad that I was so stupid. I can't tell him that I walked into some party, took a cup from a stranger, passed out on a bed, was taken advantage of and then washed away all the evidence. I don't want him to know. It's bad enough that you know." She leaned forward and buried her face in her hands.

Logan stopped dialing, the despair in her words the only thing keeping him from going on a killing spree. He wanted to kill everyone who had been at that party with his bare hands. Including himself.

 

* * *

 

"There is no shame in being a victim. I want you to get in the car and I will take you down to the station, now," Logan ordered.

Veronica knew that Logan cared about her, but she was no longer the stupid naïve virgin that had gone to the Halloween party with him. And no one was going to take decisions away from her again. Not even Logan. She folded her arms and glared at him. "Says the guy who never told any of us that his father used him as a punching bag for most of his life. You waited for us to find out, remember? You still won't talk about it. Ironic much, Logan?"

Not waiting to see his reaction, Veronica stood up and stalked toward the front door.

She didn't get far. In a flash, he was standing in front of her, his arms out in front of him as if to ward off danger, blocking her escape. She froze.

"You know what, Logan? I'm through with this. All of it. I'm done letting people take all my choices from me. Lilly chose who I dated in high school. My mom chose to be done raising me at sixteen and walked out. A guy at a party chose when, where and how I had sex for the first time. Now, you're telling me how I get to handle the situation? Well, fuck that; I'm leaving. Get the hell out of my way."

She made to step around him and continue to the door, but Logan grabbed her from behind, pinning her arms down and pulling her against his chest. Veronica instinctively recoiled against both his physical connection and restraint. Thrashing wildly, Veronica screamed and bucked.

"Let go of me!" she shrieked, trying to claw her way out of his grasp. He must have realized how scared she was because his grip on her loosened enough to make her feel less like a captive, but he still didn't let go. He made shushing sounds near her ear in an attempt to soothe her.

"Stop fighting me," he said, loudly enough for her to hear over her own yelling, but he no longer sounded mad. "I'll let go if you stop fighting me and trying to run."

"I'm not going to the station," she said, refusing to back down or give up the fight.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Shhhh." Logan rested his cheek on hers so that he spoke quietly into her ear. "I won't make you go, okay, baby? Just stop fighting me. Please."

The sudden rush of adrenalin now over, Veronica was left feeling exhausted and empty. She let herself collapse against Logan, beyond crying about holding herself together. Logan set Veronica's feet on the floor long enough to turn her toward him and scoop her back up into his arms. She lay limply against him as Logan carried her back to the couch and sat down with her cradled in his lap.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he chanted, kissing the top of her head. "Just relax; I'm not going to hurt you or make you do anything you don't want to do. I just want to hold you for a minute."

Veronica gave in to her need for comfort. Other than Lilly, and briefly Duncan, this was the first real contact she'd had with someone else in weeks. Despite pushing him away all that time, she realized now how much she had craved a real human connection.

Veronica leaned back to look into his eyes and was hurt by the pain that she saw there. "I don't want your pity, Logan," she said, moving to stand and seriously considering bolting for the door again.

"I swear I don't," he replied earnestly as he pulled her back down. "I honestly don't know what I'm feeling right now, but I do know that it isn't pity."

"It's taken me weeks to be able to be out in a group of people. I was making so much progress, but after one night at Mercer's, I feel like I'm back where I started," Veronica said, surprised at the lack of quiver in her voice.

"You aren't back where you started. I know now. I can help you now. I'm not going anywhere," he promised, as he brushed the hair out of her eyes and pulled her close again to rest his forehead on hers. She watched as he closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths.

"Can I stay here tonight, please?" Veronica hated the frailty she heard in her own voice, but she didn't want to go home. "My dad works so late and I haven't slept through the night since…it happened."

"Of course you can. Call your dad and let him know. I'll find you something to wear." He slid out from under her and quickly left the room.

Veronica didn't trust her voice, so she texted her dad instead. When Logan returned with pajama pants and a t-shirt, she gratefully took them into the bathroom and changed. When she emerged five minutes later, she found Logan in his room, holding an extra blanket.

After her panic attack earlier, she now found herself barely able to keep her eyes open. "Do you mind if I go to bed now? You can stay up if you'd like, I guess."

He looked hesitantly at her. "Do you want me to tuck you in? I can sleep on the couch."

"What? No!" Panic rose in her chest again. "I guess. I was kinda hoping you'd…" she trailed off.

The tension in Logan's face smoothed and a soft smile crossed his lips. "Get in then, and scoot to the middle."

Veronica climbed into his bed, relishing the warm, safe feeling when Logan crawled in behind her and pulled her close. It wasn't the first time they had spent the night together, but this time felt different somehow. She rolled over to face him and laid her head on his chest. His steady heartbeat had always given her comfort.

Feeling the return of her resolve from earlier, she vowed, "I'm going to figure out who did this, Logan. I'm not going to walk around campus wondering if this guy is watching me or laughing at me. I may be a victim but I'm not an idiot. One way or another I am going to find out who did this to me and I'm going to make him pay."

"I don't want you to get hurt anymore than you already were." Logan's arms tightened around her.

She pulled back and looked into his eyes. "Me neither. That's why I will solve this. Then I can move on. I can't undo…what happened, but I can make damn sure it doesn't happen again to someone else."

Logan nodded and pulled her back down to his chest, tucking her head under his chin.

"For the record, I still think that we should go tell your father. But, I'm not a hypocrite; I know I made the same choice you are," Logan admitted. "And Veronica?"

Veronica heard the concern in his tone and paused slightly. She didn't want to regret telling him about the rape, but she felt leery about whatever he had to say. She shifted so see him better again, pulling her arm from underneath herself to set both of her hands on his chest and propped her head up on top of them. "Hmm?"

"Whatever it is that you have planned…I'm in."

Veronica exhaled in relief. That was exactly what she had needed him to say. His expression was of an all-earnest concern that melted her heart. Confessing what had happened had never been her intention, but she shouldn't have doubted his steadfastness. It was wonderful to feel so close to him again.

With a smile, she impulsively leaned in and gently pressed her lips against the corner of his. A quick brush of assurance and hope. Veronica pulled away and shyly looked up at him and gasped at the transformation in his expression. He seemed to be looking into her, speechless. Her smile fell away.

_Oh crap, Veronica. What did you just do?_

 

* * *

 

When Veronica pulled away from him, the entire world froze in place around Logan. The clock next to his bed stopped ticking. The pulse of the world ceased and he remained as the only man alive… fixed in this splendid point in time.

Veronica Mars had kissed him before. She had always been quite affectionate in general. It wasn't unheard of for them to cuddle or even give a quick peck on the cheek as a greeting. But this felt different.

After a trying day, hell, after a trying month, it had taken everything in him not to react to her touch when climbing in bed together. It was taking everything in him to be the guy she needed right now. Hugging was one thing, but she'd just kissed him, on the lips, while laying half on top of him with their legs entwined.

The look on her face as she pulled back reminded him so much of the girl he'd fallen in love with that he couldn't help but pull her back toward him. But his intentions of a small kiss in return vanished when his lips met hers. It was an unconscious reaction; he wasn't in control of his own limbs. Seemingly of its own accord, his right hand found its way to her face as he deepened the kiss.

Her response was immediate and she followed his lead, kissing him back passionately. His left hand slid to the small of her back where a sliver of skin lay exposed. His fingers caressed the soft, tender flesh, wanting to touch all of her at the same time.

Veronica's breath hitched at the contact and he felt a shiver run down her spine. Her reaction snapped Logan out of his spell. The arm against her back froze in place while he willed himself to slow down the kiss.

_Shit, Echolls, what did you just do?_

Logan gently pulled her head away from his and opened his eyes so that he could gauge her reaction. Her face was flushed and her eyes were still closed. He couldn't help but place one last, soft kiss on her lips before he sighed and gathered her up against him in a strong embrace. Veronica was still slightly out of breath and Logan felt her heart racing against his chest. He inhaled deeply, his lust-addled brain at a loss for just the right thing to say. He was overwhelmed by the turn of the evening, both her confession and the fact that they'd just kissed. Really kissed.

"Veronica—"

"Don't, Logan."

"But I want to—"

"No, please don't. I don't want to talk right now. Just don't leave, okay?"

Logan nodded, pressed one last kiss to the crown of her head and held her close waiting for her breath to even out with sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that this story is already completely written. It's twenty chapters long and will be posted twice a week (Wednesday and Saturday) until all twenty are published. 
> 
> Thanks again for all the wonderful feedback, follows and comments. I enjoy reading your thoughts!
> 
> I wouldn't have gotten this far without my fantastic betas kmd0107 and LVFangirl.


	9. Words Fall Through Me

**Chapter 9 – Words Fall Through Me**

Rays of sunshine peeked through the blinds of Logan's bedroom, drawing Veronica out of her restful sleep. For the first time in ages, she found herself waking gradually and even with a smile, no less. The slivers of light felt warm on her skin, and it was such luxury to not wake up in a panic that Veronica wanted to stay cocooned in the covers forever.

Veronica kept her eyes closed and let out a soft moan as she stretched her arms high above her head. The memory of the night before flashed through her mind. _You kissed Logan last night!_ _Who knew you had it in you, Mars?_ she thought with a tiny giggle. _Why am I not the least bit embarrassed?_ In fact, she was the opposite of embarrassed; she was inspired. _I think I'd like to do that again,_ Veronica decided and reached an arm behind her to Logan's side of the bed to touch him.

But when her hand met only cold sheet, Veronica's entire body seized with foreboding. She couldn't seem to open her eyes. An overwhelming certainty overtook her suddenly, telling her that the previous night had only been a dream. Gone was the earlier moment of giddiness, replaced with the feeling that this was the worst nightmare she'd had since the stream of nights filled with terrible ones had begun. She was convinced that by opening her eyes, she would be back in the bed at the frat house on Halloween. She clapped her hands to her eyes, pressing her fingers into her sockets so hard that she began to see yellow and white streaks flash across the inside of her eyelids. "No!" _This can't be happening all over again!_ Her head screamed; her breathing became a series of short pants.

 _No! Take control! Open your eyes and face reality, no matter what it is!_ Veronica's body obeyed her. She pulled her hands away from her eyes and squinted at the sudden onslaught of light as she took in her surroundings. _Logan's room!_ Her heart leapt, but this time the panic was too acute for her to calm herself. Her body was still in the midst of a fight-or-flight reaction _. Get out of here!_ her mind ordered her. Throwing back the covers, Veronica bolted out of the bed and took off toward the door, throwing it open without stopping. She'd made it partway down Logan's short hall when her body collided full stop into a solid mass.

 

* * *

 

Logan had awoken just as the sun had begun creeping across the sky. It was his usual wake-up time after so many mornings of riding the waves with Dick before class. But this morning's wake up had nothing to do with waves. There was no way his mind could be occupied with surfing or anything else so trivial.

All that he could comprehend at that moment was that Veronica Mars had kissed him. And, more importantly, he had kissed her back.

As nice as it had been, Logan didn't quite know what to expect from Veronica when she woke up. Especially in the wake of her confession. He hoped that she would be happy, relieved even, that he had kept things from going too far the previous night. But he wasn't sure what to make of Veronica's disposition lately and it seemed that he might need a contingency plan that would ensure her mood. And that contingency plan involved food.

Breakfast was one of the few meals he could cook with a modicum of proficiency, a fact that he was exceptionally grateful for on this glorious winter morning. He had plenty of time to prepare it if Veronica's usual schedule was any indication, so he'd hopped in the shower first before heading to the kitchen. He'd then busied himself collecting the ingredients that he needed to make one of Veronica's favorites, Leti Navarro's famous French toast.

He had everything prepared and was about to dunk the first piece of toast into the egg batter when he heard a noise from the other end of the apartment. Realizing Veronica was awake, Logan sighed in disappointment that he couldn't surprise her with breakfast in bed. When he heard nothing else, he grabbed the orange juice container off of the counter and topped off the glass that he'd poured for her to drink when she emerged from the bedroom. Correction. _His_ bedroom. The thought made him smile.

Just as he was placing the carton of juice back into the fridge, he heard something that sounded like a groan and then Veronica shout 'No!' There was then a pounding of footsteps. Logan was off in a flash, stepping into the hallway in just a few steps, only to see a flash of blonde hair before Veronica crashed, full force against him. He had to grab her hard by the arms to keep her from falling to the ground after ricocheting off of him.

"Whoa, whoa. What's going on?" Logan bent forward slightly to her eye level and moved his hands to her neck to guide her face to meet his. "What happened?"

"Where'd you go?" Veronica demanded, shaking uncontrollably.

"Nowhere."

Veronica was gasping for air. "I woke up and…you were…" she gulped in a breath and tried to speak again but seemed unable to continue.

Logan pulled her tightly against him. As he led Veronica over to the sofa, he swiped the forgotten glass of orange juice off the kitchen counter to give her. He sat down and pulled her down with him onto his lap, gingerly handing her the glass.

"Here, take this. The sugar might help." He steadied her shaking hands to take a drink. When she barely took a sip, he motioned that she should drink more, but she shook her head and tried to move out of his arms.

"No, at least stay here until you stop shaking." Logan threw the blanket that was behind his head around her and drew her close.

"You were gone," Veronica chattered.

"I wouldn't leave you. I was right here the whole time. I mean, I came out here to make you breakfast, but that's as far as I went," Logan told her as he rubbed her back, hoping to sooth her.

"Okay. Okay," he heard her whisper into his shoulder. He couldn't tell whom she was trying to convince, but he was glad that her breathing and heart rate were gradually decreasing.

It took them both a few minutes to calm down completely, and then Veronica didn't hesitate before crawling off his lap. She sighed and kept her eyes averted as she stepped away from the couch and started gathering her belongings.

"Please don't shut me out again," Logan implored, getting off the couch to follow her into the bedroom. He knew that she was going to change and run.

"I'm not shutting you out; I need to go home."

"Now? This very minute?" He couldn't keep the desperate frustration out of his voice.

"I need to shower before class," Veronica said, her tone flat.

"But that's like two hours from now, and I'm making breakfast. French toast. It's Mrs. Navarro's recipe." He'd hoped to see her pause at that, but she didn't. Instead, she grabbed her folded clothes from the day before from the top of his desk and strode to the bathroom, shutting the door on his face. "Look, don't go! I was thinking we could talk, or, I dunno–" Logan called through the doorway, propping himself by the door with one arm against the wall.

Veronica didn't respond, but took an unexpectedly long amount of time in the bathroom. He was surprised when nearly twelve minutes later the door finally swung open again and she emerged dressed and ready to go. She ducked under his arm and quickly made her way down the hallway, stopping only briefly to grab her purse and swing it onto her shoulder.

Logan was struck with inspiration and a smile lit up his features. "I hate to break it to you, but I drove you here last night." She was facing away from him, but he could imagine her expression as it dawned on her that she was at his mercy this morning.

Veronica whirled around to face Logan before offering him a sad, unexpected smile just as a horn honked from outside. She stepped toward him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "That'll be Mac. I texted her from the bathroom." Before he'd realized what was happening, Veronica was out his front door and striding purposefully toward Dick's truck. She turned around just before she reached it and offered him another slight smile with a wave. "Don't worry, Logan. We'll talk. Later. I'll see you in class tomorrow," she called out to him before she opened the door to the truck, hopped in and then Mac sped away.

 

* * *

 

Logan was relieved to see Veronica in class on Thursday. He thought he knew Veronica well enough to know she wouldn't miss the last few opportunities for an in-class review since dead week was coming soon with finals the week after that. He'd held out hope that she wouldn't skip class, but Veronica was unpredictable these days. Logan wasn't at ease until he actually saw her walk through the doorway.

He was surprised that Veronica didn't run away from him after Psychology. She let him buy her lunch, but wasn't overly talkative or flirtatious at all. Logan didn't dare bring up the kiss. As much as he wanted to talk to her about the possibility of them becoming something more than friends, he thought that conversation might go over better if it were on her terms. He had figured out that with the new Veronica, being patient was key; he'd have to wait for her to approach him about it. He was resolved to not even talk to Lilly about it; it felt like a sort of betrayal to do so.

But even knowing all of this, Logan hated that he was back to tiptoeing around Veronica. He didn't want to make small talk with her, but the subjects of them as a couple and the investigation seemed too intimate for cheap cafeteria Italian food in the quad. Despite the fact that both topics were obviously weighing on Veronica's mind, she never brought either of them up. Logan followed her lead.

Not to his surprise, Veronica quickly made her excuses after Freshman Seminar, and disappeared almost immediately. Part of Logan was relieved. It was too hard to be around her without touching her now that he knew what it was really like, and he didn't know how she'd react to that right now. He needed another plan as to how to approach her. From recent experience, Logan knew that Veronica was going to avoid him for a few days at least. He planned to use that time and space to think about how to proceed without letting the temptation of her cloud his judgment.

Saturday morning Logan went surfing with Dick and was surprised to learn that Veronica hadn't spent any time with Mac other than on the ride home from his place. Logan was disappointed; he'd hoped that she would reach about to Mac for support. He didn't like the thought of Veronica stewing all alone after what had happened between them.

 

* * *

 

Veronica spent the weekend alone under the guise of laundry, studying and cleaning, when in reality, she'd spent most of her time trying to sort through and make sense of her emotions. It wasn't that she wanted to be alone, it was that she didn't know what she wanted. There'd even been a few times that she'd contemplated calling Mac. Since Mac had come to her rescue with no questions asked on Wednesday morning, Veronica felt that if she hung out with Mac it would be nonthreatening. It would be a relief to be around someone who wouldn't be watching Veronica's every move and trying to gauge her mood the entire time. It sounded stress-free to spend time with someone who didn't know any of the intimate, gory details of what had happened on Halloween. But these days Mac and Dick were a package deal, and there was no way that Veronica was ready to take them both on.

There also was a small part of her that yearned to reach out to Logan or Lilly, but she held back, wanting to feel stronger before she approached the friends who would insist on answers. Both Logan and Lilly had each called and texted many times, but Veronica had held strong, replying to both with only brief texts. She didn't let herself engage in anything deeper so as not to upset her delicate balance of sanity.

The time she took for contemplation served her well. As embarrassed as Veronica was for running out on Logan the morning after their kiss, she knew deep down that he wouldn't hold it against her. Waking up in a strange bed had left her feeling as though she were back in the frat house, even if it was only for a split second. She knew this could happen again, but just because it could happen again didn't mean she would allow it to shape her relationship with Logan. She missed him. Despite her reaction when she'd woken up, sleeping in Logan's bed with him had made her feel the most safe she had felt in weeks. Veronica felt butterflies in her stomach at the thought of kissing him again, and by their next class together on Tuesday morning she was ready with a plan. Finals were coming up and studying together would be the perfect excuse to be alone with him.

 

* * *

 

After Tuesday's classes, Logan was surprised when Veronica insisted that they make a study outline for their Psychology final together at her house. He'd readily agreed, glad for the excuse to spend any time with her. As Logan followed Veronica home in his car, he decided to call Lilly. He'd avoided Lilly for long enough; she needed to know that Veronica had finally told him what had happened. What she didn't need to know about, however, was the kiss. That was none of her business.

He pressed send and stuck the phone to his ear.

"Hey there, Lover. How's our girl?" the familiar voice began without even a hello.

"She told me," he said simply.

There was a slight pause and then, "I know. She called me yesterday. Thank God. I really wasn't sure how much longer I could keep it to myself."

"Honestly, Lilly, I don't know how you did at all. I really wish you hadn't."

"Well, I wasn't going to make it much longer. I'm too far away to know how she is really doing. Someone down there needed to know. I can't believe she told you."

"It's killing me," he confessed. "I'm trying to act normal; hell, I don't even know what normal is anymore. Sometimes it's like being with the same old Veronica again. But then there are other times, like when it's quiet or if she thinks I'm not paying attention, I can tell she's just…absent or something." Logan shook his head and then continued. "And I'm a mess. As much as I want to help her, I know that I don't deserve to be the one to help. I wasn't there for her when she needed me most and it's...crippling," Logan admitted, glad to finally be able to tell someone what was going on inside his head. He couldn't dump it on Veronica.

"You know this isn't your fault, Logan." Lilly sounded sincere.

"Yeah, I know. Nothing's ever my fault," he said, blowing out a harsh breath.

"Well, this time it really isn't. It was some asshole's fault. And if anyone is to blame, it's me. I pushed her; I'm always pushing her. Even about her clothes. I always give her shit for being too perfect and too much of a princess. She was complaining about you hooking up with some redhead and not noticing her, and I told her—"

"Lilly, you couldn't have known that—"

"She finally admitted that she wanted you. And I encouraged her to be more aggressive. Logan, I told her if you didn't notice to forget you and find someone else. And guess what? She went to that party and she did find someone…a predator! I am the worst best friend ever, you don't hold a candle to me. I should have let her work up the courage at her own pace and let her talk about it as much as she needed. But I rushed her, and brushed off her wanting to talk about you more. And now I realize that she spent years listening to me go on and on about you." Her voice sounded tortured. "I was a terrible girlfriend to you, Logan, and have been an even worse friend to her. What the hell is wrong with me?"

"Lilly, I…" Logan felt speechless, shocked by Lilly's admission. She'd never been the type of person to spend time on self-reflection. Nor was she one to admit when she was wrong. There was more of her mother in her than either she or Celeste would ever admit. Logan sighed.

"Bygones, Lilly. What happened between us is water under the bridge. It's done. We were kids and I've clearly moved on."

"We both have," Lilly agreed. "You and I are much better as friends anyways. But as for V, I just can't believe this happened to her. After all the shit you and I have pulled, how is it that she's the one that something horrible happens to?"

"Because I—one of the people who cares about her the most—didn't bother to watch her. I let her walk away from me. She was pissed off at me. She was headed off to meet some other guy that she was interested in because I'd been drowning myself in other girls so that I didn't ruin her, and this is what happened. Is she paying for my sins, Lilly?"

"Logan, _no_! It doesn't work that way. And she doesn't feel that way or she would never have told you."

"Well," Logan cringed with the memory, "I didn't give her much of a choice. But I'm glad I'm aware now. I couldn't take not knowing what was going on with her. I've felt like I couldn't breathe for weeks now."

"When I talked to her she seemed okay about telling you, but I'm not buying it. She doesn't want you to see her as damaged."

"If she only knew how I really do see her," Logan murmured before clearing his throat. "She wants to investigate and refuses to tell her father. I understand her reasons, but I still think it's a mistake. I don't know how to help her. Any ideas?"

"I read online that you should 'let her take the lead and just be supportive. She needs to feel in control.'" Logon rolled his eyes, patiently listening to Lilly recite WebMD advice. "I'll be home in a few weeks and maybe then we can get her out of town. Ya know, spend New Year's in Aspen or something? I'll clear it with her dad. She needs to get away from everything and be with us. In the meantime," Logan heard her shuffling papers, "remember to 'be patient and make sure that you validate her feelings.'"

Logan suddenly had had enough of listening to Lilly's regurgitated online support. "Listen, I gotta run. We just got to her place to study."

"Okay, give her a hug from me and subtly plant the seed about an Aspen getaway. You know how she is; she needs to think it's her idea if she's gonna agree to go."

"Right. Thanks, Lil. I'll call you again later," he said and then disconnected the call. He grabbed his schoolbooks from the passenger seat and made his way to Veronica's front door, noticing that hers was the only car in the driveway.

Veronica met him at the door. He still didn't know quite how to approach her in private after their kiss and her subsequent freakout the morning after. His instinct was to lean into her, but he chickened out and stepped around her instead. A quick glance around the living room told him that she was the only one home.

"Your dad still working round the clock?"

"Yeah. There haven't been any new cases though," Veronica responded, her tone optimistic.

"You mean, there haven't been any more _reported_ cases, Veronica." Although Logan meant it lightly, he regretted the words almost instantly.

Veronica's face was mixture of annoyance and astonishment. "Right. Whatever. I wish I could somehow see his notes on the case. Usually, he brings some case files home, but he's been working so much that he's left them at the station. I don't want to go snooping there. I guess I'm on my own."

"Gee, thanks."

"You know what I mean, Lo," she replied, clearly exasperated.

"No, actually, I don't. I thought we were in this together." Logan stared at her a moment, reminding himself how conflicted she must be. He took a breath. "So, what have you been doing to investigate on your own?"

"Nothing substantial without you, I promise. Mostly, I've been organizing. We don't know too much, but Dad always says to start with what you know and work from there. I know that I went to a frat party on Halloween," she ticked off the facts as if from a list, "and had some drinks that came from God-only-knows where."

"I had shots from the same tray you did. Did you drink after that?" Logan asked.

She shrugged helplessly. "I must have. I think I got one from the kitchen. It's fuzzy. I remember flirting with someone in a Batman costume, but not much more about him. I think he brought me a drink, and I may have kissed him," she admitted quietly, her face flamed red. "The last thing I'm sure of is standing in the bathroom line at the party. I remember feeling strange and that there was a girl there and we talked about how long the line was."

"You didn't know her?" Logan inquired, hopeful that they might have a place to start.

"No, but I remember her clearly for some reason. It's strange how some things come through so clearly in the midst of the fog…" she trailed off wistfully.

"If you saw her again, do you think you would recognize her?" Logan knew he was grasping at straws, but they had so little to go on.

"Yes, for sure. But there's no guarantee that she even goes to Hearst. It isn't much to go on, is it?"

"And that's all you remember?" He wished he knew how to prompt her memory.

"Well…I remember being in the bathroom upstairs, but I can't pinpoint exactly when it was. I'm not sure if I actually remember it from before…" she shook her head, clearly unwilling to say the word rape… "yeah…when I woke up, I used the bathroom, so I could just be remembering that."

"Hey, it's okay. Just concentrate on her. Can you describe her?"

"She wasn't wearing a mask. She was some kind of fairy." Veronica scrunched up her face in concentration. "Maybe Tinkerbell. Yes, I remember the green dress. She was blonde and not too tall."

Logan pulled out his phone and started cycling through his pictures. As Veronica leaned over to look, Logan found the few that were taken from that night. There was no sign of the mysterious Tinkerbell or anything else suspicious. Logan hadn't taken any pictures later in the evening, and he sincerely wished he had. Maybe then they would have more to go on. Suddenly, he remembered their conversation at the ice cream shop.

"Hey, was Batman that guy you said you wanted to meet up with? Lilly mentioned pushing you to find someone that night. At the time I didn't think much of you flirting with him because you'd told me you were trying to get someone's attention."

"No…he definitely wasn't the guy whose attention I was trying to get that night." Veronica wouldn't meet his eyes.

Uncertain of her reaction, Logan changed the subject. "Okay, so Tinkerbell is someone we can look into. What else do you know? What about the room you ended up in? Who lives there?"

"I did think of him, though the chances that a rapist would take a girl back to his own room to commit a crime were slim from the get-go." Veronica popped open her laptop and began typing frantically. "A simple internet search cleared his name because I wore his sweatshirt home." After finding what she looking for, she turned the machine toward Logan so that he could see the screen. "Chad Anderson, star Attacker for the Hearst Lacrosse team, and total hottie," Logan let out a huff, "scored three goals at the away game against Oregon on the evening of October 31st. He was in Eugene that night. Solid alibi."

"If only everything could be that cut and dry." Logan smiled at her, trying to sound reassuring.

"Don't I know it." Veronica snapped the laptop shut and picked up Logan's phone.

 

* * *

 

 _You sure didn't inherit any detective instincts at birth, Veronica. You're no further along than you were a few days ago,_ she thought to herself. _And Logan has barely touched you since. Only the Neptune Sharks strike out more often than this..._ she thought as she glanced over at Logan.

Veronica plopped onto her bed. Feeling deflated at her lack of progress, she decided to look through Logan's pictures once again to see if she'd missed anything. Detective work looked so much easier on Law & Order.

Looking at the pictures of the party had affected her much more than she had anticipated it would. It was as if she were seeing a stranger instead of herself. Someone she didn't recognize anymore; someone happy. The pictures had all been taken before Parker had joined their group and started flirting with Logan. Before Veronica had let herself become annoyed and leave the safety of his presence.

"I can't believe how stupid I was," she thought, disgusted with herself. _A leather corset and pants? Seriously? I never should have let Lilly talk me into it getting into the box._

"Um, what?" Logan came and sat next to her on the bed, pulling her legs up onto his lap, and began rubbing the arches of her feet.

_Oh crap, how much of that did you just say out loud?_

His eyes met hers and he frowned. "Do you still think this was your fault? Was it my fault with my dad? Was it all those other rape victims' fault? Veronica, think like a detective. Try to be objective. There is no way that what happened to you was your fault. And you aren't stupid. If you were sitting here talking to Mac or Lilly after they were attacked, you know you would tell them the same thing."

Veronica was too tired for logic. "Maybe so. I still wish I'd just stayed with the zombie bride costume. Maybe if I'd worn that I wouldn't be in this position right now," she said, yawning. "I dressed in leather because for one night I didn't want to be the princess-y sheriff's daughter. I wanted to look sexy." Her voice went almost to a whisper. "I wanted _someone_ to want me." _Too bad it was the wrong 'someone' who did_ , she thought.

" _I_ wanted you," Logan said and looked away quickly when she glanced at him, open mouthed.

_What?_

She rolled her eyes, unbelieving. "Oh, please, Logan. You were practically drooling all over Parker. You've always been crazy for girls like her and Lilly. You're into sensual and extroverted," Veronica said, getting worked up.

Logan's eyes caught hers and suddenly she felt like she always did around him, as if she were the only person in the world. She gulped past the knot in her throat, willing her eyes not to tear up. Veronica knew him well, but right now couldn't read what it was she saw in his eyes. Pity? A twinge of regret? Anger?

"Are you serious?" Logan's eyes were wide and he seemed slightly out of breath. "I can't believe you think so little of me. You of all people—I always thought that you knew...that you saw me for…" Logan cleared his throat. "I am long over Lilly and never _ever_ had any interest in Parker. How could I?" His voice was raw with emotion. "Are we going for honesty here, Veronica? Is it confession time?" He rubbed his hands up and down his face like he did when he was working up to something. "Because if we are laying ourselves bare here, I think it's time I tell you that I haven't been able to get you out of my head for, like, ages. Years." He kept his head bent down, appearing to be interested in a string dangling from her bedspread.

"What?" Veronica gasped. "That can't be true. I think I'd know. Lilly would know. She'd have said something."

"Lilly does know." Logan sighed. "Lilly knows. Dick knows. Duncan knows. Mac knows. Everyone in Neptune, except you, apparently, knows."

Veronica felt the tears she had been holding back start to fall.

Logan jumped off the bed and began to pace in front of her. "That's what makes this so much worse, Veronica. I wanted you. I wanted to be with you. I've wanted that forever. I haven't said anything because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to drag you into my family's shit. My life is so fucked up, V; you deserve better than me," he said, his voice getting louder and louder with every word and his gestures more grandiose. "And now it's even more fucked up because if I had just told you, we would be together right now." He took a shaky breath. "We'd have been together on Halloween and none of this would have ever happened to you. I won't ever forgive myself; I can't take knowing that I hurt you when all I want to do is protect you." He collapsed back onto the bed, breathless by the end of his speech.

She grunted at the irony. "Well, then maybe we really are meant for each other, Echolls. I'll never forgive myself either." She flopped back onto the bed so that she was lying down next to him. "And, since apparently full disclosure is the theme of the day, I should probably mention that I wasn't trying to land Batman that night. I'd been trying to hint weeks ago when we were getting ice cream that…"

"Oh God, Veronica, please don't say what I think you are about to say," Logan said, rolling onto his side and settling in. He was facing her but his eyes were closed.

"You know what? I will say it; I think we've both danced around this topic for far too long. The Catwoman costume was for you. There's never been anyone else...not for me."

Logan groaned and pulled her into a tight hug, his eyes still clenched shut as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

Veronica tilted her head up, gazing at Logan's face, which was still pulled into a tight expression of regret. Seeing his distress, she nuzzled her face into his neck and breathed in his scent, hoping it would comfort them both.

To her surprise, Logan pulled away and met her eyes. She saw the depths of his soul revealed to her before he shifted and brought his lip down to meet hers. The kiss started out chaste and undemanding, but soon the passion that had been building between them for so long took over. The kiss turned into something deeper and Veronica lost herself.

Losing all sense of time, they kissed for what seemed like hours. When she finally pulled back, she remained still so that she was pressed into him. They lay there clinging to each other in silence for a long while; neither of them really seemed to know what to do with the new information or the new passion that had ignited between them. Their mutual declarations had merged and hung heavily in the air. For the time being, they both were content accepting the comfort being offered and keeping reality at bay a little while longer.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Veronica made a point to spend time with Mac. She knew that she had neglected her friends too much lately. After ditching Mac and Dick at the casino, Veronica was determined to try again. Mac had reached out to her several times—despite Veronica's change in attitude—and had even come to her rescue the week before. It was time for Veronica to make an effort.

They met in the cafeteria and grabbed coffee. As soon as they'd paid, Mac asked Veronica if she would mind running over to Benes Hall. Apparently, Mac needed to swing by her dorm room to pack an overnight bag before her afternoon class. She was meeting Dick later and wanted to be ready when they met up.

When they walked into the small dorm room, Veronica forced herself to relax. Being in Mac's room again should feel nice; this was a place she could be carefree. She remembered helping move Mac in here just a few months ago, so eager to start college, and how jealous she'd felt at Mac's independence. Lilly and Duncan were on the East Coast, Logan had a new apartment and Mac was moving into the dorms. Dick was a legacy and had so many connections on campus that he'd moved into the frat house before he'd officially even become a member. Despite being at peace with her decision to stay home, Veronica had felt a little left out at the time. How silly that all seemed now.

While Mac busily threw some clothes into a bag, Veronica took the opportunity to check out the new pictures Mac had pinned onto her bulletin board. Veronica immediately caught sight of a picture of herself, Mac, Logan and Dick from the Halloween party. She laughed at the sight of Dick dressed in his pink princess suit. They each were holding a shot glass and toasting to the camera.

Mac came up behind her. "I love those pictures." She pointed to another one. "I can't believe I got Dick to wear that. It was rad. Why does it feel like it was a lifetime ago?"

"For you and me both. Did you take more pictures that night?" Veronica asked, trying to keep her voice even and unassuming. "I'd love to see them."

"Yeah, tons. Who could resist taking pictures of Dick in pink bejeweled Converse? They're on the computer. Take a look while I run down the hall and use the restroom," Mac said, pausing to login to her computer. She quickly bypassed her encryption software and pulled up the photos.

Veronica had gone through half of the pictures before Mac returned. At first she didn't see anything of note, but then someone in the background of a shot caught her eye. She saw Tinkerbell, the one person she remembered in her foggy haze, standing behind Dick, fuzzy and facing away from the camera. She quickly cycled through the next few shots, hoping to get lucky. Three photographs later, she found what she was looking for. Tinkerbell had posed with Mac and Dick for a picture. "Yahtzee!"

"What's that?" Mac said, coming up behind her.

"This girl, do you know her?"

"You mean, who Tinkerbell is? No, she asked someone to take a picture of us with her because she liked our costumes. So we used my camera to take one, too. Why?"

"I remember her from that night. Was she with someone else? Someone you or Dick knew?"

"No. I told you, she just liked our costumes." Mac glanced at Veronica. "What's wrong, V? What's going on? And don't tell me 'nothing'. I'm so sick of hearing that."

"I just don't remember much from that night, Mac. But I do remember her," Veronica replied as she clicked on the picture to zoom in on Tink. "What's that around her neck? Can you make this less pixelated?"

"I know my way around computers, but, despite what they say on TV, there's no way to make things more clear when you're this zoomed in. It looks like some Greek letters though. She's in a sorority, I'd guess," Mac said, studying the photo closely.

Veronica's intake of breath was instant. "I need to know who she is."

"I can have Dick ask around, if you want. One of his Pi Sig brothers might know her."

"Yes, can you call him now?" Veronica hated the desperation she could hear in her voice, but this felt almost like a real lead.

"He's in class now. I can talk to him about it when I see him later. But I'll only do it if you tell me what is going on. I think I've been pretty patient so far. I've given you plenty of time and space. What do you mean you can't remember things from that night? How much did you drink?"

"Too much probably, but I think someone slipped me something. I haven't been totally wasted since Homecoming sophomore year with Logan, Lilly and Duncan. But I still remember _that_ night. I don't remember much of the Kappa party at all." Veronica turned back to the computer and pointed at Tinkerbell, "But I remember that girl. I need to talk to her. I want to see what I can piece together."

"I know there is more to this story," Mac sighed.

Veronica could tell that Mac wanted to press her further, so Veronica preemptively gave her friend a pleading look.

"I'll skip my afternoon programming class and talk to Dick," Mac sighed, sending the picture to print.

"Mac, you don't have to skip class for me. Tonight will be fine," Veronica protested.

"Please!" Mac scoffed. "I could've taught that class when I was ten. I won't fall behind." She grabbed the picture from the printer and the two friends made their way out of Mac's dorm room.

Veronica was reeling from her first real lead in her case. That and the fact that she had the greatest friends ever.

 

* * *

 

Dick was surprised when Mac was waiting for him outside his business class. Not only was she supposed to be in her programming class, but she seemed upset. Dick quickly folded his girlfriend into a hug.

"What's up?"

"It's Veronica."

"You're still worried about Ronnie? I told you, Logan said she was doing better," Dick told, her, gently stroking his hand down her back.

"I just spent some time with her. I thought hanging out with her would help, but now I'm even more concerned. Dick, do you know this girl?" Mac asked, stepping out of his embrace to pull a photograph from her back pocket. "Veronica says she can't remember much from the night of Halloween. She thinks someone slipped something into her drink. One thing she remembers is talking to this girl though, and she wants to find her."

Dick leaned in to look more closely at the photograph and shook his head. "I don't remember her or even taking this picture. And I wasn't even that trashed. There were just so many people there. I'll ask around and see if any of my brothers know her."

"Thanks. She's wearing a sorority necklace," Mac said pointing to the barely visible necklace. "But I don't know if she even goes to Hearst." Rather than continue to stare at the photograph, Dick turned his attention to Mac. He realized how worried she actually was when she asked him, "Can you ask them tonight? We can go out another time. I'm not much in the mood to spend the night at the frat house anyways."

"Of course. She's my friend too. By default at least, right? I'll see what I can find out tonight. Be safe. And don't skip any more classes. One of us has to maintain some level of scholarliness and there's no way in hell I'm going to pass anything this semester," Dick said with a wink, pulling her close again and slipping the photo into his back pocket.

 

* * *

 

Dick walked into his frat house that night, carrying a stack of Cho's pizzas. As predicted, his brothers smelled fresh pizza from every corner of the house and came running.

As they clambered around him, Dick opened the box on the top of the stack. "Hey guys, I got laid three times last night and I thought I'd share the joy. Help yourselves." He waited until the last of the guys dug in before he pulled out the picture Mac had given him earlier. "Hey, so check this out. I went all out for this year's Kappa Halloween party with my girl, Mac. I'm totally Princess Peach. It was off the hook, man. I was worried that I looked like a pussy at first, but everyone totally dug it."

He handed the picture off and then stuffed his face with a slice of meat lover's pizza, happy to be able to eat it without being on the receiving end of his vegan girlfriend's glare. As the guys passed the picture around, they gave him a hard time, and Dick bantered back easily when they joked that he was Mac's bitch.

After a few minutes of this, Dick decided to take his shot. He pointed out Tinkerbell in the picture. "Hey, anyone know who the fairy chick in that picture is? I think she's a sorority girl. She was so damn hot. My buddy Logan lost his chance to get on that and I think he should give her a call. She look familiar to any of you?"

Chip Diller didn't even look at the picture again before speaking up first. "Oh yeah, I tapped that last year during Sexfest. She was hot but totally needy. She actually called me the next day." Everyone chortled. "Total psycho. I think she's a Zeta Theta Beta but I can't remember her name. Maybe Crystal or Christy? Something like that." His face screwed up in concentration. "No, Claire, that's it. I think Chase knows her better."

Dick called out to Chase Penny, who had wandered off to watch the game in the main room, "Hey! Penny, my man, hook a brother up! Give that hottie Claire a call and offer up some pizza. I'll call Logan; there is plenty to go around. He wants to meet her."

To Dick's shock, Chase actually shot a text and Claire agreed to come over with some friends. _Like taking candy from a fucking baby, I swear. Maybe Ronnie was right about frat guys and stupidity._ He couldn't believe his good luck and immediately picked up his phone and called Logan.

When he answered, Dick exuberantly said, "Hey Logan, man. I totally hit pay dirt with the whole hush-hush Ronnie situation."

"What about her? What do _you_ know about it?" Logan demanded.

"Mac told me. She sent me on a mission. I don't have time to answer your stupid questions, dude. Meet me at the Pi Sig house before seven so we can go over the plan. Bring some beer that chicks would dig. We only have el cheapo shit here. Oh, and look hot."

"Right," Logan replied and the line went dead in Dick's ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know...Veronica ran. I couldn't help it. She's still Veronica...but she didn't avoid him forever, so I hope my twist on her canon running worked okay. And yay! The sleuthing begins.
> 
> To my betas kmd0107 and LVFangirl, two words: endless gratitude. Thank you for all the hard work. And thanks to lisawolfe80 for reminding me that today is Wednesday! Oops!
> 
> A very huge Happy Birthday shout out to BewitchingRedhead36. My gift was a very Mac-y chapter just for you!
> 
> Thanks to all of you still reading, following and commenting.
> 
> More Saturday!


	10. Sinking Boat

**Chapter 10 – Sinking Boat**

Logan pulled up to the Pi Sigma Sigma house at ten minutes to seven, relieved to finally be doing something to help Veronica. He'd considered calling her to get more information, but had ultimately decided that he didn't want to upset her if it amounted to nothing. He grabbed the bottles of Corona out of the trunk and made his way to the front door.

Logan had barely gotten over the threshold when Dick grabbed him and pulled him aside.

"Dude, I said to come _before_ seven so we could go over the plan. The girls are already here so we gotta make this quick," Dick told him.

Logan glared at him. "Man, get yourself a watch. It _is_ before seven. Wow, you're really fired up."

"Yeah, man! Fired up for some sleuthing! You're late." Dick rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

Logan gave his friend a sideways glance. "Okay. Well, I'm here now, so tell me the plan," Logan said, gearing himself up for an interesting evening.

"I thought you had the plan." Dick looked perplexed.

"No, Dick, you called me, man. I have no idea what's going on. I was supposed to come before seven bearing beer and looking hot…done and done." Logan swept his hand down his chest dramatically, showcasing his hotness.

"Dude, what _is_ going on? How did you show up without a plan? We're supposed to be Starsky and Hutch. I'm Hutch, of course." Dick smiled, clearly amused with his own analogy.

"Does that make Veronica or Mac Huggy Bear?" Logan snarked, trying to follow along.

"Snoop Dog is Huggy Bear, why are you trying to confuse me? Who the fuck cares about that? You're Starsky, and Starsky always has the great plan."

"Dick," Logan said testily, "What are you talking about…who is here?"

"The girl from the party. The last person Ronnie remembers from Halloween night. I got her to come over. Her name's Claire and I told her you were interested. So you gotta flirt with her and figure out if she can remember anything about Ronnie from that night."

"I don't want to flirt with anyone else." Logan sighed dejectedly and scuffed his foot along the floor.

"Finally. Finally, man." Dick slapped him on the back. "You made a move, didn't you? Well, what happened?"

Not feeling ready to talk about the status of his and Veronica relationship, Logan merely shook his head and tried to bring Dick back on topic. "So Claire, right? Veronica asked you to do this? What do you know about that night?"

"No, dude, Mac asked. I only know that Ronnie wants to know who this chick is and so I got her here. That's why I thought you'd come early and brief me on the plan."

"I don't know how many times I can tell you this. I have no idea what plan you're talking about. You called _me_!" Logan took a deep breath and counted to five. "Ya know what? Whatever…we'll play it by ear." Logan set down the beer and tried to think on his feet. _What the hell am I supposed to do? I knew that I should have called Veronica instead of doing this on my own._

* * *

By 11:00 p.m. Logan was exasperated. He had spent the entire evening flirting with a girl that he had absolutely zero interest in. Logan, Dick, Claire and her friend Hallie had gone through all of the beer, two pizzas and the entirety of The Princess Bride, and Logan still hadn't gotten any useful information out of Claire. Unless he counted knowing she liked his cologne, which Logan didn't.

The night was coming to a close, and despite bringing up Halloween and the Kappa party twice, nothing of value had come to light. Claire seemed genuinely nice. To make matters worse, Dick kept giving Logan 'the look' which he interpreted as "get in there and figure it out!"

"I'm trying!" Logan mouthed over Claire's head at his friend. Starsky and Hutch made detective work look so much easier.

Logan, hoping Claire didn't expect to end the evening's flirtation with a goodnight kiss, pulled her aside as they were gathering up their things, grasping for an idea on how to get information out of her.

"So, Claire, I had fun tonight," he began, sighing and running a hand through his hair.

"Me too," she replied flirtatiously, leaning in and reaching for him. Logan bent away from her to feign a coughing fit. Claire abruptly grabbed at his pants pocket and pulled out his phone. "I'm going to program my number in so you can call me later. Maybe we can get coffee or dinner sometime."

"Oh yeah, for sure," Logan smiled, trying to sound interested while hiding his relief. Claire was really sweet, but leading her on was part of the game. She gave him a brilliantly coy smile and turned her attention to his phone. But when Claire opened up his phone, her features immediately twisted into a deep frown. She shot him an annoyed glare.

"Who's that?" Claire asked, flashing him his phone where there was a picture of himself and Veronica on the background. "I should have known you were too nice to be single. There always is a catch with the cute ones," Claire hissed.

"Huh?" Logan couldn't see past the fact that he was, in fact, using her. His mind was racing as he tried to figure out what on his phone had given him away.

"You have a girlfriend," she shot at him, holding up the picture of him and Veronica on his phone's wallpaper.

_Technically, one kiss does not a girlfriend make, Logan. Say what you need to say to see this thing through._ "Oh, her? She's not my girlfriend," Logan decided to steer away from semantics. "She's my best friend, Veronica. We grew up together; I've known her since we were like twelve or something." _Dude, shut up. You're rambling._

"Oh! Sorry. I've met some real assholes at Hearst. You seemed…different, but I've been mislead before." Claire shook her head, obviously embarrassed. "Well good, because I didn't want to have to be the one to have to tell you that she's dating another guy."

Logan's eyes shot away from his phone and up to Claire's face. "Wait! You know her? She's not dating anyone." _Yet._

"Well, I guess I don't know if they were dating or not, but she totally hooked up with Kurt at the Kappa Halloween Party. They must have gone together," Claire said matter-of-factly.

"Who is Kurt? And why do you think they were there together?" Logan asked leaning forward.

"Because they were dressed alike," she said, looking at Logan like he was an imbecile.

Confused, he asked, "Are you sure we're talking about the same person?"

Claire looked back down at the picture on Logan's phone. "Yeah, that's her. You know, they were Batman and Catwoman? She was totally out of it drunk or something. She was waiting with me for the bathroom but she left and went upstairs with that football player Kurt."

Now the tides had turned and Logan had to suppress the urge to kiss Claire. He looked over to where Dick was standing with Claire's friend and shot him an incredulous look. Dick motioned as if to say 'you got it?' and Logan nodded.

Before either of them could help it, Dick leapt closer to him, a huge grin on his face, and slapped his hand in high five. They both laughed until they realized that the girls were staring at them with an identical look of confusion.

"Sorry about that, Dick's…uh…just excited…we've… been trying to set our friend up with Kurt for months," Logan lied lamely as he turned to usher the ladies through the door and out to their car. By the time Logan said goodbye to the Claire and Hallie and made it back to the house, his moment of elation had been replaced by sadness when he realized how morose it all was. He'd just put a name to Batman. He could tell that Dick noticed his change in attitude.

"So what did you find out, man? I can't believe we did it."

" _We_ , huh?" Logan smirked, but decided that Dick had found Claire in the first place. "Claire saw Veronica on my phone and said she saw her at the party. Apparently Veronica was pretty out of it and some guy named Kurt took her upstairs."

"Whoa, what? So I guess this is a bit more complicated than just a case of a tainted drink?" Dick's asked.

Logan nodded, unable to look his friend in the eye.

Dick was uncharacteristically silent for a moment. "Someone took her upstairs? She doesn't remember who?" The ferocity of Dick's voice made Logan look up at him.

"No, she doesn't. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell you, but you pretty much figured it out on your own. Just don't tell anyone."

"Shit, dude. Is she okay? Are you okay? That's what's been going on? How are you so calm? If it was Mac I'd be ready to kill someone. Hell, someone would probably already be dead."

"I'm trying to hold it together for her. And the guy who did this has been lucky so far. Up until now, I didn't know who he was. If it's Kurt, I'm going to seriously fuck him up."

"I'll hold him down for you, Dude."

"Thanks, Dick. I wouldn't have it any other way. Now we need another plan, which is clearly not our strong suit," Logan huffed.

"I say let's call Mac in the morning. She can do all that voodoo crap on her computer," Dick offered.

"Good call. But let's call Mac right now—see if she can figure out where this Kurt guy lives. Maybe, we can get to the bottom of this without involving Veronica."

* * *

Just before nine the next morning, Logan and Dick pulled up to the house that Kurt rented off campus. As they approached Kurt's front door, they were again without a plan. It hadn't taken Mac long to find Kurt's full name and address, but by the time she got back to them it was nearly midnight, so the guys decided to wait until the morning to pay Kurt a visit. Mac told them that Batman came from money and that he lived alone. Both Logan and Dick were optimistic.

"So what are we going to do, Man? Just barge in there and go all Ivan Drago on his ass? I'm not saying I'm not in, I just wanna know what I'm getting into," Dick asked, cracking his knuckles as they moved up the walk.

"Something like that I guess. I'm pretty ready to just let loose," Logan said, cracking his knuckles also before taking a deep breath and stepping up to Kurt's door.

"Yeah, I'm not letting him shut the door on us, so get ready. Look tough." Dick was bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Always," Logan replied, bouncing with pumping adrenaline.

Logan could hear movement in the house, so he knew that someone was home. With a nod toward Dick, Logan knocked loudly on the door, gearing himself up for the confrontation. He heard footsteps approaching and felt his hands curl into a fist. When the door opened Logan was surprised to see a woman on the other side.

"Hi. We're looking for Kurt Fenstermacher," Logan said, his eyes looking past her in the darkened hallway.

"Kurt isn't here."

"Will he be back soon? We can wait," Dick piped in.

"He's out of town. I'm just here to feed the cat. He should be back tomorrow, though. Can I help you with something?" she asked.

Logan managed to come up with a cover quickly. "Um, yeah, we met him at the Kappa Halloween Party a few weeks ago and he mentioned he might want to, uh…go surfing with us sometime. We decided to drop by on our way out today."

"You sure you've got the right guy? I don't remember you from the party; I was there with him. And Kurt doesn't do much surfing," she replied warily, starting to retreat back into the house.

"Oh, huh. Well we're sorry to bother you…uh..?" Logan inquired.

"Trish."

"Trish." Logan felt confused and slowly walked away from the door. Suddenly he rotated back and was again facing Trish. "Kurt was in the Batman costume, right?"

"Yeah, that was him. I'll let him know you came by," she said while closing the door.

Dick and Logan turned and left without giving their names. Neither of them spoke a word until they'd climbed back into Logan's Range Rover and had driven a few blocks away.

"So Batman, aka Kurt, has a girlfriend who was at the party with him. From the sound of it she stayed close to him the whole night. Somehow, I don't feel like he's our guy," Logan mused aloud.

"Didn't seem like it, did it?" Dick responded. "Good thing we didn't get to punch him out then, I guess."

"Maybe we should regroup with Veronica and let her decide what to do next. She won't be happy that we did this much without her anyway. We might as well go face the music and see if she has any better ideas," Logan said, not excited about facing the wrath of Mars when he admitted to her that he'd gone to Kurt's house without telling her.

* * *

"Logan, what do you want? It's late," Lilly grouchily yawned into the phone.

"Are you serious? Who are you? It's only like ten there."

"Yeah, well, ever since this thing with Veronica, I've been partying less. And there isn't much to do when you don't party, except to study. And studying makes me fall asleep early," Lilly moaned. She wanted to sleep and he was confusing her. "Why am I explaining this to you? What do you want?"

"Veronica is pissed at me."

"So, it's just your average day! What did you do this time?" Lilly rolled her eyes and settled herself in for a long explanation.

"I tried to help her. Dick tracked some girl down that V remembers from that night, and I spent all of last night getting information out of her. So we figure out that the guy Veronica was flirting with at the party is—"

"Batman? You know who Batman is?" Lilly perked up a little.

"Well, I thought I did. So Dick and I went over there to talk to him—"

"Kick his ass?" Lilly clarified.

"Well, right! But his girlfriend answered and now I'm not convinced he's the right guy. But V is all pissed off at me for going behind her back. Like I would let her go knock on this guy's door? He could be a damn rapist. Does she think I'd ever let her do that?"

"Why do I bother dispensing advice at all? You don't listen to me. I said to let her _feel_ like she was in control...to let her take the lead. This isn't letting her take the lead Logan; you are just taking more choices away from her." Lilly leaned back against her bed and huffed in frustration.

"Of course you'd take her side. You'd just have me traipsing off to a rapist's house with the victim in tow just to appease V. Why not just hand her to him for a second go round?" Logan sounded livid.

Lilly sat back up and closed her eyes tightly at the thought of this 'Batman' getting to Veronica again. "I didn't say that." She exhaled harshly. "I said to keep her in the loop. If you had called her at any point during this process, she wouldn't feel like you were babying her. She doesn't actually have to be in control, bonehead. You know how she is."

"Yeah, I do. I'm wondering if you do. She's different now, Lil. She's…different," he repeated lamely.

Lilly looked at the time and sighed. "Listen, I gotta go. I have a test tomorrow, and for once I'm prepared, so I don't want to screw it up. Just talk to her, Logan. Say you're sorry. We both owe her that."

"Okay, I'll try if she answers the phone. I'm at her house and she's not home. I'll keep looking. Thanks," she heard Logan say before she hung up her phone and fell onto her pillow, exhausted.

Ten minutes later, just as she was falling back asleep, Lilly's phone rang again. She answered it without looking at the caller ID.

"Seriously? Just say you're sorry!" she begged into the phone.

"Um…sorry?" A familiar female voice said hesitantly from the other end.

"Veronica Mars! Why am I not surprised?" Lilly threw her arm over her eyes.

"You won't believe what your jackass of an ex did to me!"

"I love how when you're mad at him, he's _my_ ex and when you're mooning over him, he's _your_ best friend," Lilly giggled.

Veronica's only reply was a grunted 'hmpf'.

Willing to play along, Lilly just sighed, "Lemme guess. He did something overbearing and jackassy?"

"Yes!" Veronica huffed, "I asked Mac to figure out who the last girl was that I remember talking to at the party. It's a long story, but basically, I had her ask Dick to dig a little, purposely bypassing Logan. I knew that if he got involved, he would go all fight club on the guy. Of course, no one listens to me, and all of a sudden, Logan's with Dick messing everything up. How do I have no say in this?"

"He was just trying to help, V," Lilly yawned into the phone.

"How does Logan think he's helping by not letting me be a part of anything? I would know this guy."

"What?" Lilly squealed, suddenly interested. "You told me you don't remember anything. Did you tell Logan that you remember the guy?"

"I don't actually remember him but I know I would if I saw him," Veronica conceded. "I feel like I would, anyways." Her tone hardened and she sounded furious when she demanded, "How could they approach him without me?"

"Wake up! He went because he cares about you. Holy shit, I feel like your guys' relationship referee and you two aren't even together. Heaven help us if this ever actually goes anywhere," Lilly said, throwing her pillow at the wall in exasperation.

"Well, we did talk about us a little bit. Before all this happened, I mean."

Lilly popped up to sitting with a gasp of shock. "Are you serious?"

"And I _might_ have kissed him. Briefly."

"Wait, what? Did you two hook up?" Lilly exclaimed. "He didn't tell me, the dirty dog. Is that why I am receiving so many late-night phone calls? Now we're getting somewhere!" Lilly couldn't contain her excitement.

"I should have known he would call you. Next time I'll get to you first. In my hurry to escape him and get to Mac's, he beat me to you. It won't happen again," Veronica sighed.

"So, spill already, Veronica Mars! Wow, I still can't believe he didn't tell me," Lilly screeched.

"No, nothing happened. Nothing much anyways. It was nice." Lilly heard Veronica hesitate.

"And then?" Lilly prompted.

"Well, the kissing happened a few nights ago. Right after I told him about Halloween. I had a mini meltdown the next morning, so that kinda ruined the mood. And then later I was complaining that no one wanted me and he said he did. I told him I dressed up for him on Halloween. And we kissed a little after that little confession. I think now he's afraid that I'll break if he makes another move. This is exactly why I didn't want him to know. He's probably already thinking I'm broken and that I'm too fragile to do anything on my own…and in the process, he's going to get himself killed in the name of vengeance. As if I don't feel shitty enough as it is."

"Logan can handle himself. He won't get killed, he's too stubborn. Don't let him walk all over you, though. I know he can be a little domineering. Trust me, I know! Give him some time to think about it and he will come around. Now, can we please end this counseling session and so that I can get back to sleep?"

"Sleep? Lilly, it's like barely ten-thirty there," Veronica's voice was full of skepticism.

"You and Logan really do belong together. It's like I'm having the same conversation twice. I have a test tomorrow and I actually studied. I don't want to be up all night playing yenta for you two. You can figure it out tomorrow. And remember, make up sex with Logan was always the best kind. You'll see."

"I don't think I will be having sex of any kind again for a while, Lilly. I need to get to the bottom of this. I feel like I need to in order to be…normal."

"Don't give yourself too much credit. Neither of you were ever normal. Luckily, you both love me, so you must have some sense. I am hanging up now. Love you!" Lilly told her. Despite her words she waited for Veronica to respond.

"G'night, Lilly. I love you, too," Veronica said and then hung up.

* * *

When Veronica arrived at Mac's dorm room later that evening, she found her friend waiting in the hallway, sitting on the floor beside her door looking annoyed.

"Ya know, I figured out the knocking thing. You could have waited in your room," Veronica snarked, reaching a hand out to help Mac up. "You ready for the movie, _amiga_? I know you love your boyfriend, but he and Logan went all Cagney and Lacey on me and took matters into their own hands and I'm pissed. Let's have some fun and get my mind off it."

"The tickets are in the room and the room is currently… _ocupado_ …if you get my drift," Mac said, pointing over her shoulder and rolling her eyes.

"Well…frak. Gimme your key," Veronica said, holding her hand out expectantly. She took the key from Mac and unlocked the door. Shutting the door quietly behind her, Veronica slowly made her way across the room to the mirror where she could see the tickets stuck in the frame. Hastily, she removed them, trying hard to ignore the heavy breathing coming from Parker's bed.

"Don't mind me," Veronica whispered on her way back to the door. She ventured a glance over to Parker's bed. In the darkness she couldn't see much of anything, but she abruptly felt uncomfortable. Discomfort turned to panic and she hurried to the door, not caring anymore about how much noise she made.

_It's just the smell of sex, Veronica. Everyone in college is having it except you. Well, not willingly at least._

Veronica's heart sank at the thought that her fears might stand in the way of her having normal a relationship with a guy, let alone with Logan. A fear of crowds she understood, but Parker getting it on shouldn't have had such a deep effect on her. She carefully pushed her unease aside and jumped out of the room and into the hallway.

"Got them!" Veronica said breathlessly, knowing she was flushed and probably looked uncomfortable.

"You okay?" Mac said, obviously trying to lighten her friend's mood.

"Yeah, you were right though. If college is a boy buffet, she's got two full plates and a purse full of boys wrapped in napkins," Veronica said, trying to laugh it off.

* * *

Three hours later, Mac and Veronica made their way back to Mac's dorm room after their night out.

"I think I'm too wired to sleep," Veronica said as Mac dug her key out of her purse. "We shouldn't have stopped by Java the Hut for a recharge."

"No one forced you to drink that second latte, my friend."

"I know, but they were so good. Now I'm too tired to stay up but too wired to sleep. It's kind of a lethal combination for me."

"You and everyone else, which is why I paced myself." Mac gave Veronica a playful shove toward the dorm room she shared with Parker. Dubiously, she commented, "She can't possibly still be going at it right?"

"Parker? No way! Even she has to come up for air sometime," Veronica hoped. She really didn't want to go home alone tonight, but Veronica had no interest in being stuck in a room with Mac's randy roommate. "Hopefully she hasn't just started in on round two."

"Well, it's late and you're staying here rather than go home to an empty house. I know your dad is working late," Mac said, ducking into her room. She turned back after a thorough scan. "And it appears that we are dude free, so the couch is all yours."

Veronica threw Mac a grateful look as she accepted the blanket and pillow that her friend handed her. "Thanks, Mac. I had fun," she told her as she settled onto the couch, tucking herself in.

* * *

It was light in the room when Veronica awoke to the sound of screaming. Instantly worried that it was she who was screaming due to another nightmare, Veronica sat straight up and looked around in alarm.

Across the room in her bed, Parker was sitting up, looking back at Veronica with a look of utter terror on her face. Veronica swung her gaze over to Mac, who was sitting up in her bed as well, gaping at her roommate with her mouth open.

Slowly, Veronica looked back to Parker. Her face, normally adorned with an animated smile and bordered with a curtain of golden locks, was streaked with tears. More alarming was that both her smile and hair were missing.

There were only three words that Veronica could process coming from the Parker's shrieking.

"I was raped!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And we are officially half way through this story! I can't believe it! So much has happened and yet there is so much left to go. 
> 
> Thank you so much to you for sticking with me. As a brand new writer, it took me a few chapters to gain some confidence, and at least now I feel like I've gotten you to the point where I found my writing voice! I hope you continue to enjoy it!
> 
> Of course the real heroes of this piece are my extravaganzalorious betas kmd0107 and LVFangirl. Thank you!


	11. Suffered Enough

**Chapter 11 – Suffered Enough**

Mac moved first. She jumped out of her bed and rushed over to hold Parker, who was still screaming. Veronica could only stare at the other two, shaking so hard that she couldn't seem to move. Finally, a knock at the dorm's door brought Veronica out of her stupor and slowly she felt her body make its way over to open the door to the hallway. Moe, the RA on Mac's floor, stood there, surrounded by many concerned onlookers.

Moe looked past Veronica to where Mac sat on the bed, holding Parker, and then back to her. With a sympathetic grimace, he said, "I've called the campus police. They're on their way."

Veronica barely heard him. Everything was moving in slow motion. She must have lost sense of time because it seemed like only a few seconds later that her father was barging through the door and taking command.

The sheriff directed a female deputy to take the lead in comforting the still sobbing Parker. When the deputy took over, Mac let go of her roommate and immediately pulled Veronica over to sit on the couch that had been Veronica's bed the night before.

Veronica, still shaking, whispered, "Oh God, Mac. He was here. Last night when I came in. Not only did I not stop him before he could hurt someone else, I was in the room and didn't do anything!"

Remorsefully, Mac said, "It's my fault, too. If I hadn't told you she was a floozy… I sat outside the door for at least twenty minutes before you went in."

Finally coming out of her fog, Veronica was consumed with guilt. She recalled the night before and how she'd felt strange when she had crept into the dorm room to get the tickets. How could she not have known? What had her mind been trying to tell her last night? She knew she had sensed that something was off.

She felt like she was hyperventilating. Unable to take it anymore, she stood up and stepped over to her father, who was intently watching his deputy interact with Parker. "Dad, I need to get some air."

He shook his head regretfully. "I'll need a statement from you and Mac both before you can go anywhere, Honey. I'll get Sacks in here to talk to you. Under the circumstances, I don't think it's appropriate for me to interview you."

Veronica nodded. She knew how procedure worked. Even witnesses couldn't leave until the police gave them permission to do so.

"Can I call Parker's parents?" Mac asked Sheriff Mars as Sacks came across the threshold a few minutes later. "Will she be going to the hospital soon? They'll need to know where to find her."

"We'll take care of that, Mac. You just tell the deputy everything you know. We will take care of everything else," the sheriff told them both, putting an arm around Mac's shoulder and lightly squeezing it.

"Right. Right, that's good," was all Mac could manage.

Deputy Sacks took his time with Mac and Veronica, asking question after question. It was soon evident that neither of them had seen anything. But Sacks seemed satisfied that the two girls were able to nail down the timeline. It wasn't much, but since Parker couldn't remember anything, Sacks took careful notes during each of their interviews. As they wrapped up with the final questions, they watched Parker quickly be ushered out of the dorm and to an ambulance.

As soon as Parker was led away, Sheriff Mars put on gloves and began bagging the sheets off of Parker's bed. He called Sacks away from his interrogation with Veronica and Mac for help. The deputy put away his notebook before telling Mac and Veronica that they needed to collect the few things they might need from the dorm and find somewhere else to stay for a few hours while the room was processed; he knew how to find them both if he needed more information from them.

Mac wasted no time to grab her phone to call Dick, as she stuffed various items into a bag. "Dick? Dick where are you?" she sobbed into the phone.

Listening to only Mac's side of the conversation, Veronica prayed that Logan wouldn't find out right away. If Dick was with him right now, there would be no hope of him not finding out. It was still early, she decided. It was possible they hadn't met to go surf. She really needed time to think...to decide what to do without Logan's worry.

Taking advantage of Mac's distraction, Veronica began rifling around the papers on her friend's desk and immediately found what she was looking for. Mac had written the address on a yellow Post-It note. "I need you to come over, please. Veronica and I…last night…" Veronica dared to quickly glance over at her friend, hoping that Mac wouldn't notice as she pulled off the top note and shoved it into her pocket. "I'm sorry, I can't explain. Can you just come here?" Another pause. "I'm glad he's there with you. Veronica's dad is just leaving and she'll need someone, too."

 _Logan and Dick are on their way here? I should have known. If they were at the beach it won't take long. No way I'm sticking around for that._ Veronica thought, still mad at Logan in spite of everything. _If he'd just called me before he'd gone to Kurt, I could have gone over there and gotten more information out of his girlfriend. I could have looked at pictures. I would have come away with_ something _. I might have stopped this._

Veronica looked over at Mac who was still holding the phone to her ear, staring down at the ground. She had no doubt that the guys wouldn't waste a moment while hustling to the dorm. She had to hurry if she was to be gone before they arrived. Veronica quietly grabbed her bag and clothes and ran down the hall to the bathroom to change before making her way to the stairs.

When she made it to the ground floor, she carefully swung the door open, checking the corridor for signs of Dick or Logan. When she didn't see either one, she snuck out the back door of Benes Hall and made her way to her car. After sliding behind the wheel, she took out the Post-It she'd taken from Mac's room and studied it closely. She recognized the street as being close to campus. It was likely she could make it there before her friends even figured out where she had gone. She fastened her seatbelt, started the engine and peeled out of the south side of the parking lot just as Dick's silver truck pulled into it from the other end.

 

* * *

 

Dick and Logan were just stripping out of their wetsuits when Dick's phone rang inside his truck.

As Dick was coming around the back of the truck, he called out to Logan, "Hey, man, can you grab that? Who is it?"

"It's 'Schnookums'. I take it that's Mac, or is there something you need to tell me?" Logan quipped when he picked the phone up and read the name on the screen. Dick was the last person he'd ever expected to fall so hard for a girl. Mac had briefly dated Dick's brother, Cassidy, in high school before Dick had discovered bomb-making materials in Cassidy's room and the family had the younger brother shipped off for treatment. After that, Mac and Dick had spent some time together and a year later everyone had been surprised by how in love they were, how compatible. Dick had grown up a lot since his brother had been sent away, and Logan knew that Mac had been a huge part of his change.

"Shut up. If Ronnie was speaking to you, you'd be running off to kiss her ass already." Dick came around and grabbed the phone out of Logan's hand. "Too bad we pissed her off." He shot his friend a sympathetic look before answering the phone just before the call went to voicemail. "Hey Mackie, we just caught some killer waves. I wish you were here. You should have seen—"

Dick threw his friend a look as he said into the phone, "Calm down, Babe, and tell me what happened? Are you okay?"

Logan tried to move closer so that he could hear Mac's response, but could only make out a few words.

"What happened with Ronnie?"

By this time, Logan had stopped trying to listen. Instead, he tossed their surfboards into the bed of Dick's truck and collected their wetsuits. Heedless of the fact that they were covered in sand, Logan threw the suits into the back of the cab and then pulled out the shirt he had brought with him and threw Dick his.

Dick caught the shirt midair before climbing into the driver's seat. "Yes, I'm with Logan. We'll come there. We're coming right now, " Dick said into the phone, bending over to hunt for his keys on the floor of the truck. Finding them, he jammed the key into the ignition. "We'll be there in ten." Dick told Mac, turning the engine over and speeding out of the parking lot while at the same time pulling his hoodie on over his head.

"What's going on, Dick?" Logan asked when Dick disconnected the call, almost scared to hear the answer.

"I'm not sure. But Ronnie's dad's there. It can't be good."

 

* * *

 

By the time the guys pulled up to Benes Hall, there were four sheriff's cars parked out front and an ambulance was pulling away from the curb. Logan jumped out of the passenger seat before Dick had cut the engine. As they reached Mac's door, Lamb was putting up crime scene tape. The sight of it made Logan's heart stop.

"Have you seen Veronica?" Logan demanded, grabbing the deputy by the shirt and spinning him around to face him.

"Mac and Veronica are down the hall waiting for you in the common room. We couldn't risk further contamination of the scene," Lamb said, calmly peeling himself from out of Logan's grasp.

Logan didn't wait for any more information before sprinting down the hall with Dick hard on his heels. Entering the common room, Logan saw Mac sitting with half of the residents of Benes Hall. He scanned the faces and immediately picked out the floor's R.A., Moe, and Mercer. There were a few other faces Logan recognized but he did not see Veronica. He thought of the ambulance he'd just seen racing off and his heart momentarily stopped.

Dick ran around him and pulled Mac into his arms. "I'm so glad you're okay. You are okay, right?"

"Yes, I'm okay. Better now that you're here," Mac told him, burying her face into his chest.

Dick pulled away and inspected her. "What's going on, Mackster? Your room is a fucking crime scene. Where's Ronnie?"

Logan finally found his voice and echoed his friend's question.

Mac looked miserable when she informed them, "Parker was raped last night. In our room, while I sat outside the door. I thought she was just having sex, as usual. Veronica went in the room to get our movie tickets while it was happening and she didn't know. We just left Parker in there to be raped."

Dick rubbed his hands up and down Mac's back soothingly. "You couldn't have known, Mackie. You said yourself she has been sleeping with different guys practically every night since orientation."

"That doesn't make it any better. Veronica spent the night here after the movie and we woke up to Parker screaming. Then someone called campus police and then the sheriff. They're stripping Parker's bed and dusting for prints. And Veronica...after all she's been through. Oh my God, Dick." Mac gasped out the last part and began looking around the room.

"Mac, where is Veronica?" Logan asked again, moving closer to her and bending to look into her eyes.

"She should be…" Mac turned in Dick's arms to scan the room. "I - I don't know. She was right there when the deputy interviewed us. And Parker wouldn't stop screaming. Veronica barely spoke and wouldn't stop shaking. I tried to help her, but I was in a daze too. We packed up our stuff and she went to change, and…oh God. I guess I haven't seen her since I called you," Mac admitted, looking utterly panic-stricken.

Mentally calculating, Logan said, "So she's been gone at least fifteen minutes, maybe more. Did she leave the building? Where would she have gone?"

It was Mercer who spoke up first. "I saw her. She changed in the bathroom at the end of the hall and went out the back door. It was just a few minutes before you got here."

Logan took out his phone and dialed Veronica. No answer. He left her a message, barely controlling his worry enough to not scream into the phone.

"I don't know where she would go," Mac fretted, starting to pace. "She feels really bad about Parker. We both do. She was upset that she hadn't managed to stop the guy. I don't know what she was talking about. I know she feels that way, but how could she have stopped him? We didn't know anything was wrong with Parker."

Logan knew instinctively that Veronica must have gone out to follow some kind of lead. He couldn't imagine that she was still so mad at him that she would go to the extreme of leaving without a word in order to just avoid him. He flopped down onto the couch across from where Mac was and wracked his brain. He tried Veronica's cell a few more times but she didn't pick up.

Minutes passed, and Logan knew he was losing precious time. He cursed himself for telling Veronica about Kurt at all. If she hadn't been mad at him last night they would have been together. She wouldn't have put herself in the path of that rapist again. An idea suddenly dawned on him.

"Kurt! Mac did you tell her where Kurt lived?"

"No, of course not. She didn't ask. She was so mad at you two for going over there that Kurt was a pretty taboo subject last night," Mac responded.

"How did you get his address?"

Mac looked around to make sure no one was listening to them. Luckily, most of Benes Hall's occupants had dispersed once Dick and Logan had arrived. "I hacked into campus records and found his mailing address. An online search got me close, but I had to dig deeper to get the exact house number. Why?"

"I think Veronica might have gone over there to do god knows what. Did you leave his address out where she could find it?"

Mac suddenly jumped up and began running toward her room. "Yes! Oh no, yes! It was on my desk. But it was just an address; his name wasn't written with it." Logan, surprised at her sudden burst of energy, followed her. Dick wasn't far behind. They made it to her dorm room in time to watch Sheriff Mars and Lamb disappear down the stairwell at the end of the hall with a bag full of bedding.

Together, the three of them stepped up to where Sacks was preparing to seal the door. Looking past Sacks into the room, Mac said pleadingly, "Deputy, I just remembered that I need something from that room."

He was shaking his head before she'd even finished with her request. "No can do, Miss Mackenzie. We're going to seal it off for now so that we can come back and dust for more prints after we take the victim's statement at the hospital. Normally, we would do it all at once, but we are short staffed today on account of the overtime we've been working…"

"Sacks, please," Logan yelled, knowing the Deputy's name from his many youthful encounters with the local sheriff's department. "You can go in and get it for us, but we need it. It's for a test tomorrow."

Sacks sighed and stepped over the threshold, ducking under the crime scene tape. "Okay, but you had better know what you're looking for Miss Mackenzie. I'm not gonna dig through your things."

"I do! I do! It's an address written on a yellow Post-It pad on my desk. It should be right next to the red Swingline stapler," Mac said, relieved that Sacks was listening to them.

"Well, I see the pad, but there's no address written on here. It's blank, see?" he said, holding it up for the trio to see.

"Shit!" Logan muttered. "Keys, Dick! Gimme your keys!"

Dick tossed his friend the keys to his truck and turned to comfort Mac who was beside herself with worry. To Logan, Dick said, "Mac and I will go to the hospital to be with Parker. Be careful, Logan. Calm down and drive safely. You won't help her at all if you get in an accident on the way there!"

Logan nodded and then took the stairs three at a time until he reached the first floor landing. He dialed Veronica's number again as he climbed into the truck. _Pick up! Pick up, dammit!_ he screamed at her through the phone. Just as he was about to hang up, he heard the call connect. A groan-like sob erupted from the other end.

"Veronica?" he bellowed.

 

* * *

 

Veronica knew she was wasting valuable time sitting outside Kurt's house, but she needed to work up the nerve to break in. She ignored two calls from Logan while staring up at the craftsman style house across the street. When her phone fell in between her seat and the center console, she hardly noticed.

Years ago, her father had taught her how to pick locks. It had come in handy since she always managed to lock herself out of the house and her sheriff father refused to have a hide-a-key. The skill she'd perfected was about to pay off, big time.

Swallowing hard, she forced herself to exit her car and make her way around to the back door of Kurt's house. It was early, barely 9:00 a.m., and Logan had said that Kurt was out of town. There were no cars parked in the driveway, and she hoped that he hadn't beaten her here and parked his car in the garage.

With any luck, she could get in, poke around a little bit and get out and no one would be the wiser. Though Veronica did want to talk to Kurt, she hoped that seeing a few pictures of him would spark her memory. Or maybe there were some other leads in the house. It wasn't much to go on, but she had to do something.

The back door only took a few minutes to jimmy and she found herself standing in a bright kitchen.

 _This Kurt guy sure is tidy for the meathead jock you were expecting, Veronica,_ she mused as she tried to get a sense of the house's floor plan. _Stay cool, Sodapop_ , she instructed herself in an attempt to slow her pounding heart. _The fact that you've just broken into your suspected rapist's house doesn't mean you get to lose it. Collect information. Focus on what you see._

She made her way into the main room of the house and walked over to the mantle. Picture frames were lined up across it. She easily figured out which one was Kurt because he was featured in most of the shots, sometimes in his Wichita High jersey, sometimes not, with people Veronica assumed were various friends, family members, coaches and teammates. All her hope of remembering something when she saw his face was immediately obliterated. She didn't feel anything at all, good or bad. She opened her purse to pull out her phone to take a picture of one of the frames and realized that it was missing. Her thoughts flew to her car.

_Crap. Well, you're not leaving now. The camera wouldn't do you much good anyways!_

Crestfallen, Veronica made her way to the staircase, hoping to quickly poke around in his room and see if he might have kept the Batman costume.

She padded through the bedrooms until she found one that must be his and made her way to the closet. She peeked inside and didn't find anything interesting. His closet was filled with sports jerseys and sweatshirts. She frowned, realizing that nothing about solving her assault was coming easily. Just as she closed the closet door, she heard a distinct thud from down the hall and she jumped in fright. Someone was in the house.

She took off her shoes to silence her retreat and shoved them into her large, black bag, simultaneously pulling out a can of pepper spray. She was halfway back to the staircase when the noise repeated itself and she spun around, holding the pepper spray at the ready. She was met with a giant, long haired tabby cat, who looked very unconcerned with her presence. The cat ran up to Veronica, snaking itself back and forth between her legs, rubbing its face on her jeans. Veronica let out a healthy laugh at her own jumpiness. "You scared the crap out of me, cat!" she chuckled, reaching down to stroke the cat and scratch behind its ears.

Deciding that she had risked enough and wasn't going to discover anything more, Veronica slipped her shoes back on, threw the pepper spray back into her purse and hurried down the staircase. She took one more quick look around before carefully letting herself out the way she came, locking the door behind her.

She exhaled a sigh of relief to be out of the house and made her way around the side and down the driveway. She was only twenty yards from her car when a green Honda Accord pulled into the driveway and blocked her path. The driver quickly turned off the engine and jumped out of the car. When Veronica looked up she was staring into the face of Wichita linebacker Kurt.

_What now, Mars? Think fast!_

"Um, who are you?" Kurt asked. He didn't sound particularly suspicious, but more curious.

"Oh, hi! I'm Ellen White," Veronica improvised. "I live across the street. Trish mentioned you were out of town and I heard strange noises coming from your backyard and decided to check it out. Everything looks shipshape, though, so I'll just be on my way." Veronica smiled and made a move to get past him.

"Really?" Kurt answered, unconvinced. He moved deftly and cut off her quick exit. "Because, _Ellen_ , this neighborhood is kinda full of retirees. That's pretty much why I chose it. Peace and quiet to keep the grades up and all that."

"Yeah, I'm a grad student at San Diego State. I came up here to visit my grandparents for the week. Nothing like some home cooking from Nana and Pops to keep a girl from getting too lonely," Veronica said, moving past Kurt and quickening her pace down the driveway.

"Is that right?" he said, grabbing her arm and spinning her around. "I still don't recall mentioning Trish to anyone in the neighborhood recently."

Veronica cursed herself for putting away her pepper spray before exiting the house. The hold he had on her arm was tight and she couldn't maneuver her way into her bag.

"Well, we just met yesterday when she was here feeding the cat. Listen, I gotta go. My father is friends with the sheriff and they're waiting for me. Family breakfast. Nana and Pops were already on their way. They'll wonder what's keeping me," Veronica said warningly. "Now let go of my arm!"

Veronica didn't know if it was the mention of her father or not, but Kurt complied, letting her go. She moved quickly to her car and climbed in, taking a second to catch her breath.

_That could have gone much worse. I wonder if he has an alibi for last night._

She jumped and screamed when someone pounded on her window and she looked up to see Kurt standing by her car. "Come on, _Ellen_ ," Kurt said mockingly. "What the hell were you doing behind my house?" he snarled at her through the closed window.

Veronica shakily started up the engine and pulled away, leaving Kurt staring at her as she practically tore down the street. She watched him in her rearview mirror and was relieved to see that he didn't get in his car to follow her.

She jumped again when her phone rang, loud and shrilly, from between the seats. _Logan!_ she thought, trying to fish the phone out while keeping her eyes on the road. She finally managed to get the phone between two fingers and pull it out and dropped it onto her lap. Veronica knew that she needed to answer it or Logan would be breaking down Kurt's door momentarily. She'd had a head start, but it wouldn't take her friends long to figure out where she'd gone.

Veronica connected the phone call and opened her mouth to greet him, but the only sound that came from her throat was some cross between a groan and a sob.

"Veronica?" she heard him yell through the phone. She realized that she'd been holding her breath since she'd pulled away from Kurt's house. Despite being out of danger, she was a bit short of breath and couldn't talk.

"Veronica!" Logan screamed into the phone again when she didn't reply. She tried to control her breathing. She knew that she wasn't in a crisis. She needed to calm down and find her voice. "I know you went to see Kurt. I'm on my way there now. Hold on, okay?"

His comment pulled her out of her anxiety-induced stupor. _He's headed where?_ She finally found her voice. "No!" she managed. "I'm not there."

"Are you okay?" he said loudly. She could hear fear in his voice.

"I – I think so. I'm so sorry, Logan. I thought…oh, I thought…" she trailed off.

"Where are you?"

"I'm in my car. I'm coming up to Sunset Cliffs Blvd and Adams."

"Okay, meet me at my place. I'm not too far away, but you'll probably beat me there. Stay on the phone with me though."

"Okay, I will. I'm turning around now," Veronica said, pulling into the left turn lane to make a U-turn.

 

* * *

 

Still on the phone with Veronica, Logan worked desperately to calm himself down. Knowing that she was safe, he was able to slow his car down to just ten over the speed limit. He hoped that the extra minute or two would help him pull himself together.

He knew yelling at her wasn't going to help, but he had never felt such intense fear as he had back at Benes when he realized where she had gone. Veronica, of all people, should know better than to go waltzing into a situation that was dangerous. He hadn't anticipated that her desire to catch the Hearst rapist would override her own sense of safety. He hadn't known that Veronica could be so reckless.

"Okay, I'm here," he told her before disconnecting the call as he pulled up to his place. He saw Veronica's car parked two spots over from his usual spot. He threw a quick glance at her car and saw her sitting in the driver's seat, slumped over the steering wheel. Quickly, he got out of Dick's truck and made his way to her car.

"I thought you said you were okay," he said, wrenching her door open and moving to pull her out.

"I am. I'm fine, I swear. I'm sorry I scared you." The anguish on her face mirrored his own. "Can we go inside, please? I'm cold!"

Immediately, Logan felt himself soften. "Yeah, all right. You're shaking. C'mon in," he said, reaching in to grab her bag once she was out of the car.

He ushered her into his place, sat her on the couch and went into the bedroom to retrieve the blankets off of his bed. He settled himself on the couch next to her and wrapped them both up. He waited a few minutes before broaching the topic that was on both of their minds. "You wanna tell me what happened?"

"I'm so stupid. I was so mad at you and Dick for going to visit Kurt behind my back. I just felt like if I could meet him or see him I would know, that I would remember. After I woke up this morning and realized that I had been in the room while Parker was being attacked, I realized I _knew_ that something had just felt wrong last night when I went inside that dorm room to get those movie tickets." She was quiet for a minute and she shuddered a little. "It was like when we went gambling with Mac and Dick. I just got this feeling that he was there. I don't know if it's a smell or what, but I felt the same thing in that room last night."

Logan closed his eyes and shook his head lightly. "Veronica, you can't be responsible for everyone and everything."

"I know. Logically, I do know that, but I'm telling you, this was different. And I thought that if I went to see Kurt that I would know. Either I would have that same feeling again or not, but I would know. I was hoping it would even help me remember."

"Well, I'm glad you changed your mind about going over there then," he said, pulling her tighter.

"What?" she asked, pulling away but not looking at him.

"I'm glad you didn't go over there."

"Yeah, about that… I did go over there." Logan was stunned to silence; all he could do was stare at her incredulously. She continued, pleadingly, "I was hoping to check out his place before he got home. You said he was out of town and I thought I could…maybe poke around his house a bit and no one would ever be the wiser."

Logan felt himself on the verge of boiling over with anger. He jumped to his feet, practically dumping Veronica off as he took the blankets with him. "You did what?!"

"I'm not going to tell you if you're going to yell at me," Veronica told him, folding her arms across herself. "I had to do something; I practically watched while Parker was raped last night. Oh God, Logan."

Logan tried, once again, to control his anger. He swallowed and took a slow breath. "Okay. I'm trying. What happened next?"

In a small voice, Veronica told him, "I picked his back door and let myself into his house." With that Logan growled and covered his face. She ignored him and continued, "I checked through most of the rooms and saw him in some pictures. Nothing sparked any memories or anything. I didn't find the Batman costume in his closet or anything."

"For Christ's sake Veronica, you were in his bedroom?" Logan couldn't contain shock. "What if he was in there? What if he'd come home?"

"You said you wouldn't yell," she countered.

"I didn't actually. I said I was trying. Besides, I'm not the one who's out of line here, you are!"

"Well, if you're really interested in full disclosure, Kurt did come home," Veronica continued meekly. Logan whirled around to glare at her. "But not till I was out of the house. I was in his driveway. I fed him some line about being a neighbor. He didn't buy it. He tried to grab me and I took off. That's when you called."

Logan had stopped pacing and was staring at her, open mouthed. "So, let me get this straight. I get my head ripped off for going over to his house, _with_ Dick, I might add, who could easily pummel Kurt on his own. But it's okay for you, who is maybe one hundred pounds when soaking wet, to go barging in there solo?"

"I had my pepper spray. I knew he wasn't home," she said mildly.

"Oh, and that justifies everything. You were wrong, weren't you?" Logan quickly made his way back to her and began inspecting her for signs of injury. "He didn't hurt you?"

"No, like I said, he grabbed at me. He knew the name I gave him was a fake and wasn't buying my story. At first I thought it was because he might have recognized me from that night, but I can't be sure." She paused when Logan jumped back off the couch and began pacing, wildly pulling at his hair.

"Well, don't stop there. This story is _riveting_!" he snarled at her from where he had stalked to by the window when she'd paused in the telling.

"He chased me out to my car, and—" Logan's sharp inhale and almost sinister laugh cut her off. He'd never been so livid in his life.

He crossed the room in two steps, stopping a few feet from her. "He chased you? Oh wow, Veronica, this keeps getting better and better! I know I sound like a broken record, but what the hell were you thinking? He could have killed you." Logan wasn't trying to scare her, but this was just all too much for him. He was surprised by her reaction. Instead of shying away and giving in, like he expected, Veronica stood up and met his gaze head on.

Coolly, Veronica's blue eyes pierced his. "I was thinking about Halloween. I was thinking about Parker and all those other girls. I was thinking that I could figure something out or rule Kurt out once and for all." It took a moment for Logan to register just how worked up she was. Veronica was away from the couch and marching toward him, her stride full of purpose. She was a little bit scary and Logan had to force himself not to back away from her. "I was thinking that I was in control for once," she finished at almost a yell. "And, quite frankly, I don't see what right you have to be so upset. You seem pretty good at making grand declarations of regret after the fact, rather than just being there for me in the first place!" She gasped out, clearly shocked by her own admission, and clamped a hand over her mouth. "Oh shit, Logan. I didn't mean that."

A moment of stunned silence passed between them.

Finally, Logan shook his head. "No, you're right. And it needed to be said. There is nothing I will ever be able to say or do to make up for that night, Veronica." He resumed his pacing, rubbing the back of his neck. He stopped all at once and turned to see her looking ashamed. "But I meant what I said too. I care about you," he told her, crossing the room and gathering her into his arms. "If something else were to happen to you, I couldn't live with myself. I mean it. This isn't some empty grand gesture," he said, pulling her back in his arms so he could see her face. "I love you, Veronica. It's as simple as that. I love you," he repeated firmly.

She was finally able to meet his eyes again and blinked a few times but remained silent.

Logan's mind was racing after his declaration. He hadn't meant to disclose his love for her in a moment of anger. His first time telling her he _really_ loved her and he'd practically spat it at her. And now he had no idea how she was going to respond. "Could you say something, please?" he asked almost meekly, shuffling his feet nervously.

A shy smile crossed Veronica's lips. "You have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that to me. I know that things are shitty right now and I know that I'm all messed up, but me, too. I love you too, Logan. So much."

Despite the stress of the day and the past few months, Logan felt all his fear and anxiety suddenly melt away. His lips met hers, and he suppressed the urge to pull her down onto the couch. He didn't want to scare her.

"Yeah, I think I have a pretty good idea actually," Logan chuckled when he pulled his mouth away from hers. "So there's that." He continued, gently brushing the tears from her cheeks as he leaned forward to press his forehead onto hers. "But now that everything's out in the open, I need you to promise me you won't walk knowingly into dangerous situations."

She pursed her lips together. "I am who I am, Logan. I'm not the meek girl I was in high school. But I promise to call you before I do anything rash, okay?"

Logan laughed, despite himself, and pulled her back to him. "Well, I guess if that's the best I'm going to get, I'll take it. But I'm serious. Call me or Dick or even your dad if you need us. Hell, you have a 150-pound pit bull at home. We're all at your disposal."

"I'll remember that." She looked back up at him, her expression almost shy. "Can I stay here for a while? Maybe spend the night?"

"There's nothing I'd like more than to spend the next week with you, but we can start with the next twenty-four hours."

After a bit, Logan called Dick to check in on Mac and Parker and also to let them know that Veronica was okay. Dick told him that Parker's parents were on their way and that, from what they'd told Mac on the phone, they wanted Parker to return home with them. Logan couldn't say he blamed them, because he had an intense desire to grab Veronica and sail off into the sunset until this guy was caught.

Wanting to stay in, but not having much energy for anything in particular, Logan and Veronica studied most of the day before ordering take out from Mama Leone's for dinner. They discussed Kurt and how Logan wasn't convinced that he was the right guy. Veronica agreed that the evidence seemed to work in Kurt's favor. They studied a little more after dinner while eating popcorn and flirting with each other shamelessly. It amazed him how much their banter over the years now felt like foreplay.

"Well, Sugarpuss, it's near 11:00 p.m. and I'm still covered in salty seawater," he said, leaning over to kiss her gently on the lips. "I'm gonna take a shower, but I'll leave some clothes out for you. Unless you'd care to join me in there," he raised his eyebrows at her suggestively.

"And _there's_ the Logan I know and love!" Veronica smirked and threw a handful of popcorn at him. "I knew he was in there somewhere; you've been too polite lately."

"Seriously? We've only been together a few hours and already you're throwing things at me?" he lunged at her, tickling her as he had done so many times in the past. When he finally gave in to her pleads for mercy, he pulled back and kissed her again lightly. "As long as you love me, I'll let it slide."

"I do! I do!" she swore, watching his hands for signs of another attack. "But for the record, I like the kissing much more than the tickling."

"Lucky for us both, I do too!" he said and kissed her on the nose before he headed to his bedroom to grab them both some clothes.

 

* * *

 

When Logan emerged from the shower, he stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Veronica standing in his room wearing his boxers and Hearst t-shirt. For a brief moment in time, she almost looked like her old self again. She was smiling the same shy smile that he remembered from before.

"You are so hot in my clothes," he groaned, grabbing her around the waist and nuzzling her neck. He could feel her pull back a little. "Don't worry, Veronica, I can control myself in your presence. I've been doing that dance for years. Although, it does seem different now that you're mine."

"Yours? Did I miss the delivery of a dowry and the signing of the papers? What was I worth? At least a few chickens, I'd wager. I hope you drove a hard bargain, my dad can be a miser," she responded, feigning upset.

"Very cute; you know what I meant. Let's get into bed," he said, letting her crawl in first and then settled in behind her, spoon style. "I just mean that I know you've been through a lot. I don't want to pressure you. Last time you stayed the night, things got a little intense the next morning. I don't want you to feel that way. I want you to trust me."

"I do! You've never pressured me, Logan," she said, turning in his arms to face him. "It took us years to kiss, so I don't think we're moving at warp speed here. And about that other kiss…" At his sigh, she continued. "It wasn't you. It wasn't our kiss that made me react that way in the morning. It was about waking up someplace other than in my room and…some other things I am not ready to face quite yet. It just brought back some memories is all." She kept her eyes trained on his, but he could tell how hard it still was for her to talk about that night.

"Logan, the last thing I want is for you to see me as broken. But, yes, I know what you mean about taking things slowly. And I appreciate it. I admit that being with you is a bit…intimidating."

"Intimidating? That's just what a guy wants to hear," Logan scoffed. He didn't know how to take that.

" _Yes_ , intimidating. You're…you. And I…can't remember ever getting past second base."

"I'm so sorry, V. I don't know what else to say. I wish—"

"I wasn't asking for an apology." She let out a sudden groan and ducked her head, looking suddenly shy. "It's embarrassing…"

"Hey! Don't do that." He kissed her nose lightly, which made her look up at him again. "You can tell me anything."

"I just…I guess that I'd always hoped that my first time would be with you." Her voice got low at the end of the statement and she averted her eyes again.

"Well, you shouldn't be embarrassed. It's what I wanted too. And your first time will be with me; in every way that matters."

"So you don't mind waiting a while?"

"Veronica, like you said, I've been waiting for years. I'll let you set the pace. I just want you to be open with me if something makes you uncomfortable." He brushed the hair off of her cheek. "When we make love for the first time, I promise, you will remember it. I promise you will enjoy it. We both will."

"Thank you, Logan. That's exactly what I needed you to say."

"I'm glad. I love you," he said, pulling her into a deeper kiss. Once again, he was finding it hard to control himself around her. He couldn't help how natural it was to wrap his arms around her and grind her hips into his. At her sudden gasp, Logan forced himself to slow down and pull back. "But I think we will have to cool it with the kissing in my bed. Especially when I am all too aware that you are dressed only in my boxers and pressed against me. At least for a little while."

"Am I allowed public make out sessions?" Veronica grinned up at him, teasing.

"Well, I'm not so into PDAs. But, I'm working on self-control here. It wouldn't hurt things if we at least started the make-out session fully clothed."

"I think that can be arranged," she said, rolling over so they could resume their earlier position.

After a few minutes of silence, she spoke up again. "I think I need to go back to the frat house, Logan."

"Really? Are you sure?" Logan asked, rolling her over to face him again. _Progress,_ he thought, feeling encouraged. _She's talking to you!_

"Yes, I'm sure. As long as you'll go with me."

"Well, you aren't going alone, that's for damn sure. Let's make a plan in the morning," he yawned, tucking her head under his chin. He adjusted his legs so that she could wrap hers through them.

"Goodnight, Logan."

"Goodnight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There you have it — another chapter complete! We're chipping away at the mystery little by little. Thanks, as always to all who are still reading and reviewing. I hope you liked this latest installment. More Saturday!
> 
> And thanks to my betas kmd0107 and LVFangirl - you can't see me right now, but I'm totally doing a happy dance in your honor!


	12. Always Fool Me

**Chapter 12 – Always Fool Me**

Both Lilly and Duncan would be back in Neptune for winter break and Veronica had reluctantly agreed to a trip to Aspen for New Year's Eve. Most of all, she was looking forward to a few weeks away from classes. Hopefully the free time would allow she and Logan to plan their next step in investigating her assault. She also hoped that over the break she could spend some time in her dad's office and review his case files.

Given that Parker's assault happened in the dorm and the others occurred either near the campus or at a frat house, Veronica felt comfortable assuming that the Hearst rapist was likely a student. This meant that he would most likely return home, away from Neptune, for winter break, which gave her a fair amount of time to formulate a plan. She felt safe.

On Thursday afternoon, Logan and Veronica walked out of their last final holding hands. Even through all of the difficulties of the past few months, they had still managed to work together and study for finals. Since Mac had one final remaining the next day and was studying still, it was only Dick who met up with Logan and Veronica to celebrate the completion of their first semester of college.

The trio now sat at a hole-in-the-wall taqueria that was right on the beach, enjoying the freedom that only came once finals were over. Logan sat next to Veronica in the booth, their legs touching. Dick sat across from them, drumming his fingers on the table to the mariachi beat.

"Are these not the best damn fish tacos in the world, amigos?" Dick asked rhetorically.

"At least in Neptune, for sure," Veronica added between bites. "I take back some of what I've said about you, Dick. You do have a few good qualities. I've always appreciated a guy who could find great food on a dime."

"I have more than a few good qualities. Just ask Mac. I'm sure she'd be happy to detail them for you. And if you think these tacos are good, wait until I introduce you to the Korean kimchi truck. It's called Seoul Food, get it?" he said, downing half a taco in one bite. "So Ronnie, did Logan tell you about the Kappa end of the year party yet?"

"Come again?" she said, her mood abruptly souring. She angrily dropped her taco and turned to Logan.

Logan dropped his taco and also held his hands up. "Wait! Before you bite my head off and start throwing around accusations of subterfuge, hear me out. I just found out about this party last night. Dick texted me about it well after midnight, which he will confirm." Veronica's eyes flew to meet Dick.

"I'm staying out of this," Dick objected.

"Thanks for your support, man. I'll remember that," Logan replied before turning back to Veronica. "We haven't talked at all since our final ended. I was going to tell you after we ate," he finished.

Veronica gave Logan a dubious look. "Let's hear about this party."

"It's at the Lambda Kappa Pi house. I'm sure you and Logan had planned a clandestine operation to get in there and look for clues, but now the front door's been opened for us. Anyway, it promises to be a first class rager," Dick finished exuberantly.

"And when will this 'rager' take place, _Logan_?" Veronica asked, eyeing her boyfriend pointedly.

"Tomorrow night, which I know doesn't leave us much time to make a new plan. Will Mac be available, Dick?" Logan turned his attention to Dick.

"Yeah, man, she's totally on board with the operation," Dick said, ogling Veronica's plate. "Hey, Ronnie, you gonna finish those tacos?" Veronica reached out and slapped his hand away from her plate without even a glance in his direction. "Geez, Logan, your girl's violent," he whined, earning him a glare from his friends.

"I was hoping to check out the frat house after winter break once I could sneak a peek at my dad's case files, but there's no time like the present," Veronica said, her voice full of faux cheer. "I don't know what I expect to find. Maybe I'll remember something. But given recent history, that isn't very likely."

"I'm not sure that remembering what happened to you is really the best thing anyway," Logan murmured, squeezing her hand gently.

"Well, at least I'm confident that the files at the sheriff's department will help. I'm sure they have evidence that hasn't been released to the public. There might be a clue in the paperwork that'll help us. Speaking of which...Dick, have you heard anything about Parker?"

Dick shook his head. "Mac talked to her once. She wanted to take her finals and Dean O'Dell said he would work something out."

"Yes, seeing as how a rape finally happened on campus, I'm pretty sure he'd do just about anything for Parker at this point. It's pathetic," Veronica said cynically.

"There's my girl, spreading sunshine wherever she goes," Logan quipped, kissing her on the forehead before moving to kiss her mouth.

"I wonder how long it will take me to get used to the idea of you two together? Because I gotta tell you, this isn't easy for me to watch. It's practically like seeing Duncan and Lilly kiss," Dick said.

"That's gross," replied Veronica.

"Exactly my point, " Dick retorted. "In all seriousness, I look forward to at least some different kinds of Ronnie venting from my pal here," he nodded toward Logan. "The same old song and dance was getting boring," he said. He stood up and patted his friend on the back.

"Where are you headed?" Logan asked.

"I'm gonna pick my lady-friend up some falafels from next door and deliver her a little vegan-style brain food. I'll catch up with you tomorrow. Be sure to text me the plan later, Starsky," he said, laughing as he walked away.

 

* * *

 

When the foursome arrived at the Kappa House the following night, they were all on edge. Veronica had chosen a much more conservative look for this visit, jeans and a t-shirt with her now customary combat boots. She was glad that at least one part of her was ready to kick ass. She had wracked her brain all day, but the fact was that there wasn't much of a plan to be had. She didn't expect to find much of interest in the house, but it was more important to her to face this place. Regardless of if they found any information, Veronica needed to do this for herself.

_Come on, Veronica. So far every time you have faced your fears you've come out ahead. I don't quite know what you're trying to prove by visiting the room where everything went down, but the fact that you're scared to is reason enough to push through it._

"Anyone want a drink from the kitchen?" Dick asked innocently, earning him a slap upside the head from Mac and an incredulous look from both Logan and Veronica. He shrugged. "Just kidding. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I thought it would relieve some of the obvious tension. That's kinda my thing, if you hadn't noticed. And, Mackie, I don't particularly like that Ronnie's violent streak is apparently contagious." Dick rubbed his head dramatically.

"Would you prefer I adopt Veronica and Meg's stance on celibacy?" Mac threatened.

"You wouldn't!" Dick gasped in mock horror.

"Don't test me!" Mac warned, her eyes glinting with wrath.

Veronica couldn't help but laugh and soon Logan joined in.

"Sorry, Veronica, I shouldn't have brought the subject up, but withholding sex is the only real weapon I have against this Neanderthal." Mac rolled her eyes at her boyfriend.

"It's no problem, Mac. I'm pretty sure my sex life is about all any of us has been thinking about since we pulled onto Fraternity Row," Veronica reassured her friend. It actually felt almost refreshing to be so open about the topic. It was better than everyone walking on eggshells all the time. Logan, looking concerned, pulled her aside.

"Hey," he said, ducking down to look her in the eyes. "You okay? I mean, I know you're not okay, but I'm here. What can I do?" he asked, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.

"Just stay close, please. I can't help but think that someone here saw me or saw something important. It creeps me out," Veronica shivered.

"What does?" he asked, squeezing her shoulders.

"That someone knows what happened to me and I don't," she told him, her voice strong despite her words.

"As if I would let you out of my sight," Logan snorted and grabbed her around the waist to pull her closer. "I know I can't, but a drink would really steady my nerves right about now." He turned to his friend and called out, "Hey, Hutch! Veronica and I are gonna take a lap around the house and see what we can see."

"We have got to cut the two of you off from Nick at Night marathons. These references are getting out of control. At least Veronica upped it a decade when she called you Cagney and Lacey," Mac snarked.

"Hey, Cagney and Lacey are chicks. That would be you and Ronnie," Dick reasoned.

"Yeah, I don't think so, Dick. We're more like…?" Veronica paused to think.

"No… we aren't defined by our gender, thank you very much. And we're much sexier than middle-aged mom detectives," Mac countered, grinning at her friend. "I'd say Veronica's more Bond to my Q."

"I love it, Q." Veronica smiled.

"Right back atcha, Bond," her friend responded.

Veronica winked at Mac before she turned to pull Logan into the throng of partygoers.

"Where do you want to start?" Logan yelled over the noisey crowd, grasping tightly to her hand.

"I just want to check out the house and backyard before we head upstairs," she shouted, moving into the kitchen. "We got our shots in here but they were pre-poured on a tray. No one could have targeted me that way." Her eyes shot to the empty bottles up high on the shelves and refrigerator. "I think I came in here again, though. Argh, it's just all too hazy. Let's keep moving." She continued on, en route to the backyard. "This is where I found you passed out. I don't remember coming out here at all until after I woke up."

Logan groaned in frustration, but pulled her close from behind, snuggling his face into her hair. "Let's go back inside the house," he urged.

"Yes, let's get this over with," she agreed and then tugged out of his arms, pulling him along behind her. She eyed the line to the bathroom. "This must be about where I saw Tinkerbelle Claire?" she asked Logan, and he nodded. "Okay, let's go upstairs."

"Hang on, I'm gonna grab Dick."

"Okay, that just sounded bad," she laughed, forgetting where she was for a moment.

"Hazard of having a friend named after genitalia," he chuckled along with her. "I'll be right back. Stay in my sight."

"No, Logan," she argued. "Let's just go up the two of us. The last thing I need or want is an audience. I already feel like you guys are watching me all of the time, waiting for me to finally lose it." It was nice by the stairs. They didn't have to shout to be heard.

"I don't think we're waiting for you to lose it so much as betting on what transformation is going to come next. I mean, this time was the baggy clothes and chopped hair. Maybe next week you'll stop shaving your legs and change your name to Clover or Dawn and move out to some commune like Casey did."

"Yeah, I don't see that happening," she said, ascending the stairs. "I'm not too big on the whole hippie movement. I enjoy showering way too much. And the privacy that my boyfriend's apartment affords me."

"I think some privacy can definitely be arranged, beautiful," he smiled up at her. "Now, let's go get this over with."

All smiles disappeared when they reached the top of the staircase. All the witty banter in the world couldn't lighten this moment.

"Which room, Veronica?" Logan asked rather hesitantly. She shivered in response and he rubbed his hands up and down her arms again to warm her.

"I'm pretty sure it was that one," Veronica pointed to a door halfway down on the left and willed herself to move forward.

They walked up and Logan pushed open the door. Whatever Veronica was worried about happening never did. It was just a room.

"I know I sound like I'm set on repeat, but are you okay?"

"Yeah," she sighed, ignoring his question as she looked up at the ceiling in the room and then over to the bathroom. "Oh yeah, I remember this. I became quite familiar with this room. I spent a bit of time sitting on the floor and even contemplated using the shower, if you can believe it."

"I can believe it." Logan rested his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, let's get out of here. No good will come of this. Let's stick to the original plan: some poking around at your dad's office and more detective work after the break."

"Okay," she agreed, taking one last look around. "Can we leave the party, though? I'm not really in the mood to celebrate at the moment."

"You and me both. Let's go," Logan guided her gently to the door, which opened suddenly to reveal Mac and Dick waiting for them.

"Hey, Dick," Logan said, shuttling Veronica through the open door. "I think we're done here."

"That's the room, Ronnie?" Dick said, stealing a glance at Mac who suddenly looked white as a ghost.

"Yeah, why? What's wrong, Mac?" Veronica hadn't ever seen Mac look that miserable before.

"On Halloween, Mac and I were looking for a place to…hook up…or whatever." Dick was looking at Mac unsurely. "We were checking the rooms and we stopped in here. Just for a minute. Someone yelled that the room was taken and we heard what we thought was the couple using a vibrator or some kinky shit like that. It must have been later that night though."

Veronica froze, her hand still on the door. She suddenly shook her head, pulled the door shut with force and turned to face her boyfriend. "Oh God, Logan."

"Veronica, I'm so sorry. This can't be happening…not again!" Mac lamented, clearly heartbroken.

Dick gathered Mac against him and pushed them all do the staircase. "What? What am I missing?" Now Dick was in a panic, too.

"It wasn't a vibrator, Dick. He'd been shaving her head and you interrupted him," Logan said, grabbing a shaking Veronica by the shoulders and pushing her down the stairs.

"But that would mean that…" Dick began, letting the sentence trail off.

"That you walked in on my rape," Veronica stated, almost robotically as she took off toward the front door of the house.

"No," Dick said, looking like he was going to be sick. "No, that's not possible."

"Who was it, Dick? Did you see him? Did you see the guy?" Logan was yelling, but Veronica couldn't tell if it was to be heard over the pumping of the music or because he was going to strangle his friend.

"Holy shit, Logan. I didn't know. I swear, Ronnie, we didn't know," Dick insisted. Veronica turned when she was through the front door and saw Dick trying to hang onto a despondent Mac while ushering her out of the frat house.

"I asked you who it was," Logan demanded in a voice that was too controlled for Veronica's liking.

"Logan, I couldn't see Ronnie at all—just some blonde hair, but the guy had on a black cape with a mask...it had to be a Batman costume," Dick said. The group turned to see Mac nodding in acquiescence. "I can't believe we didn't realize…"

"Kurt? Wichita linebacker Kurt? I'm going to kill him," Logan snarled. "We're going there right now. Right now. Maybe he hasn't left for home yet."

"Logan, we can't take the girls. They're both freaked out." Veronica knew he was right. She was practically clinging to Mac while the boys talked, not understanding if she was supposed to be the one giving or receiving comfort.

Looking ready for a fight, Logan argued, "This isn't going to keep until tomorrow."

"Agreed. I'm in one hundred percent. But not with Mac and Ronnie." Dick wasn't budging.

"Fine. We'll take them back to the dorm," Logan relented as he pulled Veronica to him and tucked her against his side. By the time they made it to the car, he was practically carrying her. "Is that okay, Veronica? Go back to Mac's dorm. Call your dad. Get him to meet us at Kurt's."

That seemed to snap Veronica out of her trance. "Yeah, yeah okay. I'll call my dad. I don't want you getting arrested when he gets there though, Logan. I mean it; no fighting. Wait outside."

"We will. It's going to be okay, but I want to make sure he's not going to hurt someone else tonight."

"Me, too," she agreed, settling into the front seat of his Range Rover while Dick and Mac climbed into the backseat.

No one spoke on the way back to the dorms. It took only a few minutes for Logan to arrive in front of the building and pull into an empty parking spot. Logan gave Veronica a quick kiss and her phone. "Go straight up to Mac's room and lock yourselves in. Don't stop on the way, not even to call your dad. We will make sure Kurt stays put till the sheriff gets there."

Veronica nodded, kissing him quickly on the cheek before getting out. Dick climbed into the front seat next to Logan and they watched the girls enter Benes Hall before peeling out of the parking lot.

 

* * *

 

Mac used her ID card to enter Benes Hall, but as they climbed the stairs, she growled in frustration.

"Shit. Dick has my keys in his pocket. Should we call them back?" Mac asked, digging in her purse for her phone.

"No, it's okay. Let's go find your R.A.; hopefully he's still around. He'll have a key," Veronica told her. "Isn't his room down there by Mercer's?"

"Yeah, near the end of the hall. Moe's across the hall from him," Mac said, leading the way. Veronica followed behind her, pulling out her phone to call her dad.

 _Come on, Dad, answer_ , she pleaded. No answer. _Crap. It will have to wait until I get into Mac's room after all._

"C'mon, Mac." Veronica felt a strange sense of foreboding. "We'd better hurry. My dad isn't answering."

"This is it," Mac said, pounding on Moe's door.

"We can call again from inside his room. I'm not waiting any longer than that. I don't have much faith in our boyfriends to not storm the Batcave. Logan looked ready to rumble, so hopefully Kurt decides to stay put. I can't believe we doubted it was him."

Just then Moe's door opened and the geeky RA poked his head out. "Mac, you're not out celebrating the end of the semester?" Moe asked.

"No, not yet. We were out and I forgot my keys in my boyfriend's car. Can you let me in? My friend needs to call to the sheriff's department."

Moe's eyes widened. "Is everything okay? Why do you need the sheriff? Please don't tell me there was another _incident._ "

"What?" Veronica asked distractedly, trying to call her dad again. "No, not that we know of, but we may have a lead…" Veronica trailed off as Moe ushered them into his room and pointed to his phone still sitting on his desk.

"Sure, no problem, I can let you into your room. I just have to go get the master keys from the R.A. office on the first floor. Here," he said, motioning to a hot plate in the corner. "I just brewed some tea. Your friend doesn't look so good." Moe poured tea and sweetener into two mugs and handed one to each girl. "Help yourself to cream. It's right there next to the hot pot. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Sure thing. We aren't going anywhere without a key," Veronica smiled.

The girls sat a few moments. Veronica texted her dad while she used Moe's phone to call the station's main number. Inga told her that her father was out on a call but that she could put Veronica through to Sacks.

When Sacks came on the line, Veronica explained that she suspected Kurt might be behind the rapes that had occurred around Neptune. She didn't elaborate, but gave Kurt's address and told him that Logan would be at that location waiting and could explain everything. Veronica was relieved to finally have backup for Logan and Dick, even if it meant that she might be outed as victim in the process. Feeling unexpectedly tired, she settled into Moe's chair, sipping on the sweet Chamomile tea.

"It sure is taking Moe a while. Don'cha think? I mean he's not speedy, but I'm pretty sure he could have crawled there and back by now," Veronica scoffed.

"I was just thinking that." Mac agreed. "But I don't really have the energy to go looking for him. I think the adrenaline has worn off because I feel…exhausted. I just want to lie down and sleep."

Veronica blinked. "What? What do you feel like?"

"I dunno," Mac said, yawning. "Fuzzy?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Veronica said, watching her friend spin around from her position on the bed.

_Oh God, I know this feeling. I can't believe that this is happening—again!_

Alarm coursed through her. "Mac, we have to get out of here. Where's your phone? Where's my phone?" she asked, looking blindly around the room. It was hard to focus on much of anything. "Let's go," Veronica said, grabbing her friend around the waist and pulling her up. Mac seemed to be in a worse state than Veronica was.

Just as they were about to reach the door, Veronica heard voices from the hallway.

"What do you mean they know, Moe? What did you do?"

Veronica heard Moe's panicked voice. "I overheard them say they knew who Batman was. They're gonna call the police! I did what I had to do. Isn't that what you always said?"

 

* * *

 

Logan and Dick arrived at Kurt's house and saw that there were lights on in the house. They could see movement behind the curtains but couldn't make out what was going on inside. Minutes passed and Logan could tell that Dick was getting as anxious as he was.

"Dude, I think we need to go in there," Dick said, breaking the silence.

"I promised Veronica I'd wait for the sheriff. But we're here. At least now we can make sure Kurt stays at home till a deputy gets here. His M.O. so far has been to rape at parties or, with Parker, in her dorm room."

"That's bullshit. And you proved my point, he's switching shit up. Parker was different. We can't rely on past behavior. And who knows how many women he's attacked that haven't come forward, like Ronnie. He could have a girl drugged in there right now. And I didn't promise Ronnie squat. I'm going in," Dick said, hopping out of the SUV and slamming the door shut behind him.

"Shit! Dick, wait!" Logan said, jumping out of the car to follow him. "When Veronica finds out about this, you're taking the fall."

"Listen, I'm not afraid of your girlfriend," Dick threw over his back, skipping up the porch steps. He turned to look at Logan, who was giving him a skeptical look. "Okay, fine, I'm a little afraid of her," he conceded, "but I'm a lot more scared of what this Kurt guy might do. Let's roll." He turned and pounded on Kurt's front door.

When Trish answered the door, Logan was taken aback. "We need to talk to Kurt. It's urgent."

"Hey, guys. It's a little late for surfing, don't you think?" she said with a warm smile.

"Yeah, we aren't here for that. Can we come in?"

"Sure, he's just upstairs purging last semester's notes and syllabi. It's kind of our tradition when we finish finals. Dumb, I know, but this isn't exactly the Playboy Mansion; we have to make our own fun." Just then Kurt came down the stairs.

"Hey, Trish. Friends of yours?" Kurt asked as he approached the door.

"No, they said they were friends of yours from Halloween." Trish shrugged, turning her attention back to Logan and Dick.

Without warning, Logan grabbed Kurt by the shirt and pinned him against the wall.

"Hey, what the hell?" Kurt yelled, eyeing Dick worriedly, obviously worried that he would back his friend up.

"My girlfriend was attacked by you on Halloween," Logan yelled in Kurt's face.

"What?" Kurt looked genuinely confused. "Me? No way. I was with Trish all night."

"Let go of him," Trish pleaded, making her way to grab her phone off the hallway table.

"Don't bother calling the sheriff, he's already on his way," Logan said to Trish before turning his attention back to Kurt. "You were Batman at the frat party Halloween night, right?"

"Yes! I was Batman, but I didn't attack anyone. For Christ's sake!"

"Then explain to me how, at that same party, Batman drugged my girlfriend and took her upstairs. Part of her head was shaved. My friend here saw you in the room." Logan nodded over to Dick.

"Oh my God. It wasn't me, I swear. I was with Trish all night. I didn't even get that costume until around two. I went dressed as Elvis. One of the red shirts pushed me into the pool. I was cold and someone handed me their Batman costume; said they were leaving."

"Well, isn't that convenient," Dick said. "How stupid do we look?"

"No, it's true," Trish piped up. "Take my phone. Look through the pictures," she insisted, thrusting her phone at Dick since Logan still had both hands pinning Kurt to the wall.

"Shit, Logan, this looks legit," Dick said, scrolling through the pictures. "He might be telling the truth."

Logan let Kurt fall to the floor with a thud and yanked the phone out of Dick's hands. "Who gave you the costume? Did you know him? We think he's the Hearst rapist."

"No way! He's a good guy," Kurt said, looking shocked. "He lives on campus. The one who runs a casino out of his dorm room. What's his name? It's strange…um…something like…"

"Mercer?" Logan supplied hollowly, haphazardly running his hands through his hair and beginning to pace.

"Yes! Mercer Hayes. Do you know him?"

Logan shot Dick a glance. "Yeah, you could say that. You say 2:00 a.m.? At 2:00 a.m., you got the costume?"

"Somewhere around then. I didn't make a note in my feelings journal or anything," Kurt countered.

Suddenly, Logan had an epiphany. "Veronica! Veronica said she felt strange that night at the casino. Remember, Dick? She and I left early. It could have been Mercer," Logan said, struggling to put the pieces back together and decide if he could trust Kurt.

"Logan, Mac lives in Benes Hall. We've gotta get the hell over there," Dick said, turning abruptly and bounding out the front door.

Logan called to Kurt over his shoulder. "Call the sheriff and tell him to go to Benes Hall. Tell him Logan thinks the rapist is Mercer Hayes. He might not believe you because Veronica should have called to have them come here, but it's worth a shot. I'll call, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was always meant to be super character driven with a touch of mystery that was mostly there to develop the characters. Most importantly, I wanted more than just a story that ended when the mystery ended. I wanted to take it further. I got caught up in needing to know what happened next. This mystery will wrap up with Wednesday's post and then we will get into what I felt like the show never gave us—the real recovery: the emotional aftermath...the outcome. I always wanted it, so I wrote it.
> 
> If you have any complaints, please address them to: kmd0107.tumblr.com ;)
> 
> Thank you to kmd0107 and LVFangirl for your tremendous support.


	13. Raise Your Hopeful Voice

**Chapter 13 – Raise Your Hopeful Voice**

Veronica froze in place momentarily when she heard Moe's voice in the hallway. Terror coursed through her when she realized that, not only was he was coming back, but he wasn't alone. The gears in her mind began turning frantically and she shot into action, grabbing Mac and dragging her into Moe's closet.

_Great. A closet, Veronica? This should fool him for all of one minute._

Because of the laced tea she had drunk, Veronica felt herself losing grip on reality, and it scared her. Holding onto her friend tightly, Veronica shook Mac to try to jostle her out of her stupor. Having no luck, Veronica then began patting down Mac's jacket pockets.

"Mac, where's your phone? Mac? Mac!" Veronica whispered desperately to her friend, who was now dead weight against her. _Crap_ , she thought, pulling the brunette into the deepest corner of the closet, hoping to conceal her as much as possible. She heard the door of Moe's room open and then Moe's voice called out. Veronica didn't have any time to lose. She considered yelling for help, but Benes Hall was practically a ghost town tonight. Everyone was either already out of town for break or out partying. It was too dark in the closet to see, but she frantically felt around for something she possibly could use as a weapon. She needed to at least buy enough time to keep them away from Mac.

There was the shuffle of feet and then Veronica heard Moe call out, "Mac? Hey, where'd you go? I've got your key."

There was a pause and he spoke again in a hushed tone to his companion. Veronica couldn't make out their words; she was still concentrating on finding something, anything she could use. Her hand brushed against her own pocket and she felt the pepper spray she'd put there when she entered the frat house earlier.

 _Oh, thank God_ , she thought in sheer relief, shifting to dig the canister out of her tight jeans. It wasn't much, and she knew she only had one shot. Just as she situated the pepper spray in her right hand, she grappled around with her left hand one last time, praying she'd find anything at all useful. There was something solid in the pocket of a nearby jacket. She fished it out and held it in front of her. _A pocket knife!_ She had to stop herself from cheering out loud. As she unsteadily got to her feet, there was just enough time to open the knife and settle it in her palm when the closet door swung open.

Veronica squinted at the sudden onslaught of light from the room, but tried to focus on the shape silhouetted in the doorway. She pointed the canister at Moe and pressed the trigger, sending a spray of liquid damage directly into his face. She took advantage of his incapacitation to propel herself forward and drive the knife into his right thigh. He bent over, howling in pain. Veronica shoved her way past the closet door and into the room, using everything available to help keep herself upright. She was so disoriented that it took her a second to discern where the door was.

After what felt like forever, Veronica finally reached the door to the hallway and breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn't planned much past getting out of Moe's room, but she felt like she might have a shot at getting away. Two steps away from the knob, she heard a familiar ringtone behind her. _My phone_! Veronica realized immediately. _Logan!_ She looked back at her phone longingly. _Answer the phone or get out the door, Veronica? Decide now!_ Her mind was so addled from the GHB that the decision was unusually difficult. She knew that she was unsteady on her feet and couldn't run far. _Maybe the phone's your best shot._

Decision made, Veronica turned to cross the room back to where her phone had sounded. Just as she did so, the door of Moe's room slammed open.

"Moe?! What the fuck is going on?"

Veronica spun around and felt a moment of intense relief when she looked into the face of Mercer Hayes. But when she met Mercer's cold stare, a wave of nausea hit her. She spoke to him in a slur.

"Batman? But you're not Kurt!"

"Ah, so you've finally put it together," he sneered, reaching out for her. Veronica clumsily dove back farther into Moe's room but was too wobbly to get very far. _It may be all over, but I'm not going down without a fight,_ Veronica vowed as she fell hard onto her knees facing away from him. Abruptly, he grabbed her by the legs and dragged her back to him, flipping her over onto her back. Veronica winced when she smacked her head hard on the floor. She thrashed about, fighting as best she could. One of her kicks managed to land directly in his groin. Mercer groaned loudly and kicked Veronica hard in the side in retaliation. She rolled away, releasing a strained, breathless grunt as she came to rest on her stomach. He grabbed her, picking her up easily despite her struggles. Veronica's phone continued to ring, stopping momentarily only to start once again. Mercer clamped an arm tight around her waist and placed his hand over her mouth while he dragged her across Moe's room and out into the hall.

Mercer called out to his accomplice, who had snot and tears running down his face. "Moe, you wuss! Get your ass up and go wash your damn eyes out. Then find her friend; she can't have gone too far. And shut off that damn phone."

Still being manhandled, Veronica attempted to calm herself down to try to concentrate enough to assess the situation with a clearer mind. Moe, ever Mercer's minion, was already up and making his way toward the hall bathroom, but after a moment's pause, he turned back to silence her phone. He pocketed it and quit the room, leaving her alone with Mercer. Veronica was relieved that both men were moving away from where she'd hidden Mac. It was about all she could be thankful for at that moment—keeping Mac safe. Veronica knew that she would be completely incapacitated soon. She willed herself not to think about what would happen when she couldn't fight back. The thought of being unconscious again and at Mercer's mercy made her tremble.

Mercer carried Veronica across to his room and violently dropped her onto the floor. She landed hard on her stomach but turned her head just in time to see Mercer kick his door shut and lock it. She watched helplessly as he strode toward her and crouched down, pulling her head back by the hair and licking the side of her face.

She could feel herself slipping in and out of consciousness. In one last surprising moment of clarity, Veronica felt the weight of the pepper spray miraculously still clutched in her hand. Weakly, she pointed it over her shoulder in what she hoped was the direction of Mercer's face. She knew it was her last chance. But he must have seen it, because just before she could squeeze the trigger, Mercer let go of her hair and violently knocked the canister out of her hand. It flew across the room.

Veronica whimpered in defeat. He rolled her roughly over to her back and loomed above her. "Nice try, Veronica," he sneered. "You know, I never understood what Logan saw in you. Especially after all that effort I had to put in on Halloween. I had to spend valuable time flirting with you and it was one big waste; twenty minutes of my life I won't ever get back. You thought you were so hot and special in that ridiculous Catwoman outfit, but you were just a little girl playing dress up for Halloween." Mercer punctuated his words with a few more kicks to her ribs.

"Don't have much to say now, do you?" he grinned nastily. "I almost wish you _could_ remember that night. You loved it. Don't get me wrong, though. It's been nice watching you walk around campus, flirting with Logan, all the time knowing that I'd had you first. That I'd had you and you didn't even know it. I loved every minute of it. I'm glad you stayed and finished the semester. Most of the girls I'm with leave town." He paused for a moment; Veronica thought that he looked very pleased with himself.

"So, last time I was interrupted before I could finish the job. I won't be this time," he vowed with a sinister grin on his face. He stood up straight and crossed the room to his dresser and opened the top drawer. Mercer withdrew an item and turned to face her. In his hand was an electric hair clipper. "I've always had a thing for blondes."

Veronica writhed on the ground in agony; sure that he'd broken a few of her ribs. He climbed on top of her and slapped her hard across the face. The fuzziness of her head combined with fear and pain caused her to let out a scream of sheer terror.

 

* * *

 

Logan reached the car moments after Dick, who was jumping in place, his adrenaline obviously pumping from the altercation they'd just had with Kurt. Logan unlocked the car and hopped into the driver's seat, throwing his phone into his friend's lap.

"Call them!"

"I'll use my phone," Dick said, pulling out his cell phone.

"Dammit, Dick, use them both. Call them both at the same time." Not waiting, Logan grabbed his phone back and dialed Veronica's number, barely keeping his attention on the road.

"It could not be him, ya know? It might not be Kurt or Mercer. Stay calm." Dick told him in an infuriatingly calm voice, "We won't be any help to either of them if you crash into a tree!"

Dick being the voice of reason did nothing to actually calm Logan down. Both of them called Veronica several times but there was no answer.

"Why isn't she picking up the phone? She had it earlier, right? She said she would call her dad once she got into Mac's room, right?"

"That was the plan," Dick affirmed as Logan's SUV turned into the campus. They were close to the dorms. "I'll call Mac. We need her to let us into the building, anyways."

Logan pulled up to Benes Hall and haphazardly left his car parked in the fire zone by the entrance. Dick dialed Mac, but then let out a groan when he heard her phone ring from inside his pocket. "Shit, dude, she doesn't have her phone," Dick said, digging into his pockets and pulling out Mac's keys as well. "She doesn't have her phone or her keys. Where would they have gone? Why wouldn't they call?"

"Shit, I don't know. Why isn't Veronica answering her phone? The last call was ignored. She wouldn't ignore a call from us with everything that's been going on," Logan said firmly. "Mac had her ID though right? So she could get into the building, just not her room."

Dick nodded. "Good point, let's just push random intercom buttons and see if anyone lets us in." He ran up to the panel on the wall next to the door.

Just as Dick was about to start running his hands down all of the pagers, Logan heard voices coming up behind them. He whirled around to see a familiar face approaching the building. "Hey! I know you. Baseball dude from Neptune High! Can you let us in?"

"Baseball dude? Really?" The man turned to the dweeby guy with him and laughed a sarcastic cackle. "Piz, this is Logan Echolls and Dick Casablancas. I went to high school with these two clowns for two years and they still don't even know that I played basketball, let alone my name." He turned back to the other two with a scowl. "Which is Wallace, by the way."

"Basketball, right! Whatever, man, can you just let us in?" Dick shouted.

"Seriously? I was even your lab partner senior year!"

"Listen! Our girlfriends are in there, possibly in danger. Just open the door. We can have a Pirate reunion in June," Logan shot out, his fists clenched, anger oozing from him.

"Oh, well sure, since you asked so nicely," Wallace sarcastically replied, running his card over the sensor. The door clicked open and Dick and Logan practically fell over each other trying to enter the building at the same time. "Bye," Wallace chirped as they ran for the stairwell. "Catching up was great!"

By the time Logan and Dick reached the third floor, they were gasping for breath. Both were in great shape, but the adrenaline combined with exertion was taking its toll. Because Logan hadn't been to the dorm many times, he was instantly turned around when they burst through the landing. Dick must have realized this, because he grabbed Logan by the shirt and pulled him toward the southwest wing of the building.

"Mac's room's this way. Let's start there," Dick ordered him, taking off at a run. Dick already had Mac's key out, and as soon as they reached the door, he used it to let them into her room. Logan growled in frustration when they found it empty with no sign that the women had been in the room at all that evening. Logan remained in the doorway as Dick checked the room thoroughly before turning around and desperately asking, "Where else would they have gone?"

Logan shook his head and pulled out his phone to dial Veronica's number again. "I don't know, but this is Mercer's floor. His room is on the opposite side of the building, though. I don't think he'd have any reason to go after them right now, but it's my next stop.

Together, they crossed the elevator bay and started toward the northeast corridor of the building. Just as they did so, Logan heard the sound of a phone's ring tone that he recognized as Veronica's. He came to a screeching halt and grabbed at Dick to stop him too. "Wait! Listen! Do you hear that?" Logan said, spinning around to pinpoint where it was coming from.

They both looked to a door that read 'Mens'.

"Why would Ronnie be in the guys' bathroom?" Dick asked redundantly as Logan barged past Dick and into the floor's communal bathroom. He paused for a moment at the sight of Mac's R.A. bent over the sink, looking as if he were attempting to squeegee his eyeballs with water and his bare fingers. With the combined noise of Veronica's phone ringing and the running water, Moe hadn't heard them enter. Dick pointed to him. "Logan, look, isn't that her phone in his back pocket?"

"Hey!" Logan yelled, still struggling to catch his breath. Still working on his eyes, Moe didn't turn around or give any other sign of answering. Furious, Logan stomped over and grabbed Moe by the back of his shirt, spinning him around and pinning him against the tile wall.

"Wh…what do you want? Who are you?" Moe sputtered fearfully, squinting at Logan through obvious pain.

"Where's Veronica?" Logan yelled and then turned to Dick. "That's pepper spray in his eyes. It's him." To Moe, Logan demanded, "Where is she?" and then delivered a sharp blow to the side of the R.A.'s face.

Moe caved instantly, "I didn't do it, I swear! It wasn't me. I don't know where she is, where either of them are. I went to get them keys and when I came back they were gone."

"I might believe that if you didn't have blood soaking your pants and pepper spray in your eyes," Logan argued, punching him again. "You raped her and now you have them both. Where are they?"

Moe looked desperate. "It wasn't me, I swear. It was Mercer. I just kept my mouth shut. Last I saw them, they were all in my room. Number 335." Logan punched Moe one last time, knocking the R.A. out cold, and dropped him onto the tile floor.

Dick had already left the bathroom and was running toward the open door near the end of the hall. Logan quickly joined him, and together they looked inside the room and saw that the girls weren't there. Though the room was in disarray and there was blood on the floor, it was empty. "Mercer couldn't have dragged them both out of here by force; he hasn't had _that_ much time. Where would he take them in a hurry?" Logan asked. "Which room is Mercer's? I don't remember!"

Dick, not seeming to be listening to Logan at all, stalked across the room. Logan watched as Dick looked under the bed and then threw open the closet door, switching on the light inside. He was about to retreat when he turned back. "Holy shit, Mac!" Logan heard Dick cry just before he dove down inside the closet. After a moment, Dick pulled out a lifeless looking Mac.

Shocked at how bad she looked, Logan rushed over to where Mac was now splayed out on the ground. "Is she breathing?" He ducked his face close to hers and looked for signs of life. He was relieved to see there weren't any obvious sign of injury.

Dick felt around on her neck for a pulse. "Yes, there…see? She's breathing; she'll be okay. She must be drugged. Call an ambulance."

Dick gathered Mac into his arms and carried her out to Moe's bed. "Mackie, baby, can you hear me?" She was limp in his arms. "I'll kill him!" he snarled.

Logan's head was spinning as he pulled out his phone to call Sheriff Mars. He should have done it sooner, he knew, but he'd just been so intent on getting here and finding Veronica. As the call connected, he heard a blood-curdling scream from inside of another room. He threw the phone across to Dick and yelled, "Veronica! Dick, which room is Mercer's?"

Helplessly, Dick shrugged. "I don't think I ever knew, there was always a bouncer! We always just looked for him."

"Shit!" Logan cursed and began yelling out her name again. "Veronica! Veronica, can you hear me?" He barged out of Moe's room and started pounding on the door across the hall, and then moved to the next one. He'd just have to start at one end and work his way down the hall. Sheriff Mars would be there soon.

 

* * *

 

Veronica could hear Logan's voice through her pain and fear. She couldn't tell if it was really his voice or something she was imagining, something she was wishing for. There was no way that Logan could be here. He was staking out Kurt's house waiting…waiting for her dad. It was her last conscious thought as she slipped away.

 

* * *

 

"Logan! The sheriff said they're on their way here. Kurt sent them." Dick called out to him from inside Moe's room.

"Help me! I heard her once, but I can't find her," he called back to his friend, "And I haven't heard her since."

Dick appeared next to him. "I think it's the one next door. I'm pretty sure." Dick said, pointing to the door just next to the one where Logan stood.

"Yeah, I think you're right," Logan agreed, nodding. They moved over to the door in question and began to throw their weight into it. It didn't budge until they both began to work in tandem. Finally, the door burst open at the hinges and Logan and Dick came barreling through into the room. Logan was the first to get his bearings. Veronica lay crumpled on the floor, unconscious. Mercer was standing over her, a look of concerned interest on his face.

"Logan! It was Moe. I went in there and he had her drugged. I had to get her out of there," Mercer started to say, but Logan couldn't listen to his lies any longer. Instead, he made a move to punch him but Dick beat him to it, tackling Mercer to the ground.

Logan went to where Veronica lay. His hands shook as he repeated the same actions he had taken with Mac earlier. She was breathing. "Veronica, can you hear me?"

"Wo-gan?" she asked, her eyes remained closed. "Mac!"

"It's okay, we found Mac. She's okay. You're going to be okay too. Your dad's on his way. Just relax. I got here in time this time. Everything's going to be okay," he murmured to her, once again, unconscious form.

Logan heard footsteps in the hallway coming from the elevator bay.

"Logan? Dick?" a familiar voice shouted.

"Down here!" Logan let go of Veronica and took off to meet the sheriff halfway down the hall. Keith holstered his weapon when he saw Logan. "One of them is knocked out in the bathroom. The other is just down there. The door's open," Logan told him, pointing. "Mac and Veronica need an ambulance."

"Veronica is here too? Dispatch said Mac had been hurt. What the hell is going on here?" Keith growled, running down the hall behind Logan, two deputies taking up the rear. He spoke into the radio at his shoulder next, "Dispatch we're going to need another bus at the Benes Hall location."

"Two more, Sheriff," Logan corrected, pointing at the bathroom as he passed it on his way back to Mercer's room.

"Three more." Dick amended from his position over Mercer's prone form as the group entered the room. Logan noted Dick's bloody fists and then looked at his own. "I assume you're talking about ambulances? Yeah, Mercer here…slipped," he finished nonchalantly. "I'm heading back over to Mac. I'll call her parents when the ambulance arrives."

"Dispatch, make that four ambulances total to the Benes Hall location. They can come up; the suspects have been detained," he instructed into the radio before he leaned down to cuff Mercer. "Veronica?" Keith called out, seeing his daughter on the floor.

"She's okay, Sheriff. She's unconscious but breathing. She was drugged," Logan said, following the older man's gaze.

"Lamb, get down there and cuff the kid in the john before he wakes up and gives me a reason to shoot him," the sheriff ordered a deputy. "Where's Mac? And who's in the bathroom?" Keith demanded, looking between the boys.

Logan didn't know where to begin. "We haven't quite pieced everything together, but Moe and Mercer were involved in the rapes. I think Moe, our friend in the bathroom, was Mercer's wingman. Veronica pepper sprayed him and either she or Mac stabbed him in the leg. We found Mac unconscious in Moe's closet across the hall and Veronica in here with Mercer."

"How did Veronica and Mac get involved in this? Hell, how did any of you get involved in all this?"

"I believe, sir, that they were doing some investigating of their own after Parker was raped. They took it hard," Logan said, looking at his feet. He hated lying to Veronica's father. Keith Mars was one of the few adults that Logan actually respected. "Sheriff, we need to get them to a hospital. My car is downstairs; I can take them."

"You're not taking anyone anywhere, except yourself downstairs to move your damn car, Logan," Keith ordered. But Logan didn't budge. Keith sighed. "I mean it, Son, go move it so those ambulances can get through," he said, in a soft, compassionate voice, as he patted Logan on the back. Logan leaned into the older man and found himself in the sheriff's arms. "It's okay, Logan. It's over. You saved her; she's safe. I'll stay here with her until you get back. You did well, Son." Keith held Logan tightly for a minute longer before he pulled away and knelt down next to his daughter. With one last glance at Veronica, Logan complied, taking off down the hall at a run.

 

* * *

 

Veronica heard voices but she wasn't ready to open her eyes yet. The sound came at her in muffled tones, as if she were underwater. Everything hurt and ached. Slowly, over the span of several minutes, the voices sharpened to the point where she could understand their words.

"I've got to get back to the scene, Logan. I'll have to take a secondary role in the investigation because of Veronica's involvement, but I can oversee things to ensure that everything's done properly. And I need to make sure that Leo is comfortable taking the lead on this one."

"I understand. Veronica will too…when she wakes up," was Logan's muffled reply. "I hate hospitals!"

Veronica wanted to reach out to them, to tell them that she could hear them, but her body wasn't cooperating. Her face felt odd and the more sharp the voices got, the more pain she felt radiating through her body.

"Call me if anything changes. I'll be back." Veronica felt gentle fingers softly stroke her hair. _Daddy_ , she thought, _don't leave me alone!_

"Excuse me, gentlemen." Another voice came into the fray. An unfamiliar one. "But Miss Mars' vitals are starting to concern me. Her heart rate and blood pressure are rising." The voice was now looming over her. Veronica tried to shy away but found that she couldn't.

"What does that mean?" she heard Logan bark. He sounded scared.

"It most likely is just an indication that she is in pain. I'm going to administer another dose of both Dilaudid and Fentanyl. It'll keep her comfortable for a few more hours, then we will scale back the drugs and let her wake up comfortably later this morning," the unfamiliar voice said. _What is going on?_

"Hey, Logan. She's going to be okay, you know," Keith said in a fatherly tone.

"That's what they say," Logan's voice was quiet. "I won't believe it until she wakes up and talks to me."

"She _will_ wake up. Thanks to you and Dick."

"It was nothing, sir."

"It was everything, Logan," her father responded.

There was more garbled speaking, but Veronica found herself pulling farther away from the voices again. She fought hard to regain control of her mind, unwilling to fade away without a fight. But ultimately she lost the battle and sleep overtook her.

 

* * *

 

Veronica woke up with a start. She looked around the room and saw Logan sleeping in a chair next to the bed, his head resting on her mattress. He was holding her hand.

"Mac!" she called out suddenly, causing Logan to jump to his feet, knocking the chair about a foot behind him. "Logan, did you find Mac?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Mac's okay." Logan replied groggily, then bent over the bed and gently brushed the hair from Veronica's swollen face. "She was more affected by the drugs than you were. She isn't awake yet, but they say she'll be fine."

"Who? Who says?" Veronica asked, confused.

"The doctors. You're in the ICU at Neptune Memorial. Your dad came and arrested Mercer and Moe. He left just a while ago and I said I'd call him when you woke up. Do you want to talk to him?"

"No, not yet. I hate not being able to remember. Give me a second to think."

"Sure," Logan replied, sliding into the bed next to her and gently placing a hand on her shoulder. "How do you feel?"

"Like I got hit by a truck," she groaned. "Everything aches and my face feels…strange." She reached up to touch her face and winced. She attempted to roll further into his arms, but let out a hiss of pain and stopped. "This can't be good."

"No, stay still. The doctors did a CT and some x-rays in the ER before they admitted you. You have three cracked ribs, but no concussion. They were a little worried about some bleeding around your spleen, so that's why you're in ICU. But they think it will heal itself so you won't need surgery. Then there's the black eye and bruised cheek. I can call the nurse if you need some painkillers. I should tell them you're awake." He started to move away from her, but Veronica held him tight.

"Just stay with me for a minute," she begged.

"I'm not going anywhere, Veronica. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you...again."

"You got there. S'all that matters. I didn't suspect either of them. I didn't see it coming at all. I feel so stupid. I got that same strange feeling in the casino that night as I did in the room with Parker the night Mercer raped her. And Moe…well, I don't know about him, but I feel like I should have known."

"You couldn't have known anything. They're both in custody now; they can't hurt anyone. They were originally brought to the hospital also, but both have been released to the police. Your dad didn't know much, and even if he did, I am not sure he'd tell me; he left to oversee the final stages of his deputies' investigation of the scene. He said he'd stop back by to check on you soon if he hadn't heard from me. The sheriff's department is going to hold off on the interrogation as long as possible. They wanted to collect as much evidence as possible."

"I'm surprised you and Dick didn't kill them."

"Well, we got a few good punches in before your dad arrived. They weren't going anywhere," Logan chucked lightly.

"Did you tell my dad about me? About Halloween at the Kappa party?" Veronica asked, scared to know the answer.

"No." Logan met her gaze, his eyes so intense that she felt as if he could see inside her soul. "I kept your secret. You can decide what you want to tell him and what you don't. I'm not going to take any more of your choices away from you." Logan leaned in and kissed her softly on the forehead.

"Thank you," she whispered. Suddenly feeling shy, she turned her gaze away from him for a moment before continuing. "You're sure Mac's okay?"

"I think she will be. She's just one flight up. I'll get an update from Dick, and you can see her later." Logan's calm voice was a comfort to Veronica. With Mercer and Moe in custody, she finally felt like she could breathe again.

"Hey, thanks for saving me. I don't remember much, but I remember that I dreamed that you'd come and you did. I love you," she whispered, yawning and cuddling into him slightly. "I'm tired again. Will you stay while I sleep?"

"Always," Logan replied, kissing her on the forehead again. "And I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bonus chapter for everyone to say thank you so much for all the reviews and encouragement. I'm so glad you're still interested in this story!
> 
> Yes, I left the rapist Mercer...but not because I'm lazy or unimaginative. I left that part because I have serious issues with there being so many rapists around Neptune waiting to pounce on Veronica. There might be more than one, but in my mind Mercer will always be the Hearst Rapist, and I really couldn't deal with the fact that there might be more than one predator on the loose raping young women.
> 
> So, we finally made it to the aftermath. :) Never fear, there's a lot of emotion left in these next chapters.
> 
> Thank you to kmd0107 and LVFangirl for their valuable beta skills as well as their patience with me as I forged ahead with this story!


	14. Time That you Won

**Chapter 14 – Time That you Won**

The next time Veronica woke up she felt much more alert. Quickly, she scanned the room, painfully shifting until she found her father, still in uniform, dozing uncomfortably in the chair beside her bed. He must have heard her gasp as she moved, because his eyes suddenly popped opened and a smile crossed his face.

"Hi, Honey. How ya feeling?"

"I've been better," Veronica exhaled and looked to the window to gauge the time but with the blinds shut she couldn't tell. "What time is it? What day is it?"

"It's almost four in the afternoon, you were brought in last night. The doctors have kept you sedated to help with the pain, but you're not in any danger."

Absorbing that news, Veronica asked, "Where's Logan?"

"I sent him home to shower and change. I told him to take a nap before he comes back, but I don't imagine he'll listen to me," Keith scoffed knowingly and shook his head.

"Yeah, following authority hasn't ever been Logan's strong suit," Veronica acquiesced.

"That might be an understatement. As the sheriff of this small town, I have first hand experience with Logan's many _authority_ issues." He chuckled and smiled down at her. "Although, he seems particularly attentive to you these days. Is there something you want to tell me, Daughter?"

"No. Not yet. I mean, we're dating, but it's only been a week or so."

"Well, thank God for that." At Veronica's shocked expression he continued, "I can tell that you both care about each other. And Logan's obviously been head over heels for you for years now. Oh, don't get me wrong, I've always considered Logan as being a bit of a rebel without a cause, and it just occurred to me that you've been sleeping at his place an awful lot lately. Now, normally these factors, combined with my fatherly instincts, would be enough of a reason to shove Logan, at gunpoint, into my squad car for a nice, long drive into the desert for a little chat. But I've decided to overlook it under the circumstances." Keith's face suddenly became serious and his tone softened, "I really don't know what would have happened if he hadn't figured things out and come after you, Veronica." Keith was solemn as he leaned forward to pat her head awkwardly. "Mercer really did a number on you, baby." He smiled down at her tightly.

"That he did," Veronica sighed. "But you got him and that's all that matters."

"Well not _all_ that matters, but it will have to do for now." Keith's smile no longer reached his eyes.

"Moe's the weakest link," Veronica told him vehemently. "You should be able to crack him."

"Well, they both lawyered up, so we won't be able to interrogate either of them for a few days, which is fine. It gives my guys more time to piece things together. I'll be taking a back seat on this investigation because of your involvement, and we want the district attorney present for everything. The sheriff's office wants to get this right, to do things by the book, so that these guys go away for a long time."

"I want that, too," Veronica said, unflinching and determined.

"One of the deputies will be by sometime today or tomorrow to take your statement. And Logan's. They tried to take his and Dick's earlier, but both of them were adamant that we wait for you ladies to wake up." Veronica's body tensed in panic at the prospect of giving a statement. Keith must have noticed. "But enough about that, the only thing that you need to concentrate on is resting and healing."

She would have to figure out what she was willing to disclose and talk to the others to make the investigation work without revealing her secrets. As much as she wanted to help, she wasn't ready to talk about Mercer and what happened on Halloween. "Is Mac awake?"

Keith patted her shoulder affectionately. "Yes, she is. She's going to be fine. They won't allow her to visit you here in ICU, but Dick is with her and refuses to leave her side. He did call me about twenty minutes ago to find out how you are doing. Mac's worried about you, so I'm sure they'll be checking in again soon."

Just at that moment, Logan rushed through the door, looking worried. When his eyes met Veronica's, he smiled genuinely. "Speaking of checking in," Keith continued, standing up tall, "I was supposed to let the nurses know when you woke. I'll give you two a minute." Keith disappeared into the hall.

"You look better. You have some color." Logan was by her side in a flash and kissed her on the nose and her uninjured cheek.

"And by color, I'm assuming you mean other than black and blue?" Veronica replied smartly.

Logan didn't appear amused, but he kept his tone even. "Yeah, well that too. You must be feeling better." He punctuated his words with more kisses to her face as he took her hand in his.

"I ache but I'll take it over groggy any day. After everything that has happened, I don't want to feel drugged out anymore, Logan," Veronica pleaded. "Don't let them give me the heavy narcotics again."

"Okay, we'll talk to them, but they said they'd be weaning you off the big guns today. Judging by how alert you are, I'd bet that they already have. But don't let it get too bad. Staying on top of the pain is key. Take it from someone who knows," Logan smiled at her nod of understanding at his serious expression and tone.

"Dad said that they're going to need a statement. I don't know what to say. I'm fine talking about what I remember of the incident, but, about that night…" her voice trailed off when her father entered the room with two doctors in tow.

"Miss Mars. It's nice to see you up and alert. I'm Doctor Lyman and this is Doctor Bartlet. We've been following your case closely."

Veronica managed to nod in greeting. She grimaced as Dr. Bartlet adjusted her bed to sitting before he began asking questions. She couldn't remember much of the night, but provided what information she could. They checked her eyes and reflexes before examining her wounds and bruises carefully. She heard both her father and Logan's sharp intake of breath when the doctors lifted her gown to reveal her battered ribcage and she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. She couldn't bear to see the distress in their eyes.

After Dr. Bartlet finished his exam, he said, "Well, Miss Mars, you're awake and alert and appear to be recovering nicely. We're ready to move you out of ICU. I've ordered another CT scan of your spleen and head, which likely won't be completed until midday tomorrow. If the bleeding has stopped, and everything looks to be improving, you can probably go home as early as late afternoon or early evening."

"Tomorrow?" Veronica's spirits rose at the thought.

Logan scoffed in response, and Keith slapped him upside the head. "What? Let's be honest, she looks like someone tried to bash her skull in and then used her as a punching bag."

"Logan, that's enough!" Keith admonished.

Logan shook his head emphatically. "No! These guys didn't see her just last night lying unconscious and bloody on some rapists floor! How can she go home? She can barely sit up! How is she supposed to walk?" Logan wasn't happy.

Veronica could only scowl at him. She wanted to be discharged more than anything else in the world. She wanted to go home and put this all behind her.

Dr. Lyman continued as if the interruption hadn't happened. "You can go home _tomorrow_ , provided that you start eating solid food by then. We'll have someone from occupational therapy come up and get you walking. If that works for you and the CT comes back looking all right, we'll discharge you. You'll need to be seen by your regular physician every few days. You'll be sore for several weeks."

"Sounds great to me," Veronica piped up, scooting up higher on the bed trying to ignore the subsequent shot of pain that sliced through her ribcage.

The cringe must not have been lost on Logan, because he stormed out of the room murmuring something about checking on Mac.

"Would he just have me stay here, in this bed, for all eternity?" Veronica scoffed.

"He's just worried, Honey. He cares about you. Cut him some slack." Keith said, pulling back the chair that the doctors had moved away from the bedside and smiling up at her. "At least you get to go home."

"You're right! That's what's important." Truth be told, Veronica was a little worried about being home too, but she felt safer at home. She needed to feel normal again.

 

* * *

 

Logan pushed through the doors that kept the public out of the hospital's ICU, made his way to the elevator and slammed his palm into the 'up' button. He paced for a moment but was too impatient to actually wait for the elevator he had called. Logan growled and opted for the stairwell instead, taking the steps two at a time. When he reached Mac's floor, he stalked down the long corridor, trying to determine which room was hers. As he passed the nurse's station he saw 'Mackenzie' written on the board for room 237. Right as he turned to look for a room number, he watched a woman approach the nurse's station.

"Hello," she stated to the group of nurses who were chatting away, oblivious to her. "Hello!" she repeated more assertively. "My daughter is Cindy Mackenzie and she's been here nearly twenty-four hours. Whom do I need to speak to in order to have her released immediately?"

Logan, convinced that everyone in the world must have gone stark-raving mad, turned and moved in the direction of Mac's room. He knocked on the door as a courtesy even though it stood wide open. The curtain around the hospital bed moved and Logan was greeted by Dick.

"Hey, man. How's Ronnie?" Dick smiled at him.

"Is that Logan?" Mac's voice called from further inside the room. At Dick's nod, Logan entered. He was relieved to find Mac sitting up in bed, looking fine.

"Hey, Mac. You look really good," Logan said, relieved. He noticed an older man and young boy in the room who he assumed were Mac's family. He nodded to them before turning his attention back to Mac.

"I feel fine," she told him. "How's Veronica? They wouldn't let me see her and all Dick could get out of the sheriff was that they expected her to wake up soon."

"She's awake and a bit better, I think." Logan briefly explained Veronica's injuries and watched as Mac's face fell.

"I'm so sorry. I feel responsible," Mac said miserably.

"Mackie, babe, I've already told you that it's not your fault," Dick gave his girlfriend a sympathetic smile as he crossed the room over to her and enveloped her into a tight hug.

"No, if I'd just had my room key—" Mac started.

"There's no way either of you could have known about Moe or Mercer. Veronica is just happy that they're in custody. She's going to be fine. You both are." Logan tried to sound optimistic, but he was so emotionally spent that he was not in the best place to be supportive.

"Hey, was that your mom out there harassing the nurses to spring you loose?" Logan asked curiously.

"Yes! That would be her." Mac ducked her head, obviously embarrassed. She turned to the older man in the corner of the room whom Logan had assumed was her father. "Dad, can you go calm her down?" Without a word, Mr. Mackenzie grabbed the boy's hand and set off toward the hall.

"What's with you and Veronica and the rush to get out of here? I don't get it." Logan sank down into an empty chair. "Isn't it enough that you're safe?"

Mac shrugged. "It's not me. My parents have always hated hospitals. Especially this hospital. They went completely crazy when my grandpa had a heart attack. They made the hospital transfer him to UCLA. It was a mess." Mac didn't seem concerned. "Give Veronica a break, Logan. I can't even begin to understand what she's going through. Mercer attacked her twice. And both times she went through it almost totally alone. Let her be in control of something."

"Now you sound like Lilly!" Logan let out an exasperated laugh.

"Wow, if there's one thing I'd never expected to hear, it would be that I am anything like Lilly Kane." Mac laughed. "Next you'll be telling me Madison Sinclair is my long-lost sister." They all laughed at that.

Logan stayed a while longer, making small-talk, trying to get his mind off of his reaction to Veronica until the Mac's family reappeared with a doctor who declared that she was being discharged.

"Well, thanks for the company. I'm glad to see that you're okay, Mac," Logan smiled as he pulled himself out of the chair. "Veronica might go home tomorrow; I'll keep you posted." He gave Mac and Dick each a long hug before making his way to the main corridor that led to the elevators.

When Logan arrived back at the ICU, the nurse buzzed him in but stopped him at the nursing station. She made him wait there and gave no indication why as she conferred with another nurse. They looked over at him a few times as they spoke, and then the first nurse started clicking away on her computer. Logan momentarily panicked until he remembered that the doctor had mentioned moving her out of ICU. The nurse, apparently having found Veronica's new location on the computer, pointed him in the right direction and he swung by the cafeteria before heading to her room.

Armed with a crappy hospital cookie as a peace offering, Logan entered Veronica's room without knocking and found her sitting up in bed, looking miserable. His heart broke a little at the sight of her face so swollen and bruised. Even so, she was still beautiful, but he knew she'd be pissed if he told her that.

"Hey," she offered, tentatively smiling at him and waving him in through the doorway.

As he neared her, Logan decided to just jump right to the point. "Look, I'm sorry, Veronica." Logan walked around to the far side of the bed and set the cookie down next to her on a tray. "I'll bring you real food soon, but the pickings in the cafeteria were slim," he said as he sat down beside her on the bed. She chuckled a little at that and took his hand. "I'm sorry. I was scared. I really can't get the image of you lying on the floor of Mercer's dorm room out of my mind. I've never been that scared in my entire life. And the whole time while I was driving there from Kurt's, not knowing what he was doing to you, and not being able to help you…" Logan trailed off. "I'm sorry. I can be pretty dumb sometimes."

"I'm sorry, too. I just want to get out of here, but I _might_ have pushed things a little. The OT guy came by and it took me almost ten minutes to get myself standing. I think the entire outing to the bathroom took over thirty. It wasn't pretty."

"I'm sorry I missed it," he lamented, squeezing her hand.

"I'm not. There are some things I'd like to keep a mystery between us for at least a little while, yet." Veronica laughed slightly. "I know I'll need a lot of help the first few days after I get home, but I can't help wanting to be in my own room with my dog and in my own pajamas. Or in your bed in your pajamas, of course," she amended quickly.

"I'd like nothing more, but I have a feeling your father will have something to say about that." Logan had heard rumors of Keith Mars' speech to his daughter's prospective suitors involving the cleaning of guns.

"Dad will be fine," Veronica dismissed. "I already discussed it with him. He knows that you'll be around a lot. He's going to be working hard and knows he'll have to trust us. Most of the deputies are still assigned to my case. It'll take all of Dad's time to stay on top of the rest of the work around the station. Besides, he likes you, Logan."

Veronica smiled and scooted over a little bit and patted the mattress next to her. Logan didn't need any more encouragement, and, after he squeezed himself next to her, she gave him a little nudge with her shoulder.

"Well, I'm happy to be at your service then," he said softly, turning to kiss her as deeply as possible without hurting her.

The sound of someone clearing his throat sent Logan scrambling off the bed in a flash. He turned to see Keith Mars holding a paper bag and DVDs in his hands.

"Hello, Logan. You're back." Keith spoke up. Embarrassed, Logan could only nod. "Well, I brought entertainment and real food. Just some soup for you, Veronica, but Logan and I get cheap diner food, the dinner of champions." Keith laughed and jangled the paper sack. "And, since I knew comedies were out this evening, for our viewing pleasure, we have — North by Northwest and LA Confidential!" he finished theatrically. "Veronica, would you like to invite your gentleman caller to dinner?" Keith inquired, sliding a Styrofoam container and some plastic utensils over to Logan.

"Super smooth, Dad. But flashing good food in front of me? That's just mean. Doesn't this county have laws against cruel and unusual punishment?" Veronica feigned anger.

"Don't worry, Honey. We'll have you up to diner food in no time." Keith placed the soup and a spoon on her table and rolled it closer to her. "Eat up. It's probably already cold." Keith ordered before flopping down in an open chair and looking at Logan conspiratorially.

"Thanks, Sheriff. I brought you dessert." Logan indicated the cookie on the table.

Veronica huffed again, looking at them both in mock horror. "Now you're giving away my cookie? The things a girl has to put up with around you two. It's no wonder you're both single."

"Single, huh?" Logan raised his eyebrows at her and Keith chuckled.

"Yeah, well, play your cards right, Echolls, and I'm sure we can work something out in that regard." She laughed at his shocked expression and pulled him in for a brief kiss.

"Good to know!" Logan didn't dare do more than peck her cheek with her armed, sheriff father sitting less than two feet away from them. But he was surprised when he realized that he was happy. Logan smiled, thinking that this was probably the best family dinner he'd had in years, if not ever.

 

* * *

 

Keith took time the following morning to ready the house for Veronica's return. He cleaned up a bit and made sure that the house was stocked with food and drinks that she liked. He vacuumed her room and washed her sheets to ensure her comfort. All the while, he contemplated his daughter and her new relationship with Logan Echolls.

Keith couldn't say that he was all that surprised by the development of Veronica and Logan's relationship from friendship to dating. He had seen the way his daughter looked at the Echolls boy over the years. At first, he had thought that Veronica just had a silly, high school crush on Logan that had developed into a lasting friendship.

The timing of their new relationship surprised Keith more than anything. _She'd seemed distant and sad for a while. She'd needed a change,_ Keith supposed. _But things seem better somehow, and it appears that Logan is to thank for that._ Logan and Veronica seemed inseparable lately, but Mercer's attack must have solidified them as a couple. He hoped they were going about this new venture together levelheadedly, and Keith was happy to see how much Logan had grown up in the last year.

 _And dating Logan Echolls isn't the worst thing that could have happened; she'd steered clear of the Casablancas boys, at least._ Keith shuddered at the thought.

When he arrived at the hospital close to noon, Keith wasn't surprised to see Logan sitting next to Veronica's bed. She was dozing but dressed in street clothes, and Logan had a copy of _Freakanomics_ open and was reading attentively.

 _I can't believe these kids have finished their first semester of college,_ Keith thought to himself. _Christmas is just around the corner. I feel like I've been in a bubble chasing after one guy so long that I'd forgotten that time was passing around me._

Logan must have seen Keith in the doorway because he lifted his hand up in greeting and then pointed to Veronica to indicate that she was sleeping.

"Hey, Sheriff," Logan's voice was low. "Any news about the case?"

"When I talked to Lamb early this morning, he told me that Moe's lawyer had made contact. I imagine I'll be getting a call soon. How'd our girl do last night?" That made Logan smile. _Wow, kid. You've got it bad!_ Keith almost felt sorry for the young man in front of him. Love was rough, and Veronica, though sweet, wasn't the pushover that most people assumed her to be.

"She did pretty well once the nurses gave her something to help her sleep. The doctors did the CT scan already this morning, and the therapist came by and she walked a little. She needed help with dressing. It's still slow going, but she's tough."

 _Logan knows my daughter well._ _Let's just hope not too well, eh,_ Keith thought with a chuckle. To Logan, he smiled appreciatively and said, "I'm sorry to have missed it. I'm glad you're here with her, Logan."

Logan nodded at him, seeming shy all of a sudden. _I like this new side of him. After years of that lashing out and jackass entitlement, it seems like Logan has finally become a man. It couldn't just be a coincidence that this change coincides with his father's move to LA, could it? I never liked that man, all shifty eyed and false bravado. Yeah, something about Aaron Echolls just never added up._

Keith's phone rang from inside his jacket pocket. He quickly answered it, not wanting to wake Veronica, and motioned to Logan that he would take the call in the hallway.

"Keith Mars," he spoke into the phone, not looking at the caller ID.

"Keith, it's Lamb."

"Yes, what can I do for you, Deputy?"

"Moe Flater and his attorney are ready to talk, Sheriff." Lamb said without preamble. "We've called the DA in and he's on his way, Sir. But the DA mentioned that he'd like you to be present as well. We have the cameras and everything ready to go."

"Excellent news, Don. That's fantastic. I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm leaving the hospital in five minutes. Tell Cohen he can start without me if he'd like. And I want Leo to take the reigns on this one. I'll need you in the room, though, to keep him in check."

"We've got 'em both, Sheriff. I can feel it." Don Lamb was fervent.

"I think so too, Deputy, but let's not celebrate too soon. It's going to be a long few days and we don't want to get overzealous; we have a job to do. I'll see you soon." Keith hung up and took a second to get his emotions in check before returning to Veronica's room.

He arrived just as the doctors were leaving. He shook each of their hands after speaking to them briefly, and then entered the room to find Logan packing up Veronica's belongings.

"Honey, it looks like you got good news?" Keith's smile was wide. This was turning out to be a great day after all.

"Yes." Veronica was beaming through her obvious discomfort. "I mean, they poked and prodded me again, but the good news is that the bleeding seems to have stopped completely and I can go home. The nurse took my IV out and everything." Veronica happily held up her unencumbered hand.

"Well, that's the best we can hope for right now. Listen, Lamb just called." Keith chose to ignore the face that Veronica made at the mention of her least favorite deputy. "Moe is ready to talk, so I'm heading down to the station to speak with the DA to make sure that everything is set up for a slam dunk."

"I thought you were going to sit this one out." Veronica seemed disappointed.

"For the most part I will, but I'm going to get the ball rolling and take any calls that come in from dispatch," Keith explained, moving to kiss his daughter and lightly touch her cheek. "I love you, Honey. I'll call you and let you know what the plan is for dinner." He paused at the expression on his daughter's face. "Oh, you're breaking my heart. Do you need me to stay?"

"No," Veronica responded dejectedly, even though he knew that she wanted to say 'yes'. "You go; Logan will take me home. " Keith saw Veronica put on her game face and even try to flash a smile.

"Thanks, Sweetie. I love you, but I gotta run." Keith turned his attention to Logan. "Logan, watch Backup. He's a good dog but liable to jump on her. He knows something's been off lately. I'll be in touch." Keith took a few steps out the door before he turned back around to give Logan another long look. "Thanks again, Logan," before he ran out the door.

 

* * *

 

Keith pulled up to the station and got out of his car just as the Balboa County District Attorney pulled into the space next to him, so the men walked across the parking lot and into the station together.

"Sheriff Mars, it's nice to see you again. I'm sorry about the circumstances. How is Veronica?" the DA asked, holding his hand out to Keith.

"Sandy Cohen, likewise. Veronica is hanging in there, thanks. She's being discharged from the hospital as we speak. How are your boys?" Keith took Cohen's hand and gave it a firm shake.

"Growing up too fast, I'm afraid. But there's not much Kirsten and I can do about it," Sandy Cohen laughed.

"Don't I know it. I still think of Veronica as a little girl. I have to remind myself that she's a college student now." Keith turned to greet his staff. Everyone wanted an update on Veronica's status, so he gave them an abridged version before ensuring that the room next to the interrogation room was ready to go. Finding it to his satisfaction, Keith then took his place in the observation room while Leo settled himself in the interrogation room, waiting for Lamb to bring in the suspect.

After a few minutes, Keith poked his head out into the hallway just as Lamb was escorting Moe Flater down the hall. Moe gave Keith a startled glance before affixing his eyes back on the floor. _He's scared._ _Good!_

Cohen joined Keith moments later. "I told Deputy D'Amato to play hardball with this kid. Let's see what he knows. Keith, sit down and keep your mouth shut. Once we start this video, it has to be clear that you are not part of the direct investigation. You are only here to supply information that you've learned through your earlier investigation." Keith nodded in response; he knew the drill.

After the obligatory introductions, Moe's attorney attempted to take charge by saying, "My client has been being manipulated by Mr. Mercer Hayes since last term when they were assigned as roommates their freshman year. Hayes set Flater up at a party by drugging a girl and framing him. My client has been bullied, blackmailed, set up and more. Let me be frank, we're here to cut a deal. Mr. Flater is willing to disclose all knowledge of Mr. Hayes' activities, and in return—"

Deputy D'Amato cut him off. "The district attorney is here and willing to negotiate. But the deal is only as good as the information your client can provide. And it had better be good considering we recovered several boxes of hair from your client's closet, not Mr. Hayes'."

 _Yes!_ Keith thought. _We have all the power here. And Moe's got everything to lose._

Moe spoke up for the first time. "I just want to clearly state for the record that I feel extremely uncomfortable that Sheriff Mars is on the premises. Is that even ethical? His daughter is one of the victims."

It was Deputy Lamb who spoke up this time. "Sheriff Mars is not directly involved with this interrogation or the investigation any longer. While it is true that he is on the premises, Deputy D'Amato and I have taken over as investigative leads on this case, Mr. Flater. Let's get back on track here. If you want a deal you'd better be able to back up any claims you make and give us names."

Moe looked to his attorney, who nodded his approval for Moe to continue. "Yes, the hair was in my closet. But Mercer Hayes put it there, and I can prove it."

 _How, Flater? How can you prove it?_ Keith leaned forward in his chair, wishing he could ring the kid's neck. He wasn't used to sitting on the sidelines. It was taking everything in him to not jump through the observation mirror. He forced himself to sit back and reminded himself that the interrogation had just begun. The right questions would be asked soon.

Moe continued after a short pause of nervous swallowing and blinking. "After the incident last year with the drugging, I was scared. I became a resident advisor this year on purpose. I was trying to distance myself from Mercer. But then he suddenly was living on my floor and he started the casino. He began blackmailing me to keep my mouth shut about it. I told him that I was done playing his game and was going to turn him. But, shortly after the rapes began this term, I found the hair in my closet. I don't even know how he got in my room, so I kept my mouth shut. Then he wanted me to run prerecorded tapes of his radio call-in show. I had to do it. He's crazy. He's capable of anything. But then on Halloween everything changed."

"What changed, Mr. Flater?" Deputy D'Amato asked him.

"After Halloween, once I realized that the Catwoman from the party was actually the sheriff's daughter, I knew it would be just a matter of time before Mercer was made. I started taking notes, making recordings," he shrugged, "…stuff like that."

Keith's ears perked up at Moe's words. He cocked his head to one side in confusion. _The sheriff's daughter? My daughter? Veronica?_

He saw the exact moment D'Amato processed the same information. Slowly, Leo asked, "Which incident are you referring to? Are you saying Mercer Hayes had contact with Veronica Mars _before_ the assault that led to your arrest last night?"

"I thought you knew." A look of sheer panic crossed Moe's features.

 _What?!_ Unable to sit any longer, Keith stood and got as close to the observation glass as possible, his eyes burning holes through Moe. Moe, it seemed, was staring through the mirror right back at him.

Keith was so intent on Moe Flater that he barely heard it when Sandy Cohen sternly said from beside him, "Keith, you need to leave this room. _Now! Keith!"_

But Keith was rooted to the spot.

Moe turned to his attorney for guidance. Again, his attorney nodded for Moe to press forward. So he did. "Mercer Hayes drugged and raped Veronica Mars on Halloween at the Lambda Kappa Pi party."

Hollowly, Keith felt all eyes turn on him. Leo and Don turned toward the observation mirror and Sandy Cohen's eyes bore into Moe for one moment of perfect silence before all hell broke loose. Keith, usually so calm and collected, let out a feral cry and dodged Cohen and jumped for the door. Amazingly, he made it to the door and was able to throw it open, but not before the DA grabbed him from behind and pinned his arms back, making it too difficult for Keith to escape.

"Help me!" Cohen screamed out to no one in particular. Deputies Lamb and D'Amato came barging out from the interrogation room and attempted to help the DA subdue an enraged Keith Mars.

Keith could hear shouts of, "Calm down. Calm down!" in his ear, but his brain was screaming in agony and couldn't comprehend the directive. His entire being was consumed with one thought: _Kill Mercer Hayes!_

"I think you're going to have to cuff him," Cohen shouted over the uproar. "Deputy, I said cuff him!"

Keith suddenly found himself flattened on the ground under the weight of the three men. His arms were pulled behind his back and cuffed. The moment the handcuffs clicked into place, Keith deflated and let his head fall to the floor. He watched, almost detached, as shoes approached him from down the hall before he was pulled to his feet and lead into his own office. Keith sensed everyone's stares more than he actually saw them. And then everything was a blur until he was thrown, none too gently, into the oversized chair behind his desk.

"Take these things off of me!" Keith snarled at the three men in his office, struggling with the awkward position his arms gave him. "And shut that damn door." Someone swung the door shut, but no one made a move to release him. "I said, take these cuffs off of me."

Deputy D'Amato loomed over him, his hands resting on the arm of the chair. "If you don't calm down, I can't take the cuffs off you, Keith."

"I'll be calm." Keith forced his voice to sound even as he looked into his deputy's eyes. "I promise, Leo." Keith watched as Leo glanced at Cohen, waiting for the go-ahead before he walked around Keith's chair to release his arms.

Once free, Keith leaned forward and gathered his head in his hands. He knew how broken he must look, but he didn't care because it was the truth. He was broken.

"Did you know, Sheriff?" Sandy Cohen's voice spoke up, breaking the silence.

Keith spun his chair around and glared at the man. _What the hell?_

"Keith! I need an answer from you. Did you know about Hayes sexually assaulting Veronica?"

"No, fuck no!" Keith's skin crawled and he jumped out of the chair, only to be approached by two deputies who looked ready to take him down again. He flopped back into the seat and leaned back to stare up at the ceiling. "Why wouldn't she have told me?"

"I don't know, Keith." It was Leo's voice that answered this time. "But we will find out. We'll finish the interrogation and then go talk to her. We needed to get a statement out of her and the Echolls kid anyway."

Deputy Lamb spoke up next. "I'll stay here with Keith or take him for a walk. Leo, you take the DA and get whatever information you can out of Moe. When you're ready to break for the day, we'll all head back to the sheriff's house and get a statement."

Once everyone agreed to the plan, Keith gave a brief nod to add his consent and found himself alone in the room with only Don Lamb for company. After the immediate anger had passed, he was left feeling utterly desolate. _Halloween? Was that when things had changed with Veronica?_ He'd been so busy ever since summer that it was hard to pinpoint anything in mind went back to what he could remember of Halloween night. Veronica happy. She had been annoyed with him and trying to hurry him out the door. Keith smiled at the thought. _Probably trying to clear me out before I could embarrass her in front of Logan._ Keith had worked hard that weekend. Halloween was always a busy time for law enforcement. But it was true that all his memories after that night, Veronica seemed to be withdrawn. She'd hung around the house more than usual. _And that's the week she cut her hair_. Keith let out an agitated sigh and dropped his head back into his hands.

"Don't beat yourself up, Keith. We'll get to the bottom of it. We're going to nail these guys' balls to the wall. For Veronica…for Veronica and all of the others."

Keith swung his chair around to where Deputy Lamb stood, looking out the window. If he were honest with himself, he'd never really cared much for the man. Don Lamb was arrogant and lazy, but Keith knew that Lamb was an ally today, and that was good enough for him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hope any West Wing and OC fans enjoyed the references in there.  
> 
> So, big, emotionally charged chapter. And I'm pretty aware that in real life, Veronica would probably spend one more night in ICU until she was cleared of the bleed before she'd be moved to the wards, but I didn't have another day...so I took some liberties! 
> 
> I am intrigued by the idea of Keith finding out about the assault, so I wrote it...the cat's out of the bag so-to-speak.  As always, I hope it worked for you. Let me know.
> 
> A million thanks to my betas kmd0107 and LVFangirl for their fantasticalness. I couldn't have gotten this far without them! And thank you to all you readers who are still riding this emotional roller coaster!


	15. You Have A Choice

**Chapter 15 – You Have a Choice**

Despite the fact that Logan pulled as far into the driveway as possible, Veronica still looked up at her home anxiously and then back over at him pleadingly. "Can we just stay here? The house looks so far away right now."

"If you'll remember, I was the one who suggested another night in—" Logan started to lecture, but Veronica cut him off by grabbing a handful of his shirt and pulling him to her until their mouths met. "Mmm," he groaned, deepening the kiss briefly before pulling away. "Yeah, I've missed that," he smiled and pressed his forehead to hers.

Her arms snaked around his neck. "Now, what were you saying? Something about a suggestion…" she prompted, laughing at his dreamy expression.

"Hmm…nothing. I said nothing; I take it all back," he didn't even open his eyes when he responded.

"That's what I thought," Veronica teased. "Now let's get me inside the house before I change my mind and actually make you drive me back to the hospital."

Logan chuckled but wasted no time. He hopped out of the car and quickly strode to her side. He swung the passenger door open. As she slid out of the high seat and onto the ground with only a minimal amount of pain, Veronica swore that she'd never make fun of Logan's gas-guzzler again. The trip to the house was slow going, but she managed it with only two stops to catch her breath. Logan went in through the front door first to secure Backup and then Veronica followed shortly after.

When Logan reached out to help her through the entryway, Veronica threw up her hands in warning. "I am barely holding it together here, Echolls. I hurt everywhere; just let me get to the couch."

Logan stood back while Veronica gingerly lowered herself onto the couch before quickly running outside and returning with the overnight bag her dad had brought to the hospital. Logan dug through it a bit and then pulled out her discharge paperwork. "According to this you can take…the Norco in fifteen minutes, and ibuprofen, too. Do you want some now?"

"Oh, yes please!" she pleaded. "But only if you deliver it straight to this couch. That drive, and then the walk into the house, really did me in. Breathing without pain is something I will never take for granted ever again," Veronica tried to sound flip, but knew that there would be no fooling Logan.

Before too long, Logan appeared in front of her with a glass of water and the meds. "You need to eat something with these. I couldn't find much, so here are some crackers." Logan handed her a bowl of Cheez-Its and sat down in front of the couch. She ate a few and then let him help her lie down as Backup stationed himself near her feet. "Need anything else right now?"

"Thanks, Logan. No. I'm just gonna rest for a minute. Don't leave 'kay?"

Logan gently ran a finger down the bridge of Veronica's nose and across her cheekbone, softly tracing her features. "I'm not going anywhere. At least not till your father bursts through the door and kicks me out." He smiled down at her.

Veronica gave him a grateful smile. She drifted to sleep thinking about how perfect he was being to her. As much as she loved the snarky and difficult side of Logan, this serious and attentive side was just as wonderful.

 

* * *

 

Logan found himself watching Veronica long after she fell asleep, petting Backup idly. The poor pooch seemed less lively than usual, as if he could sense Veronica's low spirits. Because of that, Logan made sure to give the dog some special attention, rubbing the top of his head affectionately and scratching under his chin like he'd seen Veronica do.

"Well, Backup," Logan spoke up, scratching behind the pit bull's ears, "I don't know about you, but I'm starving. How are you at cooking?" He looked down to see the dog rollover on to his back, exposing his belly for a rub. Logan chuckled. "It doesn't appear that your skills are too promising, but I'd say between you and me, it's a toss up." With one last pat, Logan got up and went into the kitchen.

The selection in the fridge wasn't inspiring, so he checked the counter top. "Hmmm…apples and cheese it is!" he spoke to the dog while preparing his snack. He liked being in the Mars house; he always had. It wasn't large or grand or anything special, but it felt more like home than the showcase of a mega-mansion that his parents seemed to prefer. He hated that house; he always felt like he was in a museum and that he couldn't touch anything. It was okay, he supposed, when his mom was in town, but he'd always found another place to stay when Aaron came with her. Besides Aaron's violent tendencies, there were always press and fans lurking around the front gate whenever his father was around. It was nice for Logan to come home to normalcy like this.

Thinking of the press turned his thoughts to the past few days and the fact that they had yet to become involved. Logan shook his head at the thought of what the media would do with the information. Though the press seemed not to have yet caught wind of the Hearst rapist being caught and especially Logan's involvement, he knew it would be only a matter of time. The longer he could keep it quiet, the better off everyone would be.

With nothing left to do, Logan sat down at the Mars' kitchen table to eat his snack. He pulled out his book to keep himself busy. It wasn't like the Marses had an Xbox.

About an hour into his reading, Logan heard Veronica call out from the family room but he couldn't understand her. He popped up from out of his chair and quickly made his way over to her.

"Are you okay? Bad dream?" He asked as he crouched down and swept her hair back off of her face.

"No. I think that the drugs are keeping me from dreaming too much, thank goodness. I…," she hesitated.

"You what?" Logan prompted, not liking her hesitancy.

She looked thoroughly embarrassed when she told him meekly, "I need to go to the bathroom and I can't get up."

Knowing how she hated to appear weak, Logan answered flippantly, "Oh, is that all? You had me worried there for a minute, Honeybunny. C'mon, I'll help you up." It took a minute to get Veronica off of the couch, but together, they figured out the logistics. Logan felt like he was hovering when he followed closely behind her the whole way to the bathroom, but he wasn't comfortable yet letting her walk too far ahead of him. It was a good thing, because she weaved a bit as she walked, so Logan knew that she was light headed.

"You gonna follow me in there too, Champ?" Veronica asked, giving him a pointed look when she finally reached the bathroom door.

"If it means you don't fall and hit your head again, yes!" was his emphatic reply.

"I'm good. I'll meet you in the family room, Logan," she declared before she shut the bathroom door between them.

Logan, feeling mildly annoyed, padded back to the couch and flopped down to wait for her. A few minutes later he felt Veronica's warm breath on his neck.

"Are you still sulking, Professor Grubbly-Plank?" she whispered into his ear from behind him. He'd been so intent on being put out that she'd snuck up on him. He couldn't help his chuckle. He grabbed her hand and lead her around the side of the couch and patted his lap in invitation. She carefully slid onto his legs.

"Well, when you put it that way…" he said smoothly, kissing her on the lips. The kissing intensified and Logan was in heaven. Veronica was a good, if somewhat inexperienced kisser, and he loved every moment of exploring her mouth. Feeling her in his arms, responding to him was like a dream come true. He was so caught up in the moment that he momentarily forgot about her injuries, turning her on his lap for better access to her mouth and body. As he did so, Veronica went rigid and let out a hiss of pain. Immediately, Logan pulled back in panic, his mind racing as he carefully tried to release her without dropping her or hurting her more. "Veronica! I'm so—"

"Shhh," she soothed, easing herself up and off his lap.

"No, I can't believe I did that. I got caught up and—"

"It was just a twinge, really. I feel better already, Logan." Her tone was dejected.

"Then why are you so sad?" he asked, not believing her.

"Because I was caught up too. And I want to be. I'm tired of things holding me back from being…intimate…with you," Veronica admitted softly.

"You'll be better soon. And I need to be more careful," Logan tried to reassure her.

"I don't want you to see me as broken!" she cried.

"Well, Schnookums," he bent forward to kiss her on the lips again, "the fact of the matter is that you technically _are_ currently broken. At least some of your ribs are." She let out an exasperated breath. "No, hear me out. You will heal. And, in the meantime, there are things, plenty of things that we _can_ do if I'm careful."

Veronica's head popped up at that. "Really?" Her reply sounded skeptical. "Like what?" she challenged.

"Would you like a list?" he snickered, surprised. "I can't decide if I'm more offended by how little faith you have in me or your lack of imagination." At her nod of encouragement, he continued. "I could name things, but I'd rather show you…" he began to kiss her once more and then worked his mouth down her neck and sucked on her pulse point, loving the groan he elicited out of her in response. "…later."

Logan pulled away and smiled widely when Veronica groaned at the loss of contact. He waited, watching as she remained silent with her eyes closed, obviously expecting him to return to his ministrations. After a second, her eyes fluttered open and she gave him a disappointed look. "You're really going to leave me hanging like that?" She didn't sound angry, despite her words.

"Yes, I believe I am. I don't want to hurt you. I made a snack for you. You need to eat; I'll be right back." He ignored her brooding look and went into the kitchen to retrieve the rest of the apples and cheese he'd cut earlier.

"Who are you and what have you done with Logan Echolls? Remember him? Tall, mildly-dark and extremely handsome?" Veronica flirted, having followed him into the kitchen. "You were always the wild one, Hot Stuff. The rebel."

Logan turned to her and handed her a plate, laughing openly. "And look at how you've tamed me. I'm all domesticated now and fully housetrained. I'm like one step away from being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, whistling while I make lunch for my old ball-and-chain." The truth of the matter was that he loved it, being here with her like this.

"That's right." Veronica teased back. "I don't like my man working outside the home. I mean, who will take care of the children while I bring home the bacon?"

"It's true; you're practically a crime fighter now. But I like it. It's hot." Logan pulled her into him and began lightly kissing the line of her jaw.

"Yeah, tell that to my ribcage."

Logan grimaced at the mood killer that was reality.

"I was just kidding. I'm fine, Logan," Veronica assured him. "I just don't want you to be stuck in here with me all day." Her gaze went to the table in the corner. "You've even been reading! It does give a girl cause for concern."

"I'm happy. I'm happy to be here with you." He made sure to look directly into her eyes to show her how much he meant what he was saying.

"Yes, but for how long? You'll get bored stuck at home with me." She stated it as a fact.

"It doesn't bother me." He looked at her skeptical face and laughed. "I'm serious. I wasn't truly happy before. A few months ago, sure, everything was all fun and frat parties—" he stopped his mouth just a second too late and watched her face fall. She suddenly took a particular interest in the hem of her shirt.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." He bent down and forced her eyes to meet his. "I'm sorry, Veronica. I shouldn't have said that. But I meant what I said before; all that feels like such a waste of time now. Being with you is more important. And after everything that has happened…"

"It's okay, Logan. I know what you meant." Logan took a moment to study her carefully. Her voice was still solemn but she seemed sincere. "And I won't be a stick-in-the-mud forever, I promise."

"Like I said, I'm not worried. We're freshman. I'm sure there are many college parties in our future."

"Of course there are, not that it wouldn't be nice to expand our horizons a little bit. Like you said, it's college. Perhaps we could even think a little bit more globally? Maybe get a little culture every now and then!" She nodded exuberantly as if it were the idea of the century.

"So, you're thinking global like say… drinking international beer?" He gave her a hopeful smile.

"Yes, exactly that." She laughed hard and then her face twisted in pain. "Don't make me laugh, you jackass. It hurts!"

"Sorry." Logan tried to look contrite, but the more he held back the more he wanted to laugh too, which started her laughing again.

"I mean it, stop! Ow!" She winced and Logan willed himself to be serious. He didn't want her to hurt anymore, but he loved seeing her laugh again.

The sudden slam of multiple car doors from outside sobered Logan instantly. It was a lot of traffic for this small, quiet neighborhood. Curiosity got the better of him and he left her side to check the front yard from the window.

"What is it? Is everything okay?" Veronica asked, biting into an apple topped with cheddar cheese, still standing at the counter.

"Yup," Logan responded, popping the 'p' to punctuate his words. Truthfully, he wasn't at all excited to see two patrol cars in the front yard and a group of men standing beside them. _Guess playtime's over,_ he thought, watching the officers start their approach to the front door. "Looks like it's statement time!"

"Crap. I haven't gotten a chance to get my story straight or talk to Mac and Dick. Who's out there?"

"Looks like Deputies Sacks, D'Amato and Lamb, if memory serves." Logan wasn't impressed. _Where is the sheriff?_

"I'll have to think of something fast. Yay, I love improv," Veronica deadpanned.

"It'll be okay." Logan tried to reassure her, but he wasn't convinced himself.

"Here goes nothing." Veronica popped the last bite of apple into her mouth as Logan threw open the door to greet the deputies.

"Well look-ie what we have here, Honey." Logan looked over his shoulder at Veronica and winked. "It's none other than a gaggle of Balboa County's finest!" Logan called out theatrically, then turned so he was face-to-face with Lamb. _I so love getting under this guy's skin._

"Logan Echolls. Can't say I've missed these moments together," Lamb responded tightly.

 _And he makes it so damned easy that it's almost not fun anymore. Where's the challenge?_ "Well, that makes one of us! Some of my fondest high school memories involve Y-O-U!" Logan gave Lamb a huge, fake smile and stepped aside to let the deputies in. He greeted Sacks and D'Amato with a nod.

"Oh, Logan, making new friends as usual, I see!" Logan turned to see Veronica slowly approaching the entryway from the kitchen. His wide smile became genuine. _God, she's hot when she's snarky._

Logan turned back to the visitors. Sacks was a good enough officer, if somewhat of a pushover. D'Amato was always professional enough, but Logan didn't like the way the officer was looking at Veronica, so he placed his hand territorially on the small of her back and looked Leo dead in the eye. Logan saw the moment it dawned on the deputy that the two of them were a couple. _Yeah, that's right Deputy Douchebag!_ Logan thought triumphantly, giving the deputy a tight smile.

"Where's my dad?" Veronica asked casually.

"Still at the station, Veronica." It was Sacks who spoke up. "He had some…um, paperwork to finish up." Logan thought the statement was odd, but didn't care enough to pursue it further.

"We need to ask you some questions, Veronica. Take a statement." Leo informed them quietly.

_At least he doesn't look like he wants to do this anymore than we do._

"Well, we didn't think you were here for tea." Logan's couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice. He had a bad feeling about this.

"Yeah," Lamb offered. "I was thinking you and I could go into another room while Veronica gives her statement to Deputy D'Amato here," he added pointedly. "I can take your statement at the same time."

Logan laughed maniacally. "Yeah, that's not happening." He spit out, turning to gently tuck Veronica under his arm. "Dream on, I'm not leaving her alone with any of you."

"She won't be alone, Logan, I'll stay with them," Sacks interjected.

"Very reassuring prospect, Barney Fife, but I repeat: not gonna happen." Logan's words were harsh, but when he turned in to Veronica so that his back was to the deputies, his voice was soft. "Are you okay; you're tense. What do you need from me?"

"I'm not scared of them, I just want this to be over. And I don't want you to leave," she said, barely above a whisper. Her transformation scared Logan. His snarky Veronica from just a moment before was gone, exchanged for the fragile Veronica that he wished he didn't recognize.

Logan cupped the non-injured side of her face and kissed her forehead reassuringly. "That's all I needed to hear. I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you." He turned around. "So now that that's settled, where do you want us?"

"The couch." Veronica spoke up. "I can't stand much longer and the chairs are too hard."

D'Amato and Sacks each grabbed a chair and followed Veronica and Logan to the couch. Logan helped Veronica ease herself back onto the extra pillows propped on one end for her and then sat down just beside her. The deputies each took a seat as well, except for Lamb, who seemed oddly nervous and began to pace. _Yes, something is definitely off here._ Logan didn't like this at all.

Leo began. "Okay, Veronica, we can take breaks whenever you need to. We can even finish this tomorrow if it becomes too much, or if you need a nap, or—"

"Yeah, we get it; let's just get started," Logan interrupted. He wanted these guys out of here.

"Okay, so let's start with the night of the assault," Leo prompted.

Logan took Veronica's hand and she smiled gratefully up at him and began talking.

 

* * *

 

The look on Logan's face was so reassuring that Veronica took a deep breath. "I was out with Logan, Mac and Dick at the Lambda Kappa Pi house," Veronica started.

"So, for the record, you're speaking of Cindy Mackenzie and Richard Casablancas," Leo stated, taking notes.

"Yes, and Logan Echolls," Veronica clarified. "Yeah, the frat was having this end of the semester party, and we—"

Leo cleared his throat, interrupting her. "No, Veronica, I was speaking about the night you were _sexually_ assaulted. What can you tell us about the night of Friday, October the 31st?"

At Veronica's gasp, Logan immediately shifted as if to block her from an attack. "Yeah, I think we're done here for right now."

Veronica paused for a moment. She waited for the inevitable panic and for her heart to race, all the things that she was accustomed to feeling whenever the night of Halloween was brought up. But they never came. What she did feel was a sudden wave of calm that consumed her. Logan's face, full of unabashed concern, appeared in front of her face as if he was trying to understand the reason for her silence.

"Does my dad know?" Her voice was almost robotic when she finally was able to speak.

Leo's response was just as wooden. "Yes. I'm sorry. Moe—"

"Deputy, give us a minute, please." Logan's voice was respectful, and Veronica could tell that it gave the deputies pause.

"Logan, I don't think that—"

Logan's voice remained deadly calm. "I said please."

To Veronica's shock the deputies retreated, as a unit, to stand near the front door. Logan crouched down in front of her and laid his hands on her thighs, rubbing lightly. She didn't even bother to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Veronica, if you can't do this right now—"

"Thank goodness," Veronica whispered, relief coursing through her.

"What?" Logan looked baffled; clearly this was not the response that he had expected.

"It's over. Logan, it's really, finally over." Veronica let the tears stream down her face, feeling the happiest she had in a long time. "Everyone knows. I don't have to hide anymore." He gave her a sad smile and nodded in understanding. "Can you bring them back in here, please? I'm ready to get this over with."

Logan gave her one quick kiss. "Yeah. Yeah, I can do that." Logan paused for a split second before he nodded to the deputies to return.

The statement itself took a few hours. Logan added in his side of the story when it was appropriate. If the deputies blamed Logan for letting Veronica go off on her own, they didn't show it, and Veronica made it clear that she had been mad and had chosen to leave his side.

Veronica found herself feeling lighter than she had in weeks. As ashamed as she had been, she'd never realized what a heavy burden her secret has been. When the time came, she was all too happy to hand over the bag of clothes she had saved from that night.

On his way down to collect the bag of evidence from her closet, Veronica heard Leo make a phone call.

"We're all done here, Sheriff. She did great." Veronica felt a new surge of pain course through her at the thought of having to speak to her father.

Keith must have been parked nearby, because Veronica didn't have to wait very long. A few moments later, she looked up to see Keith Mars walking through the door. He made his way over to her to where Veronica sat on the couch. She couldn't bear how cautious he was being. It was exactly what she'd been so worried about. She didn't want 'victim' to be all her dad saw when he looked at her.

Keith pulled the coffee table closer to the couch and sat down. It took a few moments for her to meet his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Daddy." She leaned forward and leaned her head on his shoulder and he carefully wrapped his arms around her.

"Oh, Honey, no," Keith's voice broke a little and he did nothing to adjust it. " _I'm_ sorry. I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could tell me."

"It wasn't you; it was me. It was me avoiding this moment and avoiding the look you're giving me right now. And I was stupid," Veronica lamented, leaning into him even more and letting her tears flow freely.

"You aren't stupid, Veronica; it's normal. You are perfectly normal and everything you are feeling right now is normal." Keith caught her eye and she nodded in understanding. "And he's not going to hurt you or anyone else again. Thanks to you."

"I'm sorry that you had to find out that way," Veronica bemoaned.

"I'm sorry, too, but even more sorry that it happened." Her father held her close for a long while. Veronica barely registered that the deputies had taken their leave and that Logan had followed them out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Another emotional hurdle complete...and only five more chapters to go! Thanks to everyone for still reading and following and reviewing! 
> 
> The writing process can be a very solitary one...or you can share it with wonderful friends. Thanks to my betas kmd0107 and LVFangirl for providing me with backup of my own. ;)


	16. I'll Sing

**Chapter 16 – I'll Sing**

Though the Chinese food Logan had driven far across town to pick up was delicious, none of them seemed to enjoy it. Instead, the three of them picked at their food, making awkward small talk. Despite how hard her father worked at keeping things normal, conversation during the dinner still felt strained. It was as if no one seemed to know what kind of conversation was appropriate under the circumstances. There didn't seem to be a good topic to broach. Veronica missed the camaraderie of the dinner from the night before, back in the hospital when things had been playful.

"So, I assume the interrogation went okay?" Veronica finally asked when she became tired of the forced pleasantries. "I take it that Moe sang like a canary?" Her voice sounded hollow even to her own ears.

Her dad shrugged. "I don't know the details. I was kicked out of the observation room after the first two minutes. But you're right, Moe cut right to the chase where you are concerned, I'm afraid. And there will be many more days of interrogation for our pal, Mr. Flater. But, Leo and Sacks were in there with him and his lawyer for quite a while, so I'd like to think he'll tell them everything."

"Sacks?" Veronica made a face. "Seriously, Dad? He's a nice guy and all, but —"

"Well, since Lamb was watching me to make sure I didn't go on a killing spree through the holding cells, Sacks was the next most senior. And he will do fine. I trained him, right?" Keith added and then looked pointedly over to Logan who'd been uncharacteristically quiet throughout the meal. "What, Logan? No quip?" Keith added a wink.

"Yeah, I got nothing. I already called Sacks and Lamb both out today, so I'm spent," Logan's curt reply was stony.

"Oh, well, maybe tomorrow we'll get a sharp retort from your way." Keith chuckled. "I'm still technically on duty. Just between us, I'm pretty sure that everyone at the station was happy they don't have to babysit me anymore. Because of that, I doubt I'll be called in, so we could—" he was interrupted by his cell phone ringing. He unclipped it from his belt, and answered into the phone, "Mars. When? Just now?" he listened some more. "No, no, don't pull anyone off of the Hayes case, I'll go. It'll do me some good to have something new to focus on." Keith flipped his phone closed and looked at them. "There's been a suicide on campus...no, don't ask, I know very little and I couldn't say anything even if I did. Logan, you okay with staying the night?" He looked expectantly at the young man.

"I am if you are, Sir." Logan answered stoically. Veronica gave him an incredulous look and then laughed when she saw that her father's face mirrored her own.

"Such manners, Logan. What happened to 'Dude'? Do we need to call Mr. Casablancas over here to knock some entitlement back into you?" Veronica knew that Keith attempting to be funny, but Logan clearly wasn't in the mood.

"We'll be fine, Dad. Go!" Veronica prompted him. And with a shrug and a kiss on Veronica's head, Keith complied.

The second the door clicked behind her dad, Logan got up from the table and began collecting the plates to take to the sink.

"Where are you going?" Veronica called after him. He didn't reply, but came back to her holding out her prescribed pills and four Advil. Veronica took them out of his hand, but she wouldn't relent. "Hey, talk to me."

"It's time for your meds," Logan replied. "You still have enough in your cup to take them with, right?"

"Yeah, it's fine, thanks. But I'd much rather talk to you," she called to him when he headed back into the kitchen with more plates. She didn't like this side of him. The somber attitude was new and she didn't know how to handle it on top of everything else that she was going through. Veronica downed all the pills in one large gulp. Starting to feel angry, she called out, "You know, it's not fair that you're walking away because you know that I can't chase you. And you're scaring me."

Suddenly, Logan was next to her, crouching down to look at her. "I'm scaring you? How?" he seemed concerned, but more than that, appeared confused.

"Did I say something that changed your mind during the statement? Earlier today you seemed comfortable with me and even, attracted to me, and now…I don't know what _this_ is." She gestured wildly with her hands to indicate him. "What did I say that changed something?"

He sat down next to her on the couch, looking horrified. "No! It's not you at all. It's…it's your father."

"My dad!?" Veronica was shocked. "What about him?"

"He didn't hear all of your statement, but he will. He will read it or hear about it somehow, and when he does, he's going to hate me." Logan rubbed his hands down his face.

"What? No, he won't! I won't let him." Veronica's reply was resounding.

"Of course he will, Veronica! He'll hate me. How could he not? I left you there. I was passed out on the patio while Mercer was—" Logan took a second and seemed to have to forcibly calm himself down. "He'll know, and I've always looked up to him. I know it never seemed like it, but I did. And now that I'm with you…I'm in love with you…when it's most important that he likes me, and when I just started to feel like he was accepting me — I know it's just a matter of time before I lose his respect…."

"I walked away from you, Logan. I took a drink from a stranger. I let him take me upstairs." Veronica couldn't help how she was steadily getting louder to make her point, despite the pain it was causing her.

"Yes…yes to all that, but _I_ 'm the one who deserves the blame. I shouldn't have let you go. I should have—"

"What…put me in a giant hamster ball? Nobody likes a blonde in a giant hamster ball, Logan. Should you have followed me around after I berated you for flirting with Parker? Tell me what you could or should have done." Veronica let out a groan of frustration and discomfort before slowly getting to her feet.

Logan shot up after her. His voice was rough with emotion and his arms flailed as he spoke. "I should have been there. I don't know how you've forgiven me. I haven't forgiven myself and I know that your dad won't either."

"Then we'll figure that out when the time comes. You saved me. You saved me from Mercer and Moe, and you saved Mac, too. My dad knows what matters, Logan." The pain in her side was too much for her; she was out of breath from the exertion and the stress of their conversation. The medication hadn't kicked in yet, so she turned and bent over to clutch the arm of the sofa for support.

Logan made a move to help her, but she slapped his hand away.

"Veronica, you need to sit down. I know you're mad at me, but, please, just sit down."

"I will; just give me a minute, okay?" Her voice was calmer now, but she stayed in place while he hovered over her until her breathing returned to normal. Slowly, she made her way back to the couch and gently lowered herself onto the cushions.

Logan was by her side in a flash. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"I know what _I_ was thinking. I thought I was losing you. I thought things had changed. I don't want to lose you." She still couldn't look at him. Her elbows were resting on her knees and her hands covered her face.

"You won't, Veronica."

 _Yeah right_ , she thought to herself.

At her silence, Logan continued, "Veronica, nothing changed for me today except that I am more proud of you than ever before." She finally turned her head his direction.

"Really? You aren't just saying that to make me feel better?"

"Well, even if I was, it doesn't mean it's not the truth." His eyes locked onto hers again and she knew there wasn't much that she wouldn't forgive of him. She smiled back. "Those pills are going to kick in soon and you're going to get sleepy. Want to sleep in your bed this time? I think it'll be easier for you to get in and out of."

"I don't even need the pills to fall asleep. I hate that I'm so tired all the time, but it helps to know that it's just for a few more days of this. I actually was…well I was thinking of taking a shower. It's been a few days and I feel the need to wash the hospital smell off of me. I can feel the drugs kicking in, so it might be a good time to get it done, maybe it won't hurt so much." Veronica smiled shyly at him.

"Yeah, it will probably feel good on your muscles, too. Want me to start the water for you?"

"That would be great."

Logan got off of the couch and left the room.

Veronica watched him go and stared after him for a moment. The thought of him helping her with the shower, combined with the effects of her medication, left her feeling warm all over. The pain that shot through her ribs when she tried to stand sobered her. _This isn't the way this was supposed to happen with Logan,_ she thought bitterly. _It was supposed to be all passion and pleasure, not bruises and broken bones._ The earlier excitement at the thought of a shower was now long gone. She gradually made her way down the hall and found Logan in her bathroom, bent over the bathtub adjusting the temperature of the water.

"You should be good to go." He smiled at her as he stood up. "You okay? It can wait if you need a minute."

"No, I'm good. In fact, I'm feeling better, so I think I can handle things from here." The look he gave her was surprised, but he stepped aside and let her by.

"Are you sure? It's no trouble. I can keep myself in check. Don't tell him I told you, but after Dick's surfing accident last year, I had to help him in and out of clothes for a week. And I didn't cop a feel or sneak a peek, even once. So if you need help—"

"I think I can take it from here, thanks." Veronica's reply came out sounding more breathless than she'd hoped it would. _Almost there, Veronica._

"Okay, no problem. I'll be right out here if you need me." Logan left the room and shut the door behind him.

Veronica sighed at the closed door. She wanted him so much, but not when she was so feeble. It just wasn't what she had ever planned for them. After a few minutes, she was able to pull off her sweat pants with minimal effort, pushing them to the floor before stepping out of them. Her shirt was another story altogether. After several failed attempts at extricating her hands from the garment, she was panting and uncomfortable. _Oh, damn it all to hell,_ she swore and then turned away from the door. "Logan?" She immediately heard his muffled reply through the door. He must have been waiting just outside. "Can you come in here for a second?"

The door opened and Veronica waited for him to reply, but no sound came from the doorway. She turned her head around to find him looking at her unabashedly. His eyes were on hers, but she was willing to bet that they hadn't been a minute ago.

"Can you…I need some help." At his nod, she continued, "My shirt…I can barely lift my arms, let alone..." Veronica stopped short when she saw the intensity in his eyes. Logan just nodded again and after another moment crossed the distance between them. All hesitancy was gone. He wasn't looking at her like she was bruised or broken at all. He was looking at her as if she were the only person in the world. His gaze made her tremble. She stifled a moan when his hands met the hem of her shirt, lightly touching the skin on her hips as his thumbs caressed the dimples of her lower back.

"Just," the word came out coarse and Logan cleared his throat before starting again, "just stay still; I'll try to pull it off without you needing to raise your arms."

Now it was Veronica's turn to be speechless. She met his eyes again over her shoulder and managed a slight nod before taking a deep breath in anticipation. Logan ran his hands up her sides, and Veronica let out a small moan when hands brushed the side of her breasts as he carefully lifted the neck of her shirt over her head. The hard part over, Veronica let the shirt fall off of her arms and to the floor and then leaned back until her back was resting against Logan's chest.

His arms immediately closed around her, his hands crossed in front of her and met her breasts, massaging them lightly.

She turned her head up toward his and smiled. "So, you did this for Dick, huh?"

"Not so much, no," came his gravelly reply. He turned her around in his arms and gently brought her fully against his body. Her arms came to rest on his hips as his mouth met hers in a fiery kiss. After a few moments, she felt him slow down and could tell that he was fighting to control himself. At last, he pulled his mouth away from hers and moved to place a line of chaste kisses at her collarbone.

"As much as I'd love to continue this," Logan sighed against her skin, "that water isn't going to stay warm forever. C'mon, let's get you in there."

Veronica was in such a daze that she barely registered his words, but she let Logan usher her over to the shower and hold her hand as she stepped into the tub. She reached for the body wash, but Logan beat her to it. "It's okay, I can do it. You'll get all wet," Veronica cautioned.

"A problem that is easily remedied." Logan's voice was smooth and sure as handed her back the bottle and pulled his own shirt over his head. He tossed it onto the pile of her clothing lying on the floor before retrieving the bottle from her. Using a bath sponge, he delicately washed her body and then shampooed and conditioned her hair. Veronica reveled in his touch and the feeling of being clean. Another moan crossed her lips when he bent down to run his hands down her legs.

"I am seriously missing your parents' house right now. Their hot tub sounds heavenly." Veronica looked up at him dreamily.

"I think a romantic night of hot tubbing can be arranged," Logan chuckled. She could tell that he was working hard to keep his voice in check. "Okay, all done." Logan stated, reaching past her to shut off the water. She let out a little pout and Logan smiled at her again.

"Hold on to the wall for a second," Logan ordered before turning to grab a towel off the door hook. "Step out and I'll help dry you off." He reached out for her hand and she took it without hesitation, feeling suddenly bold and empowered.

"Your pants are looking a little tight there, Echolls. I think we should do something about that…" Veronica ran her hands down his chest and grinned at his shocked expression. "Besides, it's later. Maybe we could work at checking a few items off that list you mentioned earlier."

Veronica could practically see Logan's head spinning. He brought the towel up to soak up the excess water from her hair before slowly bringing the towel down to gently rub down her body, lightly brushing each newly dry area with light kisses.

The feelings he elicited in her were overwhelming and Veronica's whole body was humming with anticipation. When he reached her ribcage, Logan took extra care, kissing the bruised area thoroughly while his hands dropped the towel and cupped her ass.

Veronica abruptly felt dizzy. "Logan," she sighed barely audibly, and she tried again. "Logan, I need to lie down…the steam and the meds…" she trailed off, smiling when she saw that he was working his way back up to her mouth. Veronica pulled away, taking his hand as she left the bathroom, through her bedroom and to her bed. "Now about those pants…" Veronica said. Logan bent down to pull the comforter and top sheet back as she sat down gingerly on the bed and reached for his jeans' button.

Logan just shook his head. "Lie down," he said simply and she did, scooting over to give him space to follow. This was the Logan she had fantasized about, all confidence and radiating sex. He traced the curves of her body before whispering, "I love you, Veronica," gently against her lips.

Veronica was too lost to answer him, enjoying the feeling of him kissing, licking and nibbling his way down her body. He traced the divot of her hip with his tongue while lightly caressing her inner thigh with his fingertips. She parted her legs just enough for him to slip his finger into her wetness. His kisses moved to her stomach as his palm rubbed her steadily.

Veronica's heart thumped in her chest and Logan's breathing was audible. She felt an ache, a need for Logan that she'd never felt before, an urgency for him to get closer. Instinctively, she placed her hand on the back of his head on pushed him lower. Logan didn't need much coaxing as he readjusted his body to put his mouth at a better angle. He flattened his tongue against her center and Veronica pulled the sheets into knots. Her hips lifted to match his erotic pace. Logan's hands seemed to be everywhere at once: cupping her breasts, caressing her nipples, gliding lightly over her ribcage.

He continued his ministrations with his mouth and she was in ecstasy. Having abandoned all self-consciousness, Veronica rested her heels on Logan's lower back and opened herself up to him. He directed all of his attention to the pulsing of his tongue in a steady rhythm against her. It didn't take long for Veronica to feel delicious ripples surging from her stomach to her toes. Her moans filled the room and her back flattened against the bed, while her fingers threaded in Logan's hair. After Veronica floated back to earth, Logan kissed each thigh once, lifted his head and smiled at her. "I love you," he said again.

"I love you, too, Logan," she whispered back as he settled next to her and threw the covers over them both. "Wow. You could go pro at that."

 

* * *

 

Logan woke up, basking in the feeling of warmth that only comes with skin-to-skin contact. Eyes still closed, he smiled and moved to bury his head in Veronica's hair and drink in her scent. _This is love,_ he thought with contentment. He'd slept with many girls and chased a good time with many more. But, with the exception of his brief infatuation with Lilly Kane, he'd never fancied himself in love with anyone. And nothing and no one could hold a candle to how he felt in this moment. This exact moment — lying in the arms of the person you love, knowing she's safe and loves you back… _now this is living_.

Logan basked in the moment for a while longer, instantly addicted to the endorphins that waking up pressed against Veronica produced. _If only every day could be like this,_ Logan thought. _We'd make love all night and wake up together. I'd make breakfast, and then we'd just hang around the apartment just being together before we—_ Logan's eyes popped open. _But I'm not home._ Reality hit hard. _I'm lying with my naked girlfriend in the house she lives in with her father!_

Careful not to alarm Veronica, Logan lifted his head and scanned the room, sighing with relief when he realized that it was still dark. The clock on her bedside table read '10:13'. _Phew! Only a few hours have passed._ Keith was sure to be still working the suicide on campus.

"Veronica!" Logan whispered loudly. He didn't want to scare her. Hearing no movement in the house, Logan forced himself to calm down. He nuzzled her neck a little bit until she stirred. "Hey, baby, we've got to get you dressed before your dad gets home." Veronica merely grumbled unintelligibly and pushed her body back against his until they were completely flush. Logan stifled a groan and kissed her shoulder again.

He carefully snuck out of the bed and crossed the room to her dresser and began rifling through her drawers looking for something that resembled pajamas, finally settling on some flannel pants and a tank top. It took him a while to dress her. She was practically dead weight and he was careful not to hurt her. He couldn't help but feel relieved when Veronica was fully covered and he hastened back to the bathroom to retrieve her discarded clothes and pull his shirt on.

 _Now for the real test. If the sheriff is sitting at the kitchen table holding a rifle, I wouldn't even blame him._ Logan tiptoed down the hall, peeking past Keith's open bedroom door to see everything looking pristine. _Don't get too relaxed yet, Logan. There's still the rest of the house._ Logan rallied his courage and stepped out into the main living area of the house to find no sign of Sheriff Mars whatsoever; everything looked as it had before Veronica's shower, and a quick peek out the window didn't reveal the sheriff's car in the driveway. _You are one lucky son of a bitch, Echolls_. Logan breathed a huge sigh of relief and then turned to find Backup studying him intently.

"I'm not scared of you, but even though you can't talk, I'll bribe you with some human food." Logan laughed and returned to his earlier chore of doing the dishes, letting Backup eats bits and pieces of the leftovers here and there as he cleaned everything up. After Logan was done cleaning up, he read a bit longer and then watched some late night TV. Despite having slept with Veronica earlier, he felt his lids growing heavy and eventually fell asleep on the couch.

 

Logan felt someone's presence in the room before he opened his eyes. _Veronica?_ Quickly coming awake, he opened his eyes and pushed himself up to sitting. "Veronica!" he called out.

"Shh. No, Logan, it's just me." Keith Mars' hushed voice came from behind the couch. Logan spun around and came face-to-face with the sheriff.

"Oh, hi." Logan murmured, rubbing his eyes. "Sorry, she has these nightmares, and…"

"It's okay, Son. I understand." Keith's reply sounded genuine as he reached out to put a hand on Logan's shoulder. _Maybe he didn't go back to the station? Maybe he hadn't heard the details of Veronica's statement after all._ Logan felt momentarily relieved.

"Wow, when it rains, it pours in Neptune, eh? As if this weekend wasn't tough enough, Dean O'Dell apparently committed suicide." Keith's admission made Logan to gasp in shock.

"Dean O'Dell? Are you serious? Do you think it was because of the rapes? Because of what Mercer and Moe have done to the reputation of the school?" Logan knew that it seemed as if Neptune had a perpetual black cloud surrounding it, but the death of Dean O'Dell just seemed like too much of a coincidence.

"Well, you know I can't say much, but we're exploring all avenues in our investigation." Logan couldn't help but smile up at Keith. He'd heard this standard reply from the sheriff many times since he'd become friends with Veronica and wasn't surprised by the older man's pat answer. "But who could blame him, right? We've all had some tough days lately, and with the potential of a high profile trial ahead of us, who knows what was going on it the dean's head?"

"A trial? I hadn't thought of that. Veronica will have to testify." Logan didn't like the idea of that.

"You'll have to testify too, Logan. You're a big part of all this." Keith sat down in the Lay-Z-Boy near the couch and removed his shoes. "I talked to the guys about Veronica's statement. And yours." Logan's head dropped. "It's not going to be easy. It's possible that you will both have to retell that story many more times throughout the coming months, possibly even years, with all of the parole hearings. The press is going to have a field day with all of this."

Logan cracked half a smile. "Veronica's worth it."

"I was hoping you'd feel that way." Keith smiled back at him. "I'm glad she has you, Logan."

"I can't believe you're saying that to me after hearing about what happened." Logan's voice was scratchy with pent-up emotion. He had been expecting the worst and still was.

"Come again?" Keith looked genuinely surprised. "Logan, don't beat yourself up. Mercer and Moe are the guilty parties here."

"Then why do I feel like this? Why do I feel like I practically handed her over to them?" Logan felt a burning behind his eyes and looked down, his eyes fixed on his knees.

Keith stood up and approached Logan on the couch. He sat down on the corner of the coffee table and put a comforting hand on Logan's shoulder. "For the same reason I feel like a terrible parent for not realizing what was going on when she cut her hair, stopped going out and bought those combat boots —we feel that way because we love her." Logan's eyes shot up to the older man's and their eyes met. "That's the tricky part about love; it's not all hearts and flowers and malts at the drive-in." At Logan's astounded gaze, Keith laughed out loud. "What's wrong with you kids today; I used to be cool, ya know!?"

"If you say so, Sir." Logan couldn't help but laugh, too.

"I mean it. I had hair and everything." He chuckled. "It's hard to believe, I know, but I'll show you a picture sometime." Logan nodded. Keith Mars was one of the closest things he had to a role model, and he would try to take the sheriff's advice. "But I'm serious, Logan. Don't let this eat you up. Learn from it. Learn from it like you would anything else you didn't do perfectly. You've come a long way from the scrawny twelve-year-old with the floppy hair and acerbic mouth. I'm happy you two have finally found each other."

Logan felt the burning behind his eyes return and took a deep breath. "Thank you, Sir, I won't let you down."

"I never thought that you would." Keith gestured at the coffee table and winced. "Look, I am not getting any younger, so I can't stay hunched over like this anymore. You okay now?" Logan chuckled and nodded. "She'll be okay, Logan. She has us."

"Yeah, I hope so," Logan responded.

Keith stood up and began removing his tie. "Nightmares, you say? Well, you'd better get in there then. I'm heading off to bed now." Logan stared up at the sheriff, rooted to his spot on the couch. His mind was racing, wondering if Keith was trying out some kind of twisted boyfriend test that Logan was sure to fail .

Keith must have noticed Logan's hesitation because he smiled and bent down to ruffle his hair. "Seriously. Go before I change my mind. I don't want her to wake up alone. But I'll be right down the hall…asleep with my door open and my loaded gun on the bedside table." Keith winked before he made his way down the hallway to his room and then shut the door tightly behind him.

Logan hesitated only a moment before he stood up and made his own way down the hall. He let himself into Veronica's room, shutting the door quietly behind him before crawling into the bed and pulling her close, finally feeling some peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beyond that this was my first attempt at smut, I'm so pleased that I get to branch out a little after the rape is out in the open. Last chapter I got to play with some Logan snark, and this one, I got to play with the relationships (Logan & Veronica and Keith & Logan specifically) a bit more! I hope it worked for you!
> 
> Thanks to my rock star betas kmd0107 and LVFangirl.


	17. Know You

**Chapter 17 –** **Know You**

With only two days until Christmas, Logan hastily threw together an overnight bag full of clothes along with his freshly dry-cleaned Armani tuxedo. He hopped into his Range Rover and set out toward Los Angeles. He was reluctant to leave Veronica and was even less excited to spend the next three days with his parents, but both were a necessary evil. While Aaron's physical abuse had stopped once Logan had moved out of the house, his father still had control of the purse strings. As much as Logan hated being beholden to Aaron—and even Lynn—he enjoyed the lifestyle of luxury and freedom that his parents' money afforded him too much to cut ties quite yet.

He'd barely pulled on to the I-5 when his phone rang. He smiled to himself when he read the name that flashed across the screen.

"Miss me already?" His tone was light. Despite his destination, life was good, and he knew it showed in his demeanor.

"Ha! You wish, Echolls," came an incredulous retort from the other end of the line. "Four-out-of-five dentists agree that watching you and your girlfriend together is enough to give the rest of us cavities. I, for one, am happy to have a little time with my BFF without the two of you mooning over each other."

He didn't let Lilly's comments bother him.

"You're cute when you're jealous," he said simply. He'd been trying hard not to fall back into flirting with Lilly now that he was dating Veronica, but it seemed to be their natural way.

"I am; it's true." Lilly's voice sounded more amused than bitter.

"What? Cute or jealous?" Logan coaxed.

"Both, come to think of it—equally."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Don't be jealous. Don't you have some boy-toy flying in a holding pattern back East?" Actually, Logan hadn't heard much about any of her guys lately, now that he thought of it.

"Not so much. That all just seems so, I dunno…like a waste of time somehow these days. I asked Casey to come to Aspen with us for New Year's Eve. I don't want to go with all of you couples and be by myself. Casey wasn't ever my type in high school, but somehow sweet and dependable seems nice now."

"Sweet? Nice? Casey was a first-class asshole like the rest of us until he became a hippy," Logan reminded her.

"He wasn't a hippy, but I know what you mean. He seems to have evened out recently. He's interested in the publishing business, so he's taking school seriously. We've been talking a lot lately. Plus, I can trust him not to…" Lilly trailed off distractedly.

"Sell the story of our little getaway to the highest bidder? Yeah, I get it. And I'm happy for you, Lil." Logan's reply was genuine.

"Oh, it's nothing yet. But we're both back East, so you never know, I guess. Worse things have happened than me becoming a boring fuddy-duddy."

"Well, I wouldn't quite go that far. Lilly Kane could never be described as boring." Logan smirked, enjoying himself. He missed talking to Lilly. Though he'd seen her a few times since she'd come home for the holidays, he hadn't had a chance to really talk to her.

"Anyways," Lilly was saying, "I'm picking Veronica up in a little while to go have some fun. Mani/Pedi girl time, you know, that kind of thing. It was a great idea, Logan. We're going to have fun."

"Thanks, Lilly. I'm glad you're making a day out of it. I know she'll love going with you, and I'm glad I thought to give her the gift card before I left town. She needs some fun girl time. Mac's great and all, but she's not exactly a girly girl."

"Shows what you know. Mac is coming with us to the spa," Lilly said the last word like it was exotic. Lilly always gave everything a little flair.

"No way! Lilly Kane out with two girls from the other side of the tracks! What will the Neptune gossips say? You've single-handedly uprooted the entire social hierarchy of our fair town. I can't believe it isn't front page news already."

"Shut up, it's fine; it'll be fun. Stop distracting me!" Logan could tell that Lilly was doing her best to sound serious, but he wasn't buying it.

"Distracting you from what? Can't apply fake tanner and laugh at the same time?" Logan snickered.

"No, you jackass. I haven't been able to talk to you alone since you called when Veronica was in the hospital. I wanted to check on you…see how _you're_ doing." Lilly said, no longer playful and flirty.

"I'm fine." Logan's reply was automatic.

"Let's try that again without the lying." From Lilly's tone, he knew that she wasn't going to budge.

Logan sighed and relented. "I'm doing okay. I'll be even better when I get back from LA. It isn't easy to leave her, and the timing sucks."

"You can't be Veronica's watchdog all of the time, Logan. I don't want you to lose who you are in the midst of all of this. I don't want you to forget to let yourself feel whatever it is that you're feeling. You're just as important as Veronica is."

Logan almost choked up at Lilly's words, and cleared his throat to find some control. "I won't be her watchdog forever. Things have already started getting better; _she's_ getting better. It's just, lately every time I leave her side something bad seems to happen. It's going to take a while to not feel that way. Plus, it feels like I've been waiting to be _with_ her forever. And it's nice caring for someone and having her care about me…" Logan trailed off, getting lost in his thoughts.

"Yes, the honeymoon phase is nice," Lilly sighed into the phone.

"Indeed it is," he agreed.

"It's strange to hear you sounding so…responsible, Logan. If I didn't know how much you love her, I'd be seriously worried."

"Well, we all have to grow up some time," Logan lamented. Anticipating what Lilly was about to say, Logan preempted her, "Says the guy going to kowtow to his asshole father so he can continue living extravagantly without the inconvenience of having to get an actual job. I know, I know." Logan loved beating Lilly to her next point; it drove her crazy.

"Exactly!" Lilly laughed along with him. "But, in regards to Aaron, you deserve anything you can get out of that lecher. Take him for all he's worth. Speaking of which…" Lilly trailed off. Logan grimaced at her pregnant pause, recognizing her uncertainty of speaking with him about Aaron.

Not wanting to get into it, Logan said, "Everything will be fine, Lilly. He hasn't tried to lay a hand on me in a long time."

"Yes, but I know something's up. You never go up there for three days, and besides, I thought the plan was for them to spend Christmas in Neptune. What good is having an 09er mansion if you're in LA?" Lilly's quip sounded forced. Logan could tell she was fishing for information, and he didn't mind talking to her as long as word didn't get back to Veronica.

"Yeah, well, Neptune's attracting a lot of press these days. And since my name is linked to the case, Aaron thought it was a good idea to separate himself, and, by extension, me, from it for a little while."

"Of course, Public Relations 101," Lilly said.

Logan knew that Lilly got it. She, like him, knew all too well how damaging the press could be and how much Aaron hated any publicity about the Echolls that didn't involve him. "It's just going to get worse, Logan. I mean with the trial and everything—"

"Yeah, I know. But there isn't much I can do to prevent it. I mean, I saved my girlfriend and Mac from a rapist. One would think that a normal father would be proud, but Aaron is fuming. He threatened to transfer me to a school closer to them, which is not happening. But that means I have to go up and kiss his ass for a few days so he'll cool down. He just has to sufficiently threaten me for a while to make himself feel better. Once he gets it out of his system, something more shiny will catch his attention and he'll forget that he was pissed."

"I assume you haven't told Veronica about any of this." Lilly's tone sounded disapproving.

"No, not yet." Logan exhaled loudly, preparing himself for Lilly's next lecture.

"Logan, you can't keep things from her. Especially after all that's happened—" Lilly started.

"I know, Lilly; I get it. I'll tell her some of it. Eventually. She's feeling bad enough without me bringing the Echolls' drama into the fold."

"If I remember correctly, keeping her out of the 'Echolls' drama' is what kept you from chasing her sooner. The two of you are more than that now. She deserves to know."

"And she will. When this trip is over and I can honestly tell her that Aaron is over it, I'll tell her. I promise." Logan ended the statement with finality. He didn't want to discuss this anymore.

"All right." By Lilly's pause, Logan could tell that she wanted to push the matter. He was grateful that she let it drop when she commented, "In less than a week we will all be far away from Neptune anyway. It'll be fun to have a break. Okay, well, Dick just dropped Mac off, so we're going to head out. Call one of us if you need a rescue. We're always up for a road trip to LA!"

"Thanks for the offer, Lil. Tell everyone I said hello."

 

* * *

 

So far, it had been a whirlwind for Veronica since Logan had left for his parents' house in L.A. Though she'd been a little emotional at first, she hadn't had much time to dwell on his absence since. There had been a necessary trip to the Neptune Women's Clinic to release her records for the investigation, which had been bad enough on its own, but it had turned even sourer when a woman in the waiting room took a picture of her with a camera phone. _I wonder how much that picture will be worth_. Veronica couldn't understand the appeal of this case. Mercer and Moe were behind bars and the investigation was well under way. _Why all this attention after the fact_? _Who cares where I go or what I do?_ But the answer to that was clear. The main victim in a high profile case who was the best friend and girlfriend of Neptune socialites wasn't likely to get a break from the media. Veronica had never been one to pay attention to celebrity gossip, but she suddenly found herself praying for Lindsay Lohan to have another stint in rehab or a DUI.

She was all too happy when Lilly and Mac finally pulled up in front of the house to sneak her away for a little rest and relaxation at an upscale Neptune spa. She grabbed the bag she'd packed that morning and made her way to the door. Hopefully people wouldn't notice her too much, or the bruising that would still be visible despite her modest bikini. She was heartened by the fact that the spa was exclusive. She longed to be able to let her guard down enough to relax. It felt like the perfect way to spend time with her friends, and also it had been part of Logan's Christmas present to her, which she planned to reward him for handsomely. And she was determined to have a good time.

She peeked out her front door and carefully surveyed up and down her street. When she was satisfied that the media wasn't camped out anywhere nearby, she rushed out the to Lilly's car, ready to start having some fun.

The girls arrived early to enjoy the spa's amenities before their spa and nail treatments. The sauna had been a little hot, and they hadn't lasted long, but when they entered the cold mist room, it had cooled them off nicely.

Next, the trio sank into the Jacuzzi tub, and Veronica let out a moan of contentment. "This is the life!" she said just above a whisper. "This is what I've needed these past few days. I'd love a full body massage—I know I am still way too sore—but, I'm telling you, this right here is the next best thing. Perfection."

"Logan will spring for another visit to the spa when you feel better, mark my words," Lilly promised with a smile as she relaxed against the side of the whirlpool and sipped the spa's signature cucumber-infused water. "And for now, the partial massage will tide you over. How you doing over there, Mackenzie?"

At Mac's low mumble, Veronica peered over at her friend to find Mac floating in the center of the water with an ice water cloth over her eyes. "A girl could get used to this," came Mac's muffled reply.

"I'll be sure to let Dick know." Veronica smiled at her friends. "This is certainly the best end-of-semester treat I could have asked for."

"Oh, no you don't, Veronica Mars," Lilly's voice cut through the sound of the jets, causing Mac to remove the cloth over her eyes to peer at them both. "This is nothing. Just wait until we get to Aspen. The house there is amazingly secluded. We can hit the town or the slopes, well, not you of course, but the rest of us. You and Logan will have plenty of time to do…whatever it is that you two are doing these days…" Lilly trailed off. Veronica was well aware that Lilly's open-ended comment was a hint for Veronica to spill the beans, but she wasn't going to cave too quickly. At her silence, Mac stood up and made her way over to sit between the girls on a deep step.

"Yeah, V," Mac questioned her playfully, "what _is_ going on between you two?" Veronica opened her mouth to begin with an excuse but Mac cut her off. "And don't give us any excuses. _Something_ must have happened by now."

"And why would you think that, I wonder?" Veronica's reply was coy; she knew she could make them squirm even more if she held out a bit longer.

"Because you haven't slept alone since you got out of the hospital. _And_ Logan looks at you like he's ready to drag you into the bedroom at any moment." Veronica, again, started to protest, but Mac continued. "No, really. We've all seen it. Before he looked like a love-sick puppy, now he looks like a lion circling its prey."

"It's true, Veronica. No need to play the prude card anymore. Spill!"

"Okay, okay!" Veronica relented. "We _might_ have fooled around on a few occasions. It's hard, with my ribs and all, but Logan is very…resourceful," she rolled her eyes at the harmonious shrieks that erupted from her friends.

"I knew it! I knew it! Veronica Mars, you have been holding out on us." Veronica could tell Lilly was about to burst because her feet were tapping around on the bottom of the tub in excitement. "And…"

" _And_ there's not much else to tell." Veronica laughed out loud at the matching looks of disappointment that her friends wore. "But..." she laughed again when Lilly and Mac's grins returned along with a twinkle in their eyes, "I'm feeling better and I think that I might be ready to—" Veronica was cut off once again by the squeals and screeches of her friends. "Wow, you guys. This isn't that big a deal—"

"Oh, yes it is. This is an enormously big deal!" Lilly squealed.

"Monumental!" Mac chimed in.

"Geesh, way to put the pressure on, ladies. Mac, I'm disappointed in you. I had hoped that your seemingly stoic attitude would be a good influence on Lilly here. Clearly, I was wrong. Because, if I didn't know better, I'd say you're almost giddy." Veronica grabbed the glass of water out of Lilly's hand and took a long sip.

"This is more than giddy-worthy. This is colossal!" Mac was more excited than Veronica had ever seen her.

"I get it, I get it," she finally conceded before adding teasingly, "Are we really all twelve again? Is discussing boys all we came here for today?"

"Yes!" was Mac and Lilly's chorused reply. The three of them laughed until the shushes of other patrons made them attempt to calm down, which set them giggling even harder. Veronica happily ignored the pain that laughing sent through her injured side because it was worth it.

 

* * *

 

Veronica heard whispering. Whispering in the middle of the night keeping her awake. She rolled over and covered her face with her pillow, but when the ache through her body increased, she rolled back onto her back, but took the pillow with her. It was such loud whispering. _Shhh!_ she internally groaned, _I'm trying to sleep here!_ But the whispers only became more rhythmic until they became a persistent buzzing.

Annoyed, she threw the pillow off and opened her eyes, ready to jump down the throat of whoever was disturbing her. She froze, however, when she saw Moe standing above her, holding a fistful of blonde locks. He abruptly turned and left, his footsteps echoing through her empty room. Veronica's hands instantly went to her own head. _Gone._ _Bald_. Her eyes narrowed and she stood up to look down at the bed. Leather. The leather Catwoman costume was perfectly laid out there. With a click, the bedroom door opened and she turned to see Logan coming through it. _Logan!_ Relieved, she smiled at him, instantly at ease. She turned back to the bed to find that the Catwoman costume had vanished. Veronica lay down back on the bed as Logan approached her. When he leaned down to kiss her, she closed her eyes in anticipation.

The kiss never came. Unconcerned, Veronica reached up to pull Logan's head down to hers. But instead of Logan, her arms met only empty space. Her eyes flew open to see that instead of Logan, Mercer Hayes was looming over her in his place. _No!_ _Not again!_ The words were stuck in her throat as Mercer's lips gently touched hers. "I had you first," he whispered nefariously. "You loved it!"

Veronica scrambled away from him and quickly reached over to flick on the lamp on her bedside table. Light flooded the room as her eyes swept every inch of visible space, finding no intruders there. _Home. Safe._ _Alone._ Her thoughts came through in fragments as she got her bearings. Veronica looked next to her on the bed to find Backup staring curiously up at her, and then to the clock that sat next to the lamp. _2:30 a.m._ After a few deep breaths, she switched the light off and flopped back onto her pillow.

She pulled her phone from where it sat charging and composed a new text to Logan.

**To Logan, 2:31 a.m.:** _U awake?_

Not ten seconds later, her phone began to ring in her hands. She smiled gratefully and connected the call.

"Veronica? Are you all right?" Concern seemed to be how Logan began every interaction with her these days. She took in a deep breath, but no words would come and Logan prodded, "Veronica, if you're nodding, I can't see you, ya know?"

Veronica moaned when she realized she'd been doing exactly that.

"Did I wake you?" She knew, despite her best efforts, that her voice sounded shaky.

"No. No, I was up." His reply was automatic.

"Liar!" she breathed playfully into the phone. Hearing his voice was calming her better than any of the breathing exercises she'd read about ever had.

"Okay, fine, you caught me. But it's a good thing you woke me up when you did. Too much beauty rest and the rest of the male population of California would be in a lot of trouble." Veronica chortled. "No, I'm serious. Think of it as a public service. I have to throw the competition a bone from time to time," he said unconvincingly. At her silence, he pressed on, "Bad dream, Veronica?"

"Yeah," she relented.

"It's been a little while. I was hoping they'd gone away for good."

"I think you chase them away." Veronica smiled into the phone.

"Then I'll stay on the line until you fall asleep."

"What if it takes all night?"

"Then it'll use up a lot of my 'nights and weekends' minutes," Logan flirted.

"And what if it takes all day tomorrow?"

"Then we'll probably go through all of my 'anytime' minutes too, but it'd be worth it." She could hear his smile through the phone. "'Course, I might have to put you on hold for a while tomorrow night during my swanky Hollywood Christmas party. I wouldn't want my fans to see me on the phone with you all night."

"Ah, yes, the Christmas Eve party that every B-list actor and hack is clambering to attend. What are you going to wear?"

"A tux." Logan stated it plainly.

"Just any old tux?" Veronica smiled into the phone.

" _My_ tux," he clarified.

"Oh, my. Not the Armani tux you wore to senior prom?"

"I'm afraid that's the one. Why? Not nice enough for the likes of Hollywood's elite?"

"No, it's not that…you looked hot in that tux. I remember it well. I am sure the women of LA will agree with me. You might have been right, though. I'd say it's definitely worth blowing through all of my 'anytime' minutes to keep you in check after all."

"As much as I'd like to spend every moment with you on the phone, I'd say that defeats the purpose of me spending a few days schmoozing Aaron."

"Yeah, about that…what's going on?" Veronica figured this was as good a time as any to ask the big questions. Maybe Logan would let his guard down in the middle of the night. They'd danced around this topic during the days before he had left town.

"Just the usual bullshit that I'm used to from Dear ol' Dad." His tone was teasing and then turned serious, "It's nothing, Veronica. It's the tango Aaron and I do every once in awhile so that Daddy Dearest still feels like he's in control of my life."

"It's because of me, isn't it? The case?" At his silence, Veronica found herself fuming. "Logan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this—"

"No! This is why I've been avoiding this conversation. It doesn't really have anything to do with you. He doesn't like media coverage he can't control. This will blow over and—"

"Blow over when? Like my dad said, this could last for months or years. Why does your dad even care?"

Logan let out what sounded like a growl. "It's not about that at all, Veronica. He is proud of me, I think. In his own way. Or he would be if….if every media tour question was about 'Above and Beyond the Breaking Point' rather than his errant son."

"Errant?! You saved me! You saved Mac! You saw the news report; they called you a hero!" Veronica was indignant.

"That's semantics, I'm afraid. Maybe if I'd called him right away, Aaron wouldn't have felt so blindsided. Heroism doesn't seem to be much different than bum fights to him. He literally found out about you and I dating, along with all the drama, via TMZ in his face with lights flashing and cameras rolling. And now that the frenzy is over and he's trying to promote his movie, he can't stand that his son is all the press wants to talk about."

"And his son's victim girlfriend?"

"Well," Logan hesitated, "yeah, that too. It's nothing I can't handle and nothing you need to worry about. He's not mad at you per se. He just wants me where he can keep an eye on me for a few days. He wants to threaten to cut me off a few more times if I don't keep my face out of the press."

"Well then, full disclosure, you should know that someone saw me today at the Neptune Women's Clinic. That picture should grace Us Weekly in a few days if Perez Hilton isn't already running with it. I'm sorry."

"Who gives a shit about that? What were you doing there?" There was the concern again, just when she thought she'd shifted the attention off of herself.

"Nothing important. I was just filling out the paperwork to release my records for the investigation." Veronica willed her voice to sound stronger than she felt. "The case against Mercer for Halloween is stronger than I'd thought. The exam from the clinic will show that I got tested for everything, and…I believe they took note of some…trauma," she ignored Logan's groan. "So with that and the clothes and Moe's testimony, the evidence isn't so bad."

"I'm sorry you had to go alone. I should have been there to go with you."

Veronica didn't want to hear his apology. She'd specifically planned the visit to the clinic for when she could be by herself. "I could have taken Lilly or Mac or even Meg. Everyone's in town. I'm fine, Logan. It's something I had to do for myself." She hoped that he believed her because it was the truth.

"Okay. If it's something you needed to do alone, then I'm proud of you. How was the spa?"

Grateful for the change in topic, Veronica eagerly filled him in on her fun time with the girls. "Thank you, Logan. It was just what I needed." Veronica yawned, suddenly sleepy.

"I'm glad. You can do it again in Aspen. We'll have lots of free time for relaxation…and other things." Logan's voice was soothing and was lulling her into sleep. "You're fading fast there, Baby. I'll let you go and check in with you tomorrow."

"Sounds nice, Logan. Love you," she said dreamily.

"I love you, too. Sweet dreams, Beautiful." Veronica rolled over and smiled at his reply before disconnecting the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Only three more chapters to go! This one was on the shorter side, but the next two will make up for it. Thanks to everyone for reading, following, commenting and reviewing! 
> 
> My biggest thank you to kmd0107 and LVFangirl for your critical eye that makes everything better.


	18. Falling Slowly

**Chapter 18** **–** **Falling Slowly**

Veronica felt relief as she boarded Kane Software's exclusive jet. Logan and Dick were busy lugging the carry-on bags while Mac and Veronica continued to the back of the plane to stake their claim on the best seats. Though the thought of leaving everything behind for a few days had been appealing to her, Veronica hadn't realized just how trapped she'd felt until this very moment. Veronica laughed when she noticed how star struck Mac looked. Her friend was trying to contain her excitement, but Mac couldn't fool Veronica. When Veronica turned around unexpectedly to call out to Logan, Mac crashed into her. Veronica laughed and pushed her friend into an open seat.

"I'm supposed to pretend like I'm cool, right? Like I fly on private jets to mansions in Aspen every year over winter break, or is it every weekend when I feel like skiing?" Mac whispered so that only Veronica and could hear her.

Veronica smiled knowingly. "Something like that, but if you need to have a moment, we can probably both squeeze into the restroom in the rear so you can go all fangirl."

Mac rolled her eyes at Veronica's comment. "I think I can contain myself until the time is appropriate." Mac's smile was wide and her eyes were bright with excitement. "But I guess you would be used to this. You've been their friend forever and have probably taken a million trips on their private jet."

"Technically I have flown with them a few times, yes. But on the first trip we took when I was thirteen, I nearly peed my pants with excitement and Duncan told everyone at school, so no judgment here."

It really was an amazing plane. Usually, Lilly and Duncan flew commercial when they travelled without Jake and Celeste, but Lilly had pulled some strings and gotten permission to use it this weekend. Mostly used for business, the plane catered to the corporate world, with a small conference room seating area, but there were also some individual seats, which Veronica preferred.

"I kinda remember hearing about that, now that you mention it." Mac admitted with a wink and Veronica gave her a playful shove.

"You're so smug now, Cindy Mackenzie," Veronica snickered and bobbed her eyebrows conspiratorially. "Wait till you see the house."

Just then, Logan and Dick approached their girlfriends. Dick immediately began protesting about the seating, but Veronica wouldn't be swayed.

"You guys get us all weekend. We want to chat for a bit." Logan only smiled, but Dick didn't even try to hide his disappointment.

"You'll make it through these tough times, Dick. Logan can hold your hand if you need him to," Veronica snarked, earning her a scowl from Dick as Logan ushered him to the seats across the aisle.

There was a large commotion from the front of the plane, which Veronica knew could mean only one thing: Lilly had arrived. Veronica waved when Lilly rounded the doorway with Duncan and Meg on her heels. Lilly smiled brightly. "Sorry we're late, darlings. Duncan insisted on letting Meg drive, and I swear on a stack of Cosmo magazines that she drove at least five miles per hour under the speed limit the _entire_ way." Lilly's pouty face was comical.

Meg wore a guilty expression and Veronica watched Duncan give Meg a quick peck on the cheek and mouth 'sorry!' to her while Lilly set her purse down..

"Yes, well, we're here now, Lilly. Get over it already. The plane won't leave without us." Duncan's tone was light, but clearly Lilly had been on the warpath.

"Yes, enough about that. I'm here and I was told they'd have champagne ready for us. Who's ready for a party?"

"Me!" Dick was the only one to reply.

Meg and Duncan smiled at the group before stepping aside to let Casey Gant pass. His arms were laden with what Veronica knew must be Lilly's bags of 'essentials'. Lilly never had been able to pack light.

"Casey!" Veronica waited for him to put the bags down before she stood up to give him a hug. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

"It's been way too long, kid. I'd hug you tighter but I don't want to hurt you. How you holding up? I hear it's been a rough semester at Hearst." He ruffled her hair like old times.

Veronica didn't mind his question. Casey had a laidback way about him that made him easy to talk to. "I think I'm okay. Better at least," Veronica replied and then moved out of the way for Dick and Logan to greet him, too.

"That's great to hear. Hey, Dick. Logan." Casey turned to Mac, who was still in her seat next to the window. "You're Cindy Mackenzie, right? I feel like we went to school together forever and I don't think we ever really talked." Mac beamed; Casey's charm was irresistible.

"Yes, we travelled in…different circles," Mac smiled and stood to greet Casey. He pulled her in for a big hug. "And my friends call me Mac," she squeaked.

"Mac! It's nice to meet you officially." Casey turned his attention to Veronica as Logan pulled her into his arms. "So, the rumors circulating are true. The inevitable couple has finally come to pass." He winked at the two of them.

Veronica felt her cheeks burning red. Everyone was looking at her expectantly, but it was with happiness and not judgment. "Yes," she affirmed almost shyly. "Geez you guys, did everyone know that we were into each other except us?"

"Yes!" everyone said in unison.

Veronica was saved from further embarrassment by the captain, who entered the cabin to introduce himself. He informed them that the inspection was now complete and that they were ready to prepare for takeoff. It would take less than three hours for them to arrive in Aspen.

With a loud cheer, Dick secured the seat next to Mac before Veronica could reclaim it giving her a smug grin.

Veronica returned his grin and wrinkled her nose. "You won this time because I let you, Casablancas. Just you wait...I have a whole week to exact my revenge." Veronica enjoyed the look of fear in Dick's eyes as she took her seat next to Logan.

"Dude, I can't believe how scared you are of my tiny girlfriend," Logan teased Dick.

"She may be tiny, but she packs a good punch and her dad just gave her a stun gun. She's become a fucking invincible action figure," Dick explained with an exaggerated shudder before he turned back to Mac.

Veronica couldn't help but take pleasure in Dick's description of her. She liked to think of herself as empowered. It sure beat victim.

* * *

As the distance between herself and Neptune increased, Veronica's stress seemed to melt away. By the time the plane touched down in Aspen, she felt a relief she hadn't experienced in months. It was as if her body knew it was close to a new year. She'd never put much stock in New Year's Eve being the start of a whole new you. In fact, except for the years Lilly had forced her to, Veronica never made any resolutions. But this year felt different. She was ready to leave the last year behind her and start over with Logan by her side.

"Really, Lilly? Limos? This is a bit ostentatious even for you," Veronica gaped at her friend as they stepped out of the plane to see two limos waiting for them.

"Don't be such a stick in the mud, Veronica Mars. The cars are at the house and this was the easiest way to get us all there at once. The luggage alone needed its own car. C'mon, where's your sense of adventure? Doesn't it remind you of Homecoming?" Lilly's tone carried its usual air of mischief.

"Oh, the Homecoming that got me grounded for a month? That Homecoming? Yes, I remember it fondly. But when I think of that night I remember being warmer. Fine, you win! I yield; I'll take the limo because I'm freezing," Veronica admitted, shivering.

"Duh, we're in the Rockies. Of course it's freezing out here!" Lilly sing-songed as she quickly grabbed Veronica and pulled her through the open door of the nearest car. When Logan tried to follow, Lilly shut him down immediately, declaring that limo to be for ladies only. As usual, no one dared go against Lilly, especially when she was already four glasses of champagne in. With a forlorn look at Veronica, Logan made his way to the other car.

The Kane's Aspen home wasn't far from the airport. It was less than twenty minutes later when the cars pulled up to a secluded hilltop home on Hunter Creek Road and stopped.

"This isn't what I was expecting," Mac whispered to Meg and Veronica as they exited the limo and made their way to the front door.

"The Kanes are actually fairly conservative when you consider the money that they have," was Veronica's hushed reply, "but don't let the outside fool you. It's built on a hill and giant on the inside. And, lucky for you, I know where the best bedrooms are. Logan knows to run for the master; stick with me and I'll get you the next best one." Veronica winked conspiratorially at Mac as they readied themselves to take off into the house.

* * *

After getting Veronica settled into their room for a much-needed nap, Logan decided to check out the library. He thought that both he and Veronica might like to have something to read for when everyone else was off skiing the next day. As much as he hated to admit it, they couldn't make out all the time. Having been to the Kane's Aspen home numerous times over the years, he was able to quickly make his way through the house without encountering anyone else. His plan was to take just enough time for Veronica to fall asleep before heading back to their room to read in the big, comfy window seat.

Logan had just picked out a few options for them both when he heard the door click open.

"Here's where you've been hiding," Lilly teased him as she shut the door behind her.

"You didn't wake up Veronica did you? She was really tired. She puts on a brave face, but I think the travel really wore her out." Logan narrowed his eyes at Lilly.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, Echolls. I didn't wake her up. I saw you leave the room, but I didn't see where you had gone. But here you are in the perfect location for my interrogation." She winked at him, earning an exasperated groan from Logan.

Logan had done a masterful job of avoiding Lilly since he had returned from LA and his visit with his mom and Aaron. He did not want to have this conversation. "All right, Lilly, let's hear it."

Lilly focused her green gaze at him, "You've been avoiding me. I saw the Access Hollywood coverage…"

Logan sighed heavily and threw himself down in one of the Edwardian library lounge chairs and turned sideways, resting his long legs over the armrest. "Do we really have to do this, Lilly?"

"I think we do."

"Fine." Logan waffled his hand dismissively. "It was everything I expected it to be. Aaron huffed and puffed. I—while maintaining my interminable cool—explained why what he wanted wasn't possible."

" _Interminable cool_? Oh god, please tell me you didn't end up in a full-fledged fight with him."

"Full-fledged, no. Was there some yelling? Yeah, some. But much to my surprise my mom actually took my side." Logan looked up and saw a soft expression grace Lilly's face. He looked away quickly. "They want Veronica and I to meet with them and the family publicist to 'discuss our public image'. Which, while still not my idea of a good time, is better than the alternative of me taking a semester off to hide away until the court case is over."

"Shit," Lilly hissed.

"Yeah, but my mom helped me convince Aaron that wasn't the best plan. That getting with the publicist and focusing on the narrative they've already started makes more sense."

"Ah, celebrity son/hero makes good with high school best friend." Lilly snorted.

"Actually, that's good, I'll be sure to pass that one on. They can probably play up how long V and I have known each other and move the focus off the less shiny parts."

"Aaron didn't like the photos from the clinic." Lilly shook her head, "I wish she had told me what she was doing. I would have made sure she had security. Hell, Weidman probably would have cleared the place out. I know she wanted to do it on her own…"

"Yeah, I understand her reasoning too, but I still wish she'd told any one of us." Logan pulled on his hair the frustration and anger almost as fresh as when he'd first seen the pictures of Veronica going solo to brave having her medical records released. "I can't believe her dad let her go alone."

"He didn't know. She didn't tell anyone what she was doing." Lilly sounded exasperated. "I love the new, sassier Veronica Mars—despite how we got her—but sometimes she doesn't think through all the consequences of her actions."

"That's an understatement. Speaking of consequences…" Logan felt a malicious smile tug at his lips. "I have been thinking that some _special treatment_ might be in order for a certain former friend of mine."

Lilly grin answered Logan's. "I _knew_ you weren't as cool about all of this as you pretended to be."

"I think it's time Mercer learned what a little money can buy in jail."

Lilly smiled knowingly. "I think I know someone who might be able to help us out with that."

* * *

Logan finally felt like he was being proactive. After his conversation with Lilly, he was confident that his money and Lilly's connection would ensure that Mercer felt the wrath of Veronica's friends without it being traced back to them. Now he just had to make sure that Veronica didn't find out about his involvement, either.

After a restful afternoon and evening, the friends ate pizza while contemplating the week ahead of them. Meg insisted on going out at least once on the trip as a group, saying that everyone was sure to couple off the rest of the time. Now, she argued, was the perfect opportunity. Lilly agreed with Meg. She wanted to dance.

Once Lilly and Meg's minds were made up, they wouldn't be swayed. It didn't take Lilly long to get the group onto the list at Caribou Club in town. Logan could tell that Veronica wasn't overjoyed at the prospect of clubbing. She'd snuck away during the planning, and Logan found her in the bedroom absently looking at the view. He came up behind her and was happy when she didn't jump out of her skin when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. She'd definitely seemed more relaxed since they'd left Neptune.

"It's a private club, Veronica. I don't think it will get out of control, but if you really don't want to go we can stay here. Lilly will throw a fit, but it will be short-lived since the nap and pizza have sobered her up. She can't force you to go. She likes to get her way, but if you just tell her that you aren't up for it, she'll understand." Logan drank in the scent that was so uniquely Veronica.

"I know she would, but they're right. We're all here together. And I need to move forward in spite of my fears." Veronica turned enough to smile at him and wrapped his arms across the front of her body, folding her arms over his.

"What's scary? I want to help." He gave her a little squeeze.

"It's just a crowd and it'll be dark and we both know sometimes I have issues with particular music…" she trailed off.

"I think we should stay here then." Logan was emphatic.

"No, I need to face it sometime. I'm far away from Neptune and no one's going to hurt me. What better time to face my fears than at a private club with a group of friends who are looking out for me?" Her tone was sincere, but Logan knew it was hard for her.

"Okay. If you're sure," he relented, craning his head to meet her eyes. She nodded and he relaxed again, shifting his attention out the window again to follow her lead.

He'd had time alone with her these past few weeks, but it was always at her house. Logan had kept things fairly PG-13; he hadn't been willing to risk Keith walking in on them in a compromising position just when the older man seemed to finally trust him. But now they were alone and the door was locked and the feeling of his body pressed against her ass was almost more than he could take. He gently moved her hair off to one side and began placing kisses across the top of her neck along her spine. He smiled when he felt her shiver with awareness. It spurned him on. He loosened his arms enough so that she could turn around to face him, and continued to trail kisses across her neck and shoulder, following the neckline of her shirt, pushing it aside when he reached the curve of her breast.

Veronica moaned as he pulled her toward the bed and sat down on the edge, pulling her down with him. He didn't want to hurt her, so he laid back and scooted to the center of the bed, hoping that she would follow. And she did. She crawled carefully on top of him and it was his turn to groan when their pelvises ground together. Logan reached up to cup her face, and brought his lips up to meet hers.

Their breath was coming in pants and gasps as he pushed her shirt and bra strap off of her shoulder and ran his hand over the top of her breast.

A knock at the door interrupted them along with a rattling of the doorknob. "Veronica? Are you in there?" Lilly's voice demanded.

"Shh…she'll go away if we ignore her," Logan uttered in between kisses, not hesitating.

"Lilly, she's obviously in there with Logan. Give them a minute to be alone." Meg was whispering but it was loud enough to be heard through the door.

"Five more minutes, Mom," Logan called out with a laugh as he covered Veronica's ears so she wouldn't be distracted.

"Veronica Mars, I don't care what you are up to in there. I'm dressing you to go out tonight, and I want to get ready now."

Logan had never wanted to disown Lilly Kane more than at that very moment.

"Holy shit, what is it with you and me and the constant clam jamming?" Veronica groaned as she pushed off of him and rolled next to him on the bed.

Logan was shocked into silence. Besides not being used to Veronica talking that way, there were just too many ways he could respond. It was like she was begging him to use every sarcastic retort in his arsenal. He had to hold himself back before he admitted to her just how very much he wanted to jam her clam. "Excuse me?" was all he could muster.

"Oh, it's nothing." Veronica shook her head and moved to sit up, but he pulled her back.

 _There's no way she's not explaining this one,_ he thought.

"It's just that at the frat party I was working up the courage to tell you how I felt, but then Parker came and interrupted us and then the other girls…now Lilly and Meg." She paused for a second as if reading his expression. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Veronica asked cautiously.

"Because your dirty mouth is _hot_ , that's why." Logan pulled her back on top of him and kissed her long and hard.

Veronica chuckled and broke away. "I gotta go. We both know she's just going to come back with reinforcements." Logan didn't want her to go, but he knew they'd have plenty of time for fooling around in the next few days. She got up, righted her clothes, and grinned down at him. "Thanks for making me feel safe, Logan. I'll see you soon. I hope you recognize me after whatever it is that Lilly has planned." She leaned down and pecked him one more time before she left the room.

Logan called out, "Have fun!" just as she slipped out the door.

* * *

The Caribou Club ended up being more fun than Logan had anticipated. Despite having fake IDs, none of them had had more than one drink. It was about fun and togetherness, and everyone seemed to be having a good time.

Veronica was dressed to kill in strapless red satin. Her short hair was curled a little bit and he couldn't take his eyes off of her. She had been a little quiet at first, admitting to Logan that she felt exposed out in the open around so many people in the dress Lilly had picked out, but after they all began dancing she seemed to loosen up. Logan had bribed the deejay with a hundred dollars to not play any Timberlake, hoping to avoid any potential freakouts. It seemed to be working. Veronica danced with everyone, but Logan noticed that she made sure to stick to their party. He kept an eye on her at all times, and suspected that everyone else in the group was doing the same thing. It warmed his heart, especially after spending Christmas with Aaron. These were the people that mattered. This was his family, and Veronica was at the center of that. Aaron's threats didn't matter. Logan would choose Veronica over the money and his apartment in a heartbeat. She was worth so much more than anything Aaron had to offer; he'd live in the dog house with Backup if he had to. Despite everything that had happened recently, Logan was the happiest he'd ever been.

* * *

At midnight the club was still in full swing. Logan was over the whole scene, and Veronica was leaning on him heavily, which he took as a sign that she was fading fast. He was a bit frustrated with Lilly for pushing Veronica so hard. She was still recovering and, despite the fact that she'd taken a nap that afternoon, dancing all night wasn't what the doctors had had in mind when they'd prescribed rest and relaxation.

Logan took hold of her hips and pulled her into him as he spoke against her ear, "Come on, baby, let's get you home."

Veronica nodded gratefully up at him. "That sounds nice." Logan let go of her for a moment as he made his way over to the others.

"Guys, Veronica and I are ready to head back. What's the plan?" Logan yelled over the din.

Lilly spoke up first. "I'm getting tired but I want to dance a little bit more." The rest of the group nodded. "Veronica, is it okay if we stay for another hour? Do you need us all to go home?"

Veronica shook her head. "No, no. You guys stay; have fun."

Logan watched as Lilly, Meg and Mac gave Veronica a full once-over. As much as they drove him crazy sometimes, he loved how they watched out for each other.

"Really, I'm good. I'm just sore. I need some Advil and rest." She smiled reassuringly before she looked up at Logan, her eyes begging him to reassure the girls.

"She'll be fine!" Logan agreed. "Maybe we'll see you in the hot tub when you get back."

"Okay then, if you're sure." Mac gave Veronica another long look before Lilly and Meg pulled her back onto the dance floor.

Logan kissed Veronica on the forehead as they started toward the coat check. "Do you mind waiting in line for the coats for a minute while I talk to the guys? Here are the claim cards and a few bucks for a tip." Logan pressed the items into her hand, giving it a squeeze.

"Of course not. Are you sure you don't mind leaving early?" She looked guilty.

"Not at all." He leaned in to kiss her again. "I'll be right back."

He found Dick, Casey and Duncan watching their girls dance together from the bar while nursing their beers.

"Hey, V and I are heading back. Do me a favor and drop me a text when you're on your way back, okay?" Logan threw them a meaningful glance, but Dick just stared back at him, clueless.

Casey smiled back perceptively and nodded.

"For sure, Logan. We'll give you fair warning," Duncan responded, a sly smile spreading over his face.

"And, if you guys know what's good for you, you'll keep your ladies occupied in the morning. If any of them come knocking at my door, I'll personally hunt you down."

Dick finally caught on. "No problem, Dude. I'll keep the Macster so busy tonight that she'll sleep till noon." He laughed and downed his beer, loudly placing it back on the bar before heading out to the dance floor.

Logan made his way back to the coat check to find Veronica. They quickly donned their winter-wear and went outside to meet the town car that the club concierge had arranged for them. Aspen definitely had its perks. They made it back to the house in no time at all. Too little time for Logan, in fact. He was nervous. He couldn't remember any girl but Veronica making him this nervous. At least not since middle school. It was a little exciting—the butterflies, the caution. Even messing around in her dad's house felt a little daring. Making out with the sheriff's daughter in the room next to him was a little exciting, he couldn't deny it. But there had always been limitations on them: her ribs, her father, her assault.

Tonight felt different. Logan had no problem waiting to have sex with Veronica. They'd fooled around enough that he was not in a constant state of sexual frustration, but things had shifted. Veronica was healing; every day she got better both physically and emotionally. Sooner or later all of the barriers that had held him back thus far would be gone, and he'd have to face how nervous he was to make love to her. He hoped that when the time was right it would be natural, but he felt immense pressure to make it perfect and show her all that he was feeling. Yet he was excited at the prospect too.

He felt a nudge from Veronica as she pressed herself against his side. "You cold?" he asked, wrapping his arm round her and pulling her in even closer.

"Not at the moment, but I felt awfully lonely over here without you." Veronica's voice was coy and her smile sensual. "What were you thinking about just now?"

"You," he answered honestly, looking into her eyes. _She's so damned amazing. And she's mine. I can't even fathom how I got this lucky._ "Us." He decided not to expound on that.

"I like the sound of that—us." Veronica looked demure, but there was a sparkle in her eye that almost made Logan blush. _This girl reduces me to goo with just a look. She always has. I'm so screwed._

Just then, the car stopped in front of the Kane's Aspen home and the driver opened the car door for them. Logan motioned for Veronica to precede him out of the car, his mother's words from many years past speaking clearly to him in his mind. 'A gentleman _never_ lets a lady slide across a seat. Even if it means letting someone else help her out of the car.' He smiled at the memory as he scooted across the seat. Once out, he quickly kissed her cheek before skipping ahead of her to open the door so she wouldn't get cold.

Inside the warm house, they wasted no time before stripping out of their coats and making their way through the house, flipping on a few lights as they went. Logan, captivated by the sight of Veronica in her dress, came up behind her and nuzzled her neck, pulling her body against his. "You sleepy? It's late and you danced the night away."

"A bit, but I don't need to go to sleep right now. I'm sore though," Veronica admitted as she looked up into his eyes. "Any chance I could persuade you to…oh, I dunno…accompany me down to the hot tub." Shyness must have taken over, because Veronica's eyes dropped from his gaze and she buried her face in his chest.

"I did promise you romantic hot tubbing." He brushed some loose hair behind her ear. "We're not going to get more privacy than we have right now. I'll grab my shorts and head down there to make sure it's all fired up. Grab yourself some Advil and come down when you're ready." Logan kissed the tip of her nose and ran his hands down her arms before retreating down the stairs to the lower level of the house.

The hot tub was already warm, so Logan quickly changed before hopping into the water. Despite the heat lamps on the patio, the contrast of the cold outside air and the Jacuzzi water felt amazing.

He looked up when the French doors clicked open to find Veronica hanging some extra towels on the hooks near the door. He was a bit surprised to see that she was still in her red dress. "Aren't you coming in?" he questioned her. She nodded slightly in response, her eyes fixed on his. She seemed off, and Logan hesitated before continuing. "Did you bring your suit?" She smiled and shook her head in response.

"Well then—" his words stopped the instant she reached around her back to unzip her dress and let it fall to the floor. He could tell she was feeling shy, but she held his gaze until he broke their connection to run his eyes down her body.

"So, Lilly got me thinking. You know, about Homecoming I mean. Our big night out," Veronica's voice was silky smooth as she stood naked in front of him.

Whatever Logan had been about to say was forgotten. All the blood had rushed from his head and his mind was a complete blank. He just stared at her as she stepped down to slide into the bubbling water.

"I was thinking about our game of 'Never Have I Ever' from that night. Do you think this counts as skinny dipping?" She crossed the small space until she stood directly in front of him. Her bare breasts were inches from his chest. She looked and smelled amazing and he wanted her so much. Logan swallowed hard and dragged his gaze up to her face. He made his best attempt at nodding, but couldn't be sure he'd moved his head at all. She smiled. "You seem a little tongue tied there."

Logan's response came out hoarse and he had to clear his throat and try again. "It counts." He was a bit breathless and shook his head slightly to pull himself together. _You're the experienced one here, Echolls. You're supposed to be the calm one. But it's hard when this is so much better than any fantasy of Veronica you've ever had. This time she's actually here._ "If this is some kind of test of my will power, I'll remind you that I'm a teenage male. This…" he swept his gaze down her again, both happy and frustrated that the bottom half of her was out of his sight, "my ability to keep my hands to myself in front of my naked girlfriend, is limited at best."

"I trust you, Logan. And who said I wanted to you to keep your hands to yourself?" she responded.

It was his undoing. He stretched his upper body out of the water enough to meet her lips with his and wrapped his hand around her neck to bring her back down with him as he slowly sat back down on the bench. It was all too much. His naked, extremely hot girlfriend, whom he loved, sat down sideways across his lap and kissed him back unabashedly. Her hands gripped his shoulders for balance as his roamed her body freely. Logan had no sense of time or much of anything, there was only him and Veronica. Nothing else mattered.

She shifted and was now straddling him, her hips grinding against his shorts. Their breaths were coming in choppy pants, and Logan's mind had long since stopped working. He wasn't conscious of the world around him until Veronica finally broke away, breathless. He stared at her, wordless, trying to calm himself down.

"Everything okay?" he whispered, pulling her mouth down to meet his again.

"Yeah, it's fine." She resisted, pulling back from him. "Just…can you turn off your phone? I don't know who is texting you at two in the morning, but they're persistent."

 _My phone?_ It took a second for Logan's brain to catch up to his ears. _Oh shit._ "They're on their way back. Let's get out of here."

"What? But — "

"Veronica, we have to move! Now, unless you want Duncan, Casey and Dick seeing you...well, like this!" Logan ignored her protest as he pushed her off of him and made a break for the towels. "Holy shit it's freezing!"

He collected her dress and his phone on the way back to her and reached down to help her out of the tub.

Veronica started laughing, really laughing, as he pulled her out and wrapped her in a towel and then gave her a gentle shove toward the door. "Wow. Is the cool, calm and collected Logan Echolls actually—dare I say it— _flustered_?"

"I can't believe you're laughing. Why am I the only one who cares if we're caught like this?" Logan grabbed her hand and led her through the house to the master bedroom.

"Because they're going to know what we've been doing. They'd expect no less from you, and we're dripping water everywhere," she argued.

"I don't so much care about them knowing as care about them _seeing._ Let's go." Veronica giggled some more as they reached their bedroom door. He pushed them over the threshold and locked the door behind them, never more grateful that the master was in a separate wing of the house. He looked over at her, exasperated.

She shrugged at his expression and laughed as she told him, "I'm sorry, Logan. I've just never seen you so…demure. Usually you flaunt your conquests."

"Yes, well I didn't love them!" He blurted out a little more defensively than he'd intended. He didn't want to think about other girls right now. She was different. _They_ were different. Could she not see that? He didn't want their friends to know the intimate details of their relationship. That was just for them; it was private. Logan swiftly crossed the room to the large bathroom and stripped out of his wet shorts. He grabbed a fresh towel and dried off. When he finished, he grabbed another dry towel and turned to take it to Veronica. He stopped short when he saw her standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

"I'm sorry, Logan. I didn't mean to make light of us. I'm nervous and embarrassed and—"

"I'm sorry, too. I just don't want you or anyone else comparing you and me to...anyone else." Logan crossed over and tugged the wet towel that she held out of her hands and replaced it with the dry one. He kissed her gently before he continued, "And I don't want you to feel nervous or embarrassed around me." He gently cocooned the towel around her and rubbed his hands up and down the sides of her.

"Are you kidding? I just threw myself at you downstairs. Naked, no less. It felt right at the time, but now that the moment has passed, I've never been more nervous or embarrassed in my life." Her frown made his heart contract. He loved Veronica's expressions. Only she could find the perfect combination of proud and shy at the same time.

Logan smiled and sighed. "Yeah, that was pretty fucking awesome." He led her over to the bed and she pulled the sheet back. Before crawling in, she threw the towel to the side and pulled Logan in next to her. "I love you, Veronica. There's no rush; no pressure."

"I don't feel rushed or pressured. But I _am_ on the pill. I have been since Halloween, and I just…" she took a deep breath and smiled, "I feel ready. I love you. I trust you. It's always been you." Veronica's eyes shined with sincerity.

 _I could tell her how much I love her every day and still not even scratch the surface of what I feel for her._ He leaned over and kissed her again, deeply and passionately and slowly. He tried to convey all his feelings for her in one kiss. He wanted her to _know_ how special she was to him.

It didn't take long for things to heat up again. Logan's kisses travelled down the length of her face and neck, following the path his hands took as they explored every inch of her body. He kissed her healing ribs and made his way back up to her breasts. He couldn't get enough of the taste of her skin. Veronica reached down to explore his length. For all their fooling around, they hadn't been fully nude at the same time yet, and he loved the feel of her. But he wanted tonight to be about her.

Logan relinquished her breast and brought his eyes up to meet her. "Hey, hey slow down, baby. We've got all night." He quirked an eyebrow at her and raised himself to kiss her slowly before rolling onto his back and taking her with him. "I want you on top, so I don't hurt you; I want you in control."

She nodded and kissed him, looking uncertain. "Tell—tell me what to do, Logan." Her voice was anxious. "I don't know how to—" she blushed, Logan noticed, from head to toe.

 _Where has the brazen woman from the hot tub gone?_ Logan wondered. "If you're asking how to please me, you don't even have to try. Everything you do is perfect." She looked unconvinced. He smiled reassuringly. "Just take your time. I want you to feel everything, and I promise that everything that feels good to you, I'll like too. This isn't about giving or taking, it's about sharing; it's about us showing each other exactly how we feel about each other. No holding back."

He could sense her hesitation, so he decided to show her. He kissed her softly and brought his hands down to squeeze her ass. She needed no further prompting, and rubbed slowly up and down his hard length a few times. He moaned at the feel of her wetness and had to stop himself multiple times from flipping her over and driving into her. _You just told her to take her time!_ Just when he felt that he was going to burst, Veronica reached down to position him at her entrance. She looked down into his eyes and gave him a questioning glance as she began to slide down the length of him. He held her gaze and whispered words of love and encouragement as she took her time. When Veronica paused, Logan adjusted their hips slightly, and she slid the rest of the way down him with a hiss.

"God, you are so tight, baby," he whispered reverently, reaching up to massage one breast before pulling her down for an earth-shattering kiss. She pulled back but kept her eyes trained on his as she took her time finding the perfect rhythm. Logan willed himself to be patient again. He wanted to let her know how amazing she was, but couldn't form a coherent thought. This was so much better than any fantasy had ever been. This was Veronica Mars, here with him. She was so soft and gorgeous, and she was his. It was almost overwhelming.

He felt the pleasure building within her and so he reached between them to stimulate her clit while matching her plunges with upward thrusts of his own. It was enough to push her over the edge, and her climax ignited his own. They both cried out in ecstasy before she collapsed on top of him, breathless. He lifted her up and kissed her one last time before he pulled her fully against him and wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you, Veronica," he whispered again, running his fingertips down the length of her bare back, tracing each and every contour. When she didn't respond for several moments, he felt a bit uneasy. He'd let her take the lead, but had it all been too much for her? "Hey, you all right? You're too quiet." Logan lifted her up a little bit, forcing her to meet his eyes. What he saw there took his breath away. Her expression was a mixture of what he thought was happiness and contentment.

She gave him a smirk and reached up to kiss his lips. "I'm perfect. You made it perfect."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, as always, to the best betas in the business: kmd0107 and LVFangirl


	19. Point Me Home

**Chapter 19 – Point Me Home**

Logan woke up to silence on the morning of New Year's Eve. It was the kind of silence that could only come on a lazy morning after a night of snowfall. A quick glance out of the window confirmed his suspicions; there was at least two feet of fresh snow. In spite of the cold outside, it was toasty warm in their room. He yawned lazily and took note of the time: half past eight. Feeling no reason to rush, Logan rolled over to watch Veronica sleep for a little while.

He loved to watch her sleep. She lay on her back with her arms behind her head, the covers bunched down around her waist, giving him an excellent view of her bare breasts. She'd been so peaceful and carefree since they'd arrived in Aspen. Her nightmares seemed to be gone for the time being. When she was asleep, she almost looked as she had before—innocent and untroubled. He hoped that he could keep her feeling this safe. Leaning over, Logan placed a light kiss on the peak of each breast and then her lips, before pulling the covers up to her shoulders and sliding out of bed.

Padding his way quietly through the house, Logan strode to the kitchen to start the coffee maker. Most of the houseguests had come home late and he didn't expect them to rise for at least a few more hours. As he walked down the hallway, the scent of freshly brewed coffee wafted his way and he hurried the last bit of the way. He smiled at the sight of Lilly, sleepily staring at the machine, her head lying on the counter. _Ah, I remember the days of endless late-night parties and hangovers._ Logan sighed with nostalgia. Lilly used to always give him hell by teasing him in the morning after nights of alcohol-induced coping. _Payback!_ Logan thought with an evil grin. He tiptoed up behind her.

"Late night, Lilly?" he spoke quietly into her ear, causing her to practically jump out of her skin. She stood up and whipped around to face him.

"Holy shit, Logan. Don't do that!" Lilly smacked him hard.

He couldn't stop his laugh. "Sorry, but you totally deserve it. You tortured me for years when I used to wake up hung over."

"Yes, I suppose I did." Lilly turned back around and folded her arms back on the counter, laying her head on top of them again. "Although, I doubt you and Veronica slept much more than I did. All that late-night lovin'."

Instantly alarmed, Logan spoke rashly, "Why? What did you hear?"

"Nothing, nothing. But it doesn't take a private eye to know what was going on up there." Lilly turned her head toward him and gave him a coy smile.

Logan was instantly relieved. _Good! Let them wonder._ "Yes, all those games of cribbage do keep us up till all hours these days."

Lilly snorted. "Riiiight." Thankfully she let the subject drop when she saw that the coffee was ready. She pulled two mugs out from the cabinet above her and poured coffee for each of them while saying, "So there's a reason I'm up early, and it's not to listen to you protect your precious V's reputation." She paused to add cream and sugar to their taste, leaving him in suspense at to what she meant.

"Oh really? Do tell, my dear." Logan prompted, arching an eyebrow. "I'm all ears." He indicated his ears dramatically.

"You really do have strangely pointy ears, but that's not what I meant." Lilly handed him his mug before forcibly turning him around and shoving him out of the kitchen. "I'm expecting a call, and if I were at home, I'd take it poolside, but since it's clearly freezing out there, it has to be here. So, in short, you've gotta go."

"Oh no, I'm not leaving now." Logan pressed back against her until he had reversed them both back into the kitchen.

"My _friend_ is calling me to iron things out. I'm taking care of business, as planned."

Understanding dawned and he swallowed back a small surge anger. "Without me?"

"Yes, without you. Listen, I know we had a plan, but my _friend_ and I decided that the less you know, the better it will for everyone involved. Especially after your run in with Aaron. I'm not going to testify; I'm not going to be asked about this. But you will be. And Veronica will weasel it out of you if she suspects you know something." Lilly shoved him again but he didn't budge. She huffed. "Fine! I'm heading to the study. Go back to your girlfriend. I'm sure there's a _hot_ game of gin rummy waiting for you." Lilly flashed him an innocent glance and retreated, leaving Logan behind her.

He felt torn between chasing after Lilly to demand she keep him in the loop and retreating up to cuddle with his sleeping girlfriend and remaining blissfully ignorant. The thought of Veronica lying in bed brought a smile to his face, decision made. He topped off his mug of coffee and headed for the staircase that didn't take him past the study.

* * *

The world was quiet and muted as Veronica stretched out. She was still mostly asleep. Her breath caught when she realized that her limbs didn't encounter the warm solid presence of Logan. _Oh God, not again, not again_.

She took several deep breaths and forced herself to use her rational mind. _I am in Aspen. Logan is here with me. I am not at the Pi Sig house. Mercer is in jail. I am in Aspen. All of our friends are here._ Veronica opened her eyes and sighed in relief when she found herself where she expected to be. She hadn't had any nightmares since they'd arrived in Colorado, and it had been such a relief. She really thought she'd turned a page and that they were gone; she'd thought she had beaten it. But she hadn't woken up alone since she'd arrived, either. _I'm such a fool_!

As her breathing returned to normal, the desire to flee slowly drained away. But the aftermath of the panic had its downside as well. Disappointed, and feeling as if she was back at square one, Veronica became angry. It was misplaced anger—she rationally knew—but anger just the same. She was angry with herself and Logan and everyone else who had no idea what she was feeling but kept pushing her anyway. All she wanted to do was crawl back into her own bed at home and block herself off from the world. The last thing she wanted to do was spend a day pretending everything was okay. But at the sound of the door opening, and remembering the day's plans, brought back the reality that she would be doing just that.

* * *

Veronica examined herself in the mirror of the dressing room. If there was one thing that Aspen was good for, it was boutiques. Although Lilly, Meg and Mac had packed appropriate clothes for going out, Veronica's apparel was in short supply. Ever since she'd purged her wardrobe in November, Veronica's clothing choices had been lacking. Even before that, her clothing choices had been limited because her family didn't have money like most of her friends. Buying clothes, especially for going out, hadn't exactly been on her radar since November.

Veronica smiled to herself, thinking of the afternoon excursion so far. While she suspected that Lilly was enjoying the new, less princessy side of her, she could tell that Lilly had not expected Veronica to fight her on clothing choices. Having always been the more dominant of the two, Lilly was still used to a more compliant Veronica. The tension between them had even caused Meg and Mac to head for the closest Starbucks thirty minutes earlier. Though Veronica had let Lilly dress her in red satin the previous night, it was because she hadn't had much else to choose from, along with the fact that Lilly had been so excited. But enough was enough. She'd found a much edgier black dress in the shop this morning and it felt much more her style these days. Veronica loved it!

"Veronica, are you done in there?" Lilly's voice whined from the other side of the changing room door. "Let's see it already. I can't believe that six months ago, I had to blackmail you to get you out of pastel sweater sets, and now I'm begging you to integrate color back into your wardrobe. What was wrong with the purple one? It was sexy. And this has to be perfect. New Year's Eve in Aspen isn't just a night; it's an event. More than one event, to be precise." When Veronica whipped the door open and stepped out to face her, Lilly gave her an approving once-over. "Wow! I take it back. That dress is amazing on you; it's just…you."

"I know. It's a little low cut, but—"

"But, nothing, V. This dress is perfect for dinner tonight at Ajax to watch the first set of fireworks. Logan is going to be speechless. But dinner is just the beginning—"

"Oh, Lilly, please don't tell me you expect me to have two different dresses for the two different firework parties tonight. I'm not made of money and I don't have much more energy to argue with you about my clothes." Veronica turned, reentered the dressing room, closed the door behind her and began removing the dress.

"No need to argue… _if_ you agree to wear the sparkly Jimmy Choos that I brought along for just this occasion." Lilly pulled open the unlocked door and looked at her expectantly.

Veronica sighed. It was worth it to surrender at this point. She hadn't pack any cute shoes anyways. "I relent! I'll wear the shoes. Now shut the door so we can get out of this place."

By the time Veronica was on her way to purchase her dress, Meg and Mac returned bearing coffee.

"Is it over?" Meg asked hopefully.

"Please?" Mac added. "How long can you two fight over dresses?"

"It's over." Veronica smiled when Lilly rolled her eyes. "I won," she stage whispered to the other girls.

"Yes, yes, round one to you." Lilly turned toward Mac and Meg. "It turns out Veronica, here, can be reasonable." Veronica gave her friend a playful shove. "Okay, she picked out something perfect…and agreed to my shoe choice," Lilly grinned triumphantly. "Thanks for the coffee." Lilly grabbed one of the cups Mac was holding out and started toward the door. "Hurry up, would you, guys? We've got pedicures in fifteen minutes just down the street."

Veronica groaned and called out, "Lilly I can't get my nails done every week."

"It's my treat, of course. It was my idea, after all." Lilly shrugged off Veronica's objection as if that was the end of the conversation.

Veronica forced herself to retract her claws. _Just humor her._ _She gave in over the dress, let her win this one_. Veronica plastered a smile on to her face as she collected her bag from the salesperson and followed the other three girls out the door.

It only took a few moments for them to reach the nail salon, and Veronica held back as Meg and Lilly crowded around the sample colors prattling on about which color would best match their dress. Veronica looked expectantly at Mac, who just shrugged her shoulders.

"Don't look at me, I'm sticking to black." Mac said, stepping forward and reaching around the girls to grab a black bottle off the display shelf.

Veronica smiled, feeling like she had an ally for the first time all day. "Good call. I like it." She selected a very dark purple off of the rack. "What about this? It almost looks black, but it's got a little something to it."

Mac smiled and nodded. "It looks like they have seats for us," Mac spoke as she pulled Veronica over to the massage chairs next to Meg and Lilly.

"Oh, no. Veronica! Not black, put that back. I already got you silver, see?" Lilly held up the bottle in question for Veronica. "And I brought some magazines. I took the Cosmo, but I managed to snag Vogue before Meg could." Lilly looked quite pleased with herself.

"Thanks, but I'm good. And besides, it's not black, it's like vampire purple and it matches my mood," Veronica said in what she thought was a reasonable tone. _Just because Lilly is paying for this doesn't mean she gets to choose my color…or does it?_ She didn't care. _Whatever._

"But this will look great with the shooooes! Why are you being so difficult? At least come get the magazine." Lilly's incredulous look only made Veronica more determined to hold strong to her resolve.

 _Ah, yes…her final manipulative card._ "No! I can pay for my own damn pedicure because I want this color. " Veronica tossed her bag down next to the chair farthest from Lilly and plopped down. She cast Mac a speculative glance and mouthed 'sorry' before she pulled out the copy of "Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers" that she'd stolen from Logan's pile of books.

Veronica could feel Lilly shooting daggers at her. She knew she'd feel guilty later, but right now she didn't care. _Round two to me, too!_

* * *

Veronica was the last in the group to step out of the limo, preferring to hang back for a moment. When she finally got a good look at their venue for the evening, she stopped dead in her tracks. "It's official; Lilly is trying to kill me," she said to Logan. "Outdoor seating? We're barely in double digits here, temperature-wise." Veronica looked up at Logan just waiting for him to defend Lilly. Waking up in a panic, combined with the shopping and then the pedicure battle she'd had with Lilly earlier in the day had been mentally exhausting and had left Veronica feeling even more on edge. Fighting felt better than giving in to the celebratory mood or allowing fear to set in.

"No need for theatrics, Veronica Mars," Lilly waved her hand at the sky. "You know we have to be outdoors to see the fireworks and there are heat lamps everywhere. Your boy-toy here already greased the right palms; we're eating inside. You aren't going to freeze."

Logan pulled Veronica away from the group and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "What's going on?"

"It's just so…open. Everyone can see us. We're at the bottom of a ski slope." Veronica gestured to the skiers coming down the mountain behind the restaurant. "Anyone could see me or watch me…take pictures or—"

"Or what? And you mean _us_ , right? If someone were watching, they'd be watching all of us. We aren't leaving you alone. You'll be with us. It's fine." Logan reached out to cup her cheek, but she pulled away and turned to look out toward the village.

Logan continued, "Veronica, we're here for the early fireworks for you." He paused when she whipped her head around to face him again.

"Well, I'm sorry that my _irrational_ insecurity is putting all of you out." Veronica's retort was haughtier than she'd intended, but she was getting aggravated. Even though no one was aware of how she'd reacted to waking up alone, she felt that she had made a lot of progress this trip and that she had been constantly stepping out of her comfort zone. It was taking its toll. A month ago, she'd barely left her house and here she was out in public multiple times in only a few days. The whole week she'd felt almost normal…until that morning. Not only was she getting no credit for her progress from her friends, but she felt she'd fallen two steps back from where she'd been just yesterday. It wasn't as if she wanted to be continually praised or anything, she just wanted to feel like people weren't persistently pushing her further than she was ready to go. She caught Logan's puzzled expression and instantly felt sorry, but she wouldn't—couldn't—back down now.

"Whoa, there, Nellie Oleson. I'm on _your_ side here." Logan threaded his fingers through his hair and tugged a bit, concern etched on his face.

" _My_ side? All everyone does is make my decisions for me. I can't even get my own medical records without people noticing and freaking out. Lilly thinks she can choose what I wear and what I do. You throw money at everything so that people leave me alone. Sometimes it's all just too much, Logan." Veronica put her hands over her face and turned away from him again.

Logan moved around her so that he was standing in front of her again and said softly, "I've spent all week making sure you're as comfortable as possible, but I can't read your mind, Veronica. I thought things were different here. I thought getting out of Neptune and away from—"

She brushed him off, "Away from what? My rapist? My past? My reality?" Now she was fuming. The little voice in the back of her head knew she was being unreasonable, but the words just kept pouring out of her. "If everyone thinks that after a few days away from home I'm going to go back to being compliant and complacent, you're all in for a surprise."

"Where is this coming from? I've hardly seen you all day, so I can't see what I did to deserve this! If you haven't noticed, we've all been tiptoeing around you since Thanksgiving." She opened her mouth to interject, but Logan cut her off. "Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to do it, but I can't always predict how you're going to react and when you're going to be upset. I'm trying here. We're _all_ trying." She turned slightly to see the others standing ten feet away, pretending like they weren't listening.

As her eyes scanned the rest of the crowded patio, Veronica willed herself to calm down. Everyone appeared to be eating, drinking and talking amongst their own party at private tables. _Of course, he's right. This place obviously costs a fortune. No one here cares about us._ _And this early seating seems tame enough._

When Logan laid his hand once again on her shoulder from behind, she jumped a little bit in surprise. Her mind was still racing and she was still mad, but she knew that directing her anger at her boyfriend, who loved her, wasn't going to help matters. Slowly and carefully, she leaned back against him, closing her eyes as she let herself melt into him, hoping that he would follow her lead and let the matter drop for now. _Time to play nice with the other children, Veronica._

She opened her eyes and smiled at the group. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm freezing out here. It appears our Sherpas have abandoned us, so I guess we'll have to trek into the restaurant unguided." She was met with silence. _C'mon guys, someone meet me halfway here._

Casey came to her aid. "Yeah, I was a Boy Scout for a few months in 3rd grade. I can handle taking the lead." He winked at Veronica and then grabbed Lilly's arm and turned to enter the tavern. "Let's go taste this food Lilly's been raving about for weeks."

Their group was large, but the table Logan had requested was right by the window and overlooked Ajax Mountain. It was truly beautiful. Veronica took a seat so that her back was to a wall and she could keep her eye on the crowd. She was getting better about being out in public, but the place was packed.

"So what do you guys think so far? It's pretty casual on normal days, but this prix fixe menu is all the rage. And later we can head to the Bottomless Cristal New Year's Eve Party next door for some dancing and music and fun. Thank God Veronica has been making excellent fake IDs since sophomore year." Lilly threw her a genuine smile. Although she remained quiet, Veronica made an effort to appear friendly and open while they settled in and ordered.

The food really was delicious. The seating was at a designated time, so there wasn't the hustle and bustle of people being seated at tables and coming and going throughout the meal. It served to calm Veronica's nerves a little bit. She was halfway through her white truffle risotto when she heard Lilly mention her name and her ears perked up.

"Veronica and I have shared a special tradition on New Year's Eve for as long as I can remember. So, I hope she doesn't mind but I'd like to share it with everyone tonight." Lilly sounded genuinely excited, so Veronica felt terrible that her friend's words were causing her heart to sink with dread. She knew what was coming. "Resolutions!" Lilly revealed as if it were a message from the heavens and something she'd come up with on her own. "Usually, we do this over a few days to perfect our resolutions and categorize them, but tonight I think we should just wing it. You all have five minutes to come up with three resolutions for personal or social betterment…starting now!"

To Veronica's shock, everyone at the table seemed into the idea. Couples began whispering to one another. Dick said something offensive that Veronica couldn't hear and Mac smacked him on the arm playfully. Meg pulled a pad of paper out of her tiny purse and began jotting down ideas.

_They're actually going for it? Crap, that means I'll have to come up with something. Resolutions…resolutions…um…make it through my rapist's trial without breaking down?_

Their server took away their plates and readied the table for dessert, announcing that there was only fifteen minutes until the show started.

"Okay, I'll go first," Lilly declared. "First of all, I'm resolved to be more patient and understanding." She looked pointedly at Veronica as she spoke the words and then continued, "I am resolved to keep working on school like I have been these past few weeks so that I can find some kind of direction. And, I— shockingly—want to try to improve my relationship with Celeste. I know…I know what you're all thinking, but I need to do something or things will just get worse between us. So that's me…" She turned to her left and looked meaningfully at Casey. "Case…"

Casey began to speak, but Veronica didn't hear his words. She was wracking her brain for something that would sound sincere but not shock anyone.

 _Can I be resolved to go out in public without panicking? Um…my grades are fine. I have a boyfriend. My dad and I seem cool. My mom is long gone._ The anxiety of the pressure was overwhelming. _Maybe…_

"Aw, Casey you are a-dor-able," Lilly sing-songed. "Okay, what about you, V?" All eyes turned to her. When she remained silent, she felt Logan pull her close.

"Let's come back to Veronica," Logan suggested. "Can I go next?"

Once again, Veronica entered the fog of her racing mind. Before Logan got a few words in, she was up on her feet and headed to the restroom to hide until dessert was on the table.

She waited in the restroom until she was sure that dessert would have arrived. She approached the table with an air of confidence that she didn't feel and ignored Logan's worried expression as she slid back into her seat.

"Everything okay? I didn't know if I was supposed to come after you or give you some space," he whispered, pushing her dessert closer to her and handing her a spoon.

"Either would have been fine; the space was nice," she whispered back, offering him a grateful smile. Before anyone else had a moment to comment on her reappearance, thankfully, it was time to go outside for the fireworks and everyone was shuffling to their feet. Veronica let Logan lead her out onto the patio. After her bathroom break, she felt a little more confident. And it helped that everyone had their attention directed up to the sky.

"So, what exactly are we celebrating right now? 8:00 p.m. in Colorado is midnight where exactly?" Veronica teased.

"Um, Greenland, I think…maybe Brazil?" Logan speculated.

"Hmm…Brazil sounds warmer. I'm going with that." She nestled closer into him and watched the display. "It really is pretty amazing out here, I have to admit."

"It's summer there." Logan squeezed Veronica's waist affectionately. "I'm just happy we're together. It's been a rough few months, but, I dunno, this is nice." Logan turned to kiss the tip of her nose before directing his gaze back to the sky for the big finale.

* * *

Logan hoped that the tranquility during dinner and the rest of their evening had given Veronica some much-needed confidence. None of the other patrons in the restaurant had paid them any notice. He'd been worried about how Veronica had left the table when the group had begun their resolutions, but it seemed as if she'd recovered well. For the first time in a few weeks, Logan was unsure as to how much to comfort her and how much to let her work through on her own.

Veronica was right, however. He'd been paying off maître ds, deejays and spa owners since they'd gotten to Aspen in a vain attempt at keeping Veronica as calm and comfortable as possible. As far as he could tell it had kept them out of the limelight, and in turn, out of Aaron's thoughts. It was a win-win. There were a few celebrities and socialites in town this week that the paparazzi would undoubtedly find much more interesting to hound. He figured that Veronica would appreciate his line of thinking. Maybe he was overstepping, but he was convinced that the payoff was helping her in the long run. He respected her independence, but sometimes Veronica didn't know what was best for herself either. He couldn't imagine it bothering her if the media left them alone for the while.

When they all finally filed out and onto the street with the other patrons of Ajax, Lilly skipped up to Veronica and grabbed her by the arm. "Well, wasn't that fun? Now that we've celebrated geriatric New Year's Eve, we can start acting our age and _party_."

"So, sparkling cider because we're nineteen?" Logan snarked.

"According to our IDs, we're twenty-one, so that's what I'm going with," Lilly laughed as they began walking along the sidewalk. "Let's hit the first bar we see until the next party gets started at The Little Nell. At the very least, it'll be warmer in a bar than it is out here."

It was early; still not quite nine, and the bar wasn't crowded yet. Logan hoped it would ease Veronica's nerves into staying relaxed through the rest of the evening. But he knew this bar would likely fill up within the next hour. Most of the parties in town were pricey, so Logan assumed that a bar would be where average partiers would spend their New Year's Eve. He carefully scanned the patrons and was glad when he didn't see anyone worth a second glance. He relaxed a little and took a seat near the window nodding at Lilly for her to join him while the others went to the bar to order drinks.

"Are you going to scold me like I'm twelve?" Lilly looked down at him with her arms folded. "Look, I—"

"I'm not going to scold you. I'm as guilty of trying to keep her in a bubble as you are," Logan admitted.

"Yes, that's what you are doing. I'm—well, I think she's been acting so much like herself around the house that I forgot—you know I usually take charge. Veronica usually just…follows." Logan nodded at Lilly's admission . "The past few days she's seemed like her old self. I just fell into old rhythms."

"No, I understand. It happens to me too sometimes." Logan stood up and pulled Lilly into his arms for a big hug. "We can both try to remind each other, okay?"

Lilly wiped at her eyes. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I'll talk to her later. I'll never tell her, but even though it happened to her, it has affected us, too. I wish she could see that."

"She does," Logan assured her. "But she's working through a lot. She's just so much better that we forgot how far she's come."

"Yeah, I know." Lilly cleared her throat and rolled her eyes through the tears that had collected there. Suddenly with a sigh she turned on a bright smile and said, "I'm gonna hit the bar. I look way too fabulous to hang out over here like a wallflower." With that she was off.

Logan laughed as he watched her walk away. His friends were amazing. From the outside looking in, he was the troubled one. He was the one with the troubled past, worthy of tabloid attention. The one getting into constant trouble. But the truth was that they all had their own burden to bear. And they were growing up and learning how to make that work for them.

By ten, the number of people at the bar had doubled. Logan had a drink or two in him and was feeling warm, congenial and horny. Watching Veronica chat within their circle or with the bartender in that dress was driving him crazy. He had to keep adjusting his pants and concentrate on other things to keep himself in check.

Just when he thought he couldn't take it anymore and was about to pull Veronica down onto his lap, Lilly appeared and blocked his view of her.

"The other club opened a few minutes ago. We can't go this early; I don't want to look desperate, but we aren't going to order any more drinks here. Can you boys take care of the tab while we ladies freshen up? We can head over to The Little Nell in a bit."

"That's why you brought us with you right? To take care of the bar tab?" Logan laughed at her and winked, standing to make his way over and join Dick, Duncan, and Casey at the bar.

"Oh, look who decided to join us, guys." Duncan's smile greeted Logan as he sidled up next to them.

"Sorry, guys, I needed a moment to regroup after dinner. It's been a long few months," Logan muttered.

"We thought with all the mattress time you and Ronnie've been sharing lately you'd be a little more loose, dude," Dick joked.

 _Who gives a shit what they think._ Logan brushed Dick's comment off and turned toward Casey.

"I get needing a break, man. Lilly has a lot of energy," Casey sighed. "She keeps me exhausted most of the time." Logan practically choked on his drink, laughing at Casey's innuendo. "No, I didn't mean in bed. I just mean she's always up to something. When we first started really talking again, she was working through the Veronica stuff. She wouldn't say much, but I could tell she was having a rough time. But, when we're here with Veronica, I think she feels like she needs to stay 'on' and perky all the time for V's sake. For everyone's sake, really."

"I know the feeling—" Logan started.

Dick interrupted them by sliding two hundred-dollar bills into Logan's hand. "Hey, guys, I got this one. I'll be right back."

Logan began again, "It's hard to know how much to intervene on her behalf. And the press in Neptune is out of control. It's getting old. For once I'm trying to keep my head down and my ass clean, and they're all over me. It's pissing my dad off, too, which is never a good thing. And I feel like if I let her out of my sight something bad is going to happen…"

"Well, we've all got your back, man. Even if I'm far away, you can always call me or just shoot back East for a few days. I'm serious. Come. Bring Veronica…it would do you both good. Especially with the trial and all." Casey seemed so earnest that Logan suddenly wished he'd spent more time with the guy in high school.

"Will do!" Logan turned to speak to the bartender to close their tab when he heard a commotion at the back of the bar. Instantly alert, he threw the money on the bar and followed Casey and Duncan toward the uproar.

Logan pushed past several stunned patrons to find Dick yelling obscenities at some skinny dude that he had pinned against the back wall of the bar.

"What's going on, Dick? What happened?" Logan demanded as he approached.

"This _asshole_ was bugging Mac and Ronnie. I was just teaching him some manners," Dick spat out, his eyes never leaving the man in question.

Logan's eyes immediately sought out Veronica. He'd been unsure whether to provide backup for Dick or try to find her, but upon seeing Veronica safely surrounded by their friends a few feet away, Logan moved up take his place at Dick's side. Dick smiled at him and loosened his hold, causing the man to slide down the wall and land on his feet. The guy, taking advantage of Dick's momentary distraction, took a cheap swing at him. Logan, seeing this, pulled his friend out of the way right before the guy could make contact.

Relieved to have a direction to focus the rage that had been building in him the past few months, Logan turned and took a step toward the guy menacingly. _Finally!_ he thought as he dodged a punch directed at him before tackling the guy against the wall.

"No! No!" He heard screaming behind him, but barely registered it. He felt arms pulling him off of the man, and realized hazily that it was Dick, along with Casey, who was grabbing at him. From the corner of his eye, he watched Duncan step up and pin the asshole against the wall to avoid further incident. Logan began to struggle against the hands that held him until he heard Dick's voice near his ear. "There are people and cameras everywhere. We need to get out of here. Veronica needs you, _now_."

Att the mention of Veronica's name, Logan was able to focus on Dick's words and nodded his acknowledgement. He let the guys pull him back to his feet. They kept a tight hold on him, each holding fistfuls of his shirt, as they half-shoved, half-carried him through the now crowded bar. "Veronica," Logan tried to look over his shoulder to find her.

"Dick's got her," Duncan told him as he moved past him to hold the door open for everyone. "I'm calling for the car right now. You're going home."

The street in front of the bar was surprisingly crowded. New Year's Eve celebrations were just beginning and there were people everywhere. Logan instantly spotted a photographer who looked their way. _Shit! How is it possible that things keep getting worse?_

"I see paparazzi; we can't wait for the limo. Hail us a cab," he shouted to Duncan.

Logan disentangled himself from his friends and turned to find Veronica and Mac right behind him, enveloped in Dick's arms. Both of them looked shaken and Logan didn't like that he couldn't catch Veronica's eye.

Logan called out to her, "Veronica," and held out his hand, but before she could cross the sidewalk to join him, two other men with cameras got in her way. Dick immediately took action, letting go of Mac to step between Logan and the paparazzo. But, in the process, the paparazzo stepped back, bumping Veronica full-force with his left side. Logan saw her wince in pain and fall back into Meg's arms.

Sheer rage overtook him, but before he could take more than a step, Casey, Dick and Duncan had him by the shirt again and were shoving him off of the curb and into a waiting taxi.

"Scoot in!" Dick's voice ordered and Logan did so just in time for Meg and Lilly to push Veronica and Mac into the car and onto the seat next to him. Dick jumped in the front seat next to the driver and gruffly ordered the cabbie to move. The next thing Logan knew, the taxi was speeding through the village in the direction of the Kane's house.

Several moments passed before Logan had cleared his head enough to speak. He pulled Veronica across his lap to his other side and then tucked both she and Mac in close to him and remained silent as he tried to make sense of the last five minutes.

"Are you two okay?" he eventually managed.

Mac nodded, but Veronica spoke up, "It wasn't that bad at first. He was just a little bit slimy, but I wasn't too worried until he kind of backed us into a corner. And then I, idiotically, just shut down. But Mac had texted Dick to come find us before the sleezeball had actually approached us, so Dick took care of things before they anything happened."

"You were fine, Veronica. I froze up, too for a second. It's just…too soon." Mac reached over Logan and squeezed Veronica's knee.

"But I should have just walked away. All those people and their phones. And the guys with cameras outside. Oh, no, Logan." Veronica pulled away from Mac to look Logan in the eye, stricken. "Your dad—"

"I'll take care of it. I'll call him right away when we get back to the house. It'll be okay." Logan looked into her eyes so she could see he meant it. He tucked her back under his chin and kissed each girl on the top of the head. "You didn't do anything wrong. It'll all be okay." Over their heads, he snuck a peek at Dick, who was watching the three of them intently from the front seat with a lazy smile on his face. Logan mouthed 'thank you' to his friend, and Dick nodded in response before settling to face forward again so he could direct the cabbie once they pulled off the highway.

* * *

Mac and Dick took off in the direction of their room as soon as the two couples entered the Kane house, leaving Logan and Veronica alone in the entryway.

After a moment's hesitation, Veronica took Logan by the hand and led him in the other direction, toward the master suite. Once inside their room, Logan walked around her and sat down on the bed and then pulled her onto his lap.

"I'm sorry," Veronica whispered as she buried her face into his neck.

"Veronica—" Logan began, trying to pull her away, but she held strong. She couldn't get everything out if he looked at her.

"No, not for just now. I mean for the way I acted earlier."

"I knew what you meant. And maybe you're right. Maybe I took it for granted that I could fix everything…maybe paying off the deejays and paying for private clubs was too heavy handed. But I meant well." Logan sounded sad.

"I know you did," Veronica acknowledged, pulling him tighter.

"Sometimes I feel helpless in this, too, you know. So I just do what I can. And what I can do usually involves money."

"It's not your fault. Yes, it does bother me, but mostly it bothers me more that you feel like you have to. But I can't have it both ways. I can't want you to protect me and not protect me at the same time. I get it." She finally pulled away from his chest and looked up into his eyes. "And I'm embarrassed. This morning I had another nightmare, and I woke up alone—" she saw him flinch. "Everything was going so well and then to have a nightmare on the one morning you went downstairs...well, I felt right back where I started."

His arms tightened around her again. "That's it then," Logan said lightly, kissing her nose. "It's official. Neither one of us is ever allowed to leave this bed again." They both laughed at that. "No, I'm serious, I know you hate my money, but take out and delivery will be our constant companion. I'll hire someone to bring it to the bedroom for us so we don't have to ever move."

Veronica sobered. "As nice as that sounds, I think it's more practical to actually heal."

Logan swept his hand across in an 'awe shucks' motion. "Can't blame a guy for trying," he quipped.

"I'd expect nothing less from you, you perv." She nestled herself back against his chest.

Veronica's phone started ringing from within her purse. She reluctantly crawled out from Logan's arms to retrieve it. Logan got off the bed too and made his way over to the closet. "Tell Lilly I say 'hi'," he joked as he swept past her.

Veronica looked at the caller ID on the phone. "It's my dad," she said, which made Logan stop in his tracks. She threw him a curious look as she clicked the button to connect the call.

"Heya, Pops. Heading to bed already? I know it's an hour earlier there, but you're getting super old if you're heading to bed at—"

"Veronica, where have you been tonight?" Keith's voice burst through the phone line impatiently.

"What's wrong? You know I'm in Aspen. We went out to dinner and a bar and some guys hassled us, why? What have you heard?" _Bad news travels fast._

"Put Logan on," Keith's voice was firm.

"Dad, what—"

"Now, Veronica. Put me on speaker." Veronica shrugged at Logan and waved him over as she set the phone to speaker.

"I'm here, Sheriff. What's going on?" Logan asked calmly.

"What's going on is that Mercer Hayes was just severely beaten in jail by a PCH biker; he's been taken to Neptune Memorial. What's going on is that I have a serious case on my hands that we are trying not to screw up, and things keep making that more difficult. What's going on is that I have to answer to a committee of people and law enforcement agencies that think I had an active role in this." Keith's frustration was clear.

"Anyone who knows you would know that you'd never do that. You couldn't," Veronica protested.

"You didn't see me go ballistic outside the interrogation room. It's really not that far of a stretch, Honey."

"But you didn't do this." Veronica was sure.

"No, I didn't. I was going to let Mercer hang himself. There's no way he'll get off with all the evidence that's been compiled against him. Which leads me to look elsewhere. Anything you want to tell me, Logan?" Keith's voice rang out through the room.

Veronica gasped and turned to look at Logan, wide-eyed for a moment. Her dad was right. This is exactly something that her short-tempered boyfriend would do. And, though Logan looked sufficiently concerned, he didn't actually look all that surprised.

"I can honestly say that I had no knowledge of any specifics involving Mercer getting beaten up in jail," Logan stated carefully. Too carefully.

"Well that sounds vaguely specific. Somehow it's exactly what I expected to hear. You're damn lucky you aren't in town, Son," Keith sighed into the phone.

"I really had nothing to do with it. I'm not surprised, though. Sex offenders don't do well in prison, Sheriff." Logan's voice was still too controlled. His words too calculated.

"And if someone checked your phone records, there wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary?" Keith pressed.

"Nothing at all. I swear, Sheriff. I wasn't behind this. Though I did consider getting myself thrown in jail to beat the shit out of Mercer and Moe myself," Logan answered.

"You and me both. Stay put. Don't call other people. Don't talk to other people about the case. It's important," Keith reminded them.

"We won't," Veronica answered, her eyes still fixed on Logan. "Love you, Dad," Veronica said into the phone before she disconnected it.

Logan kissed her on the head and turned back to make his way to the closet.

"Did you do it? Did you set this whole thing up?"

"Nope," he said as he disappeared into the enormous closet where they'd hung their clothes. "Sadly, my jailhouse connections aren't what they used to be," he joked loudly from out of her sight.

Veronica followed him and watched as he stripped out of his clothes and threw on some sweats. She couldn't decide if she wanted to know the truth or not. In the end, curiosity got the better of her.

"But you know who did," she pressed, reaching around his middle from behind, holding him tight and placing a kiss between his shoulder blades.

"Lots of people love you, Veronica." Logan said, his hands gripping Veronica's strongly. "Everyone at the station, everyone from school…any one of them could have set that up. Or it could just be random. You heard your dad, the less we know, the better. Now get changed. I'm going to go downstairs to mix us a drink and then call my parents." He kissed her passionately and then made his way out of the closet without a backward glance.

* * *

When Veronica returned from the bathroom after washing the evening off her face, all she heard was silence from the rest of the house. She'd taken her time changing since Logan was busy calling his parents in an effort to stay ahead of the inevitable story. But the quiet was odd after days of eight young adults sharing one space. _Maybe the others decided to stay out after all?_ She was a bit surprised, but it wasn't unwelcome. A quiet night in with just Mac and Dick would be nice, too. As much as the rest of the group sympathized with her, it was the core group who attended Hearst with her who truly understood all that had gone on this fall.

She threw one of Logan's Hearst hoodies over her t-shirt and pajama pants and made her way down to the main area of the house. When she turned the corner into the main room she was shocked to come face to face with Lilly.

"Oh!" Veronica jumped and then put her hand on her chest and began laughing. She took in her friend's appearance: clothes changed and face makeup free. _Guess she's in for the night_. "It's so quiet; I thought you'd stayed out."

"And leave my best girl on New Year's Eve? Get real!" Veronica heard the sadness in Lilly's voice through her obvious forced cheer. Lilly pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm sorry for pushing you. You seemed okay, and I thought if I could just keep moving forward with you, you wouldn't have time to think about…things…and—"

"No apology necessary, really. But thank you all the same. I'm sorry, too. I'm not used to saying 'no' to you. I guess it will take some getting used to for both of us." Veronica pulled out of the hug and wiped her eyes. "So…now what?"

" _Now…_ we settle in. Casey is starting a fire in the fireplace that's the size of Mac's dorm room. We'll get an excellent view of the midnight fireworks from up here in the _warmth_ of our humble abode." Veronica snorted at Lilly's words. "And, if we're all up for it we can play a game of Mafia or just hang out. I sent out for champagne."

Lilly seemed okay with the plan, but Veronica wasn't convinced. "Lilly, but what about the party? I don't want you to spend New Year's Eve bored here with—"

"With my best friends? My, my…who is the bossy one now, Veronica Mars? I think I know my own mind." Lilly turned and smiled as the rest of the group filed into the room and sat down. Lilly did the same, snuggling into Casey's side and sighing contentedly. "You know, they say how you spend New Year's Eve is how you will spend the rest of the year." Lilly stated the fact as if it was a universally known fact. "Hanging out with my family here sounds pretty good to me!" She smiled again, and Veronica could tell that it was genuine.

"Me, too." Logan came up beside Veronica and dragged her to an empty spot on the couch, pulling her down onto his lap.

* * *

The evening in was nice and calm. Lilly had been right; the fireworks were even more beautiful from the comfort and warmth of the house. The couples all headed to bed after they rang in the new year with a champagne toast. Veronica was content.

As she crawled into bed with Logan, she moaned gratefully.

"I've never put too much stock in New Year's Eve and new beginnings, but I'm ready to put this past year behind me." Logan smiled at her. "Don't get me wrong—I love being with you—but you are the only good thing that came out of the recent past."

"You've always had me, but I know what you mean. I feel the same way. I'm sorry for the way you and I finally came together, but I'm glad it happened." Logan pulled her down onto his chest and she was comforted by the steady beat of his heart.

"Hey, you never got to hear my resolutions," he whispered, kissing the top of her head.

"Liar!" Veronica scoffed as she picked up her head to look him in the eye. " _You_ made resolutions? You've never ever made a resolution in all the years I've known you. Lilly and I _begged_ you to every year and you—"

"As if I would have told the two of you anything. You'd never let me live it down," Logan objected. "And I didn't consciously make any this year, either. But, when Lilly brought it up, it just kinda…happened. I dunno." Logan suddenly looked sheepish. "But you ran out before I had a chance to tell you."

"Well, I couldn't think of any resolutions that didn't involve not having a breakdown or being able to get through testimony at Mercer's trial. It kinda seemed like a Debbie Downer moment was inevitable." Veronica shifted their bodies so that they were lying on their sides facing each other.

Logan reached out to brush the hair off her forehead. "Yeah, I can see how that would be a mood killer. But it's what you're working toward, so who cares what anyone else thinks? Sometimes life's a downer."

"Well, I'm here now if you want to tell me your big revelation—I mean resolution," she teased, trying to put things back on a lighter track.

"It's not that big of a deal, ya know?" Logan looked shy again. "I've decided to take my father's advice." Veronica couldn't keep the look of shock off her face. "I think speaking to a publicist might be a good thing for everyone involved. This media circus isn't going to end for a while, if ever. We have a long haul ahead of us with the trial and we don't need to feel like it's all out of our control. We can work with someone to spin things the way we want them spun. We can learn what we can do to minimize our exposure…I don't know. It was just an idea."

"No, it's a good idea. A great idea even. I trust you. And, on _just_ this, I trust your parents, too." Veronica nodded. "What else?"

"The second one is something I actually started talking to my mom about when I was up in LA for Christmas. She's just so different now. When I was a kid she was vivacious and fun and even optimistic. Now, she's just a shadow of Aaron. She follows his lead and never sticks up for herself…"

"You said that to your mother?" Veronica was shocked.

"No, not that part. I'm thinking of changing my major. To business or communications. Something like that where I can learn how to run a nonprofit or something." Logan rolled to turn his gaze to the ceiling, his wary expression had returned. "I guess I'm sick of the women in my life getting abused by people and feeling like they have nowhere to turn. Me, too, when I was a kid. If I could be part of something that helped victims of abuse or neglect or…I dunno, rape…maybe I could help someone, you know? I mean, I've lived it. Who else would be better to advocate for others?"

Veronica smiled and reached out to turn him so that he was facing her again. "No one. I can't think of anyone better to help people than you."

"I was so disappointed that I hadn't seen what was going on with you sooner. I felt like I should have known, but I was too busy wondering what I had done to you and whining about how you changing had affected me. The reading I've done on the subject makes me think that isn't uncommon."

"I didn't want you to know though. I was trying to hide it," Veronica whispered.

"That's just it, you shouldn't have to hide it. And I want to be a part of something that helps fix that. I shouldn't have had to hide my abuse either." He paused when she leaned forward, her lips meeting his in a chaste kiss.

"Well, Echolls, for a first time resolution-maker you sure hit a homerun with that one." Veronica teased. "Much better than what everyone else came up with, I bet. I'm sure Dick wants to hit more waves and more parties…" Feeling sleepy, she rolled away from him again so that he could spoon her.

"Not so much. This whole thing has changed all of us, I think. For the better, I mean. That's how important you are to everyone around you." Logan pulled her close and laid a few chaste kisses across her exposed neck before getting comfortable also.

"Happy New Year, Logan. I love you."

"You too, so much. Happy New Year, Veronica. Sweet dreams."

She smiled and the thought resonated in her mind as she drifted off to sleep in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, that was a long one! And now the meat of the story is done. The final chapter will get us through the trial. I am open to being persuaded to post it tomorrow. Let me know what you think!
> 
> I wish I could adequately express my gratitude to kmd0107 and LVFangirl. This story wasn't easy to write at times, and the support of wonderful friends made all the difference. Thank you!


	20. You'll Make it Now

**Chapter 20 - You'll Make it Now**

**Seven and a half months later**

Veronica watched Neptune pass by through the town car's tinted window. They were getting closer to the courthouse and she had to fight the urge to call for the driver to stop so she could get out of the car and run in the opposite direction. She settled for closing her eyes and pressing her shoulder into the side of the seat. She took a deep, cleansing breath.

_It's not that bad, Veronica. Mercer's already been found guilty. Sentencing is the final hurdle._

She couldn't help her smile when Logan took hold of her hand. Despite all the anxiety and inner-turmoil, fireworks still went off whenever he so much as looked at her.

"Are you okay? I mean, as okay as you can be under the circumstances?" Logan's voice was raspy. He sounded tired.

Not ready to commit to an actual answer, Veronica kept her eyes closed and shrugged noncommittally.

"You know everything's gonna be fine, right? This is it. This is the home stretch. Today is nothing compared to the trial." Veronica opened her eyes and saw that the courthouse was still off in the distance. She wasn't ready to talk so she just nodded silently.

"Hey, talk to me." Logan wasn't giving up. Veronica heard him push the center console up into the seat and felt the squeak of leather as he slid closer to her. He pulled her to him, forcing her to turn away from the window and face him. Not ready to meet his gaze, she folded herself across his chest, tucked her head under his chin and breathed in the scent of the starch of his freshly pressed suit shirt. "Hey." Gently he nudged her. "You're scaring me. We don't need to go today. The District Attorney said it was just a formality." When Veronica shook her head, he insisted, "No, I mean it. This isn't worth this much stress. You've been through enough."

Veronica found her voice, "No, no I'm going. I need this—I need the closure."

"Veronica, this is the end. Mercer's sentencing is the final step in this whole mess. Moe already accepted the deal. He won't be eligible for parole for at least five years. One down, one to go," Logan stated matter-of-factly.

"Yes, and I still have mixed feelings about that. About Moe. Do you believe his story?" Veronica couldn't hide her skepticism.

"Yes, I think Moe is telling the truth that Mercer was behind it all. I think he was the puppet master, and that Moe felt trapped. Mercer paid him off to turn the other way about the on-campus casino." Logan sounded certain.

 _Why can't I feel as sure as Logan?_ "But Moe drugged me and Mac. He didn't have to do that, Logan. Plus, Moe ran the radio show as an alibi so we wouldn't suspect Mercer. How does that not make him just as guilty? Five years doesn't seem like enough."

"Because Moe is weak. Because Mercer knew what he was doing. Mercer manipulated Moe, and because he had enough evidence from what happened last year and held it over Moe's head. It kept Moe quiet and complacent. Moe didn't get off scot-free, Veronica. Don't forget that. He'll have to register as a sex offender once he's out. That will follow him his whole life. Mercer, too."

"Mercer...it's just so hard to face him, Logan. Knowing that _he's_ the one who strutted around, knowing what he did to me. All those times I thought that I was going crazy, but the fact was that I wasn't crazy; I was right. He _was_ watching me!" Veronica stopped to take a deep breath, using the techniques she'd learned to calm down her breathing.

Logan's arms tightened around her. "I think we should go home. You weren't even this upset during the trial."

"The trial was different. It was surreal. It was like I was onstage playing a role, talking about something that happened to someone else. This feels different somehow—more final. It seems important that I see this through." Honestly, Veronica didn't know what her problem was.

"You're right. This is final. This will be the last time you have to see Mercer." Logan gave her a squeeze.

"He might appeal…the beating—"

"He probably _will_ appeal, but the transcripts are on record now. You won't need to go through this ever again." Logan tucked her closer as he spoke. "We were both cleared of any knowledge of the beating inside Mercer's jail cell. There won't be a mistrial. Jailhouse beat-downs are a regular thing, Veronica. As a sex offender, he won't fare much better in prison, either."

"I just want this to be over." Veronica's anxiety was growing again.

"And it will be over in about…oh, I'd say three hours. We could be done and out of there by lunchtime."

"Don't even mention food," Veronica moaned.

Veronica's phone pinged from inside her purse. Logan pulled it out and read the display. "Well, Gina says that they're already at the courthouse and that the place is a madhouse. Good thing your dad and his deputies are there to control the crowd. She also said that this should be the end of the media circus. Good riddance!"

"I have to say, I'm not the biggest fan of Aaron, but Gina Graham is the best thing he's ever done for you. Before Aspen I would have scoffed at the idea of a publicist, but I don't think I'd have ever gotten through the trial without her." Veronica finally managed to look him in the eye. "And, even though Aaron'll never let us forget it, I still don't mind."

"He and my mom are at the courthouse, too, to 'be supportive', aka control their image. It doesn't matter; let Aaron have this moment. He's a miserable human being."

"A miserable human being who is giving the press release after the sentencing." Veronica rolled her eyes.

"Are you still okay with that? I don't mind making a statement. Or you can, if you're up to it. You're all that matters in this." Logan's sincerity moved her.

"It's fine. Aaron likes the limelight; let him have that, too." Veronica managed a small grin.

"You're looking better," he smiled down at her.

Just then, the car turned the last bend and Veronica caught sight of the crowd at the courthouse. "Oh, why couldn't they have a backdoor?" she lamented.

"Because nothing interesting ever happens in Balboa County. The biker gangs and millionaires fighting parking tickets don't mind walking in the front door." Logan smiled at her and she groaned. "Hey, look there's your dad." He pointed out the window as the car came to a halt. "You ready?"

"Yes; just don't let go of my hand." Veronica wiped her face, closed her eyes, and took a long breath. She nodded through the window at the deputy who had moved to open the door. "Let's do this."

 

* * *

 

Veronica shook hands with the District Attorney for the camera and then stood aside when Aaron stepped in front of the reporters. Normally a serial rapist wouldn't have attracted so much press, but there were so many factors involved in this case: elite community, sheriff's daughter, son of famous actors, friends of the mighty Kanes. It was a recipe for an Emmy award-winning episode of A&E's City Confidential, and Aaron seemed to be eating it up.

It was hard for Veronica to watch Aaron pretend not to love all the attention, but the actor was definitely in his element. As the questioning began, Aaron graciously pointed to one reporter, the first of two that Gina had chosen for direct questions.

"Aaron, Mercer Hayes has been sentenced to sixty years in prison for several counts of rape and the assault and kidnapping of Veronica Mars. You must be thrilled," the woman reporter stated matter-of-factly.

 _Wow, she's a damned vulture_ , Veronica silently observed. Instinctively, she tucked herself into Logan's side and he pulled her in close.

Aaron smiled stoically at the group. "Oh, thrilled isn't the word. Nothing about this situation gives me pleasure. The great legal system of this country isn't about vengeance; it's about protection. Protecting lives and the safety of the women, men and children of our community. I'd say that today justice was served for Veronica Mars, Parker Lee and Hayes' other victims. So, for that, I'm grateful." Veronica watched as Aaron gave a smile that was just the right mix of sad and concerned. It was perfect for the occasion and a better performance than the one that had won him an Oscar.

Aaron pointed to the next reporter, who asked, "Is the prosecution secure that they've found all of Hayes' victims?"

This time it was Lynn who spoke up, "Our legal team exhausted all leads they had in an attempt to find other victims, but no one can ever be certain. That's why we want to encourage all victims of domestic, physical or sexual assault to seek help. You aren't alone." Lynn flashed a choreographed compassionate look for the camera with a pause. "There are resources available to those of you who need help. Our family is committed to making sure that resources are available for victims of assault. If you or someone you know needs help, you can find links to various sites and hotlines via our social media accounts."

Veronica had to hand it to Lynn; the woman really did look choked up. _Maybe this is all hitting a little close to home for her._ Veronica could only hope Lynn would take her own advice.

At Sheriff Mars' nod, the deputies parted the crowd so that Veronica, Keith, and the Echollses could make their way to their waiting cars.

They stopped at Lynn and Aaron's car first. Aaron turned to look at Keith. "You know, if Veronica ever wants to sell her story, I'm sure I could get her in touch with the right people. Get a movie put together."

"Yeah and I'm pretty sure I know which part you'd play," Keith retorted. Veronica watched as Aaron's eyes narrow when he caught the full implication of her father's words.

"I don't think I like what you're implying, Keith. I'm looking out for Veronica. She could control the information that's put out to the world. Think about it. It could pay for her college education."

"Thank you, Aaron, I apologize. It's been a long day. I do appreciate all you've done for Veronica." Keith appeared sincere, but Veronica could tell that he was barely keeping it together.

After a moment, Aaron's tight smile returned and then he nodded before stepping into his town car. With a look back, he said, "This has been a rough time for all of us. Hopefully we can all move on. I look forward to seeing you for lunch at our place in an hour."

Keith nodded and began to push Veronica toward the next car, Logan trailing after them.

"Wow, Dad." Veronica was shocked and impressed.

"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm sorry, Logan. After all they've done…" Keith trailed off, obviously remorseful of his comments to Aaron.

Logan smiled over at Keith as he stepped by him and into the car. "No, that was awesome," Logan turned around just before he ducked in and caught Keith's eye, "Dude." Logan winked and jumped in the car to slide across the seat.

Veronica couldn't hold back her snicker as she reached up and gave her father a quick peck on the cheek before she followed Logan into the car. She let out a sigh of relief after Keith closed her car door. They watched him run up to the front of the line of cars to meet Sacks at squad car that had been assigned to escort the motorcade through the streets of downtown.

"I can't believe your dad just said that to my dad." Logan still looked shocked and amused.

"I don't think that he can either, to be honest," Veronica replied, snuggling up against him.

"Feeling better?" Logan asked, brushing her hair aside to lightly kiss her on the lips.

"Not better exactly, but lighter. It's going to take a while. This has been my life so long now that I don't know what to do next."

"Well, lucky for you, classes start next month. There's a lot to do. We've gotta move you and Mac into your new place. I'm sure I can keep you busy." Logan's voice turned seductive as he kissed her again, this time more passionately.

"Oh, I just bet you will." Veronica pushed him back. "We're in the back of a car. Control yourself, please." Veronica's tone was light despite her words.

"You heard what they said; we have a whole hour till the lunch reception…" Logan's voice trailed off and he kissed down the line of her jaw, making his way down her neck.

"You, mister, are insatiable." Veronica gasped, weakly attempting to push him away.

"Yes, but you love me anyway," Logan retorted cockily, nuzzling gently into the hollow of her neck.

"I suppose there is that! And your apartment is on the way…mostly," Veronica acquiesced.

Decision made, Logan pulled away from her. He called out to the driver, "Hey, Jeeves, we'll be making a pit stop!" He then laughingly grabbed Veronica and pulled her onto his lap, tipping his head back to his work at her neck.

 

* * *

 

The next six weeks flew by. Duncan had gone back to college after the sentencing, but Lilly stayed in California through the end of summer, interning with a fashion designer in Los Angeles.

By the beginning of August, Veronica was ready to head back to school and was excited to move in with Mac just off campus. She'd even gotten a job at the Hearst library as a clerk. The normalcy of choosing classes, buying things for her new place and the anticipation of a new job was just what she needed to keep her thoughts in check and give her a much needed focus.

Veronica made a point of visiting campus alone and headed to the bookstore to get the best picks of the used books for the upcoming semester. Little by little, she'd become more used to going out by herself, and though she was still a bit anxious about walking across campus alone, she was determined. _You need to do this for yourself,_ she reasoned as she slung her leather bag over her shoulder and made her way across the quad toward the student store. The campus was buzzing with excitement. Classes were about to resume, and Veronica smiled, watching freshman race past her around the campus looking flustered.

Veronica jumped a foot when a figure stepped out in front of her. He blocked her path, and she momentarily panicked before she recognized his familiar face.

"Hey, Veronica Mars?"

"Guilty as charged." Despite not being afraid, she suppressed the urge to take a step backwards.

"Listen, I don't know if you remember me—"

She cut him off. "Of course I remember you! Wallace Fennel, #3. Star point guard and lover of snickerdoodles." She smiled up at him, confused by his surprise.

"Oh!" Wallace responded, now smiling brightly. "We just weren't exactly friends...so I didn't know if you'd remember me."

"Wallace, we sat next to each other in Mr. Rooks' class…" she prompted. When he didn't continue, she kept talking. "Which way are you walking? I'm headed this way if you want to—"

"I heard about what happened last year."

That stopped her in her tracks.

 _Of course! I was pretty sure Madison and Shelly had published it in the alumni newsletter._ Veronica didn't know what to say so she just made a move to walk around him.

He turned and kept in step with her as she continued down the walkway. "Wait a sec! That came out wrong. What I meant to say is: you're the one who solved the rapes last year."

"Hmm...I didn't so much solve it as throw myself in the rapist's path, but okay, yeah, I'm with you."

"Well, I'm in a bit of trouble. I could use your help..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the conclusion! This story was written with meraki (a Greek word with no perfect translation). Working up the nerve to post it took a long time, but I'm so glad I did. Thank you so much for all the follows, favorites, comments and reviews. All the encouragement was leagues more than I expected with such a sobering topic. 
> 
> There aren't enough words in the dictionary to describe the gratitude I feel for my betas kmd0107 and LVFangirl. Thanks for making this story so much better than I ever could have done on my own!
> 
> Now on to the next fanfiction adventure...I already have something in mind!


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